A Long List of Nevers - 26. Chapter 26

Keith was quiet at the bookstore that day. No mention of what happened last night, though he wordlessly took over most of the work. Carl couldn’t exactly hide the fact that he was nursing the grand-daddy of all hangovers.

“I think we should close up early.” Carl finally piped up by early evening.

“Okay. You go on home, I’ll lock up.”

“Thanks.”

And that was the most they said to each other the whole day.

The next few days weren’t any better. Keith acted like Monday night never happened. It was driving Carl crazy. Still, Carl had promised himself that the way he acted that night was the last moment of weakness he could afford. No more mistakes. Not if he wanted to have any chance at all at getting Keith back.

But then Tony came sashaying into the bookstore on Saturday. Carl remembered him from the party and from Keith’s recounting of his younger years on the island. Tall, androgynously beautiful, and with the confidence of a wolverine, he took one look at Carl, noted the rainbow sticker on the computer, and started flirting heavily.

It took a good couple of hours before he finally got the hint that Carl wasn’t interested. It was when he finally left after a pouty goodbye that Carl had his first glimmer of hope for the week.

Keith was staring daggers at Tony and obviously had been for quite some time while Carl had been desperately fending off Tony’s advances.

Stupid, but Carl had felt like laughing just then. Jealousy. It was so fucking pathetic but it was good solid evidence that Keith still felt something for him.

That night Carl fell asleep smiling.

Carl’s eyes snapped open when he heard the knock on the door. Being new to the island, no one visits his house except for Keith and the postie. Today was a Sunday and the island post office was closed for the weekends.

Only one thing was coursing through his mind – Keith! After yesterday’s incident with Tony, he couldn’t help but hope against hope that he’d finally forgiven him.

He hurriedly pulled on some stubbies and a clean white cotton shirt and stumbled towards the front door. He took a deep breath then belatedly blew into his cupped hands to check his morning breath. Not that bad. His heart beating loudly, he opened the door.

His blood turned cold at the handsome large guy standing there.

“What do you want?”

“Aren’t you even going to invite me in?” Josh’s brilliant smile didn’t falter.

“If you’re here about the money, don’t worry, you’ll get it soon. Don’t forget deadline’s not for another year.”

Josh laughed. “You really think I care about that, do you? Christ, mate, we were kids when we drew that up. I don’t really give a shit about Keith anymore.”

“Tough. I still do.” Carl moved to close the door, but Josh’s arm shot out and stopped him.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“I can’t understand what you still see in him. You’re not Chooky anymore, Carl. You’re not invisible anymore. You can get virtually anyone you want. And you still go after dregs?”

“So?”

“Well, what about what we had? You have to admit, Keith isn’t even anywhere near our league. And you did enjoy the sex, from what I can remember.”

Carl looked away. “It was nice, yeah.”

“Nice?” Josh laughed. “Is that all you can say about that? I saved your ass, Carl. I got you through college, lent you the money to start a living, and all you can say is that it was ‘nice’?!”

Carl looked back at him, something like regret flashed through his eyes for a minute. “Look, I never should have even gone to you in the first place. It was nice, and I did enjoy what we had, but it wouldn’t have ever worked out, Josh. And you know it. I’ll get you your money, and then let’s just get on with our lives okay?”

Josh met his gaze. “I can’t.” He admitted softly, his brown eyes liquefying with an emotion that Carl had never before seen in Josh – vulnerability. The arm holding back the door slid towards Carl. Warm strong fingers caressed his cheek. “I can’t.”

It was so unexpected that Carl just stood there frozen. Josh started to lean forward but Carl broke from the spell and flinched away. “I’m sorry, but you have to.”

“You owe me, Carl.” The softness from Josh’s voice was abruptly gone.

“Yes. I owe you money, other than that, I owe you nothing!”

“How the fuck can you say that?! I took care of you.” Josh turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. “After all that, you’re still chasing after that ungrateful little bastard? He doesn’t even realize what he has, does he?” He looked back at Carl and exhaled loudly. “I care for you, Carl. I really do. I can give you everything you want. Everything you have ever dreamed of. Doesn’t hurt that I’m hell of a lot better looking than that dag too.”

“He’s not a little bastard, he’s not a dag, and he sure as hell isn’t ‘dregs’.” Carl’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you came here and ruined everything for me? Is it? Is that what you call ‘caring for me’? Well, fuck you!” He stepped out into the verandah and gave Josh a hard shove. “You think you care, but you never will and you never can, because all you ever think about is your own fucking self! Want to know the truth? I hated your guts. I hated you more than anything else, and the two years we had together was because I wanted to hurt you, wanted to use you like you used Keith. But guess what? I didn’t, because unlike spoiled rich pretty boy brats like you, I actually give a shit about what my actions do to other people!”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it now? You think I just conveniently forgave the fact that you almost beat me up and you did beat up Keith almost to death? You think I didn’t know that you slept around like a fucking slut when we were together as well? I barely stopped myself from recoiling when we fucked. And sorry, I can’t do that to myself again. I’ll pay you back, but everything you gave me was paid for with what you did to us back then. I owe you nothing.”

Josh glared at him in return. Both of them were standing on the verandah with their fists clenched tightly at their sides.

“So yeah, do us a favor and go the fuck away. If it makes you happy, you got what you wanted anyway. Keith hates me and the point is moot. I just don’t want to fucking see you again. You’ve fucked up our lives enough. You’ll get your fucking money back, at the deadline!”

Josh just stood there for a minute. Then he shrugged. “You want me to be monogamous, fine. I’ll leave Keith alone, fine. I can even pay Keith back for what I did to him back then, if that’s what you want. But the offer still stands. Come back to me, Carl. You left without even a goodbye, I had to hire detectives to find out where you went to.”

Carl looked at him in disbelief then slowly a smile appeared on his face.

Josh relaxed, but only for a second. Carl’s smile turned rapidly into snickering and finally guffawing laughter.

“You really don’t get it, do you? Bloody hell, is this how all you rich boys think?”

Josh let out a low growl of anger. “This isn’t over.” With that threat he turned on his heel and left.

“Bring it on.” Carl whispered to himself as he watched Josh slam the door of his car shut and drive away. “I’m not so little anymore, Josh.”

He stood there staring out at the empty road for a moment more before sighing and walking back inside.

So much for hoping it was Keith. The week after that Monday night sleeping beside him had passed quietly. Far too quietly, both of them pretending like it never happened.

Fuck, why’d he do that anyway? He was perfectly lucid the whole time. He deliberately downed those beers so he’d be a little braver at… at what?! He just wanted to touch him again. Hold him, pretend like it was all good again, and he hadn’t just destroyed a dream he’d held on to for years.

He glanced quietly at the painting Keith had done for him, now hanging above the rather cluttered lounge of the house. He just pushed him away even further. They were starting to be friends again. He sighed again before turning around and heading for the kitchen.

He had just filled the coffee machine with fresh grounds a few minutes later when a knock resounded on the door again.

Now what? He thought angrily as he and stalked towards the door. Josh just can’t take the hint can’t he? Spoiled fucking rich bitch. He yanked it opened roughly. “What?!” He bellowed.

Four faces stood there looking at him with mild amusement.

“He got himself a car.” Kat was the first to speak up.

“Sorry.” Carl said turning red. “I thought… what?!”

“Looks pretty expensive too. Probably shipped it in with the cat. It doesn’t look like anything we had here before.” Brett replied, turning vaguely towards the direction of the road.

“Heck, he probably owns his own catamaran.” Miri sniffed.

“What the hell are you guys on about?” Carl frowned. His gaze taking in all of them. Kat, Miri, Brett, and John. And besides having no clue about what they were talking about, he could only begin to imagine what they were here for.

“Your ex. He got a car. Probably learned his lesson when we left him stranded at the bar when we first realized he was here on the island.” John provided. “It was back when he was wooing Brett into some investment thing. Probably scamming him anyway. Long story.”

Kat pushed past Carl and into the house, her face still betraying no emotion. Carl just stepped back as the rest of them trooped inside and settled themselves on the lounge.

“We need to talk.” She said, crossing her legs as she leaned back on the arm chair.

“Uh… okay?” Carl frowned at them. This can’t be good. “Coffee?”

“Black.”

“Sugar.”

“Lots of sugar and cream.”

“Black.”

From the looks in their face, Carl wasn’t in any hurry to find out what they were here for. He took his time preparing the coffee.

“Finally.” Kat exclaimed as Carl came back a while later with the coffeepot. Five small cups dangled precariously from various fingers by their handles.

“A little help?” Carl said stooping over the low table.

Brett got up and took the cups off from him one by one, freeing him so he could set the pot down without scalding all of them.

“We thought you’d escaped through the backdoor or something.” Miri said.

John snorted at the ‘backdoor’ part.

“So you guys here to beat me up then?” Carl looked warily at Kat. John and Brett look far too good natured to really do that. It was Kat who looked quietly murderous. “And sorry, Miri, no cream, milk or anything in the house.”

Miri shrugged in response as she took over and started pouring each of them a cup. “Kinda.”

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?”

“Kat wanted to. I mean beat you up. We figured we should try asking first.”

“What did I do now?” Carl said, knew perfectly well what he did.

“Treason, you dumb shit.”

“This is better than a soap opera on the telly.” Miri said, grinning slightly as Carl finished telling them everything a while later.

“It’s not funny!” Kat snapped.

Carl had assumed that Keith told them everything. Apparently not, he only told them that he and Keith were having ‘problems’ without getting into the specifics. He smiled sadly. “So there, our own wee Shakespeare play.”

“Why didn’t Keith tell us?” John frowned.

“I don’t know… You guys know how he is now.” Carl shrugged. “He was never like that back in high school.”

“Do you love him?” Kat demanded.

That was an easy question. “Yes.”

“So why the fuck aren’t you trying to get him back?”

“If it were that easy…”

“Nothing’s easy, dumbass. But if you really want it, then fucking fight for it!”

“Relax, Kat.” Brett laughed. He turned to Carl. “She’s right, anyway.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” Carl stared at the wisps of steam drifting from his cup. “I’ve wanted this for so long. And now that I almost had it, I had to go and fuck it all up.”

“I think you had no choice, mate. You really had no other way to find him.” John said thoughtfully. “And being kicked out by your oldies and all, man, I’d probably have done worse if I was in your place and Keith was Brett.”

Brett smiled at him. “And I’d have forgiven you.” John returned the smile with puppy-eyed affection.

Miri coughed beside them. “There’s too much sugar in the coffee.”

“Fuck off.” Brett laughed, then leaned over and kissed John quickly.

“Guys.” Kat glowered at all of them.

“Sorry.” They chorused, but Carl couldn’t help smiling.

“I think it’s that creep Josh’s fault.” Kat declared.

“No, Kat.” Carl shook his head gently. “I took advantage of him too.”

“And he took advantage of you. Don’t forget that. After what he did to Keith before, I really don’t see him as the victim here.”

“Nevertheless…”

“Fuck it, just agree with me!” Kat yelled, making Carl jump on his seat, his coffee sloshing dangerously near the cup’s rim.

Nobody laughed. Apparently an angry Kat was serious business. Carl blinked at her. “Right.”

“Damn right. Now for the plan…”

“Plan?”

Miri snorted. “Carl, why do you think we’re all here? This is how we’ve always solved problems out here.”

Carl could only look on.