Life is unfair.That was the most important lesson I’d been learning in high school.Life is hard.Life is cruel.And life will kick you in the balls every chance it gets.Oh, and people are assholes!It hadn’t taken long to learn those lessons the hard way. If life were fair, I’d be six foot, four inches tall.I’d have gorgeous blond hair and perfect six-pack abs.I wouldn’t be five foot five and barely a hundred thirty pounds.I wouldn’t have messy brown hair and glasses.I wouldn’t have godawful braces on my teeth.I certainly wouldn’t be having my head shoved in a toilet in the boys’ locker room after yet another humiliating tenth grade gym class.
Fourth time this year…That had to be some kind of record, right?Maybe if I were six foot four I wouldn’t have these problems in my life?
I’ve found that if you just accept your fate and don’t make a big fuss it’s not as much fun for the boys who are trying to soak your head.They like a little fussing, begging, and crying.But if you just check out in your head and let them have their way, they get bored with you eventually.
After a few minutes of my dead fish routine, the boys got tired of it and moved on, leaving only Tyler, my chief tormentor to finish the job.If someone was accusing me of being a faggot and stuffing my head in a toilet, you could bet it was probably Tyler Bowman who was responsible.After everyone else had lost interest in drowning me, Tyler let me up and left me choking and gagging on the toilet water.
“Better go take a shower, Jackson!” Tyler said loudly, making sure others in the locker room could hear.“I took a shit in that toilet before gym class.”I waited until the sounds of laughter faded before I walked out of the bathroom area of the locker room into the changing area.I was so glad no one else was left behind, although I’d have to be quick before the bell rang and the seniors filled the locker room for next period.I stripped off my clothes and hurried into the shower area and let the hot water pour over my skinny body.I sighed.I should have been past the point of crying about such things, but I did anyway.Pathetic…But this was the life I’d chosen.I could have just hidden certain things about myself and avoided the harassment, but that wasn’t me.I had to be true to myself.A quick scrub gave me just enough time to be dried off and have my underwear back on before the senior boys began trickling in.
“Oh god!Another sprint day!” one of the boys complained to another as they invaded the quiet locker room.“Maybe I won’t almost die this time.”
“You’ll be fine, Billy,” the other boy assured the tall blond boy as they walked toward me.“Hey Aiden,” the boy with the messy brown hair and ocean blue eyes said to me.
“Hey Reilly,” I replied.It was hard to believe there were seniors who knew my name.
“I’m serious, Brett,” Billy said, totally ignoring me as if I didn’t even exist. “If I pass out again I’m suing this fucking school.”
I quietly made my way out of the locker room and off to my next class. I timed my entry so that I arrived just as history class was beginning.I could feel the laughter and disgust of the boys who had dunked my head in the toilet.I kept my head down and my eyes focused on the floor.Fortunately, no one dared try to pick on me in Mr. Hartley’s class.Mr. Hartley had a reputation for eviscerating kids he didn’t like.And he didn’t like kids who talked while he was teaching.
“Always assume anything I say in class or write on the board is going to end up in a test someday,” Mr. Hartley snarled when one of my tormentors asked what he should study for the next test.I couldn’t help but smile.I wished I had Mr. Hartley’s power and authority – his willingness to be a dick to people who deserved it.I hated being a timid little shit.
When class ended I stayed behind as my classmates zoomed off to our next class.I always tried to lag behind everyone as they stampeded out the door.The less I was around them and the more I was around the teachers, the safer I felt. I’d had my books knocked out of my hands or been knocked to the floor myself enough to know I didn’t want to be around a bunch of stupid teenagers any longer than I needed to be.
“Mr. Jackson,” Mr. Hartley snapped.
“Yes sir!” I replied, almost jumping out of my skin.
“Don’t you have another class to get to?” he asked.
“Yeah…” I said.“It’s just…”
“Then, as much as I enjoy the pleasure of your company, I’d appreciate it if you moved your behind out of here,” Mr. Hartley insisted.
As I was walking out the door I ran right into the blond senior kid, Billy, from gym class who was walking into the classroom.He towered over me and I almost fell on my ass when he bumped into me.
“Watch where you’re going, you stupid little f…”
“Roberts!” Mr. Hartley snapped.“Get in here and quit bullying the sophomores.”
Roberts sighed angrily.“Now you got me in trouble!You better watch yourself, dork,” he warned me as he stomped into the classroom.God, I hated that guy!I think what made me the most angry about him was that I knew he was like me in so many ways.I knew he was smart, did well in his classes and was something of a nerd. And he’d just come out and revealed he was gay.But he was probably the most obnoxious kid in school.I don’t think I ever heard him have a conversation with someone where he wasn’t complaining or whining about some supposed injustice that had happened to him.It was like he felt the world owed him something.I couldn’t stand people like him.He was so smart – like genius level smart, but he could be oblivious about everything except for what interested him, and what interested him was himself.I hoped someone would knock him off his high horse some day before he made valedictorian, but it didn’t look good.The last thing the school needed was that intolerable blond asshole to represent us, even if he was one of the hottest boys in the whole school.
Okay, I admit it.I’m a sucker for hot blond boys and Billy Roberts was off the scale!I was almost physically painful for me to look at him, he was so handsome.Until recently, he’d let his hair grow really long, like rocker-length.Over Christmas break he’d cut it, and now he was even more adorable than he’d been before.I couldn’t help but stare at the guy.That was part of the reason I ended up with my head in the toilet after gym class.See, I’m very proudly out of the closet and not shy about being gay.That didn’t fly very well in a place like Mon Valley High School.I mean, if you were a certain level of cool, you could pull it off without getting crucified for liking cock.But unfortunately, I was the complete opposite of cool.Reilly, the senior kid who was nice to me in the locker room, he was cool.He was even the vice president of our LGBT Alliance, which is how I knew him.I couldn’t understand how I guy like Brett Reilly could end up with an asshole like Billy Roberts for a boyfriend.I mean, yeah, Billy’s hot, but he’s such a dick and Reilly was so kind and thoughtful.I didn’t get it.They were complete opposites.Billy had to be good in the sack or something for Reilly to be so completely devoted to him.I’ll admit it though, I’d jerked off to the thought of the two of them having sex.I’ll bet it was good sex.
But while everyone knew the two of them were together, and even though Brett was the vice president of the LGBT alliance, Billy would never even be caught dead at one of our meetings.Everyone knew he was gay.Everyone knew who he was dating.They’d been together for years!But no!Billy Roberts was too much of a douchebag to ever want to associate with other gay kids.We’d tarnish his wholesome Christian reputation or something.He’d hidden his relationship with Brett for years – even though anyone with half a brain knew they were banging each other.Did he really think he was fooling anybody?Did he think there was anyone in our school who didn’t know he was queer?Did he have to be so smug about it?
Thankfully, the school day ended without any further incident and I made it home in one piece.I didn’t mind the abuse.I was used to it.It wasn’t so bad.I’d had a few scrapes along the way, but overall my life was okay.I figured the abuse I took was just my way of getting stronger.I went to my room to work on my homework when my cell phone started to buzz.I picked it up and looked at the name of the person calling me.I sighed.
“What is it Tyler?” I asked.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
“A little wet behind the ears, but okay otherwise,” I said.
“Dude, I am so sorry I had to do that.The guys…They were messing with me really bad all gym class.One of them called me a fag…I had to do something.”
“Ty, I’m really tired of your excuses.I don’t need to hear yet another apology from you.If you don’t want people to know you like getting your dick sucked by me, that’s your business.But don’t take it out on me when people come after you and expect me to just forgive you and pretend you’re not a lying sack of shit.”
“Aiden…It’s more complicated than that!I haven’t got all this shit figured out yet!”
“I’ve been sucking your dick for a year, Ty!By now you should have been able to figure out if you like it or not!What’s to figure out?”
“Just because I like what you do to me doesn’t mean I’m gay, Aiden!Maybe I’d like it a lot better if a girl did it for me!”
“Then get a girl to do it for you and leave me alone!”
“It’s not that simple!”
“Whatever, dude.If you want to spend your life in a closet then go ahead!But don’t expect me to be in there with you.Get someone else to suck your dick.I’ll see you later.”
I hung up on him before he could say anything else.That was how it was with Tyler.Dude was a serious closet case, and that made him a little bit dangerous because anytime people got suspicious of him he would take it out on me, a known queer, as a way to prove himself.I wouldn’t consider him a friend or anything.I just like sucking his dick.It’s a nice one and his cum always tastes good.He’d do the whole swirly routine and then call me apologizing.Later on, he’d be here at my house whipping it out again as his way of showing me how sorry he was.And yeah, I’d end up sucking it yet again because I’m dumb like that.I can’t say no to sucking a nice dick, even if it’s attached to an idiot.
Maybe that’s why Reilly stuck with Billy Roberts?Maybe Billy’s packing something really nice in those jeans?Maybe they were doing it right at that very moment?The thought made my pants get tighter in the front.
I finished my homework right before my mom made it home.She hugged me and got to work making dinner for us.It was never anything impressive, but she made it with love.Ever since dad left things had gotten a lot calmer around the house.I didn’t miss the fights.I really didn’t miss the abuse!A swirly from a bunch of adolescent dorks was nothing after having my brains bashed in by my so-called father.So much bullshit just because I prefer dick over pussy.I didn’t get it.
Mom had taken to hugging me every goddamn time she came home.She hadn’t been home the night dad got me.Mom and I were out of the old house by the next morning.It took a week for the bruises on my face to heal up enough to go back to school.The nightmares don’t come back as often as they used to.
“No son of mine is going to be some faggot!” he’d screamed at me as he beat me.Too late, dad.I guess he must have thought my sexuality reflected poorly on his sexuality, even though he obviously liked pussy or else I wouldn’t exist.Like, what is it about guys wanting to prove their manhood by beating up a kid who was obviously no match for their superior strength?Beat up someone bigger than you, then people will know you’re a real man.Beating up some scrawny dork like me just makes you look desperate, I think.I preferred getting punched to getting hit with a belt, that was for sure.Sure, it still hurt, but a welt on your back would hurt for days afterward and sometimes left a scar.
“Macaroni and cheese or French fries tonight?” mom asked.I answered and sat down on the couch to watch some television.She was a good mom.I considered myself lucky to have her.I’d heard part of why Billy Roberts was such a closet case was because his mom was some kind of religious whacko and he went to their crazy fundamentalist church with her.Not that I cared.It didn’t give him the excuse to act like a jagoff.Apparently, there’d been some big scene at his mom’s church where he came out to everyone and yelled at the whole church.Typical.He couldn’t just quietly come out, he had to make a big scene about it.It all had to be about him.
Anyway, Mom and I enjoyed our dinner of hot dogs and macaroni and cheese and I was in my room playing some video games for a while when there was a knock on the door.I knew who it was before mom even brought him to my room.
“Aiden, Tyler’s here,” mom said.Tyler sheepishly followed mom into my room, looking like he’d burst into tears at any moment.I invited him to play video games with me and mom left us alone.
“Dude, I just had to come by and say sorry in person,” Tyler said, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“I told you it’s okay,” I replied.
“I know you did, but still…I feel like shit,”
“You should feel like shit because you acted like shit,” I replied.
“See!That’s what I’m talking about.You say it’s okay, but you’re still mad at me!”
“Look, Ty.It’s not that I’m angry, it’s just that I’ve heard it all before.You don’t want to admit it to yourself you like what I do to you, that’s fine.You have to live with yourself, not me.But don’t come over here all mopey and shit and think that I’m some kind of sucker.I suck your dick because I like it.I can suck your dick and still think you’re a putz.”
“I am a putz…” Tyler sighed.“I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.I hate feeling this way.I don’t want to be a queer.”
“Then don’t be.”
“It’s not that simple!I thought you, of all people, would understand!Don’t you wish you were normal?”
“I am normal, Tyler,” I replied.
“You know what I mean.You’re a queer!”
“And being a queer is perfectly normal!” I snapped.“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.I’m happy being me.I don’t need anyone’s permission to be who I am.No one does.Whoever you are meant to be is who you should be.I was meant to be a queer.I like sucking dick.If you don’t like it that’s your problem, not mine.Go hide in the closet and pretend to be something that you’re not.But don’t expect me to be something I’m not.”
“I don’t get it,” Tyler replied.“How can you like being gay?”
“How can you like being a fraud?” I replied.
“Can we just play the game now?” he asked.
“It’s what you do best,” I replied.
So we played Smash Brothers for a while.He won a few rounds, I won a few rounds.It was nothing unusual.He kept scooting closer and closer to me and I knew what he was after without coming out and saying it.Before too long, his leg was rubbing up against mine.It wouldn’t take long for him to start hinting around that there were more fun things we could be doing than playing video games.My hand would find itself inching up his thigh, his pants would end up bunched up around his thighs, his nice dick would spring free and then it was game on.Like clockwork…Tyler would make an effort to guide this dance, but once his dick was in my mouth it was my show, not his.I had the power, and I would get what I wanted from him.I always got it.I knew exactly how to get him to shoot.It was so funny to hear him trying to stifle his groans of release.
“Thanks for letting me come, Mrs. Jackson,” Tyler said as he prepared himself to leave, zipping up his coat. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and smiled at my mom.I'd follow him out to his bike as usual. There would be the usual farewells and his warnings not to tell anyone. I'd reassure him that I wasn't going to tell anyone he’d had his dick sucked by a faggot.You know, the same old song and dance.
“So, you had a good time with Tyler?” mom asked as I came back inside and sat down next to her to watch some television.
“I guess so,” I replied.“Smash Brothers and a blow job…” I sighed.
“It won’t always be shallow like that.You’ll find someone with a little more depth than Tyler someday.Or maybe Tyler will figure out what he wants someday.You can’t expect miracles from a teenage boy.They’ll never understand a mature boy like you.You’re special.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be special, mom.Maybe I’m tired of being special!Maybe I’m tired of being treated like dog shit!Maybe I’m tired of sucking his dick one minute and having my head stuffed in a goddamn toilet the next!”
“No!You don’t!You don’t understand!You never will!You don’t have to over-compensate for dad being a dick!You’re allowed to tell me I’m being an idiot for letting Tyler Bowman use me like a slut to get his rocks off!You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with what I’m doing!”
“Aiden, sweetheart, I know what you’re going through…”
“No you don’t!No one understands!Just leave me alone!”
“Aiden…” mom called after me as I stormed off to my room a slammed the door behind me.I sat down on my bed and sobbed.I ran my fingers through my hair and just tried to clear my head.I knew my mom didn’t deserve to get yelled at like that, but she was around to yell at instead of my dad.I spent the rest of that evening locked in my room feeling sorry for myself.
Why did life have to be so unfair?
Hi! It's nice to be back with a little story to enjoy together! It's been a while since I last wrote, so I apologize if I'm not quite as sharp as I used to be. So why not let me know what you thought of this chapter? I'd love to hear from you!