A Love Story with a Prisoner of War - 17. So I Can Love You

It was 1 o’ clock in the morning. A few hours ago, I had everything that a happy man possesses – the love of my life, a warm and loving family, a snug bed, and sufficient food – my life was simply perfection. But look at me now - banished from my own home, limping painfully across the freezing cold. Life is unpredictable, it really is.

Under normal circumstances, it took roughly ten minutes to walk from my home to the Williams’ house, but the sleeting sky and the unforgiving gusts on that night made the walk an arduous trek across the Antarctic. In 1941, electricity had not yet set foot in Northern Canada, let alone lamppost. Fractured moonlight on the snow-covered ground was the only light in the pitch-black world. Without the sun to guide us, we strode to the Williams’ place based on past experience.

Exposed in the coldness for such a long time reminded me how snug and how wonderful my bed was – something that I had been taking for granted since I was born. Although Axel and I were wrapped up in layers of clothes, we felt like two scantily dressed women on porno magazine. The sleet kept pummeling us as chilliness pounded my bare face which had gone numb with cold. The trek was so unbearably exhausting and agonizing that I almost wanted to give up. Physically drained, I halted in the middle of nowhere. Feeling my hand pulling, Axel turned around and looked me tenderly in the eyes. His penetrating eyes filled with reassurance and I felt like they were telling me that we’d get through this together.
Then he said to me, 'you need stay life. So I can love you.' Well, that's exactly all I needed to hear when my life was right at the rock bottom.

After tramping for about half an hour, which felt like a trip through hell, the outline of the Williams’ house finally emerged.

We dashed to the house ecstatically as if the house was a bottle of iced water in the middle of a desert. We didn’t know where Otto’s room was, but I reckoned that he would be living in the extra guest room that was located on the ground floor. We walked around the exterior of the house as we peeked through each curtained window, trying to locate the exact location of Otto’s room. We could hardly see through the windows, but my sixth sense told me that it would be the second window on the right.

Once our target was set, I knocked on the window gently, hoping not to awake the others in the house.

Knock, knock, knock.

Pause. Silence.

Knock. knock, knock. And the knocking continued for an entire minute.

Someone must have heard the knock because we heard approaching footsteps.

As we waited anxiously for our savior, coldness in the air kept torturing us mercilessly.

No sooner had the curtain been pulled back than Otto’s face came into view.

His face was in the color of agitation and fatigue. He rubbed his eyes, unsure of the identities of the 2 persons behind the window. Seconds passed as his brain maneuvered to identify us. Once fully conscious, Otto opened the window and babbled something in German. At once, Axel responded with rapid-fire German. In Axel’s voice, I heard urgency. After a very brief exchange, Otto beckoned us to come inside.

As soon as we stepped inside the house, warmth embraced us from head to toes. My numb body instantly relaxed and gradually regained consciousness. After the trek, I almost forgot how splendid it felt to feel warm in cold weather - The warmth inside the house reminded me that warmth did exist.

Without a word, Otto guided us into his room. He seated us down on his bed and gave us a duvet. He then offered us two glasses of warm water after a brief visit to the kitchen. Once the warm water reached my stomach, I felt reborn.

Otto leaned against the doorframe as the 2 Germans continued their chat in their mother tongue. Even though I couldn’t understand a word, I could hear concern in Otto’s voice. Otto eyed me from time to time during their conversation. Judging by his expression and gaze, he seemed worried about us. At some point of their conversation, Otto asked me something that took me by surprise.

‘So you love Axel?’ Otto enquired.

Since it was already 2 in the morning, my mind was functioning like a crawling snail. Words hung in the cold air for seconds as my brain tried to formulate an answer. I guessed Axel had told him everything about us, so I said ‘Yes. I do.’. As soon as my voice trailed off, Axel unexpectedly planted a quick kiss on my cheek. Didn’t know how to respond, I just sat there smiling bashfully at Otto. I felt a little bit of uncomfortable confessing my love for Axel in front of strangers, not to mention being kissed by him. Fortunately, Otto didn’t seem disgusted at our intimacy; he seemed pretty fine with our sexuality.

‘Axel tell me all things. Stay the night first. We’ll think of what we can do tomorrow.’ Otto said slowly.

‘The thing that I am worried most is that my mum will spread the news and the Williams will banish us like our mum just did. If the Andy and Stephen banish us, I don’t know where we can go. But now, we should get some sleep now; I am exhausted.’ I said.

‘I want sleep too. Long day.’ Axel said.

‘Ok. You two share my bed. I will sleep on the sofa tonight.’ Otto offered.

‘Oh no. please no. It will be freezing cold in the drawing room. We will sleep on the sofa.’ I said, feeling touched by his suggestion.

‘Well. How about the three of us share my bed? Then we will be warm together.’ Otto said and then translated it to German for Axel.

‘Good.’ Axel replied.

‘Will it be very crowded?’ I asked, slightly unsure if it was a good idea.

‘Just one night. It’s okay. My bed is not so small.’ Otto said.

‘Ok. I need some good sleep.’ I said as sleepiness eating me out.

That night, I slept in between the two of them. The bed was actually a standard single one, so movement was not permitted. Being so closed with them, I could feel every breath of the two Germans and I found the experience soothing. In the duvet, our warmth mingled, and it penetrated my skin, reaching my heart. That warmth – was heavenly. Even though the bed was very crowded, I soon drifted off to sleep.

I was asleep, but my mind, like a broken record, was playing and replaying the scene in which we were caught with our pants down. The image of my enraged mum kept haunting me throughout the night. And at some point in the nightmare, I was tortured by a group of Bible-holding strangers whereas Axel was tied up to a pillar, watching me suffer from afar. God, that was the worst nightmare I had ever had in my entire life.

                                                                                              * * *

Sunlight kept flooding in through the curtailed window, illuminating the room. I was the first one to wake up. When I regained consciousness, my body felt stiff and aching – probably due to the lack of movement last night.

Not wanting to wake the other 2 up, I watched Axel’s sleeping face as it reminded me once again how effortlessly charming he was. My love for him grew with every passing moment. Though it had been less than 8 hours since we last made love, I felt like we hadn’t made love for a century. I watched his chest heaving, totally entranced. His beauty almost made me forget the gigantic trouble that we were in.

‘Just let me stay with Axel for the rest of my life.’ I wished in my heart.