Larkspur: A Sidewinder Tale - 14. Chapter 14 Crossing the Bridge

Larkspur: A Sidewinder Tale

Chapter 14

After performing the sage smudging ceremony—to the best Mitch could recall Coy doing—they stood together beside the fire, watching the mostly-charred bundle burn itself out. The sweet, smoky smell it gave off was all around them. It’d been a powerful moment they’d shared, especially when each one smudged the other. Not once had Mitch coughed, and he felt a peace he likely couldn’t describe to another, excepting maybe Will.

“So right around here is where we’re building your house?” Will asked as his fingers slid through Mitch’s.

Mitch pointed towards the left of the fire pit. “What I got picked out, I reckon. Best spot to see the prettiest part of the ravine and to hear the water flowing past without being too close up on it. The ground here is well drained too—water won’t be collecting with the way it slopes.” He lifted their clasped hands and planted a kiss on the back of Will’s. It got him a gentle smile from the big man, one what made his heart lope quicker. “Just look out that way”—Mitch let go and took a step away from Will, gesturing to the south east—“I’ll put the barn over yonder, and the well in between, so there’s not a lot of walking to get water for us or the stock. Sound good to you?”

“Outhouse in the tree line to the north of the house?”

“Yep, and I’ll put a chicken coop just north of the barn, near enough it’s convenient for bringing feed over. Don’t know yet if I want hogs—might be best to buy one from the boys when they’re ready for butchering come fall—but there’s room for a good-sized pen off near the trees to the east.”

Will nodded. “It sounds a savvy plan to me, but you realize it’s about the same as what Boone and Coy got?”

“Suppose it is,” Mitch answered, realizing the truth of it. “But they done it right, wouldn’t you say?”

“They sure did, and everything looks quality made. I reckon yours will be a log cabin like theirs?”

“I done some thinking on it too while I was riding back from town. Didn’t believe I’d get to build much of anything until Doc Jergens told me I weren’t dying. Even then it was hard to imagine he was being truthful… took me a spell to wrap my head around what it meant.”

Will pulled him close again, squeezing gently once his arms were wrapped around him, and his concerned expression had Mitch smiling. He needed the closeness as much as Will did.

“No need to fret for me. He told me the truth, and I think down deep I had me a suspicion something might be different. But… I reckon I thought it might be Coy was getting inside my head. He’s damn good at such with his pestering. Hard to ignore the way that boy looks at life now he’s out from under that snake of a brother’s influence. Will Diamond was one you were lucky not to have met. Anyways, a stick house would be easier—and likely a lot quicker to build— but I ain’t never been in a home that felt better than Boone and Coy's. I’ve been in some godawful log cabins, but them boys built theirs the right way, with lots of height to it… and plenty of windows. Want to have such a feeling in my own, seeing as how I plan on sticking around.”

“And you should feel that. Don’t you worry about the time it might take. They did a damn fine job—right quick too I recollect—so if you’re wanting log, then you should have log, and you know they’ll help you build it right. It’s true a stick built house would be faster, but there ain’t no need for rushing, is there?”

Mitch shook his head before resting it on Will’s shoulder. It still fit the same. His shirt smelled of a mixture of sawdust and sage smoke, though, and that was different. “Come to think of it, no reason a’tall. Slept in a tent or out in the open for seventy-one days traveling here, so I can do such again while I get a house built.”

“You think you got the strength for this?” The concerned expression was back.

He looked into worried blue. “Don’t it look like I do?”

“Of course… course you do—you look strong and healthy—but you’ve been sick a long spell, and the doc said you’re not completely healed yet.”

“He was talking about my throat. Said I should be careful of getting a chill, so I will be. Said some folks never get completely better—can’t even get around much—but he reckons I’m one of the lucky ones.”

“All right then—just making sure,” he said with a slow grin. “I promise I won’t fret over you like a mother hen.”

“Wouldn’t recommend it. I already got Coy for that,” he said, only halfway joking. “I’m a lot smarter than I used to be, Will,” he said, becoming serious. “And I got me a good reason for living standing right in front of me.”

Will’s arms squeezed him again, and a kiss followed. “Best thing in the world to hear you say such.”

“So… you live right in town?”

“Yep. At the mill. Got some quarters built into one corner with a door going to the outside. It’s all sealed up so no sawdust gets in. I’ll show it to you next time you come to town.”

“I’d like that. What about your helper? He stay there too?”

Will’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you thinking him and me have something between us?”

“No… but I don’t rightly know, do I? Folks get lonely and you had a life to live.”

“Yep, there’s been a lot of lonely times, but him and me, we ain’t never done anything like that, I swear.”

“You don’t need to swear.”

“I want to. He lives in one of the sheds out back. It’s small, but got everything he needs. There’s another shed I used to live in before I decided to move into the mill. Use it for my tack, feed, and some tools now, but it could still be used for someone I might hire in the future.”

“I see… so… how are we going to do this?”

“You and me?”

“Yep. Will you live there and me here… separate like we used to?”

“Not on your life, Mitchell! I plan on being where you are every night after I close up the mill.”

“But that’ll get people talking.”

“I remember us having this conversation before, a long time ago.”

“So do I, and it were me who said we needed to sleep in separate places.”

“Is that what you’re wanting now?”

Mitch shook his head, knowing it were that last thing he had in mind, but he also wanted to be understanding of any fears Will had.

“Good. We weren’t as smart back then. Let me worry about it, all right? I’ll make sure we do it safe.”

Mitch nodded, and pecked the man on the lips. “Fine and dandy. I ain’t worried now I know we want the same. Let’s get this tent up so we have a place to sleep tonight… unless you need to go back to the mill?”

“What are you talking about? Already told you I ain’t going nowhere, no how—we had a deal and we ain’t breaking it. The mill can wait cause you and me are sleeping together, right here.”

“I meant if you had to leave and come back, since you left your mill early for me... I could put the tent up myself. Wouldn’t be a problem if you had to do such, but I’m glad you're staying put till morn."

"Ah... I see. Fact is, ain't nothing can make me ride away from you today."

"Suits me just fine," Mitch said as he planted another kiss on the man's lips. "Anyways, as much as I like being this close to you, it makes it a mite difficult to accomplish much.”

“And as much as I hate being agreeable on this, you make a good point. We putting the tent somewhere close to the fire pit here?” Will asked as he let go his hold on Mitch.

”No, we’ll be needing to make a new one because we want this whole area clear for the house and the other buildings. Putting the tent back in those trees will be best, I reckon, where it won’t be in the way. There’s a spring close and we’ll be protected from the wind some if a storm comes up.”

“Makes the most sense. And we can do our bathing in the crick… or I can bring my big washtub.”

“Well… you can bring your washtub for winter time, but till then we can use the creek. The river across the road is a mite warmer and deeper, though. Took a dip in it this morning, and there’s a sandy bottom and lots of privacy from the willows.”

“Willows?”

“Yep. They’re thick along there… can’t see through them a’tall when you’re in the water.”

“That remind you of anything?”

Mitch smirked. “Course it does. I won’t never forget our pond.”

“Me neither. Not the pond nor the things we done there. Those memories kept me going all these years.”

“Did for me too, Will, and now we’ll make us a heap more of them.”

They set the tent up sturdy enough to withstand most storms what might come before the house was built. Will filled the bottom with a soft bed of spruce bows like he’d promised, afterwards covering them with a sheet of canvas to keep them from shifting underfoot. It would do nicely for a place to sleep. There was plenty of room for two bedrolls side by each as well as a spot for supply packs and tack, and that was all Mitch was concerned with for now. It felt good to have his own home on his own land again, humble as it be. Not much more than an hour had passed by the time they were done, and while there was certainly more to do for setting up a proper camp, Mitch couldn’t keep the boys waiting any longer.

“Wouldn’t mind getting reacquainted in there before we go,” Will suggested with a look that held a question.

“I’d like that too, truly, but we got plenty of time for such… no need to rush. I’m just getting used to what lays ahead for you and me.”

Will nodded as he pulled him into another embrace. “I don’t want to jump the gun either, but there’s parts of my body that ain’t thinking clear as they should.”

Mitch snickered. “No need to tell me that. I have the same ones you do, but their time is coming. We’ll be back here afore you know it, and we’ll have full bellies and nothing else to do but crawl in there till morn.”

“After we take a dip?”

“After we take a dip, yep,” Mitch answered with a smirk.

Hand in hand, they made their way over to the new bridge. It weren’t finished yet, still needing the planking, but was impressive just the same, and Will commended the way it was done. “Nice easy walk from their place to yourn.”

“It’s our place now, and you better get used to thinking of it as such.”

“As long as you accept the mill is ours too. I want me a partner, not a helper.”

“Let’s see how that plays out. Not saying it won’t, but might turn out not to be work I like.”

“Won’t argue that. I don’t want you to commit to something you won’t be happy doing.”

“Like I said, can’t imagine I won’t like it if’n we do it together, but we won’t put the cart before the horse. Might be I’m a farmer like my pa after all.” Mitch smiled as he spoke the possibility. “Wouldn’t that be a hoot… me, a farmer.”

Will returned the smile. “Well… I’ve always liked farming. That was my intention for moving west.”

“I remember. Was no appeal to it for me, not back then it wasn’t.”

Will nodded. “Was hard to swallow for me, but never should have been. You had a strong need to be a lawman. I like working the mill—like the smell of new sawn wood, and I enjoy seeing it piled and knowing it will be put to fine use one way or the other. You just never know what life will bring you. Might be you and I could do both—milling and farming?”

“Might be we could. Looks to be a good business you’ve built for yourself.”

“It is. Folks come from a long ways to get lumber from me… and to think I mostly wanted a place for a big sign, one with my name painted on it you could see if you ever rode into town.”

“Thank the Lord I did see it… and thank Boone and Coy too. Without having faith they’d made it here, I never would have come this way. Seeing your sign was a shock, but then I figured there could be more than one Will Merrick. Asked the boys a few questions, though, and had no doubts after that it was really you.”

“What was it they said that convinced you it were me?”

Mitch smirked. “Described your eyes being so blue, and that smile of yours being a sight to behold. Knew it then sure enough. Ain’t many smiles like yourn.”

Will chuckled. “Remind me to thank them for it. You know, I never did give up hope you’d see the sign one day. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood out front and looked up the road, hoping to see you riding towards me—it’s what I was doing the morning I first saw the boys.”

“And I laid in that bed and dreamed about getting out of it—of going to the place Boone told me about. A place with clean air and lots of fresh water bubbling out of the ground. A place with real forests and snow that fell in wintertime. Somewhere different to die. Didn’t think I’d make it all the way, but I had to try. Had to do something besides soiling myself in a smelly deathbed.”

Will stopped them at the top of the ravine. “I wish I’d been there to help. If I hadn’t gone and left Buffalo Springs, things would have been different.”

“Ain’t no guarantees for that, and we weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t know how to be who I was when we were apart. I know that now.”

“I ain’t understanding you, Mitch. I—”

“I’m talking about I didn’t know how to be the way I was made. Whenever we laid together, it was the best and easiest thing in my whole life, but once we went our separate ways for the day, I had me some trouble. I’d push you from my mind as long as I could manage—didn’t feel I wasn’t being a man worthy of sheriffing otherwise, what with some of those townfolk looking to me as their leader… someone who knew what to do in any situation. Sometimes… well… sometimes it felt like I was hiding behind my badge… that I wasn’t much different than fools’ gold.”

“I… I never knew that,” Will said, appearing shook.

“That’s because I was too ashamed to tell you I didn’t know how to love a man the whole way through… the way you deserved to be loved. Didn’t want to hurt you, but I think maybe I blamed you for such sometimes… for the weight my mind was carrying, trying to please everyone… and always letting you down.”

“You blamed me?” Will looked worse than shook now, but Mitch needed him to know how it was for him all those years ago. “When did you figure all this out?”

“Not rightly sure—since I left the doc’s place, I’ve been facing up to some stuff I pushed away—likely be the second you weren’t there anymore… or maybe it was when I couldn’t find you after I left Buffalo Springs—but I was too confused to sort it all. I was angry, and when I didn't find you, I told myself I was better off without you, but it never sat right. I was just lying to myself. Truth was I felt guilty for not going with you all those times you asked, and tried to pretend to myself I weren’t. Guilty that I weren’t brave enough.”

“Brave? Shoot, Mitch, you’re the bravest man I ever met.” His eyes had lost some of their hurt.

“When I’m facing down a gun, maybe so, but not when it came to facing who I was.”

“What about now? How do you feel about loving a man now?”

“Accept who I am now, Will. Have for a very long time, and that’s the truth. Lucky enough to have met two good men who had it all figured out—they became my best friends—friends I could talk to about anything… even my pa, and my worry over what he might have thought of me.

“Wes and Lee, they showed me I was good as anyone just the way the Lord made me, and that love between men could be romantic and deep as any other, and weren’t a thing to steer away from—that it weren’t never something to fear or feel shame for. Wearing a badge didn’t make me a man. Opening my heart and loving you was what did that—took me time to figure that out, but I did—and then I had to live with spoiling it for us.”

A sudden, uncertain smile moved swift across Will’s face before disappearing. His brow furrowed with seriousness. “I reckon you didn’t spoil anything, at least, not any more than I did. I never had such a problem with myself being different and all, not once I met you, but I had those feelings before that, sure and certain.”

Mitch sighed as he took a look back the way they came. Then he turned to face the man again. “I know you had no trouble accepting who you be, not with me. You never held anything back, and whenever you looked my way I could feel your love. I liked it, no doubt for that, but it made me nervous sometimes too. So don’t ever feel bad for leaving Buffalo Springs when you did. I wasn’t man enough for you back then, and I had no right to be angered with you. I knew you feared for me every day, and I let you, so don’t be feeling sorry for deciding you weren’t wanting such anymore.”

“But you were so angry when you saw me—”

“Hard seeing you when I felt so much for more than twenty years. And it wasn’t anger at you, Will… not really. It was more about anger for myself… and worry for hurting you again.”

“Because you thought you were dying?”

“Yep. More than that, though. I didn’t want to hurt anymore either, and the second I laid eyes on you, I felt the pain of it… of wasting what we had, and of there being no chance a’tall for a future. No one’s fault but my own.” He sighed again as all the pieces of the past fell into their rightful places in his mind. “But we’re here now, and we do have one—we have a future, Will. Might be the way the Lord intended it all along.”

“So… you have no fear for this anymore?”

“Not a whit, I promise you.” He reached out and gripped the man’s hands. “Don’t mean we shouldn’t be careful for each other, this world being what it is—have some fear for that, truth be told—but nothing or no one could ever run me off. I’ll… well… I reckon I’ll always feel pride in standing at your side, and folks can think what they will if it comes to it.”

Will nodded slowly as he stared into Mitch’s eyes. “No one can make me feel shame for standing next to you either. All I need to hear… reckon I’m not confused anymore. Not blaming you either, for not being ready then or having those feelings you carried. I should have figured that out, but instead I pushed too hard for something I wanted, and that fault is mine.”

“No, it ain’t yourn to carry. You was ready, but I weren’t… had some growing up to do. Fact is, it wasn’t our time then, Will.”

“But it is now.”

“Yep… got no doubts a’tall. I acted the fool, but the best thing for us was you showing up at Red Apple Farm, and then not giving up no matter the mean things I said to you.”

“Couldn’t do it, Mitchell, not this time. Too many years of regretting, and I weren’t going to make that mistake again.”

“And that’s why we got a good life ahead of us. I love you like no other that’s ever been.”

“I love you too… always have and always will... and you can count on that for the rest of your life. Ain't no one else in this world who makes my heart gallop the way it does for you.”

Mitch felt the truth of his words and leaned towards those lips what spoke them. The kiss that followed set them to right in the way they both needed. Pulling back, he grinned. “You know, Coy talks about Boone’s sweet talking, but I remember how you are, and you ain’t never been afraid to speak your heart. That boy ain’t got a thing on you.”

Will chuckled. “Just telling the truth is all. You do fine at the sweet talking too, once you put your mind to it.”

Mitch’s laughter rang out into the afternoon air. “Suppose I can hold my own when I got such good reason for it. Come on now. Them boys are waiting.”

*