A Long List of Nevers - 9. Chapter 9

The rest of the week passed by quickly. More of the islanders came by to congratulate Carl. But by the end of the fourth day, the madhouse of the opening days had slowed down to a saner stream of browsers. Carl and Keith finally found themselves settling down to the relative quietness of bookstore life.

Keith gained more and more respect for the big guy each passing day. They spent the afternoons in the store reading and arguing about what they were reading. Keith was once again struck by how sharp Carl’s mind really was. The guy was a study of contrasts. Big and rough on the edges but with a huge nerd streak.

During the whole week, Carl never tried to push it further than friendship though. Keith had given him enough hints already to stop trying. He seemed content enough to just be around Keith.

The problem was, by now Keith really wasn’t too sure that friendship was all he wanted after all. Keith was starting to see Carl as a person. Once he got past the apparent perfection of Carl’s appearance, Carl was so much more inside.

At the end of their first working week, they planned a trip to the beach to celebrate. Caz decided to tag along with the pastels her dad had bought her. She wanted to look for snails to draw. She was getting quite good at it too. Her drawings were showing depth and shading. At an age where most other children drew stick figures, a sense of depth was an indication of real artistic skill in the making.

They picked the main public beach of the island for it. Carl had little chance to explore Cronek yet, not the inhabited part at least, and this was a great way to let him feel the touristy vibe firsthand.

The sky was a clear blue and the beach was crowded as usual when they arrived. After getting coated with sunscreen by her minders, Caz immediately set off towards the shoreline to start hunting for snails.

“Don’t go too far, Caz.” Keith shouted after her. “And don’t swim on your own. If you want to, ask us first, okay?”

“I’m not that stupid, Keith!” Caz shouted back angrily. “The water has sharks.”

They both laughed at that. The beach was in the largest lagoon in the island and it had shark nets. It also had plenty of lifeguards stationed regularly on the shore.

Carl unselfconsciously doffed his shirt, treating Keith to a view of that broad chest. Keith hadn’t exactly forgotten how it looked like yet since he had seen it back at the hotel room.

He hadn’t exactly forgotten how it felt like either.

Carl stretched his arms out before settling them at his waist. He sighed happily as he looked out at the blue sea. “I could get used to this, mate.”

“I am used to it.” Keith chuckled, arranging the blankets on the sand. “And I still don’t ever want to leave this place.”

“I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I mean…” He whistled as he gestured out at the beach. He walked back to Keith’s side and helped him. When they were done, they sat down on them and stared at the sky.

“Were you born here?” Carl asked.

“Yeah. Mum moved here when my shithead of a dad got her pregnant and didn’t have the guts to marry her. I grew up with a lot of people here. Kat and Brett, for example.”

“Pretty fun place for a kid, I bet.”

“Yeah, I reckon. It can get a bit lonely though. We’re so far from everything.”

“Well I grew up on Perth. Still the middle of nowhere.” He laughed. “But it’s at least the most somewhere you can get out here west. It can get lonely there too”

Keith looked at Carl in surprise. He had somehow always imagined Carl to be anything but lonely back at the mainland. A guy with his looks, it didn’t make sense.

“I know. I moved to Perth for a while for high school. Boarding school. And intermittently afterwards for uni.” Keith said.

Carl looked away towards the sea and shrugged. “Hey, want me to do your back?”

Keith hadn’t even removed his shirt yet. He turned away embarrassed.

“I’m only asking because I want you to do mine as well.” Carl laughed. “Come on. I’m blond, so I’m more liable to boil, mate.”

He looked out at the horizon quickly to make sure Caz was alright then reached over for the sunscreen. He squirted some on his hands and moved over beside Keith.

Having no choice, Keith reluctantly removed his shirt. He folded it neatly beside his blanket then turned over on his stomach.

He gasped as the cold wetness touched his back. Carl spread the lotion briskly, covering all of Keith’s exposed skin. His slightly rough palms left Keith tingling… and wanting more.

He finished all too soon though, much to Keith’s disappointment.

“My turn.”

Keith gulped as he sat up and looked at Carl’s muscular back. He squeezed a dollop of sunscreen on his hands and started spreading it hesitantly. Carl grunted in pleasure. Keith was trembling a little as his hands smoothed over the hard bulges of muscle. He forced himself to ignore the stirrings of arousal and hastened his pace.

The moment he had covered the last patch of skin, he rushed back to his blanket. He turned his head away from Carl to hide the panic on his face. He was breathing a bit erratically.

“Ta.” Carl mumbled sleepily.

Was he really going crazy? Keith wondered. His experience with Josh had pretty much made him extremely wary of guys approaching the top end of the gay attractiveness scale. But as he had come to know in the week he’d known him, Carl wasn’t anything like Josh.

At all.

Should he take the chance then? There was stupid and then again there was stupid. He knew one thing though: he couldn’t go on like this. Trembling like some horny teenager just from touching him. He had forced himself to forget them as soon as he woke up, but his dreams recently had all been of Carl as well.

He wanted Carl.

Maybe it was too late already. Maybe Carl had already lost interest. He certainly hadn’t done anything else since he last confessed his feelings for Keith.

And then there was that other thing. Why was he so interested in Keith in the first place? Keith didn’t have anything to offer him back. He obviously wasn’t anywhere near Carl’s league when it comes to looks. He wasn’t rich. He wasn’t some sort of creative genius. He hadn’t even been particularly nice to him the whole time Carl had known him.

And Carl had known him for what? Only a week!

Love at first sight was almost hilarious to even consider as a possible explanation for Carl’s attraction. It had to be something else. And Keith had absolutely no idea what.

But did it really matter?

“Keith? Are you asleep, mate?” Keith jerked back to the present as Carl prodded him with a finger.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He turned his head back towards Carl.

Carl laughed. “Oh well. Forget it.”

“No, wait. Seriously, what did you say? I zoned out there for a sec.”

Carl hesitated, his long eyelashes hiding his blue-gold eyes. “Was just… um… wondering about your past boyfriends.”

Keith felt something flutter within him. It might not be too late after all. Carl might still be interested.

“Forget it. It’s stupid.” Carl said, misinterpreting Keith’s silence.

“No. It’s alright.” Keith plucked at the frayed ends of his blanket. “You wouldn’t exactly call him a boyfriend though. He just used me.”

Carl’s eyes flicked towards him. Keith’s entire world suddenly narrowed down to that small space between them. A thin strip of sand, two blankets, a narrow band of blue sky above them, and those strange… beautiful eyes.

“That was long ago though.” Keith finished with a whisper. “Other than that, all I have is a long list of nevers.”

Carl chuckled softly, his eyes still holding Keith’s captive. “That sounds a bit poetic.”

“Nothing poetic about it.” Keith smiled sadly. “Just the usual shit. Never been kissed, never been on an honest-to-goodness date, never had…” He trailed off, blushing.

“A V-card eh?” Carl supplied. “That’s pretty rare for us nowadays.” There was no sign of condescension on his voice.

“Sorry, it’s not a list of never hads, it’s a list of never wills.” Keith looked away from Carl’s penetrating gaze.

“Keith…” Carl reached out with a hand and covered Keith’s gently.

Keith stopped plucking, conscious of the way his hand was dwarfed under Carl’s. His eyes rose slowly back to meet Carl’s, an unspoken question behind them.

“I already broke one of those nevers, mate.” He held Keith’s gaze, his eyes anxious.

“Yeah, I know.” Keith smiled in reassurance. “Sorry for acting like a jerk about that. I just didn’t… expect it. Not from someone like you.”

“My fault. I took advantage and you know it.” Carl laughed. He fell silent as his fingers explored the shape of Keith’s hand, encouraged now that Keith hadn’t gotten angry like the last time.

Keith swallowed hard but didn’t protest at the caresses. Delicious shivers ran up his spine as Carl drew circles on the sensitive skin between his fingers. “How about you?” He asked. His voice sounded a bit shaky.

“How about me what?” Carl murmured, distracted by Keith’s knuckles.

“Boyfriends?”

Carl smiled. “Funnily enough, it’s the same thing. Or almost the same thing anyway. Guy was a fucking asshat.”

It was Keith’s turn to stare at him. “Just one?”

“Just one.” Carl nodded, his eyes twinkling. “Hey, just because I look like one doesn’t mean I am a slut, y’know.” He laughed.

“Sorry.” Keith blushed. “And for the record, you don’t look or act like one, mate.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You should see me in leather.”

“Wha-at?”

“I’m kidding.” Carl laughed harder. Then after a short pause, “I did try on one of those black leather pants once.”

“No!” Keith exclaimed in disbelief.

“Yep. Only for a dare though. They were kinky as hell but not really my thing.” Carl winked, laughing.

“I’m trying to imagine you in them right now.”

Carl laughed. “Don’t. It was embarrassing enough when I did it. It was for an LGBT party at uni. It was kinda like that thing at Midsummer’s. I also got tricked into it by friends. But it was fun.” He shrugged slightly. “It’s why I thought you wouldn’t mind that handcuff game.”

“I overreacted and you know it.”

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Keith smiled. “I guess not.”

They fell quiet again. Carl had moved his caresses up Keith’s forearm. He played with the fine hair there, raising goose bumps on Keith’s skin.

“Listen… Carl.” Keith began. This wasn’t going to be easy. He was risking major embarrassment with this, but he had to tell Carl he had changed his mind. He was tired of fighting this. He didn’t expect fairytales, but he didn’t want his life to be a tragedy either.

A scream interrupted them. They hurriedly rose up on their elbows and saw Caz running towards them, crying and holding her arm.

“Oh shit, Caz.” Keith scrambled to his feet.

Carl had already bolted towards her. Keith followed closely behind. To their horror, Caz collapsed on the sand right before their eyes.

Carl reached her first. Her tear-streaked eyes were unfocused and she was wincing slightly. “Caz... Caz, look at me, honey. What happened?”

People were already panicking around them as well. The nearby lifeguards were already sprinting towards them. Keith reached her side and dropped quickly on his knees.

“Caz, stay awake, honey. What happened?” Carl prompted again. Caz’s lips moved slowly but no sound came out.

Carl checked the arm she had been holding. There were no signs of gooey filaments or the white whiplike marks of a box jellyfish sting. He checked other parts of her exposed skin. He found a small round wound surrounded by a reddening patch of skin just above her wrist. It had started to swell.

“Carl, she’s not breathing!” Keith sobbed.