Between Two Mountains - 7. Chapter 7

Cosmo was stoned. He knew this.

He was also fucking miserable.

It’s your own stupid fault, said a quiet voice at the back of his addled brain, but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the simmering resentment he was starting to feel for everyone else: for the family who judged him; the young man who had spurned him; the friends who had lectured him; and the boss who had fired him. Surely, they were the ones who had let him down?

Nobody gives me a chance. Nobody but Betta.

Grateful as he was, he wondered why she was willing to spend time with someone as pathetic as him. If she wasn’t holding out for the possibility of sex, then why WAS she doing it? What else did he have to offer? Inspiration? Sparkling wit? Hardly.

He looked at her now. They were back on their wooden patio chairs in the derelict garden, under the shade of the single pine tree. As usual, Elisabetta was dressed in black from head to toe. She was staring intensely into space, nursing the remains of her joint.

Maybe misery just loves company.

Everything about her was harsh. Her voice, her appearance, her tongue, her quick temper… even her idea of a good time. Still, in her own, unpredictable way, she was loyal to him. She would listen to his problems, but she seldom spoke about her own private life, preferring to slide away from the subject and live in the moment. Cosmo had given up asking.

He supposed depression took many forms. Some let it dominate them, turning them into miserable sad sacks who sucked the energy from every room…

…like me.

Others turned their demons into devastating literature or beautiful, melancholy poetry. And then there were a few harder-nosed people, like Elisabetta, who managed to turn it round into a mordant wit that expressed their hatred for themselves and the world around them.

Gotta respect that.

And, finally… some people just had the good grace to go off and kill themselves, saving the rest of the world their miserable company.

But that was stupid, wasn’t it? Every life was worth living if you could only find your place in the world. Bad times didn’t have to last forever.

He knew it, but he was finding it harder to believe it.

“Where’s Giorgio?” he asked idly. There had been no sign of the younger boy for a couple of days, which was strange, because Cosmo had got used to him hanging around like a bad smell. Maybe the kid had finally got the message… although Cosmo had to confess to a certain curiosity.

What DOES a friendless fourteen-year-old squirt do to pass the time in the dullest town on Earth?

Elisabetta snorted. “Hell if I know. He’s probably found some other hapless boy to stalk.”

“You don’t like him much, do you?”

Elisabetta arched a black eyebrow. “Do you like your brother?”

Cosmo scowled. “I used to, but he’s been such a judgemental ass lately.”

“But you’d still step into the line of fire to save him.”

Cosmo shrugged and offered a reluctant nod. “I guess.”

Elisabetta offered a harsh bark of laughter. “There. Isn’t love a wonderful thing?”

What fucking ‘love’? I don’t recall the last time any came my way.

Cosmo took a final toke from his own depleted joint and stared bitterly at the stub before grinding it into the dry dirt with his foot. Even the weed hadn’t managed to cheer him up this time: it had merely taken the sharpest edges off the aching void that his life seemed to have become.

Waking late yesterday with little to do, he had set off for an aimless wander, which itself was unusual for him. His feet had taken him up the valley a little, where he had found a couple of crappy tumbledown sheds built of concrete blocks and rusty corrugated iron. It was an abandoned, derelict sort of place that had suited his mood well, and he had based himself there for the day, staring out into the chestnut woods and wild scrub with little interest, stewing on everything that had happened, and especially the role of his so-called ‘friends’.

Whatever their intentions, Marco and Giacomo had done the worst thing they possibly could: they had given him hope when it was already way too late. The die was cast, Pietro had already made up his mind about him, and nothing Cosmo could say was going to change the outcome, no matter how unfair it all was.

Anyway, after that experience, Cosmo was done taking advice from kids. After a few more unanswered texts from Marco, Cosmo had blocked his number.

Let him get on with his own life and stop worrying about mine. He’s better off out of it.

And then, yesterday evening, Elisabetta had burst back into his life after almost three days away, as she had done so many times before; only, this time, she had an explanation.

‘An old friend hooked me up with a new supplier in Torre Annunziata,’ she had said, her eyes alight with a feverish sort of excitement. ‘The journey sucked, though… so I crashed with him for the night. He got me a great discount.’

In a moment of rare shrewdness, Cosmo had sensed something awry in her words. Somehow, he doubted drug dealers were in the habit of offering generous discounts to strangers.

So, what had really happened…? Had her ‘old friend’ paid her way, instead?

How likely is that…?

None of the explanations Cosmo could come up with took him anywhere he wanted to be, and he knew there was no point in asking questions, so he had let it go. The main thing was, there was grass in Elisabetta’s bag once again, and she was prepared to share it.

A flight of swifts screeched past, pulling Cosmo back to the here and now.

“You’re cool, Betta,” he slurred. “You’re the coolest person I know.”

Broken out of her reverie, Elisabetta’s eyes turned towards him once again. As usual, she seemed remarkably unaffected by the joint she had just been smoking.

“Why, thank you, my virginal friend,” she replied with a smirk.

That stung. He was just trying to be appreciative. Why did she have to keep coming back to the virgin thing?

“Would you stop ragging on me about that?” he grumbled.

Elisabetta snickered. “I just don’t understand why it’s taken you all these years to find a willing hole to stick it in,” she replied, miming intercourse with two fingers and a thumb.

“It’s not my fault I was born a fucking queer,” Cosmo said bitterly. “Nine out of ten boys would want to smash my face in if I came onto them.”

Like Vincenzo…

The cruel light in Elisabetta’s eyes faltered slightly.

“You’re right,” she replied. “I’m sorry, Cos.” She took a final drag, then stamped out the remains of her joint like Cosmo had and offered him a sly smile. “So, why am I so ‘cool’?”

“Because you accept me as I am,” he replied. “Everyone else just gives up on me or tries to turn me into somebody I’m not.”

Elisabetta shrugged. “I respect your right to choose your own path.” She gestured dismissively into the air. “The rest of them, they aren’t worth the effort.”

But it wasn’t so easy for Cosmo to dismiss the way they had all made him feel. As he pictured face after disappointed, judgmental face, he could feel his temperature rising, parting the clouds that presently fogged his mind… and, suddenly, it was pouring out of him in a flood.

“They’re all the same!” he burst out. “Luisa, Mario, Luca, even Marco… I’m such a disappointment to them all. And their solution? A job that any mindless cazzo could do, slaving away in a restaurant kitchen, and I’m supposed to be grateful for it?” He put on a simpering, saccharine voice. “‘Off you trot to work, Cosmo, like a good little boy. It’ll make everything better!’”

Elisabetta snorted. “Become a good little drone like everyone else, you mean.”

Cosmo nodded. “Exactly.” He picked up a stray shard of stone and flung it away as hard as he could. “Maybe I don’t want to work in a fucking restaurant. Did they think about that?” He gave a ragged sigh of frustration. “Can they blame me for smoking shit and getting drunk when my whole life is so fucking empty?”

He paused for breath.

“It goes right back to my shitty birth family. I was just a kid, you know? I didn’t ask to be brought up by criminals. I just wanted to be loved like anyone else, but no such luck for Cosmo Neri… instead, I got a cold fish of a mother who spent more time thinking about her designer fucking clothing than her actual children, and a father whose only interest in me was grooming me to replace him when his brother's ‘family business’ finally gets him killed.”

He punctuated the point by miming a slashing motion across his own neck.

Elisabetta nodded slowly. “I hear you.”

“And then my brother came along. Sweet, innocent Luca. I was the only one who gave enough of a damn to try to keep him away from all that. And has he ever thanked me for it?”

Elisabetta shook her head. “Not once.”

“And don’t even get me started on Emanuele and Barbara Annunziata,” Cosmo ploughed on, enunciating each syllable of his old foster parents’ names with a prissy little flick of the wrist. “When I went to live with them, I actually thought for five whole minutes that things might get better. More fool me. Right away, they started dragging me to Mass even though I’d never been to church in my life. ‘You have to get confirmed,’ they said, ‘lest you be judged and found wanting.’ So I did, because they just wouldn’t let up about it, and because I was scared. And when I was stupid enough to tell them I liked boys? There was about as much love and tolerance in that room as there was at the fucking Spanish Inquisition.” He looked up at the older girl. “At least you had my back that day, even if you didn’t know why.”

“I had a hunch,” Elisabetta replied. Her lips curled in a hard, angry sort of smile. “I hope they enjoyed replacing those windows.”

“So, I came here and approached Assunta Neri, who turned out to be the coldest bitch yet. My loving aunt, who kept me fed and sheltered provided I spent all my evenings guarding my uncle’s cache of illegal weapons.” He pointed to the empty storage building, dull and dusty in the relentless summer sun. “And when zio Santino decided that ‘accidents happen’ and it was safer to have me killed than to risk me giving the game away, did she raise a fucking finger to protect me?”

Elisabetta shook her head again. All trace of mockery had vanished now; a darkness had entered her eyes once again. “Of course not. You meant nothing to her.”

Cosmo nodded. “Story of my fucking life. No, I’d still have been there when the mob came if the police informant who was running me hadn’t finally had an attack of conscience… and he left it so late that some local kids who’d decided to ‘rescue’ me got caught in the crossfire.” He glared hard at the dry dirt beneath his feet. “Fucking shameful.”

Elisabetta gave him a hard, flinty-eyed sort of look. “And then…?”

Cosmo clenched his fists. “Afterwards, everyone was so nice about it. It wasn’t my fault, blah blah blah… working under duress, blah blah blah… I’d be alright if I could just have some stability… if you ask me, they only helped me because they felt guilty that it all happened right under their noses, and they didn’t have a fucking clue about it. Ever since then, it’s like they’ve been waiting for me to screw up… bad blood will out, and it’s only a matter of time.” He kicked furiously at a pinecone that lay among the dry grass and powdery dirt at his feet; it skittered away and tumbled down onto the driveway. “It’s so fucking unfair.”

But now that he had expunged most of his venom, he found he could no longer maintain his anger. He slumped unhappily in his chair, the weed working its stultifying tendrils into his mind once again.

“I dunno,” he mumbled, “maybe they’re right.”

Elisabetta scrambled out of her seat and crouched in front of him, gripping him harshly by the arms. “Listen to me, Cos. You are not the problem here. You and me, we’re just too freaking real for the likes of them.”

Shaken out of his trough of self-pity for a moment, Cosmo shook his head. “What difference does it make whose fault it is? I end up miserable whatever I do.”

“Amen, brother,” Elisabetta murmured. “They’ll never understand.” She released him and looked reflectively out at the valley. “Sometimes, I think about that. How pointless it all is, you know? And I wonder what it would be like to check out.” She smiled a bitter smile. “You know, in the most spectacular way possible. Something they’d tell stories about for years.”

An uneasy shiver ran down Cosmo’s spine, cutting through the fog left by the weed. He hadn’t been serious when he thought about people killing themselves. “You mean…”

“But then I think no,” Elisabetta went on, turning back to him, her brown eyes boring into his with fierce intensity. “If I do that, they win. This crappy world has already taken everything else from me. They don’t get to have that.”

Cosmo frowned. Who the hell are ‘they’…?

“So, what should we do instead?” he asked.

“Take what we want, of course,” she whispered. She drew closer, and suddenly she was running her hand up his thigh, sending a startled fluttering feeling deep into his body.

“C’mon, Betta,” he protested feebly. “You said yourself this isn’t right.”

She released him with a dark chuckle and returned to her chair. “You know I wouldn’t,” she replied.

Cosmo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His body had reacted in a way he hadn’t expected, and he placed his hands in his lap to cover it.

Great. Where the fuck was this when I actually NEEDED it?

“I don’t know what I want,” he complained. “Marco and Giacomo almost had me believing I wanted that stupid job.” He shook his head bitterly. “What a fucking dead end that idea was.”

Elisabetta’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Got fired, didn’t I?” Cosmo muttered. “Apparently, I’m a ‘bad investment’.”

“You’re what?” Elisabetta hissed. “You don’t have to take that shit, Cosmo. Not from anyone!”

Cosmo blinked dully, startled by the strength of feeling that had suddenly blazed in her eyes. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “But… that’s not going to get me my job back, is it?”

Elisabetta shook her head. “If only life were that simple,” she replied, “but we don’t have to take it lying down.” She gave him a hard, narrow-eyed smile. “Want me to teach your boss a lesson?”

Cosmo gave a sluggish chuckle. “So, you’re gonna what…? March up to him and tell him off? Fat lot of good that’s gonna do.”

But Elisabetta gave no answering laughter, no acerbic retort. Instead, she reached somewhere out of Cosmo’s sight, and then the Swiss army knife was in her hands again. He watched in alarm as she unfolded the largest, sharpest blade.

“Sanctimonious little pricks like him have to learn,” she whispered. “They’ve had it so easy, riding Mamma’s apron strings. They need to know what it’s like out in the real world.”

Cosmo gaped at her in horror. “Jesus, Betta! Don’t use that on him!”

“Why not?” Elisabetta scoffed. “How else is he gonna ‘get the point’?”

Cosmo continued to stare at her with wide eyes. After a few moments, she holstered her improvised weapon.

“Fine, I won’t flash the knife,” she replied sullenly. She gave him a thoughtful frown. “Wow. You didn’t really think I was going to cut him, did you?”

“No, I never…” Cosmo said hastily. He hesitated, floundering; for a second there, he hadn’t been so sure. “But it’s cool to know that you care so much.”

He offered her a hopeful smile, and Elisabetta smiled back. “You’re a nice guy, Cos,” she said. “Forgiving and all that… but I can’t just let this stand. Guy’s gotta learn.”

Cosmo’s jaw flapped uselessly. “Huh?”

Elisabetta was already getting to her feet. “I will sort him out for you, Cosmo,” she said. “I just need to get the lie of the land first. See ya later.”

And then she was gone, leaving Cosmo staring into empty space as his brain fought to catch up with everything that had just happened.

She’s just going to frighten him or smash his car or something, right? She wouldn’t do anything else?

There was no answer from the desolate surroundings apart from the steady scraping of the cicadas in the trees.

* * *

Ants. Ants, crawling. Get off me!

They’re all over him. He lies facing the sky and the soaring cliffs, staked out somehow – or, he MUST be, because he can’t move.

A vehicle churns by and the dust settles on his unblinking eyelashes. Then it comes to him… the reason he can’t move is because he’s DEAD.

He wants to scream, to howl, would give anything to be able to MOVE. He –

* * *

– woke up with a muffled cry and thrashed around to free himself from his sweaty bedding. The morning sun was already streaming obliquely through the bedroom windows, where some bastard had already opened the shutters. It was hurting his eyes. But the ants. They were still crawling…

Cosmo lurched up into a sitting position, scrubbing frantically at his bare arms and chest to brush off the ants, but finding nothing.

They’re here. I KNOW they are!

In disgust, he staggered to his feet and ripped back his blankets, but there were no insects there, either. He dropped to his knees, sure he’d find them retreating into a hole somewhere beneath his bed, but there was nothing down there apart from a few dust bunnies.

He brushed ineffectually at himself for a few more seconds, but the horrible crawling feeling was fading, and he subsided miserably, forced to concede that there were, in fact, no ants.

Great. This must be the paranoia they talk about.

He heaved himself back onto the side of the bed and drooped there for a while, gathering his wits.

Dio, he needed a joint.

He fetched his phone from the bedside table and dashed off a text to Elisabetta.

‘Where R U?’

He set the phone back down and glowered at it for a couple of minutes, but there was no response. It seemed she had gone on one of her walkabouts. AGAIN.

Funny way to behave for a friend you’re so sure you can count on… the one you called ‘the coolest person you know’.

That little voice at the back of his mind again: it was beginning to sound a bit like Luca. He ran his hands fiercely through his lank hair, trying to silence it.

So, there would be no hang time with Elisabetta today, no drowning his sorrows in weed or alcohol; nor did he have a job to go to. Even that would have helped to pass the time.

The house sounded empty. He heaved himself into a standing position, shed his grubby underpants and dragged himself naked to the bathroom with feet that felt like lead weights. It was time for a shower. Maybe it would help him to stop feeling so uncomfortable and soiled.

He stood under the hot water for several minutes, soaping his hair thoroughly with shampoo, watching the way little runnels of suds trickled down his body and blinking in discomfort when they ran into his eyes. Once he’d rinsed it all away, he turned his attention to the rest of his body, paying particular attention to the area below his waist.

Stupid fucking unused thing, he thought as he handled his penis without excitement, cleaning all around it with a soapy sponge. Elisabetta’s barbs about his virginity still stung, but right now, the dream of achieving any kind of happiness with another guy, however temporary and fleeting, had never seemed further away.

Talk about a crappy prospect…

Elisabetta had made clear that she knew their relationship was built on a lie. Who else would want an unemployed, virginal stoner like him for a boyfriend? A sad loser who went around in dirty clothes with hair that could lubricate a rusty engine.

Nobody with any self-respect.

And yet… what had Marta Rossi said to him in the hotel kitchen?

‘I think you’d even be handsome, like your brother, if you scrubbed up a bit.’

Cosmo dried himself off and stared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment. He tried to cast his own perceptions aside and see himself as a stranger would see him.

Right now, there were bags under his eyes, and his face looked a little pale and drawn. He probably hadn’t been eating properly, but it was a struggle to remember; lately, the days had rather blurred into each other. All the same, he thought his body was alright, and his green eyes were as vivid as ever under his curls of freshly washed hair.

If I were someone else, I’d take this.

He snorted in disdain. It was a pity his body came with such a wretched personality.

Look once, but don’t look twice, because you’ll soon realise what a mistake you made.

Only Giorgio, the fourteen-year-old squirt, seemed to see past all the rubbish and actually desire him. Cosmo supposed he should be flattered. But, then, the kid’s own life had probably been so desperate that anything would seem like an improvement.

No offence, kid, but you should think about raising your standards.

Cosmo threw on some semi-respectable clothes and hauled his carcass up to the living area, where he grappled with the coffee machine for a while, eventually coming up with a rather pathetic-looking cappuccino. He stared moodily at the unevenly frothed coffee with its sad, off-centre splash of cocoa powder and sighed a little.

Luisa and Mario always make this look so easy.

He supposed it would taste alright just the same. Taking the coffee with him, he adjourned to the dining table and sat staring vaguely out at the view.

The Valle del Dragone unfurled below him. On the one side, Ravello, sprawled out over its mountain ridge, casting the valley bottom into shadow; Cosmo could see the row of pine trees that lined the cathedral square and, below that, the car park and the Neri compound. On the other side, the morning sun shone harshly on the terraces of Scala, where a few early bonfires sent small plumes of smoke into the sky. Cosmo’s eyes strayed up to the high houses of Campidoglio, where Elisabetta and Giorgio were currently staying. He still hadn’t been up to see the house or met their hapless uncle Maurizio.

In fact, he had never been to Scala at all. That was how small his life had become.

So, what are you gonna do about it?

He thought of Elisabetta’s advice. Although his memories of the day before were hazy at best, five words shone through the fog, loud and clear.

‘Take what we WANT, of course…’

And with it came the memory of her hand on his thigh, his body’s startled reaction. His body didn’t care that he was an unemployed loser. His body didn’t care what Pietro or any of the other phoneys in town said about him. His body had needs, and he was tired of waiting. What he wanted was to have them fulfilled.

Maybe I don’t have to BE a virgin anymore.

After all, hadn’t there been an offer on the table for some time? One he’d always been too proud to take?

That’d show Vincenzo, too, if I got laid without his help at a time when HE’S not getting any.

His heart began to beat with the first trace of real excitement he’d felt since his ill-judged beer heist with Elisabetta, and he surrendered to it. He would accept the offer. After all, did it really have to mean anything? If it got the job done, maybe he’d be able to move on.

He fished out his phone and scrolled through his chat history. There it was: an old, mostly one-sided chat thread, in which Giorgio had futilely tried to engage him in conversation.

‘Hey!’ one of the messages read.

Another, a few days later: ‘Hey, how R U?’

More recently: ‘Have U thought about it yet? Call me.’

But nothing since the younger boy had tried to pressure him while Elisabetta’s back was turned.

There was one small aspect of Cosmo’s newfound plan that troubled him. The kid had been after him for some time, but Cosmo had no intention of pursuing anything with him beyond this one encounter. Should he admit to that?

But then he might say no…

No, it would be better to let the younger boy run on hope, then he could break the truth to him afterwards. Cosmo had no particular desire to hurt Giorgio… but the kid had tried to blackmail him. Maybe he sort of had it coming.

‘Ciao,’ he wrote.

The reply came a few seconds later. ‘Ciao…?’

Cosmo could almost imagine the kid’s confused eyes and bated breath.

‘Wanna hang out?’ he wrote.

There was a pause. ‘Okay.’

‘I know a place we can go. Take the path up the valley from Casa Bianca. There are some old farm buildings. I’ll meet you there.’

There was a moment’s slightly puzzled silence, then a final reply.

‘Ok. Sounds fun.’

Cosmo looked critically at the three short words Giorgio had written. The younger boy clearly hadn’t understood everything he had in mind… but he thought he could ease him into it.

And then… he gets what he wants, and no more ‘virgin’ for either of us. Everyone wins, right?

* * *

Cosmo arrived at the old storage buildings a short while later with an old blanket under one arm. They were much as he remembered them, surrounded by the chestnut trees and wild scrub at the edge of the woodlands that dominated the upper part of the valley. Beyond the last of the houses, the path was little-used, and there was nobody else around; no sound but for the crunch of his own footsteps, the restless skittering of the lizards, and the steady scraping of the cicadas.

It's perfect. If we’re quiet, nobody needs to know that we’re even here.

He was far from sure about what he was doing, but he was committed now, wasn’t he? He didn’t think he could convincingly pretend that he wanted to see Giorgio for any other reason, not without giving the younger boy the mistaken impression that he wanted to be friends.

His heart was still fluttering with the strange excitement that had buoyed him up from the moment he had picked up his phone. Giorgio was just a kid; he had never been Cosmo’s type, had never preyed on his thoughts in that way… but being with someone for the first time was a big deal, wasn’t it? Even if it was purely casual.

All the same, he wished he still had some of Elisabetta’s stolen booze. It might have helped them both to relax. Giorgio had always resisted any offers of weed, but maybe he’d have accepted something more legal.

It doesn’t matter. If he wants me enough, I’ll be able to persuade him.

If Giorgio refused, Cosmo wouldn’t force him. And if word got back to the wrong people about what he’d tried to do? Well, they already held him in such low esteem, how much worse could it really get?

After all, he’s fourteen. I’m not doing anything illegal.

And Elisabetta…? How would she react?

Cosmo snorted. He doubted she would care.

Inside one of the buildings there were some old bales of straw, brought in goodness knew how many years ago from goodness knew where, probably to provide bedding for a couple of animals that no longer lived here. Whatever the reason, the room was warm, dry and fairly clean, apart from a generous curtain of cobwebs hanging from the roof beams and the motes of dust that danced in the dappled sunlight that streamed in through the high-level windows.

Cosmo arranged the bales to form a bed shape, kicking up a wholesome straw smell, and threw the blanket over it, then stood back in satisfaction to admire his handiwork, brushing stray strands of straw off his polo shirt and jeans.

Looks pretty comfortable.

The stage was set. He didn’t have any protection on him, but how much, he thought, did two virgin boys really need it? Anyway, it wasn’t like he was planning to go to that place…

You’re a fucking moron, Cosmo.

Luca’s voice again… although Cosmo didn’t think he had ever heard his real kid brother use that kind of language. He did his best to brush it away.

Take a hike, bro. You don’t get to judge me anymore.

It would be best not to freak Giorgio out by letting him see the bed too early. Cosmo stepped back out into the warmth of the dappled morning sunshine and sank down onto a stray boulder to await the younger boy’s arrival.

* * *

It wasn’t too long before quiet footsteps awoke Cosmo from his contemplations, and he looked up to see Giorgio standing uncertainly halfway up the short flight of steps that led up from the lane below.

“Ciao,” Cosmo said.

The younger boy murmured something indistinct in response, his brown eyes excited, doubtful and watchful.

Cosmo’s first surprised reaction was that the younger boy looked good, or at least better than normal. His dark hair was clean and brushed, and the black shirt and jeans he was wearing looked freshly washed.

The second thing he noticed was that the younger boy wasn’t alone. There was another young figure standing in the lane, looking as neat and tidy as ever in a yellow and black check shirt tucked into a pair of navy blue shorts, glaring at him suspiciously with a pair of familiar, cool grey eyes.

“Marco?” Cosmo mouthed incredulously.

Already he could feel a rising panic as his carefully woven plans threatened to come apart at the seams. Was there a way to get rid of the interloper before too much damage was done? If Marco declined to leave, how was he going to explain the bed? Could he really pass it off as an innocent chill-out zone?

What’s he even DOING here?

Cosmo’s first notion was to try for a little low-key aggression.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he shot at Marco. “You weren’t invited.”

The mousy-haired boy seemed unfazed. “Giorgio invited me,” he replied. “Your message made him kinda nervous…” He narrowed his eyes slightly. “…and I don’t abandon my friends.”

“You two are friends?” Cosmo replied sceptically, turning his questioning gaze back on the younger boy. “Since when?”

“Couple of days ago,” Giorgio mumbled, looking awkwardly at the ground. “Marco’s been really cool.”

“Well, isn’t that nice,” Cosmo muttered bitterly.

Giorgio’s brown eyes looked hopefully back up at him. “So… he can stay?”

Cosmo sighed. “Fine,” he grumbled. “Come on up, Marco.”

The mousy-haired boy followed the younger boy up the steps and soon they were both standing in front of him, watching him expectantly. Cosmo cursed himself for not laying out a couple more seats; it would have made the whole setup easier to explain away.

“What’s this all about?” Marco asked, glancing round the little complex with distaste.

Improvising wildly, Cosmo spread his arms in an attempt at an expansive gesture. “It’s my place,” he said. “What d’you think?”

Marco scowled slightly. “I think it’s almost as crappy as your last place,” he said. “What is it with you and degradation, Cosmo?”

Cosmo shrugged. “Suit yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?” He turned his gaze on the younger boy, who was glancing awkwardly between him and Marco in a torn sort of way. “What about you?”

“I… think it’s kinda cool,” Giorgio said hesitantly.

That produced a flicker of something in the mousy-haired boy’s eyes. What was it, Cosmo wondered? Disappointment? Frustration? He’d never been very good at reading people.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Marco asked pointedly.

Now it was Cosmo’s turn to scowl. “Betta doesn’t know anything about this, and I’d like to keep it that way,” he retorted. “This is somewhere I’m going to hang with my other friends.”

“What other friends?” Marco muttered, but he had broken eye contact and seemed to be talking more to himself; his eyes were roving suspiciously over the tumbledown buildings behind Cosmo, as if he still expected Elisabetta to leap out of one at any moment. Cosmo decided to let it go.

Need to try to keep them both on side…

He decided that the best way to avoid arousing suspicion was to brazen the meeting out as if nothing untoward was happening. Gritting his teeth, he got to his feet.

“Come on,” he said, “let me give you the tour.”

There were three to four buildings on the site, most of which he had yet to explore. He led the two boys to the first couple, which were joined together, their decaying concrete blocks, steel beams and rusting corrugated roofing panels seemingly held together by cobwebs. Faded graffiti lingered on the outside, spelling something that looked a lot like ‘Toto Friuli likes it rough.’

“These are….” Cosmo began, sniffing the musty air inside, “I dunno, some old sheds that smell like animal shit. I haven’t decided what to do with them yet.”

“Lovely,” Marco remarked, rolling his eyes.

The next building was a bit taller and tidier, but for a few holes in the roof.

“I thought this could be the outdoor kitchen, you know? Perfect for a pizza oven.”

Under the circumstances, it was a brave attempt at a joke. Marco seemed unmoved, but it had the desired effect on Giorgio, who smiled slightly.

“Yeah, pizza ai funghi di bosco,” he said. “We could all die of poisoning together.”

Cosmo snorted. “Good one, kid.”

Marco gave the younger boy an unhappy glance. Cosmo hoped the mousy-haired boy was starting to question his own assumptions and attitudes in coming here. It would make life easier for him if he was.

He led them to the final building.

“So, ah… this is the chillout zone,” he bluffed, gesturing towards the careful arrangement of straw bales. “Do you like the sofa?”

But Marco’s eyes had narrowed again. “It looks like a bed,” he said.

The effect on Giorgio was immediate. He flushed at once, glancing, startled, from Marco to Cosmo and back again. Cosmo sensed that the penny had finally dropped.

“I, ah…” Giorgio stammered. “I like it.”

Marco’s cool grey gaze flicked towards him for a moment. “Seriously?” he whispered incredulously.

Sensing division in the ranks, Cosmo perched on the corner of the bed and patted the patch of blanket next to him, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the younger boy.

“Come and try it out,” he encouraged him. “It’s comfy.”

Chewing his lip, Giorgio gave one more conflicted glance to Marco and shuffled over to join Cosmo. He sat down on the blanket, looking at him with large brown eyes, fiddling nervously with his fingers.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, “it is comfy.”

“Dio,” Marco muttered, “I need some air.”

Then he turned and was gone, leaving Cosmo and Giorgio alone, at least for the moment.

“I’m glad you decided to come up here today,” Cosmo told the younger boy, keeping his voice as gentle as he could manage. “I’d have been lonely if you didn’t.”

Jesus… way to sound like a total creep.

Giorgio smiled uncertainly. “I wasn’t sure whether I should,” he replied. “Marco thought it was weird. But, I… well, I was kinda curious.”

Trying his best to ignore the doubts that were clamouring at the back of his mind, Cosmo snaked an arm around the younger boy, pulling him closer. He could feel the tension in Giorgio’s narrow shoulders, but also a faint tremble that might have been excitement.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been nicer to you,” he murmured. “Is it too late to make up for it?”

Falteringly, Giorgio shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was little more than a whisper. “No, I… just didn’t realise that you even liked me like that.”

Cosmo shrugged. “What can I say? I’ve always been a bit slow.”

Giorgio looked at him, starry-eyed and tongue tied. Gently, Cosmo reached across and laid a hand on his thigh; the younger boy jerked in his arms with a sharp intake of breath, his eyes now wide and frightened, but also…

Cosmo didn’t know. All he knew was that he finally had someone in his arms, and he was moments away from getting what he needed. His bloodstream pounding with a sick sort of arousal, he leaned forward.

“Jesus!” exclaimed a voice, and they broke apart, Cosmo’s heart jumping to his mouth at once.

“Huh?” Cosmo replied.

Marco was back. He was standing in the doorway, and he was glaring at Cosmo furiously with his fists clenched.

“What is wrong with you?” he cried. His cool grey eyes flicked to Giorgio, losing only a little of their fury. “You can’t seriously be thinking of letting him do this to you?”

“I…” Giorgio stammered, glancing anxiously between them once again. He looked quite overwhelmed.

Crap…

“Chill, Marco,” Cosmo said, improvising wildly once again. “We’re just two guys exploring something. There’s no need to get so upset.”

Marco shook his head. “Nuh-uh. Giorgio, we need to get out of here.”

“You go if you want to,” Cosmo retorted, “but leave the kid out of it.”

But Marco was implacable. “I’m not leaving without him,” he said, folding his arms stubbornly. His eyes flicked back to Giorgio, who was shifting indecisively in his seat. “Andiamo.”

They seemed to be approaching an impasse, and Cosmo was almost out of ideas. In desperation, he threw caution to the winds.

“C’mon, Marco,” he entreated the mousy-haired boy. “There’s no need to be jealous.”

Marco’s cool grey eyes snapped back to him at once. “What?”

Cosmo rose slightly from his seat, took hold of the other boy’s wrist and pulled him gently forwards. Marco’s feet moved automatically, the certainty leaving his eyes for a moment as he looked at Cosmo’s grasping hand in confusion.

“There’s plenty to go round,” Cosmo said desperately. “Nobody wants to be a virgin. Why don’t you stay here with us for a bit?”

“Cosmo…?” Giorgio said in a small voice, his brown eyes now clouded with doubt.

Cosmo ignored him. He released Marco’s wrist and reached behind him, meaning to pull him closer, but the other boy reacted in a flash, shoving the unsuspecting Cosmo in the chest so hard that he was sent sprawling back onto the blanket.

“Don’t touch me!” Marco spat. Grasping Giorgio firmly by the hand, he pulled the younger boy up off the bed and out of the door.

Cosmo struggled to his feet, meaning to give chase, but he was too badly winded to run. He sagged against the doorframe as he watched Marco lead the younger boy back down the steps and out of sight.

He dropped to his knees and crawled wretchedly back out into the open.

He’s right. What the FUCK was I trying to do?

Everything had gone to shit. He’d finally managed to alienate everyone, and it was all his own stupid fault.

Everyone except Betta.

Inches away from where he lay, crouched and gasping, an unsuspecting ground beetle emerged from under some dry grass and began to putter across the dirt in front of him.

Overcome by rage, Cosmo brought his fist down on top of the creature with all the fury that his broken heart could muster. He felt its hard shell crunch beneath his skin and withdrew his hand, blinking owlishly at the fresh devastation he’d just wreaked. The insect’s delicate legs were broken, its wing cases crushed and torn.

At the pathetic sight of its antennae twitching their last, a fresh wave of guilt and shame coursed through him.

Luca’s right. I’m a fucking disease.

Hot tears began to form at the corners of his eyes. He let them fall, darkening the dry, dusty dirt, sending the flattened beetle to a watery grave.