From Where I Stand - 11. Chapter 11

“I’m sorry Mr. Chen, but I don’t think I can do this in good conscience,” my school guidance counselor Mr. Garans told me in a flat, monotone voice.

I was somewhere in between shock and seething anger. “Excuse me?”

He calmly folded his hands on top of his desk and looked me with the slightest smirk possible. “Well as you know Mr. Chen, this is the first time you’ve ever come to see me and I cannot speak to all the items on this form after just this one meeting.”

I did my best to contain my utter distaste for that man. “Mr. Garans, I’ve met with you multiple times during the college counseling period and last year when I had to take that leave of absence.”

“Well those were hardly what I would characterize as good sessions to gauge you by. If you really insist, I can fill out this form based solely on those meetings, but I have to tell you that you may not like it,” he said flat out...I could sense the venom in his voice as he attempted to talk down to me.

At that point, I couldn’t stand being in the same room with that man any longer. “Well then, I guess we’re done here. Thank you for your candor Mr. Garans. It was very enlightening.” I forced out a smile and turned to leave.

He spoke out when my back was to him. “Well perhaps if you work a little harder at being a good student, you’ll be better suited for this program you want to apply for...I’m sure you can rise to the challenge.”

I almost did a 180 and spat out exactly what was on my mind at that moment, but my better sense restrained me...barely. I left Mr. Garans’s office and sat down at a bench in the hallway of the school. I closed my eyes and took long, controlled breaths to try and calm myself.

“Fucking bastard,” I uttered quietly to myself.

School was closing out for the semester. Final exams were half over for most people...luckily they were completely over for me since some of my teachers had exams before the usual finals period and gave us breaks at the end...bless them. After a few more conversations with Ryan and Jase, I had approached my mom about going to Harvard for their summer program.

“Chris, that sounds like a great idea.”

I was a bit surprised...I don’t know why. “Really?”

“Of course silly. Why would I be against you getting further ahead over the summer...and at Harvard too. This should help you get in right?”

“Um, there’s no guarantee.”

“Well it sounds like a good opportunity and you know what I think about seizing opportunities.”

“It does cost a bit though...”

“Oh don’t worry. Actually I was talking to your brother and he was wondering what to get you for Christmas, this sounds perfect.”

Yeah my brother did have a pension for getting expensive and usually very useful gifts...summer school at an Ivy League certainly fit the bill. “Oh....ok...”

“What are you so nervous about? Shouldn’t I be the one trying to talk this down and not you?”

“Um...mom, I don’t know...it was just a thought.”

“Well I think you should do it. Now go apply and get all the information. Besides, it’s only in Cambridge, it’s not like you’re going to Somalia or something.”

My mom could use some help with her choice of words on occasion, but she meant well. “Ok, if you’re ok with it.”

A couple days later I had printed out all the application forms and brought them to school. Finding a teacher to recommend me wasn’t hard...Mrs. Janssen was thrilled that I was applying to a college-level program and told me I should take a chemistry class or something...obviously. Unfortunately, one of the forms was for the school guidance counselor...that would be Mr. Garans. It was true that I had very few exchanges with the man over the two and a half years I had been at the school...there were the required times which usually lasted no longer than 5 minutes and the one occasion when I was required to have some form of a conversation with him after I had missed school for a couple weeks...I had a small bout of depression that my psychologist attributed to post-traumatic stress disorder...thanks dad. It was the only big slipup I had during high school...I managed to escape without any serious academic consequences. My teachers knew me and were more concerned than anything else...they gave me a chance to make up my work and I did well on everything...medication plus some emotional support from Justin did the trick. However, it seemed that Mr. Garans wasn’t satisfied with the extent of our interactions...thus his response when I asked him to fill out the form. Personally I felt the man was just a bitter little simpleton that probably barely managed to graduate college himself...but that aside I didn’t feel that I had to put up with that shit from anyone...least of all him. I thought that I put so much effort into school that I shouldn’t have to question whether someone would recommend me...maybe that was some of my inner arrogance peeking out, but in that particular case, I think it may have been justified.

Luckily, I didn’t have to put up with him...the form specified that you could also have a school administrator fill it out...bingo. When I felt sufficiently calm and collected, I walked over to the assistant principal’s office and knocked on the door. Mr. Derricks opened the door and told me to come in.

“Have a seat, Chris.”

“Thanks Mr. Derricks.”

After he returned to his own seat behind his desk, he started, “So, what can I do for you?”

“Well, I am applying to this summer school program at Harvard.”

“Oh, that sounds great! We’re not challenging you enough here, huh? Heh heh.” Mr. Derricks was great.

“Heh. It’s not that, I just wanted to try to get a little ahead class-wise and maybe get something extra for my college apps come next fall.”

“Well I’m glad you’re taking the initiative on this. I wish more students would. Now, what in particular can I help you with?”

“Well I have this form. It’s supposed to be filled out by a guidance counselor, advisor or administrator.”

“Decided to go straight to the top of the list huh? Heh.”

“No, I didn’t want to be that presumptuous, but unfortunately my guidance counselor refused to fill it out.”

“Oh? Did he say why?”

“He said that I hadn’t interacted with him enough to fill it out in good conscience.”

“Hmm...well that may be true...I don’t recall you having too many problems that would make you want to go see him. Well, if he doesn’t think he knows you well enough, then I can certainly do it.”

That brought a very relieved smile to my face. “Thanks Mr. Derricks, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Heh, don’t mention it. I will be having a talk with...who is it...Mr. Garans?”

“Yes he’s my counselor.”

“Well I’m sure there won’t be any problems. When do you need this by?”

“Before winter break starts would be ideal, but I don’t have to turn it in until June really.”

“Heh, sounds just like Harvard...leaving everything til the last minute. Well you’ll get this before break.”

We both got up. “Thanks again Mr. Derricks.”

“No problem, Chris. Have a good day.”

I always admired that man. He managed to tolerate so much bullshit and still be a nice, approachable and supportive person...oh yeah, he was really young, like 30ish and pretty good looking too...hehe.

Satisfied that I had that problem solved, I started for the exit since school was already over. I was walking pretty quickly since I wanted to catch the earliest train I could to get home...as I rounded a corner near the school entrance however, my celerity was brought to a grinding halt. I pretty much walked straight into an oncoming person at full speed. We both got knocked down...I was a bit dazed as I got up from the floor, but my perception returned pretty quickly.

“Woah, I’m sorry, I didn’t see...” My apology wasn’t meant to make it out in one piece however.

“Hey watch where you’re going fag!”

That stopped me instantly. I could feel my face flush and my fists curled up instinctively as I looked at the person I ran into... I gave him a once over visually...half to assess whether I’d survive a fight with him or not and half to figure out if I even knew the guy. As he stood up, he reached just over my height and very much outclassed me physically...situation and rude insult aside, he was hot. He looked like he was coming from the gym or something...it was pretty cold outside, but he was wearing a white tank top and track pants...and every part of him was muscular. He wasn’t built to the extent that it looked bad...he was just short of that...but the question of who would win a fight between us was moot. I was surprised I could even knock him over...and not get a serious injury. I thought that maybe I would at least have a chance at getting away...I could run pretty fast when motivated properly.

I focused in a little on his face to gauge whether he just blurted out in surprise or was genuinely pissed...in which case running would have been the smart choice. He was good looking too, with nice chiseled facial features, short brown hair and hazel eyes...which looked pissed. I thought briefly that at least I’d be beaten to death by a hot guy...that was only slightly comforting though. However, before I could utter a word or even begin to run away in fear, his expression changed...it shifted from pissed to semi-profound realization.

“Oh dude, sorry about that, you caught me off guard.”

I was confused at that point...I was sure I didn’t know the guy. “Um, it’s my fault, I was in a hurry and didn’t see you. Sorry man.” Well at least he wasn’t pissed anymore, I thought. It annoyed me that people used the word fag so liberally...if anything it always made me worry about someone knowing about me more than anything else. It seemed like it was just a knee-jerk response though.

“Heh, no problem, just knocked the wind out of me for a sec...” he said as he dusted himself off a little. “It’s Chris, right?”

Ok...I was curious, how did he know me? “Um yeah...do I know you?” I asked with a very confused expression.

“Hah, nah not really. I’m in one of the chem classes. It’s ok if you don’t remember, there are like 50 people in there.” He was smiling as he said that...nice smile too...damn.

“Oh...yeah sorry. I’m really bad with putting names to faces...”

“Oh right, I’m Tony.” He stuck out his hand and I shook it...I could tell he was holding back a little in the handshake so he wouldn’t break my hand. “Yeah you’ve probably never even seen me, I always it in the back.”

“Heh yeah that’s probably it. Nice to meet you...sorry again for plowing you over like that, heh.”

“Haha, don’t worry about it. Oh hey, since I ran into you...no pun intended...you’re having a final study session this week sometime right?”

“Um yeah...it’s Thursday at 3...so tomorrow then, haha.”

“Ok cool, well I’ll see you then. I need a little help, ha.”

“Heh, don’t worry you’re not alone, some of this shit on your final is killer.”

“Alright well I always seem to pick up more stuff from you than from Janssen, heh. Well I gotta run, later.”

“Later.” He turned and walked down the hall I had just come from...I couldn’t help myself from looking after him to catch a final glimpse...nice ass too. I chuckled to myself. “Yeah I guess I really am gay,” I thought as I walked out of the school. God seemed to have had a fun time with me in high school...for the first couple years all I would wish for was some hot guy...besides Justin...to even notice me. Then all of the sudden I seemed to be running into them at every turn...nothing to complain about I guess, but still a bit odd to get all of that all at once. I even had a couple girls that would make the occasional pass at me...that felt weirder than anything. Jase had to shove the idea that I was even remotely attractive down my throat most of the time. And if it weren’t for Justin and my associated antisocial tendencies, I probably would have been in deep with some group of other social outcasts at school...not that there’s anything wrong with that...some of those people were actually really cool and the so called “popular people” were more often than not a waste of space. Still, it was nice to be socially accepted...at least to some degree. It probably didn’t hurt that I tended to help out a lot of athletes academically. Thanks for the working brain mom.

As I got into my house from the chilly outside, I felt my pocket vibrate. Groaning a little, I shucked my gloves and reached to grab the phone before the call missed.

“Hello?”

“Hi Chris.” It was my brother, Daniel.

“Oh, hi ani.” We had both learned Japanese a few years earlier and I was always in the habit of calling him ani or guh-guh...Japanese and Chinese, respectively, for older brother.

“How are you doing?” He would call to check up on me every so often...he was a really great brother despite living away from home since he was 16 or so.

“I’m fine, I just got home.”

“Ok good. So I talked to mom and she told me about your plan to go to summer school at Hahvahd.” He loved using the Bostonian accent when referring to anything to do with Harvard. It was just too much fun sometimes...Hahvahd, yahd, cah pahk...the list goes on.

“Heh, yeah well MIT doesn’t have one of these programs.”

“Too bad...I hate to see you go to some backwater, third rate school like Harvard, but if you really want to...”

“Alright enough of that.”

“Haha, ok fine. So I talked to mom about it and I’m gonna pay for it. Merry Christmas.”

“Aww, thanks ani. I really appreciate it.” Like I said, the best brother.

“You’re welcome. Now just remember to send me the information for it...just email me or something.”

“Ok I will. When are you coming home?” He usually came home for Christmas, but the timing varied because of his work.

“Probably the 23rd, I have to make sure all my meetings are done. Ok, well you go take care of your stuff, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok. Love you.”

“I love you too. Bye.” I closed my phone...which incidentally my brother also paid for...birthday present the previous year...I don’t think he ever gave me anything not useful and he always liked to spoil me a little.

I lay down on my bed for a little while. Absentmindedly, I reached for my phone to call Jase, but I remembered that he was hanging out with Eric...I told him I would be staying after school for a while for the recommendation stuff and he said that he had planned to go catch a movie with Eric so it was fine. The room felt a bit empty and I didn’t really have much in the way of work to do, so I closed my eyes and let my thoughts run loose for a little while.

It had been almost a month since the party at Harvard...I was literally dizzy from all the activity since then. Studying, exams, homework, more studying, working out, hanging out, even more studying...I hope the point is coming through loud and clear. But at last it was over...for the most part anyway. I had to give big study sessions for the chemistry classes, but I was mostly prepared and since my own exams were concluded, I had plenty of time.

I wasn’t especially looking forward to the winter recess though. My mom was on another business trip until about the 22nd and my brother would be in town through New Year’s...and then they’d both be heading off for business stuff. The break was a bit on the long side...3 weeks...and I honestly wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Justin would be gone for upwards of a week doing a family holiday get-together in Connecticut and Jase would also be gone on something similar to New York. I’d be with my own family for the week in question...so I wouldn’t have the basic elements of my normal life for at least a week...uggh. And to top it off, I had to cook the entire time since it was my mom’s birthday...Christmas Day, made remembering the date easy at least...and as I said my brother was incompetent in the kitchen. On the bright side, I didn’t have to get up early...hallelujah I got to sleep in. I consoled myself by thinking that the break wouldn’t be that long and Jase and Justin would be around for at least part of it.

My eyes opened up as I came to the realization that Justin was probably over at his house studying. I threw my coat back on and walked leisurely across the street...at least it started out leisurely...it ended as a near sprint since it was cold. I walked right in the door...knocking would have been abnormal...and went straight up to Justin’s room. I hardly paid any attention to my surroundings as I reached his room. I did notice that the house seemed empty, but I could see light from the crack under Justin’s door. My hand reached out for the doorknob and just as it got a good grasp...I heard it.

“Ooohh!”

My eyes shot open to full alertness and I think my jaw was a little agape. It was definitely a female voice...and since Justin’s mom was the only female resident...and that most certainly wasn’t her...I assumed Justin had company. My hand instantly unwrapped itself from the doorknob and I backed away, but the door made a noise...I guess I had already started pushing on it.

“Shit!” I heard Justin’s muffled voice through the door. I guessed that he had heard the door noise. There was some shuffling inside his room...I just chuckled a little to myself and sat down against the wall across from his door.

“3...2...1...and...” I pointed to the door and right on time, it opened and a scantily-clad Justin popped his head out.

“Oh god...Ace you scared me!”

“Heh...sorry J, I uh...didn’t realize you had company.” I could barely contain myself...I was grinning like an idiot.

“Oh...hehe...yeah, um...”

“It’s ok J, I’ll see you later ok...go back to...y’know I’m gonna stop that train of thought before I get sick, haha.” I got up and headed down the stairs.

“Heh, alright thanks Ace. Oh yeah...can you lock the door?” he called down after me.

“Was already going to,” I yelled back up to him.

“I’ll come find you later.” With that his door shut. I left his house and locked the door...so much for hanging out with Justin...hehe. He had given up on his moratorium on girls after the Harvard party and I guessed that the girl in his room was possibly that college girl, but no telling with him.

As I got back to my own room, I was struck with utter boredom. It was a bit of an unfamiliar sensation...normally I was too busy to even conceive of being bored...all my free time was occupied with either Jase or Justin too. I didn’t really feel like watching TV or doing anything related to cooking...so I went to my computer. A minute later I was on AIM and a couple web sites. I decided I should check my email while I was at it...I was a bit surprised when I did though. All of the sudden I had an influx of probably 50 new emails...they all had subject lines on the lines of chemistry study or review session. I then remembered that I had asked people to email me if they were coming so I could get a rough idea of how big of a room I should get for the review sessions. Scanning through the emails quickly, I jotted down a rough tally...62 people...wow. For a second I thought I should probably get a DJ and beer...well I thought it was a funny thought at the time.

Just then I got an IM...it was Ryan.

Ryguy104104: hey chris

Kanseiji: hey ryan, what’s up?

Ryguy104104: not too much...just got done with my last final...yay!

Kanseiji: haha, nice.

Ryguy104104: so what are you up to?

Kanseiji: absolutely nothing...bored off my ass actually.

Ryguy104104: oh really? don’t suppose you wanna trek up to cambridge...

Kanseiji: actually that might be good...jase is hanging out with someone and justin is...well, getting lucky. lol

Ryguy104104: haha, same girl?

Kanseiji: couldn’t tell you

Ryguy104104: lol...well if you feel like coming up here to hang out, you’re welcome to...i’m bored myself haha

Kanseiji: cool...um i can probably be up there in like 45 minutes

Ryguy104104: alright gimme a call when you get here

Kanseiji: will do. later

Ryguy104104: later.

“Well, problem solved,” I thought to myself as I shut down my computer and prepared to leave.

I hadn’t seen Ryan in over a week since we had run into each other somewhat randomly in Porter Square when I was doing some grocery shopping. He was happy to hear that I was pursuing the summer school idea in earnest since he was pretty sure about his plans to stay for the summer as well. He even suggested that we get an apartment for the summer together in Cambridge since he didn’t especially like living in the dorms and that way I wouldn’t have to either or commute from Quincy every day. The idea certainly had its appeal...my mom thought I should go ahead and live at Harvard for the summer since she didn’t want me to be commuting on the T for a few hours a day and I could always go home whenever I wanted anyway.

A little under an hour later, I was jogging up to the entrance of Matthews Hall. I started to pull my phone out to call Ryan, but someone else was already heading in so I just followed. The first couple of times, I couldn’t remember where Ryan’s room was, but since then I had gotten my bearings and knew the way. My knuckles were about to make contact with Ryan’s door when it abruptly opened on its own.

“Hey Chris,” Ryan greeted me with a smile, holding his door open.

“How did you...”

“I could see you walking in...my window is right above the entrance, remember?”

Ohhhh. “Ohhhh, thought you were psychic or something.”

“I thought I was?”

I rolled my eyes as I walked through his door. “Gaydar does not make you psychic.”

“Ah damn it...I already put it on my résumé.”

“Haha. So what are you up to?”

“God...nothing at all. Everyone I know still has at least one final left and I’ve been too scared to go outside.”

“Scared?”

“It’s cold.”

“Aww...so cute,” I said as I reached to pinch his cheeks playfully.

“Heh, yeah, yeah...make fun of the Cali boy as he freezes his ass off,” he responded smiling and lightly shrugging off my hands.

“Come on it’s not that bad...” he stared at me for a second. “Ok, it’s pretty fucking cold. Even I will concede that when it’s 10 degrees.”

“Haha, good.” A moment later he jumped me and I landed a bit dazed on his futon with him straddling me slightly. “I was gonna beat you down until you admitted it.”

“Oooo...yeah baby that’s the way I like it!” Ryan and I had gotten pretty friendly...even a bit touchy feely...in the short while we had known each other. There had always been a comfortable feeling between us, so we had few inhibitions as far as how we acted around the other...it was almost like me and Justin, except the comfort progressed faster.

“Hehe.” He got down from atop me...I sighed a little internally...and came to rest next to me on the futon. “So how’s school going for you?”

“Over pretty much...I’m done with all of my finals and I just have to give 2 review sessions tomorrow...then I’m home free.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right...you TA or whatever for chemistry.”

“Yup.”

“Heh, high school chemistry was great...back when I actually understood everything, haha.”

“Heh, yeah. If college chem is anything like the AP test, it’s gonna be hell.”

“Oh it is...and worse. The worst part is when you get a prof who is too smart to be teaching the level of class that you’re taking...then everything is way over your head and you end up crying a lot. WAAHH!” he pretended to sob a little.

“Haha. Well I still have a little while before I have to deal with that at least.”

“Have you decided what you want to take over the summer here?”

“I dunno...I haven’t even finished the application yet...I don’t even know if I’ll get in.”

“Oh please, you’ll get in, no problems. It’s not the same as the college admissions...which you’ll do fine on too. So anyway, you should decide what to take...oh, oh, you should take organic chem with me!” His face lit up a tad as he got the idea.

“Organic? Um...isn’t that like...hard?”

“Haha, yeah a bit, but I heard the prof who teaches it in the summer is good. Besides, you’re done with intro level chem since you took the AP test right?”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“So just take it with me. You said you wanted to go into a science field and it’s pretty useful for anything biology or chemistry related anyway. Oh yeah, I could use a study buddy,” he suggested as he nudged me.

“Hmm...well I’ll think about doing that then. I was also thinking about taking math, but personally I could do without more math for a little while.”

“Heh, yeah math sucks. I...” Ryan got interrupted by a knocking on his door. “Oh, one sec...” He hopped off the futon and scurried over to his door. I got up a little slower and sat up to see him inviting someone in and walking back towards me. “Hey Chris, this is Chris...Chris, Chris...hehe that was fun to say.”

I probably should have kept a tally of cute guys that I met that day...and cute Chris was. So he wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous or rippling with muscle, but he was definitely cute. The name thing felt like it was going to be annoying...at school everyone preferred using last names for all the dozens of Chris’ in the building...but luckily he spoke up first to remedy that with, “Hey Chris, you can just call me CJ...way too many Chris’ heh.”

“Ha, you’ve got that right. Nice to meet you CJ.” We shook hands...he didn’t try the typical rip your hand off approach that most guys used...it was firm, but more on the subtle side. It seemed to fit well with the rest of him though...he was lightly built...he could pull off the athletic look well enough, but fit more into the slim category. He was right about my height with straight light-brown hair and icy eyes...oh and a very cute, almost goofy smile.

“Nice to meet you too. So how do you know this loser?” he asked, sticking his thumb at Ryan.

Ryan spoke up for me. “This is Mr. Art Guy. Y’know the one that we saw walking around with the giant drawing pad.”

“Oohhh...yeah dude that thing is massive.”

I never figured my drawing pad would get so many people to notice me...go figure. “Heh, yeah I guess.”

“Y’know I think you just carry that thing around to pick up guys,” Ryan stated in a sort of matter of fact way...all the while trying to contain his smirk.

It gave me pause for a second, but CJ sensed it quickly enough...I seemed to be meeting a lot of perceptive people back then...maybe Harvard kids really were smart or something. “Hey don’t worry about it, I’m gay too.”

Heh? “Huh? Really?”

“Yeah well...bi...but close enough. Lemme guess, Ryan spotted you from like a mile away?”

“Heh, practically. So it works on bi guys too Ry?” I asked turning to Ryan and motioning at CJ.

“Haha, yup. He threw up a little bit more interference, but my finely-tuned dar could see through it.”

CJ threw in, “That is sooo wasted on you dude...it’s not fair.”

Ryan sighed a little and conceded, “Yeah it really is...oh well.”

I decided to poke into the conversation a little bit. “Do you have ANY straight friends?”

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but he stopped before the first syllable made it out of his mouth and started thinking about it. “Hmm...well there’s Justin I guess.”

“Haha...so your only straight friend here is one of my friends?”

“Heh, actually I DO have straight friends...you guys are just more fun though,” he threw in as he slung his arms around me and CJ.

“Well on bright side, you do seem to pick up the cuter ones as friends Ry...” CJ smiled as he gave me a once over...I got chills.

“Ha, yeah well I am a stud so I may as well associate with the upper tier. Haha.”

CJ looked at me again and asked, “You didn’t over-inflate his ego too did you?”

“I tried not to...my best friend is already a balloon...I can’t deal with much more.”

“Aww come on guys, you love me...I know it.” CJ and I threw each other a quick look and CJ decided to throw Ryan down on the futon. He proceeded to tickle him all over and Ryan was crying out in protest within seconds. “GAAHHH!!! CJ STOP!! I CAN’T...HAHAHAHAH!!”

“Repeat after me...I will learn some humility, I will learn some humility!” CJ attempted to coax him under duress.

“HAHAH!! NEVER!!” Ryan was rolling around like a madman.

I just stood there enjoying the entertainment. “Ry, you just have a knack for getting yourself in trouble.”

A little while later, CJ let up and left Ryan panting on the futon. “GODDAMNIT, WHY DID I HAVE TO TELL YOU I’M TICKLISH??!”

CJ chuckled. “You didn’t have to...I just poked you in the ribs once and you started laughing like an idiot.”

Ryan thought for a second. “Oh yeah...well...I’ll get back to you.” He lay back down to catch his breath.

CJ then turned his attention to me. “So Chris, you don’t go here right?”

“Nope. I go to high school down in Quincy.”

“Oh cool...you a senior?”

“Junior.”

“Ahh...damn was hoping you were legal, hehe.” I was pretty sure he was being at least somewhat suggestive, but at the time my sense for those things was horrid.

“Haha...yeah I’m still 17.”

“Heh too bad. I keep telling Ry here to go find me a boy, but nooo.”

Ryan popped his head up, seemingly recovered. “Wouldn’t matter anyway, this one’s taken.”

CJ swung his head back to me and cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really? Lucky guy.”

I was a bit nervous with the whole conversation at that point. “Heh...thanks, I think.”

“Haha, sorry if I’m making you nervous.” Damn those perceptive people. “I’m always this flirty so don’t pay attention to me, hehe...that and you are cute.”

I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea. “Heh, thanks...you’re not so bad yourself.”

“Aww...thanks. Hey you know you don’t have to just stand there like that, right?”

CJ pointed to me and I realized that I was still standing in the same spot while he and Ryan were on the futon. “Oh...right, sorry.” I walked over and sat down on a free spot of the futon.

“Dude stop being nervous, I don’t bite...hard, hehe.”

I did my best to calm my nerves internally. The instant comfort that I had with Ryan just wasn’t there, but CJ seemed like a nice guy...flirtatious alright, but nice still. “Haha. I’ll try...I’m just a bit shy around people when I first meet them I guess.”

Ryan looked up at me. “You weren’t too shy when I met you.”

“Ry, you were the only person since Justin I wasn’t shy around initially.”

“Awww...now I feel special.”

CJ laughed. “You are special Ry...very special.”
“Oh ha ha. Oh hey, Chris here is gonna be at Harvard for the summer.”

“Oh really? You doing the SSP program?”

“Um, well I’m applying yeah.”

“Heh, the application is a joke...as long as you’re not getting C’s in everything, you’ll be fine. I did it when I was in high school.”

“Really? How was it?”

“It was a blast...the classes were cool and I did a good bit of partying while I was here. You’ll have fun with it. So I guess I’ll be seeing you here too then...Ry and I were gonna try to room together somewhere.”

I guess Ryan had been seeking multiple roommates. “Oh ok. Cool.”

Ryan finally sat up and leaned against the wall a bit. “Oh yeah, actually I was gonna ask you Chris...and since you’re here too CJ, I found this apartment like a mile from here. A couple upperclassmen live there and are gonna be leasing it out for the summer...there’s 3 bedrooms and it’s only gonna be like $400 a person per month too.”

CJ and I both looked slightly surprised and a little excited. I didn’t think I would mind living with those two at all...constant eye candy, hehe. “Wow, sounds good Ry,” CJ said.

I didn’t really have any concept of rent prices at the time, but since they were college students, I trusted that they had at least some sense of good housing prices. “So you’re really serious about this huh?” I asked in earnest.

“Yeah of course man. Besides, it’ll be nice to be able to hang out without you having to make that long haul up from Quincy all the time.”

I felt a little warm on the inside as his comment sunk in...it very much amazed me that anyone besides Justin or Jase wanted to spend time with me. I still had a pretty low opinion of myself most of the time. “Heh, yeah that sounds great.”

“Oh yeah, CJ when are you leaving for break?”

“Um...probably on Monday, but I’m gonna come back before school starts up again cause I’m working in that lab.”

“Ok cool, I was gonna come back early too cause my folks are going to Europe for New Year’s and I didn’t want to go. You gonna be around Chris?”

“Yeah I’m not going anywhere for break this year.”

“Alright cool, we should all go and look at the apartment sometime then. One of the guys that lives there is staying over break and he said we could come by whenever. You think you guys could stand living together?”

CJ and I looked at each other briefly and then back to Ryan. “Sure,” we both said a second or so apart.

“Haha...I had a feeling you guys wouldn’t mind. Oh yeah Chris, you should try taking a nap with CJ, he is soooo comfy...as long as you don’t mind him poking you in the ass,” Ryan snickered as he pointed to CJ’s crotch.

CJ blushed a little and rebutted, “Dude you were practically grinding your ass into me. Not my fault.”

“Oh you want me, I can tell.” Ryan struck a suggestive pose...right before CJ jumped on him and started tickling him again. Unfortunately...or fortunately depending on how you look at it...I wasn’t left out that time. Ryan was flaying around and he grabbed me arm and I got pulled into the mess of appendages as he and CJ tussled.

“HOW DID I GET INVOLVED?!!” I screamed out as I got randomly tickled by Ryan and CJ as they tried to reach each other with me partially between them.

A few minutes later, we were just a pulsing mass of body parts as we all tried to catch our breath. I had come to rest with my head on Ryan’s chest with half of CJ’s body draped over mine. I was exhausted, but the moment wasn’t completely lost on me...it was a nice warm feeling that I definitely enjoyed...strangely enough I felt relatively safe and secure.

Of course the feeling was disrupted slightly when CJ repositioned himself and started rubbing my crotch a little with his leg. “Um...CJ...”

“Hehe, just checking if you were still alive down there...everything seems to be in order,” he said with a grin as he peeked at my lowers.

I looked myself and became aware that I was getting a tad bit...well let’s just say excited in case any kids are reading, hehe. “Oh...um...heh,” I squeaked out nervously and probably unintelligibly.

“Dude CJ, are you molesting him or something?” Ryan’s eyes were closed and he didn’t sound overly concerned...actually a bit amused.

“Hah, nah just trying to get Chris here to loosen up a bit.” He flipped over and rested down on top of me again with his chest on mine. I was a bit on edge, but it didn’t exactly feel bad. “Hey look, I’m not trying to assault you or anything ok? Just relax man.” His voice exuded a mix of reassurance and slight amusement at how reserved I was coming across as.

“Sorry...just not quite used to this all I guess...at least not with new people, heh.”

“Aw it’s ok, but seriously don’t read too much into it ok?”

“Yeah Chris, CJ is just constantly horny, don’t mind him.”

“Shut it Ry!”

“Suck me.”

“Oh you wish.”

That repartee went back and forth for a little while...I started laughing around the third round of insults. I should have known better...CJ ended up holding me down while Ryan tickled me. Tears were streaming down my face as I convulsed with laughter. The attack was stopped...thankfully...when my phone vibrated. I guess CJ or Ryan felt it because they let up.

“Looks like you got a call Chris, hehe.”

I was panting. “Thank god...jeez I can’t breathe right...” I tried to catch my breath as I pulled out my phone to answer it. “H-hello?”

“Hey babe, you ok? You sound a bit winded.”

“Um yeah...just catching my breath. What’s going on?”

“Eric and I just got out of the movie and he’s heading home...was just wondering where you were.”

“Oh, I’m up at Harvard actually.”

“Oooohhh...hmm, was Ryan riding you or something? Haha.”

“Eh, something like that.” I’m sure he could picture my smirk in his head.

“Aww, and you didn’t invite me?” he sniffled a bit over the phone.

With a response just about to come off my lips, Ryan pulled the phone out of my hand. “Hey Jase...yep we’re in my room...nothing much, just having an orgy, wanna join?...haha, yeah...nope, bareback, no condoms...alright see you soon sexy...haha...alright here he is.”

I just shook my head as I got my phone back. “Jase?”

“Haha, did I mention I love Ryan?”

“Heh, yeah me too. So are you heading over here?”

“Yup, I’m actually in Boston, so I’ll be like 20 something minutes.”

“Ok cool, see you soon.”

“Yup, love you, mwah.”

“Love you too.”

I closed my phone and found CJ staring at me with a cute little smile. “Boyfriend?”

“Heh, yeah he’s on the way up now.”

“Cool. Now why can’t I just meet guys on my own with Ry here?”

Ryan stated nonchalantly, “Well you are a loser.”

I was pretty sure CJ was gonna end up attacking Ryan again, so I got up quickly. “Oh no, I’m not getting stuck in another pile up again...I barely caught my breath from the last one!”

Ryan and CJ laughed at me. “I guess he’s catching on,” Ryan surmised.

We chatted for a little while and then CJ felt like killing things...in the video game sense...so out came the PS2. That occupied us for a little while...toward the end Ryan and I ended up tag-teaming CJ and he was getting a little frustrated.

“AW MAN COME ON! Chris, you should be helping me out, not him. TRAITOR!”

“Half-breed fag.” It just sorta slid out of my mouth.

CJ’s mouth just dropped and Ryan busted out laughing. “HAHA!! OOOO DISS!!”

CJ put down his controller and pretended to sulk and sniffle. “I feel discriminated against...wahh!”

“Aww come on, you’re not being discriminated against...not so much as you’re being equally excluded by both sides,” I said as diplomatically as I could...Ryan seemed to appreciate it.

“HA! Dude seriously are you sure you’re actually bi? I have never seen you go after a girl.”

CJ pondered for a moment. “Hmm...well I guess I like guys better...women are fine for sex and shit, but god they just don’t know when to SHUT THE HELL UP!”

“Haha, yeah I’ll give you that. Too bad Chris, you’re the only one here who won’t experience the sweet, tight feeling of...”

I put my hands over my ears and started chanting, “HEAR NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL!”

After both of them were done laughing at me, CJ piped up, “Hey so have you ever done anything with a girl?”

“Absolutely not...god I have to choke back vomit every time I see one of Justin’s porn magazines with some big breasted naked woman on it.”

“Yeah he’s gay...100%.”

A response had half-assembled in my brain when a thumping noise came over to us from the door. Ryan went over to open the door...it was Jase. I was trying to get up to go and greet him, but before I could, CJ grabbed me and pulled my body back down onto the couch...a second later he was kissing me.

“Ah damn it, I guess I really was late for the orgy huh, haha!” I heard Jase laughing.

I tried to push CJ off me and after a few more seconds he let up and just started laughing. “HAHA! Dude, Jase, your boy here really gets into it!”

I was a bit shocked and also nervous about Jase...but he was laughing so I didn’t feel TOO bad about it. Still, I stammered out, “Uh...Jase, that wasn’t...”

Just then Jase hopped atop me and put his arms around me. “Heh, Chris it’s ok...you need to loosen up a bit babe, hehe.”

“That’s what I kept saying,” CJ piped in.

Jase seemed amused enough with everything so I calmed down as he leaned in and laughed, “Haha. Now where’s mine?”

I felt a bit relieved as he kissed me...come to think of it, CJ wasn’t so bad...just caught me off guard. Although, Jase was better...hehe.

Ryan cooed at us. “Awww...so cute. Oh yeah by the way CJ, I think you just committed statutory rape or something.”

CJ pretended to look all shocked and dismayed with his hands on his cheeks and his eyes opened as far as they could go. “OH NO! THEY’LL NEVER LET ME WORK FOR HOMELAND SECURITY NOW!!”

“Haha, so you trying to steal my boy, CJ?” Jase asked as he chuckled.

“Heh, nah...he’s too hung up over you, I can tell. Soft lips though...” he responded as he licked his lips suggestively.

I just blushed and stuck my face into Jase’s shirt. “Awww...yeah he does have soft lips...which are somewhere above my nipple at the moment.”

“Shut up.” My response was a little muffled since my face was still buried...which further amused everyone to my embarrassment.

“Hey guys,” Ryan interjected, looking like he got hit by the eureka light bulb, “we should probably go get some food...I’m starved.”

“Wanna just hit ABP since it’s cold out? I don’t really wanna walk too far,” CJ suggested after peaking through the window. It was about a minute walk from the yard to Au Bon Pain in Harvard Square, so it was a common destination for hungry Harvard students. Then CJ got an idea, “Oh hey, why don’t just like one or two of us go and pick up stuff...and by that I mean me and someone besides Ryan so I don’t have to listen to him bitch about freezing his little ass off.”

“I HAVE BAD CIRCULATION AND MY BUTT GETS COLD OK?!!” Ryan feigned protest.

Jase turned and gave me a quick kiss before speaking up, “Hey I’ll just go with you since I’m still mostly bundled up. What do you want babe?”

“Oh oh, get that turkey and guacamole sandwich...mmm...thanks Jase,” I licked my lips and kissed him on the cheek.

Ryan had grabbed a menu from the wall...college students...and he and CJ picked stuff out. Jase and CJ then started heading out the door. “Don’t get into too much trouble you two...and wear a condom!” Ryan called after them as they left.

“WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID I DIDN’T NEED ONE! LIAR!” Jase yelled back from down the hall, laughing.

“Think they’ll be ok? Haha,” Ryan laughed as he sat back down.

“Hehe yeah they’ll be fine. Besides, if CJ tries anything, Jase can kick his ass, so I’m not worried.”

“You two are really great together.”

“Heh, I like to think so...”

“Something wrong in paradise?”

“Not really...I dunno, I just get nervous when things seem to be going right, heh.”

“Aw, that’s ok. You guys are gonna be fine though. So what do you think about CJ?”

“Very...perky.”

“Haha, yeah that’s about the best euphemism there is...is he too much for you to be able to live with?”

“Heh, nah I like him...not a bad kisser either, hehe.”

“HA! Well hopefully he won’t try that too often...but he is very...friendly.”

“Yeah but that’s ok...if anything it was sorta nice to be around someone a bit more comfortable with themselves than I am.”

“Why aren’t you comfortable with yourself?”

“Eh, well I mean in general I feel better when I come up here, but at school and at home sometimes I just feel a bit...cooped up I guess.”

“You’re not out at all right?”

“Just to a few close friends and stuff like Justin and some of Jase’s friends...no family yet either.”

“Same with Jase?” I nodded. “Yeah I guess you might feel a bit repressed then, but that’s normal. Trust me, college really helps as far as repression goes...look at CJ, haha.”

“Heh, yeah I guess so. Hey, you don’t feel...I dunno...uncomfortable at all with all the flying gayness around us do you?”

“Aw hell no, it’s actually kinda nice. Besides, I get my dose of pussy often enough, haha.”

“Heh, yeah so are you with...oh what’s her name...Janice still?”

“Sorta on and off. I actually have my eye on this one girl right now, but nothing’s gonna happen until after break at least.”

“Eh, well at least there’s a prospect. Besides,” I looked him up and down quite noticeably, “yeah you’ll nail her, no problem, haha.”

“Heh, thanks man. See, why would I be uncomfortable around a bunch of guys that feed my ego?” I threw a pillow at him. “Haha. Oh yeah, if I am seeming too pushy about this summer stuff, just lemme know, I kinda get caught up in stuff like that.”

“Nah it’s fine. Besides, I could probably use someone to make sure I’m actually gonna go through with it.”

“Having second thoughts?”

”Not yet, but I will...that’s just me though.” Just then my phone started vibrating again...I seemed to have been popular that day or something. “Hello?”

“Hey Ace.”

“Oh hey Justin, all done?”

“Haha, just taking a break...we’re actually gonna head out the door in a sec.”

“Shouldn’t you be studying?”

“I am...the finer points of mammalian reproduction.”

“Ah jeez...even you can be a dork on occasion I guess.”

“Haha, yeah well I’m around you enough. Anyway where are you?”

“I’m hanging out with Ryan.”

“Oh cool, I’m actually heading up there.”

“Ooohhh, so it is the same Harvard girl huh?”

“Hehe yeah, we’re going back to her dorm. Oh yeah, speaking of studying, you’re doing a chem thing tomorrow right?”

“Yup, 3 o’clock.”

“Alright that’s all I have to study for anyway, so I think I can get away with a little fun tonight...hehe.”

“Heh, alright.”

“Hey I may stop by when I get up there, you staying long?”

I covered the phone a bit and turned to Ryan. “What are you up to tonight Ry?”

“Nothing that I know of...I welcome the company if you guys want to hang out clear til tomorrow.”

I went back to Justin. “Well Ry is done with his finals already, so we may just stay here tonight.”

“Oh cool. Oh, she’s ready, I’ll catch ya later Ace.”

“Yup, bye J.”

“Getting lucky again?” Ryan asked as I closed my phone.

“Haha, something like that. He’s heading up here actually...he said he may stop by later.”

“Alright cool...dude, we should just have a party or something ourselves.”

“Really?”

“Yeah I’m relatively well equipped...alcohol, mixers, music, movies, games...more alcohol, haha. Oh yeah and 2.5 gay guys...that’s a party by definition right?”

“Hehe, yeah I suppose it is.”

A few minutes later, Jase and CJ returned with food...or rather Jase had the food and CJ was chasing after him, apparently trying to grab his ass or something. We chowed down as Ryan pitched the party idea to other two...it didn’t really take much convincing. Jase was done with everything except chemistry as well and the extent of preparation that he was willing to go through was going to the review session with me the next day...most of the people I knew were ditching class and/or school whenever possible during finals since the exams were pretty staggered and nothing else was going on. The school was pretty loose about attendance during that week as long as no one missed exams. It had been a while since I had gone to a party...alright so the last one was the Harvard party...so what if I was more of a stay at home and cuddle with my boyfriend kind of guy. The party idea did sound innocuous enough though...just a bunch of friends hanging out...with an abundance of alcohol.

****

I wasn’t especially prepared for how gifted Ryan was at throwing a party...what started out as a few friends hanging out quickly turned into a mass of random people that knew someone in the room...somehow. I suppose a social gathering with the promise of free drinks was more than sufficient to get people to come out of the cracks, but still, it was impressive.

Justin had shown up sometime in the transition between small gathering and major event. He was definitely having a good time though...I think the only thing distinguishing what he was doing with the girl he came in with from full-on intercourse were probably 4 layers of cloth between them. Despite how unappealing the sight was to me in general, it was still nice to see Justin enjoying himself with a girl again...I suppose he had to go back to being a normal straight guy at some point. His girl went off a couple times to say hi to various people or she just disappeared for a few minutes...Justin would then seem to seek me out automatically and we chatted a bit in short bursts. We also took the opportunities to get a few drinks in us each time it happened...tipsy didn’t quite cover our state after the third or so time. I think I even grabbed his crotch when an impulse arose...and I definitely lacked any form of self-control to resist it. Justin seemed thoroughly amused by it...also a bit aroused since he had just been grinding away with his girl.

“Haha, Ace, it’s nice to see you loosening up a bit...even if it’s making the space down there seem tighter...hehe,” he jested, pointing to the less than comfortable situation in his pants.

“Heh, sorry J, just always wanted to do that...haha.”

“So what’s the verdict?”

I put on my best pondering face and responded, “Eh, it’ll do.”

I guess he wasn’t completely satisfied with that, so he pulled me towards him and had me in a playful headlock. “Oh right...you know you want it, haha!” He released me momentarily and then he shot his face at mine and planted a quick kiss on my cheek...between the alcohol and that, I just about collapsed. “HA! Aww, nice to see I still have that effect on you Ace.”

I shook the dizziness off and attempted a comeback, “Ha, please...I think a woman would have that effect on me right now...” He just stared at me for a second knowingly. “Alright fine, I’ll never be anywhere near that drunk in my life.”

“Hehe...ooh, there’s Shannon, I’ll catch up with you in a bit, k?”

He must have done that to me at least 10 times during the course of the night, but each time he would hug me quickly and say, “Love you Ace.” In my mind it made it all ok...I was pretty sure I was the only one in the room he would say that to at the time, so I felt special rather than blown off.

For some reason I wasn’t feeling overly energetic during the night and as a result I declined to dance with Jase, CJ and everyone else that even hinted interest. Jase and CJ actually started dancing in front of me in what I can only describe as the biggest innuendo I could imagine at the time...I got such a kick out of that...I couldn’t stop laughing for a while, even after they had stopped.

After their little display, Jase plopped himself down next to me for a moment. “Hey babe, you ok?”

“Heh, yeah I’m good...just a bit more tired than I thought.”

“Aww, you want me to just stay here and keep you company?”

“Nah...you looked like you were having fun, so go on now, I’ll be fine. Besides, watching you guys is better than TV, haha.”

“Hehe, enjoying the show huh? Alright, I’ll track you down in a bit, k?”

“Ok, I probably won’t be far.”

We initiated what I thought was about a few second kiss, but I guess it was longer than that in actuality since CJ had to practically drag Jase off of me. “Aww come on man, it does not take that long! It’s not like we’re going to be gone for long.”

“Hehe, sorry CJ, got carried away,” Jase responded licking his lips.

They wandered off out of sight through the thicket of people in the room. I really couldn’t quite comprehend how the room could hold so many people, but my spatial reasoning was probably not up to spec at the time anyway. I spotted Justin chatting with a few people across the room, so I cast my gaze on the mass of people and proceeded to stare idly at the scene that was moving around me. The shear number of people I didn’t know put me off a little...all of my friends tended to have higher socializing tendencies than I did, so more often than not, I could find myself getting left alone in a crowd unless someone was actively pushing me into it. On some level I didn’t really mind being left out...I still felt uncomfortable talking to people I didn’t know, so just staying out of it was an easy fix...and also I enjoyed people watching. Also it seemed like people were used to having a few people just sitting around watching everyone else...no one paid me any mind at all as I lost myself gazing out from my vantage point on the couch.

That is until someone decided to sit down next to me. I had been slowly turning my head to get full coverage of the room, but the survey was broken by the sudden bump I felt as someone sat down. My head immediately swung in the direction of the disturbance and I found myself eye to eye with a smiling Ryan...or at least sorta eye to eye...his eyes seemed to be shifting a little.

“Hey Chris, what are you doing just sitting here huh?” I could tell he was a little drunk...some of his syllables lagged a bit, but other than that he seemed coherent.

“Hey, nothing, just people watching.”

“Dude, you can do that every day. You should try to mingle a little.”

“Yeah I know, but...I dunno, I guess I’m not used to this.”

Ryan’s expression shifted to a more concerned one. “Hey, everything ok buddy?”

I was a little touched by the concern and smiled slightly in return. “Yeah I’m fine, just not the most social person in the world.”

“Aw. Hey well, stay put, I’ll be right back.” With that he got up and passed out of sight within a couple seconds. Then just as suddenly he was back...with a bottle, 4 shot glasses and a stack of cards. “Ok, this should be fun, hehe.”

“Um...Ry?”

He set down the shot glasses and the bottle...turned out to be Goldschlager. He pulled up a small table and started shuffling the cards. “Alright, ever played across the bridge?”

“Um...no...”

“Alright, so I’m gonna deal out 10 cards in a line...” he explained as he lay out the cards. “We’ll take turns flipping over cards. If it’s a numbered card, you keep flipping. If you hit a face card, you have to take a shot for a jack, 2 for a queen, 3 king and 4 ace. Then you deal out the equivalent number of cards to extend the bridge. First one to the other side wins.”

I laughed out loud. “Who the hell comes up with this shit?”

“Haha, no clue, but it’s fun, trust me. Now since this is Goldschlager, we’ll stick with half shots...I don’t wanna kill you just yet, muahaha.” After he had 10 cards down, he popped the bottle and poured 4 shots out. “Alright, let’s get started...”

Now when it came to anything with purely probabilistic situations, I was always unlucky. Holes in my memory aside, I think Ryan was up 4-3 at the end. Unfortunately, the way the game played out resulted in us both being thoroughly trashed...and I probably had enough cinnamon on my breath to kill the average bystander. Despite my head spinning uncontrollably every time I closed my eyes...I think it took me about 10 times to figure out that I probably shouldn’t close my eyes if that was what made me feel ill...it was fun. Ryan and I were laughing and screaming throughout the game and had even gathered a small audience who were cheering us on...and on and on. Eventually, I just sorta slumped over and Ryan’s shoulder seemed to break my fall.

“Duuudee...are you ok?” The slurring I heard was probably some combination of him actually slurring and my slowed mental state.

“Umm...I dunnooo...I feeeel kinda shitty.”

“Hahaha...yeah well...we went through most of the bottle man.” Ryan waved the mostly empty bottle of 87 proof alcohol in front of me...but much to my displeasure, the waving motion made me feel sicker. I started taking very sharp breaths and Ryan just laughed at me. “Ha, I guess we went a bit heavy on it huh?”

“Ya think?”

By the time we had finished, the crowd was thinning out and was down to a more reasonable 10 or so people. The clock was nearing 2 a.m., so Ryan...nearly incoherently...thanked everyone remaining for coming and then he told them to get the hell out...in more or less those words...before falling back down on the couch. After a lot of laughing and plenty of “later” and other assorted byes...I’m pretty sure I heard a couple people say something on the lines of, “Dude, Ry this was awesome!” and maybe even a “later sexy”...the room had cleared down to Ryan, CJ, Jase, Justin, Shannon and me.

Justin sat down next to my quite drunken ass and asked, “Hey Ace, you gonna be ok tonight?”

I think I just mumbled. Ryan answered, “Don’t worry Justin, we’ll take care of him.”

“Haha, ok. I guess I’ll see you guys later.” Justin leaned down and kissed me on the head. Shannon said bye and the two left the room.

The remainder all plopped down on the couch and let out varying degrees of exhaustive sighs. However the inactivity didn’t last too long as Jase sat up looking a little green.

“Um guys...”

Before he could get out another word, CJ grabbed him and rushed him out the door towards the bathroom. “I’ll keep an eye on this one Ry, you ok? Chris doesn’t look too great either, haha.”

“Yeah I got him CJ. Let’s get together in the morning whenever we get up,” Ryan called back. CJ uttered some response, but I didn’t really hear it...I was a bit focused on keeping myself from throwing up as well. “Hey Chris, you doing ok?”

“Ehhh....where’s Jase?”

“CJ’ll take care of him, don’t worry.” He got behind me a little on the couch and started rubbing my back. “Still feel sick?”

“Just...a little dizzy...I think I’m ok.” I definitely wasn’t ok...not so much sick as much as I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

“Aww, you’ll be ok man.” Ryan continued massaging my back...in my head something clicked...it felt like when Jase gave me massages. It was such a good feeling...I gradually fell back onto Ryan’s chest as his hands kneaded my shoulders. “How’s that feel?”

“Mmmm...good.”

“Feeling better?” His voice seemed to be getting softer, but it also felt closer.

“Yeahh...” I was pretty much in a trance at that point. My awareness of everything around me started to slip away...all I could perceive was the warm comfort around me.

The next thing I realized...I think I realized it after it started happening though...I was moving. My eyes cracked open slightly and I saw my legs half moving, half dragging on the floor. A stream of consciousness seemed to be peeking around in various portions of my brain, checking up on the state of things...I was too far gone to perceive everything at once. A warm sensation was present on my back, arm and hand...also a little on my chest. A few mental cycles later, I realized someone was holding me up as I traversed across the room...I think it took a few more cycles to conceive that it was probably Ryan.

“Ry?” I slipped out hazily.

“Hey Chris...just a bit further ok?”

“Mmm...where are we going?”

“I’m getting you into bed...almost there.”

I started to feel my weight and the various forces on my body shift around...my next big realization was when I felt that my body was horizontal on something soft. At that point I think I instinctively started squirming around for a comfortable position to curl up and fall asleep. My movements were suddenly restricted however...I felt something pulling in the vicinity of my lower body. It finally dawned on me that my pants were coming off...I barely had enough energy to do anything even if I had thought of doing anything...which I didn’t. I felt my glasses being pulled off my face and the faint sound of them coming to rest on something reached my left ear. The light jacket I was wearing around inside slid off as well. Eventually, it dawned on me that I should find out why I was losing clothing.

“Ry? What’s going on?”

I felt the softness beneath me shift and move slightly and then a gentle touch slid across my hair. “Sshh...it’s ok, just trying to get you more comfortable.”

It made sense at the time...of course someone could have told me 2+2 was apples and I would have bought it. “Mmm...ok.”

There was another shift on what I had concluded to be a bed and then for a few moments there was no motion besides my own slow breathing. I was starting to pass out from exhaustion until I felt the bed move again...that time the movement was slow, but very close to me. Then I felt it...I felt something touch me...it felt like everything on me was in contact with something warm. Warmth seemed to surround me and bundle me up...I felt very much relaxed and at ease. I started to discriminate the finer parts of the warmth...I had shifted slightly onto my side and there was an arm around me. I could feel the slow rhythm of breathing pressing lightly into my back...my legs seemed to wrap around something as well. All around me there was a softness that I decided was probably a blanket. I felt slow rushes of air on my neck and the slightest pressure on my hair.

It dawned on me that I was in bed with someone...alcohol really makes you retarded. I was too tired to move and it felt so warm and good that I didn’t really feel any reason to move at all. That is until one final sensation hit me...I felt something rigid pressing up against my ass...and it was moving. The movement was slow and the pressure was gentle, but there was definitely a rhythm to it.

I summoned up as much energy as I could to speak, “Ry?”

I didn’t hear anything at first...then I sensed some movement behind my head...and suddenly I felt a pair of lips on my cheek. “Shh...it’s ok. Just relax.”

Something in my mind kept trying to click together...but it just wouldn’t go. Little inklings seeped into my conscious stream...they kept saying that something was wrong, but something else kept pushing the thought aside. It all just felt natural...and good.

I think I was passing in and out of full awareness, but other feelings and sensations entered my mind. My awareness started to peak as I began to feel warm...almost hot...everywhere, especially in certain places along the front of my body. I could feel that my shirt had lifted up and the arm that was lying across my chest was now moving around on the bare skin. The motions were slow and fluid...a kind of tense calmness seemed to follow the contact around...it all seemed to make sense to me...it just all felt soothing.

Then suddenly the feeling shifted from soothing to something else entirely...I felt a jolt run the length of my entire body as a hand paused over my chest at one of my tits. Everything seemed to flash to full consciousness for a moment...I inhaled sharply and a new feeling spread across me...ecstasy. The tingle was amazing...everything about the contact seemed to press all the right buttons in my brain. The buttons then seemed to trigger other responses in me...it was almost like my body had a mind of its own and I was just watching the show...and thoroughly enjoying it. My breathing picked up and what had been a slow rhythm on my backside had become faster and a little harder. The pulses of air on my neck were more frequent and I could hear quiet sounds coming from Ryan...and from me.

“Aahhh...god...Chris, this feels so good...” It was barely a whisper.

I could only manage to get single syllables out of my mouth that seemed to merge into my more rapid exhalations. “Ry...aahh...”

My head had started to spin behind my closed eyes and I was becoming immersed in the sensory rollercoaster that I was riding...and without warning the warmth on my chest faded and shifted down. I felt a hand slide across my chest, stomach and it finally brushed across my briefs. I became very aware of the cramped quarters that my underwear was providing...and then the tight feeling of the cloth around me let up...and I felt a warm hand place itself around me.

As the sensation reached my brain, I took a sharp, fast breath and on the way out, the breath moaned, “Ooohhh...Ryan.”

From then on, all the rhythms and contact I had been sensing started to merge together. Everything seemed to be moving in unison...and the beat kept speeding up. I could feel beads of sweat starting to form all over me...and I could also feel foreign droplets soaking into me. The pulses of air on my neck began to grow sharper and ever faster. My eyes were shut as tightly as they could be...the sight before my eyes was filled with wild colors and spinning swirls in the dark blackness.

Then all hell broke loose. I could feel random muscles throughout my body starting to twitch...everything seemed to tighten up. As the contraction of my body reached by backside, I could hear and feel a sudden gasp from behind me. The speed of everything suddenly accelerated and continued until everything just felt like a single, long pulse. I took one last deep breath...and it seemed an eternity before the breath found its way out again.

“Ahh! Chris!” The words were louder than they had been...and more urgent. The sounds were still quiet and muffled below what would be considered normal...but it had changed.

Everything just merged together in my mind and I couldn’t tell the difference between anything I perceived any longer...then every nerve in my mind and body seemed to fire at once...every muscle tensed up and wouldn’t let go. “Mmmmm....aaahhh...”

I was overcome with pure pleasure...in a way I had never felt before. The world seemed to light up around me for a few precious moments...and then it all suddenly faded away back into darkness. My perceptions slowly returned, but they faded away again as I was overcome by sheer physical exhaustion. The last things I sensed before falling to the oncoming dark were slight movements around me, a brief pressure on my cheek and a low, almost labored sound... “G’night Chris...that was great...”