A Love Story with a Prisoner of War - 6. A Suggestion

After nights of contemplation, I finally admitted my desire for Axel to myself. I sometimes cried myself to sleep just because I felt so torn inside. I didn’t know what I should do. It was crystal-clear that I felt attracted by him. My longing for him was constantly burning. I couldn’t help it; I couldn’t resist it; I couldn’t stop it from taking over me; I couldn’t stop staring at him anytime, anywhere. He was too gorgeous, too cute, too masculine for anyone to handle. The conclusion that I reached – it is the way that I’m feeling, I just can’t deny. But I sworn to myself that I would never admit my feeling or sexuality to anyone; it had to be kept as a secret, it had to be. I was sure that if my mum knew it, she would definitely have a heart attack. And I guarantee you that the whole town (99% of the population here were Catholic) would despise me and call me a sinner for the rest of my life. I couldn’t take that kind of hate. The fact that I had a crush on Axel would always remain a secret. A secret.

* * *

‘Son, you need to take a day off. You looked so tired and listless these days. Is there anything troubling you?’ My mum asked during dinner.

‘I’m fine. Just that insomnia is troubling me a bit.’ I replied.

‘Oh, did you dream of Ashley again?’ Jake laughed at me.

‘Hey! Stop it!’ I shouted at the top of my lungs.

‘Oh, Ashley Davis?’ Mum asked curiously.

‘No, mum. Jake is joking.’ I replied defensively.

‘No way. Xavier asked me what does it mean to dream about somebody the other day. He definitely has a crush on Ashley!’ Jake said loudly.

‘Cut it out! I’m going to slit open your throat, tie you up and dump you into the river if you said this one more time.’ I glared at Jake.

‘Ok, fine! Ashley!’ Jake said.

‘Ok. It’s enough! Stop teasing your brother!’ My mum shouted at Jake. Then she looked at me again and said, ‘Xavier, you really need to take a day off. The dark circles under your eyes are so scary.’

Suddenly, an unanticipated voice startled us all.

‘Xavier, you need rest. You look bad.’ Axel interrupted.

My whole family turned to look at him in utter disbelief because Axel rarely spoke during dinner, probably due to his poor English. We were completely taken aback by this unexpected statement. My jaw dropped to the ground when I heard that. A part of me was sorely surprised and a part of me was over the moon. Axel was caring about me! Telling me I should take some rest! He cared about me! Oh my god! It felt so organismic to hear his voice, and most importantly, it felt like heaven to know that he was feeling worried about me! Do you know how good it feels to hear something like that from the one you want? No, you don’t.

Not knowing what and how to respond to Axel, silence fell in the dining room.

I guess Axel kind of noticed the awkwardness as well, he immediately filled the silence, “My English is…is ‘gooder’ (he meant better) now. I know…know many words! Thank Xavier.”

Oh my holy spirit. Did this boy know that he was taking my breath away? Did this stupid boy have a f**king clue that he was stealing my heart? My face blushed when he said that to me. I felt so flattered, so magnificently good and ecstatic. I starred at him in enchantment, feeling like the happiest man on earth. Hearing him utter my name sent me straight up to cloud nine.

‘Xavier good teacher!’ Axel added.

I sat transfixed with surprise. He must stop praising me now because my face was on fire! The elation in my body was driving me crazy.

‘You should consider being a teacher when you grow up.’ Jake joked.

‘Shut up!’ I roared.

‘Whoa. Look at you! Just a few compliments and your face is as red as an apple!’ Jake said.

‘I’m going to kill you tonight Jake!’ I shouted.

‘Oh! Really?’ Jake questioned.

‘Yes!’ I said calmly.

‘Okay, stop it! It’s getting annoying!’ Mum said in an authoritative tone. ‘Okay. Xavier, seriously, you need a day off. You should go out and have a walk. You need to relax.’

‘It’s okay mum. I’m fine. The farm needs me ’ I said.

‘No. The farm won’t die just because you are absent for one day! The farm has Jake and me. We’re fine without you. You must go out, have a walk, and relax yourself. Your tiredness and listlessness are worrying. No excuse. You must go out and have a nice walk tomorrow!’ My mum commanded.

‘Ok, ok. Whatever.’ I replied nonchalantly.

‘Or, do you want to go with Axel? He has arrived for nearly 2 months but never has the chance to go to the Callistar. You should bring him there!’ Mum said.

‘What Kalesster?’ Axel questioned.

‘No, it’s Cal-lis-tar. It is a mountain ridge. There is a beautiful lake. The scenery at Callistar is breathtaking. You will definitely enjoy it, Axel.’ Mum uttered slowly, hoping that Axel would understand him completely.

‘Oh. Good.’ Axel replied.

‘Ok. Done! Xavier, bring Axel to the Callistar tomorrow and enjoy yourself for a day.’ Mum concluded.

‘Ok.’ Axel and I replied in unison.

‘Mum! I want to go with them. I haven’t been to the Callistar for ages!’ Jake pleaded.

‘No! You need to stay with me and take care of the farm. I can’t handle the horses on my own. You need to help me.’ Mum said.

‘No, please. I want to go!’ Jake said.

‘No way. You can go next week, okay? The farm needs you. End of discussion. And now, clean up the dishes and go to bed early.’ Mum said in a bossy manner that all the mums in the world possess.

***

I lay comfortably on my bed, gazing at the empty ceiling. My mind drifted to tomorrow. Hiking with Axel, just the two of us? That sounds great! My genital got slightly hard just by the thought of sitting on the mountaintop with Axel, overlooking the whole town. Countless questions were swirling in my head unstoppably: ‘What food should I bring?’ ‘Shall we have a picnic near the lake or at the mountaintop?’ ‘What time shall we start hiking?’ ‘Shall we watch the sunset as well?’ Excitement was running wild in my veins, which made me unable to sleep until 2 in the morning.

Oh God. Please make tomorrow a great day.