From Where I Stand - 6. Chapter 6

“Aaaahhh...ooooo...that feels soo good.” Now don’t jump to any conclusions... “Ah man...Jase you have magic fingers...” It’s not what it sounds like...honestly. “Oh! Right there...hold it there for a sec...yeeesssss...” Who am I kidding, right? Well the fact of the matter is that I was enjoying myself...thoroughly...but not in an overly explicit sense at least.

“Damn Chris...you have knots on your knots...do you stretch at all after practice?” Jase did have magic fingers...turned out to be very good for giving massages.

“I usually forget...we’re always running around afterward anyway...I never have time to sit still long enough to stretch.”

“Haha...yeah I guess we have been kinda busy lately. Oh well, I guess this just means that I’ll have to do this more often. Don’t want you all tense all the time.” I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was smiling.

So was I. “Oh jeez...man...Jase, I could really get used to this...where the hell did you learn to do this?” He was like a pro...Jase knew exactly where and how to touch me...well, for the moment in question, I’m talking about on my back. Every movement he made loosened some stiff muscle. My back had been killing me for days...it finally got so bad that I could barely lie down without wincing from some soreness or the occasional sharp pain.

“Heh...well feel free to get used to it. Besides, I’m having fun back here.”

“I’d come up with a witty remark, but this feels too good. My brain is as much putty as my back...oooo.” One might have thought that with all the noise I was making, I would have been pregnant the next morning or something. But seriously...I was on cloud nine.

“Haha. Well I think I can do without the sarcasm for a few minutes anyway. I’m just about done...how are you feeling now?”

“I feel like butter on a frying pan...in a good way.”

“Alright good. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me how much this was bothering you. I would have done this a while ago.”

“Jase, if I had known I would feel like this...I would have told you before anything actually started hurting.”

“Haha...ok done.” I felt Jase’s hands lift off of my very relaxed back. A moment later he was lying down next to me on my bed with his face a few inches from mine.

I managed to rotate my neck a little so I could look at him. “Thanks for doing this Jase.” I leaned in a little and pecked him on the lips. “I don’t know how much longer I was gonna last.”

“Aww...you’re welcome. Besides, like I need an excuse to run my hands all over your scantily clothed body anyway.”

“Hehe...well you can do that whenever you want. After that, I’m yours.”

“You mean you weren’t mine already?” He gave me a little inquisitive look.

“Nope. I was just on lease. But you’ve convinced me to hand over the deed.”

“Sweet. Maybe I’ll take you out for a spin to celebrate. Hehe.”

Oh I liked the sound of that. “Remember to buckle up, the ride may get bumpy.”

“It’s ok...besides, I thought you liked it a little rough. Haha.”

At that point the car analogies had to stop. “Heh.” I didn’t really have enough energy to keep it up anyway.

“I guess you’re pretty worn out now.”

“God...even my lips are tired.”

“From what? Were you and Just making out again?”

“Haha...nope. These lips have only touched yours in the last couple weeks.”

“Aww...you know I’m not jealous about that anymore right?”

“I know. Besides, I don’t even know why you were jealous in the first place.”

“Eh, I wasn’t so sure that Justin was straight at the time...I’m a bit more confident that he is now.”

“Oh? What changed your mind?”

“I was talking to him in the hall at school one day and suddenly his head did a full 180 in like a second...he was homing in on a pair of boobs that just walked by.”

“HA! Yeah I told you. He likes pussy and boobies too much to be gay.”

“Yeah I guess so. I feel a little better knowing that you two won’t get past second base.”

“Haha...yeah. Hey, would you mind calling it an early night? I really don’t think I can move right now.”

He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss. “Sure babe. I’m kinda tired too. Are you sure it’s ok for me to stay over?”

“Yeah I’m positive. My mom isn’t gonna be home until Friday and Justin is actually sleeping in his room tonight...by himself. Big step for him...heh.”

“Haha. Well too bad for him. You’re my pillow tonight.” He scooted a little and wrapped his strong arms around me. I felt his nose nuzzle into my neck and he kissed me. I giggled a little as his nose tickled me. Jase moved away for a moment and turned off the lights. A second later he was back and proceeded to wrap his appendages around me. I felt nice and warm as he got cozy. He made the best blanket. “G’night Chris.” It was barely a whisper.

“G’night Jase.” A moment later I was out like a light.

The prior few weeks had been insane. I felt like I had been running nonstop from the day that I came out to Justin and got together with Jase to the night that he was giving me a mind blowing back massage. That night was the first really relaxing night that I had in a while.

I couldn’t believe how fast things had moved along...or at least I thought everything was a little on the fast side. Justin didn’t seem to think so, but it was all new to me. Starting to go out with Jase was actually very easy...we pretty much acted like really good friends with each other...except when we were alone or when we felt secure enough. Then sometimes the subject matter of our conversations would shift and our inhibitions about making physical contact would disappear. On our “second date,” we had decided to take things nice and slow since we were noobies. We had become fast friends, but we didn’t want to push it too much. Physically, we had made it just past first base and took a break...well, not so much a break as we were thoroughly enjoying first base. Jase was an amazing kisser...I learned that I was his first kiss, but not knowing that, I would have assumed otherwise. He had a very strong rhythm to his kisses...he never lingered too long in any one place and it almost felt like he was tracking just the right spot on my lips or anywhere in the vicinity to make my nerves tingle. He was also one of those slow, passionate kissers...everything was in constant motion, but it was all very fluid and seemingly effortless. Despite that, he always managed to leave me breathless.

I felt pretty lucky that my mom had entered “business trip season,” which left me alone for extended periods as she hopped around the country...and the world. Having one of those executive type moms had its perks. I did wish she was around more often sometimes, but I was very much caught up with my new boyfriend...hehe, boyfriend...and I didn’t mind the time alone with him one bit. It was almost like a honeymoon for us. I wasn’t in the right place at the time to tell my mom that I was gay, so everything worked out for the better.

Justin was also doing better...not that he really seemed to be doing badly for more than a day. He officially broke it off with Katie the Tuesday after their big fight...which of course lead to another big fight. At least Justin walked away from that one without having to worry about it. True to form, Katie managed to blame the situation on me...go figure. Apparently she instructed her friends to give me and Justin the cold shoulder. In other words, we hardly noticed a change and life went on. Justin decided to take a break from even considering dating anyone for a little while. He could have if he wanted since as soon as he broke up with Katie, the waiting list for him sprung into action. He really wanted to take some personal time to sort out how he felt about his relationships so the next one would work. He also wanted to meet someone more on the side of perfect. Strangely enough, I started to see less of him. He told me that he wanted to give me some space so I could move things along with Jason. He kept telling me how proud he was of me...that I had finally come out of my shell and that now I had a great guy to show for it. He wasn’t avoiding me or anything...on nights when I wasn’t with Jason, Justin would usually appear. He always said he missed me...whenever I would not sit with him at lunch for any span of time and then return, he would light up and welcome me back. Actually Andy joked that he had disappeared for a couple days and Justin made no such gesture...he said I must be special. Ha. Justin also started occupying a bit more of his time with training so he’d be more prepared for track season. He even said he thought he was getting fat...I smacked him upside the head for that comment. In any case, he started working out more, but we would still study together often. I felt that maybe I had abandoned him a little bit, but he told me not to think like that. We were still best friends, but he said that didn’t mean we had to spend every waking moment together...and he was the one who told me to go out and get some more friends in the first place.

Being around Jase all the time was great though. I had stopped noticing the fact that he was around and started to notice when he was gone...the room didn’t feel quite right unless he was in it. I was head over heels for the guy. Jase would also take every opportunity to spend time with me. He kept telling me, “I hate spending time at my house. I love spending time with you...perfect solution.” It also got a little bit interesting seeing him at practice. We already did workouts and drills together, but we got noticeably more buddy-buddy after we started going out. Luckily, Paul and Eric already knew he was gay and on that first Monday, they noticed us being visibly more friendly and giving each other more than the average amount of smiles and looks.

****

“So...I take it you guys got together then.” My eyes grew a little big when Paul said that. “Dude, relax...we’ve been trying to get Jase here to go after you for months.”

Then it was Jason’s turn to blush. “Um...yeah by the way, Eric and Paul know already.”

“Heh...yeah I got that much.” Somehow we had managed not to cover that subject over the weekend. Oh well.

Eric remarked, “So I guess this means we won’t be seeing you guys as much after practice for a little while,” giving us a wink in the process. A round of laughs made it clear everyone was ok and that it was great to have good friends.

****

Our game that week came around quickly. We had all been working pretty hard so we could start off the season well and it paid off...3-1...yay! I managed about five saves and Jase, though a little disappointed it wasn’t a shutout, managed to knock back four shots that made it past the defense. I actually took a dive at a couple guys that were trying to get up close shots at Jase...or rather at the goal. I managed to evade getting crushed, which was a nice change of pace for me...but I wouldn’t have minded. I wasn’t gonna let anyone get too close my boy...hehe. We both also made a point to pass off to Eric or Paul who were part of a tag team that got all of the goals for us. It was a great start. Our next couple of games ended similarly and the season was looking good. Justin, Andy and a few of their friends even showed up for two games...I never had a cheering section before. It was possibly one of the most embarrassing events of my life, but I appreciated it.

School started to pick up as well and after two weeks, everyone was swamped with projects, homework and upcoming exams. I would hop around studying with different people and also started giving some review sessions for chem. It worked out nicely since Jase and I always had math homework due when every one else had something else that neither of us were involved in, so we would take a night to do the homework and then embrace some extracurricular activities.

Jase would usually sleep over those nights. Actually, our first night together was really fun and filled with playful awkwardness. I was very used to sleeping with Justin, but Jase had never shared a bed with anyone. He was a little shorter than Justin, but otherwise was proportioned similarly...just a little slimmer. When we decided to go to sleep, we encountered a few problems finding a comfortable position for both of us.

****

“Ouch...Chris, could you move your arm a little.”

“Oh. Yeah ok...um...Jase, you’re cutting off my circulation.”

“Oh sorry...here, let’s try this...”

It continued for well over an hour, but eventually and after many laughs and winces, we discovered a nice arrangement. Jase always liked to be holding me...it made some logical sense too since he was the bigger one...and I liked it anyway. We slipped into sleep with him behind me with his arm draped over my side and holding my chest. I ended up lying a little on top of him and I fell asleep to the slow, but steady feel of his warm breath on my shoulder and neck. Luckily we were both side-sleepers. The sleep was incredibly peaceful for me and I actually woke up the next morning a little early, feeling refreshed rather than being groggy as usual. Unfortunately, that part didn’t last long...sleeping with Jase started to be too relaxing and I didn’t want to get up.

****

All of the work and running around had started to take its toll on me. I was especially feeling some of the physical impacts from soccer which led to the soreness and wincing pain that Jase started to notice. However, after the massage, I felt rejuvenated and ready to tackle everything again.

That next morning, Jase and I started off to school a little early so he could get to work at the library. Some days I would just sleep in, but if I was awake enough, I would try to tag along just to spend some more waking time with him. It was also nice since very few, if any, people were around that early, so we had some measure of privacy. As we got into the library at school, Jase ran into the back so he could start putting books back up while I sat down at my usual spot on some cushy chairs in a reading corner. I had finished all of my homework already and I didn’t particularly feel any need to do additional studying, so I reached into my bag and pulled out Jason’s journal. He had started to loan it to me every so often...he would write little notes to me, poems, song lyrics...you name it. I was smiling like an idiot when he first gave it to me. Jase had told me that it was his little refuge and that he wanted to share it with me. I really loved reading it and I would occasionally write my own thoughts or notes back to him. I also did small drawings as writing was more Jase’s thing and art was more mine. On some days when we were both sufficiently busy to not have much time to talk or hang out together, we would just write back and forth in the journal and hand it off whenever we saw each other. It was like our own little world...just us.

That morning, the journal was handed off to me, so I started thumbing through until I hit the current page. The date at the top was for the current day, but it said 3 a.m. He must have woken up in the middle of the night or something and I hadn’t stirred. He would occasionally do that...wake up in the middle of the night with something in his head. The journal was usually within arm’s reach, so he would sit for a little while and write whatever was on his mind. That usually relaxed him and then he would go back to sleep. I always thought that was one of his cutest habits. I had woken up once or twice to find him sitting at my desk scribbling away. I tried to not disturb him and he would always finish up quickly and crawl back into bed. He noticed I was barely awake once and just kissed me right back to sleep. Smiling at the memory, I started reading what he had written the night before.

“Hey babe, I heard some loud noise or something and it woke me up. Of course you didn’t stir one bit...hehe, I love how you can sleep through anything. By the way, I just noticed that you mumble in your sleep when the bed moves. It’s so cute. Mwah. -Jase

If a good hearted boy will love only one,
In a life as fully lived as theirs,
What troubling wave can arrive to vex
A spirit like water in a timeless well?”

Just as I finished reading, Jase came up behind me and put his arms around me. I was already grinning and the contact just made me grin more.

“You read it?”

“Hehe...yup. You are way too cute,” I responded as I bent back a little to kiss him.

“Yeah I’m not normally that mushy, but you have that effect on me. Hehe.”

“Oh please, I read some of the earlier stuff...you were just as mushy before I was around.”

“Damn...I knew I should have taped up some of those pages.”

“Haha. Besides, it’s not corny or anything. It’s actually kinda elegant the way you write some of this stuff. You should really sit down and write a book or something. I may actually read something that isn’t a textbook then.”

“Ha. Maybe I will. Hey...have you read that part in the middle yet?”

He was talking about the pages where he was confessing that he liked me. I knew exactly where they were and I usually skipped over them. The section was about five pages long and I had read two. I almost started crying after a single page...good crying though...so I decided to pace myself in reading that part. The things he wrote there made me feel really good and happy, so I figured I could save some of it for a rainy day if I needed cheering up and Jase wasn’t around.

“Not all of it...saving some of the good stuff for later.”

“Haha. Ok. When you get around to that last page of the section, I may have to avoid you for a little while cause I’ll be incredibly embarrassed.”

“Oh? Hmm...that should be a good read then. Hehe. Say, are you done already?”

“Yup. Didn’t have much to put away today.”

“Cool. Well you have study hall first period right...”

“Haha. As much as I’d love having you here, you shouldn’t ditch class.”

Spoil sport. “Oh why not...it’s not like I’m learning anything anyway.”

“That’s not the point. If you get any more absences you’ll get in trouble.”

“They never care about my absences.”

“That’s because they’re always few and far between. You already missed class twice last week.”

“Alright fine...”

“Besides, we don’t have practice today.”

I had forgotten about that. “Oh? That’s right, I forgot.”

“Heh, I figured you would. So what say we spend some more quality time together after school...”

“I’m liking the sound of that.”

“Good. Oh hey, actually there’s a recital tonight at the conservatory...wanna go?”

Jase loved listening to classical music...and so did I. Big surprise. “Sounds good. And if it’s not so good, it’ll be nice and dark in there...hehe.”

“HA! You and your dirty mind.”

“That’s what happens when you don’t take off your shoes on the way in.” Hehe. I had to remind him the first few times he was over to my house to take off his shoes...Chinese thing.

“Haha. Well I’m pretty sure some of that filth was there already.” At that moment he decided to jump into my lap. I let out a bit of an oof as he landed...after all he did outweigh me by like 20 pounds.

“You’re getting fat,” I told him jokingly.

“Haha. Yeah I know, it’s all that food you’ve been feeding me. My mom has been wondering why I’m never home for dinner any more. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that your cooking is so much better.”

“Y’know sometimes I think you and Justin only come over for food and for a cozy place to sleep.”

“That’s not true...we both need help in chemistry too.” I pinched his ass hard. “OUCH!”

“Serves you right.”

“Hehe, yeah I know.” He leaned in quickly and gave me a quick kiss...at least it started off a quick kiss. It didn’t exactly stop. We were getting pretty into it until we got interrupted by a loud ringing sound.

“Ah shit...is it first period already?”

“Yeah I guess so. Alright, off you go and don’t be late.” He hopped off my lap and started pushing me towards the halls. At the door to the library he paused a second. “Have a good morning babe. I’ll see you at lunch.” A quick kiss goodbye sent me on my way to another morning of sheer boredom and daydreaming about Jase. I dumped my bag off in my locker and grabbed a few notebooks...and Jase’s journal. I figured I would need something to pass the time.

I was beyond glad when second period was over. I swear some mystical force was conspiring to make me fall asleep in the mornings...my most utterly boring classes occupied first and second period. Thankfully they ended before I lost my mind. I rushed to my locker to grab some review materials...I had to give a review session to one of the chemistry classes because Mrs. Janssen was out of town for a wedding or something. She really loved being able to pawn stuff off on me...not that I especially minded since I liked teaching and it was more interesting than sitting and listening to some C average college graduate attempt to teach...ok maybe I was a bit bitter about high school. The class was during one of my two study halls...I was assisting both the morning honors and afternoon regular chemistry classes, so I got two study halls...woot. As I walked to the class, I quickly glanced over some of the notes I had prepared and the review list Mrs. Janssen left me. The list was a bit long, but she told me that it was the honors class, so I didn’t have to make their lives easy...that was for the regular class. We both shared the opinion that a lot of the kids in the honors classes were a bit snooty and stuck up...as if no one had ever challenged them in their lives. She was a good teacher and I always respected her...and she decided that I was perfect for giving some of the kids a reality check. She would spend a bunch of classes going through how to tackle some difficult problems and she would have me go through rigorous problems during review sessions...just to scare everyone. There would usually be one very difficult question on an exam while the rest were relatively straightforward. The hard questions changed every year while the simple ones were usually the same or very similar. She figured that was a good enough way to save time preparing tests and while still keeping everyone on their toes. I was one of the few people who managed to always get the hard questions on her exams when I took the class. Strangely enough, one of the questions was very similar to a question on the AP test, so I felt lucky that she covered the material. My mom always wondered why I wanted to spend time being free labor for the school. After one discussion, I managed to talk the school into giving me credit for the assisting...yay for free A’s.

As I strolled into the class room, I surveyed the class...it was full. Mrs. Janssen told me that she had made the class period optional and that people could go to the library instead if they wanted...she left a checklist with the librarian to make sure people didn’t just ditch and I was supposed to take attendance. I quickly counted the people in the room and it looked like everyone was there. I guess she must have scared the crap out of them with some of the material. Just after the bell rang, I got started. The honors classes were a mix of juniors and seniors, but I knew most of them. A few kids were on the soccer team with me and more than a few had been to after school review sessions with me before. I didn’t know everyone’s names by heart, but I knew all the faces at least. They tended to not hassle me much except for a few people...and I took special pleasure in putting them in their place.

“Hey everyone,” I said as I started laying out papers on the counter in the front of the classroom.

“Good morning Mr. Chen!” That caught me a bit off guard. I looked up and everyone busted out laughing at my surprised expression. Like I said, they usually didn’t hassle me, but they liked to have a little fun with me because I was pretty easygoing and I was their age.

“Nice to see everyone’s in a good mood. Alright, we have a LOT of stuff to cover for your exam. Mrs. Janssen should have told you this already, but in case she didn’t, everything you’ve covered in class is fair game on the exam. As you guys probably already know, there’s typically one or two very difficult questions on the exam that are meant to test your problem solving abilities and cover a lot of different things at once. So we’re gonna start with a few examples from previous years...oh and by the way, don’t bother trying to just memorize the old stuff because it’s gonna be different.” I heard a lot of groaning after that. At that point, Gary, one of the guys from my team, raised his hand...I told them not to do that with me, but he was just fucking around. “Yeah Gary?”

“Are you grading this one?”

“Heh. There’s a distinct possibility, but don’t think that’ll help you cause she checks over everything I grade, so I won’t be going easy on anyone. Sorry guys.” I heard all the guys from my team sigh simultaneously. I chuckled and proceeded with the review.

By the end of the class period, I think I heard about five people say something on the lines of, “ah shit, we are so dead.” A few people even said, “thanks Chris” on the way out. Those always made me smile a little. The test wasn’t until Friday and since I didn’t have exams that week, I told people that I’d probably have another quick review on Thursday after my practice. The next period I had an art class that only met twice a week and it wasn’t one of those days...so I actually had to teach another review right after that day. Busy me. The school wasn’t too big, but there were at least two sections for most classes. The two honors chemistry classes somehow landed right after each other while the regular chemistry classes were split. It didn’t bother me too much anyway. I didn’t like helping out the regular class as much because the material was almost stupidly easy and most of the students put forth no effort...so why should I? Besides the arrogant people in the honors classes, it was a much more enjoyable experience. It’s always nice when people have a bit of motivation and actually participate in the class.

Within a few minutes, the classes shuffled and the room was full again. I took a quick drink from a bottle of water and erased the board so I could start over again. The bell wasn’t gonna ring for another minute or so, so I started to write out a few things quickly. Just as I was finishing up, I felt someone smack my ass.

“What the...” I turned around quickly and there was Paul with a goofy look on his face.

“HA! I bet you were wishing that was Jase. Haha.” Thankfully he whispered.

“Ha ha. I bet you wouldn’t have done that if you knew that I like it.” I gave him a little wink and his eyes got really big. “HA! Got ya!”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Dude don’t fuck around with me like that. Jase already does that enough. Haha.” He took a seat near the front...very odd for an athlete, although the soccer team was a bit smarter than most of the other jocks at least. The bell rang and a few stragglers ducked in quickly. I just smiled at them and told them not to worry. A few seconds later, a girl walked in and went straight to a seat in the back without even looking at me. I knew immediately who it was. I didn’t ever care if people were late when I was teaching as long as they didn’t disrupt anything. Once when I was giving another lesson because Mrs. Janssen was out sick, these two girls strolled in five minutes late and were chatting away with each other as I was going over a problem. I promptly stopped and just stared at them. One of them noticed and had decided she didn’t like the way I was looking at her or something.

****

“Got a problem fag?” she asked with her hands on her hips. Big mistake.

“Alright, get out.” I pointed to the door. I did my best to be friendly, approachable and not act like I was special just because I was teaching, but that hit a button.

“Excuse me?!” She was trying to look all shocked. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“The one teaching the class you’re disrupting. Now get out.”

“Like I’m gonna listen to some little junior who thinks he’s all cool cause he gets to be the teacher’s bitch.”

I was getting a little pissed at that point, but before I could get out another word, one of the guys on my team stood up. “Listen bitch, he told you to get the hell out, so get out so he can continue.” I was a bit surprised to hear it, but the fact that someone else was willing to stand up for me made my day. I guess it was a bit loud, because at that point the assistant principal walked in...he usually walked through the halls to make sure no one was ditching classes.

“Chris, is there a problem in here? I thought you were supposed to be giving a lesson for Mrs. Janssen?” Mr. Derricks was a good guy and always appreciated that I was so involved with the school.

Before I could say anything, someone else in the class chimed in. “Mr. Derricks, Lindsay here was disrupting the class and Chris was asking her to leave.”

“Mr. Derricks, I wasn’t...” Before she could get out another word, Mr. Derricks cut her off.

“Listen to me and listen very carefully. Chris doesn’t have to be doing this and I for one am very glad he has chosen to contribute so much to the school by helping out. So before you or any of you get the idea that you can just blow him off and not respect his position, guess again. If he tells you to leave because you’re disrupting his class, then you’d better do it. Go to the dean’s office, NOW!” I think at that point, she started crying and ran out the door. “Sorry to interrupt Chris, please continue.” With that he walked out of the door.

I was in shock. It was one of the first times that I had taught a class at the school and I never really expected something like that to happen.

“Uh, Chris? Are you ok?” I wasn’t sure who asked.

“Um...yeah. Sorry about that everyone. Alright, where was I...” After that, no one dared disrupt one of my classes again. I got a little nervous afterwards and had a talk with Mr. Derricks. I was about ready to quit, but he managed to talk me into continuing. He told me not to let people step all over me...he and Mrs. Janssen trusted me to be doing this and that was enough. I was happy to hear that. I was still concerned about people thinking that I was some suck up, but in general people complimented on my teaching and told me that they were glad I was doing it. Apparently Lindsay got detention and she made it a point to call me a fag whenever she wasn’t in class with me. I would just smile and keep walking. She usually ditched class whenever I was teaching, so I was very surprised to see her walk in...I wasn’t surprised that she did so late however. I guess even she was concerned about the exam.

****

The review went pretty smoothly and I even got to squeeze in some extra questions some of the people had because the group managed to zip through a couple problems...smart kids. Even I had trouble with one of the questions and I had the key. As the class ended, Paul came up to me.

“Dude, I cannot believe Lindsay actually showed up.”

“Heh, yeah I was a bit surprised. I was sure the bitch would never step foot in another class I was teaching.”

“Haha yeah. I think I heard her whisper to one of her friends back there that you were a...well...”

“A fag? Paul, it’s ok. It doesn’t bug me.”

“Ok...just wanted to make sure. Jase is a bit sensitive about it. I guess it pushes some button in him.”

“Really? Note to self, don’t ever say that word around him...”

“Yeah dude, he’ll get pissed...although he may not at you. Anyway, ready for lunch?”

“Yup, let’s go. I’m starving.”

“Alright cool. Oh by the way, you’re gonna tutor me more right?”

“Haha. Come on man, you’re gonna do fine. I’m already gonna be tutoring Jase, Eric and Justin.”

“Aw man, they’re in regular chem, it’s gonna be easy right?”

It was easy...for us at least, but not everyone had a knack for chemistry. Jase always got pissed off because the material didn’t click with him sometimes. He was a math whiz, but for some reason he had trouble with remembering structures and stuff like that. He decided to take regular chemistry instead of honors so he wouldn’t be pulling out his hair as much when he was studying...which was fine with me...I liked his hair too much for him to do that.

Lunch was pretty uneventful. Jase and I were both a little tired so we ate and ended up napping a little. I really wanted to wrap myself around him, but we weren’t ready to deal with coming out to everyone and that would have done it. We had talked about the possibility of coming out, but decided it wasn’t a good idea.

“High school is really a bad place for coming out. I wish we could just go to college...” Jase was a bit upset that the world was still so unaccepting.

“Yeah I know. Oh well, I’m just glad I have you. I’m glad our friends know, but everyone else can go fuck themselves. I could care less.”

I had another test review in the afternoon for the regular chemistry class. Justin was in that one and every once in a while he’d try to distract me by making funny faces, but other than that, it went smoothly.

I was glad when the day ended, as usual. It was even better since I didn’t have practice and Jase and I had an appointment. Our little group got together...except Justin who wanted to go work out first...and we all rode home on the T. Everyone had homework or studying to do so there wasn’t much of a possibility for hanging out. I had been studying with Jase and Justin over the last week, so they felt decently prepared for their exams...enough so that they decided they could stand one night without studying. Jase and I had a couple hours to ourselves which consisted of making out, chatting about some random things and a quick nap. Justin came over a little later and told us to come over to his house...apparently his mom was cooking a big dinner since she wanted to give me a break from making me feed everyone all the time. I tried to go into the kitchen to help out, but she stopped me and Justin dragged me away...well, I tried. Dinner was great though. Justin’s mom was a good cook despite always wanting me to give her pointers. She probably cooked enough for 10 people, but Justin, Jase, Scott and I polished off every last trace of the food. Teenaged boys...probably a parent’s worse nightmare when it came to grocery bills.

We hung out at Justin’s house for a little while. Justin decided to call it an early night and watch a little TV and go to bed. Jase asked him to come along with us to the recital, but he wasn’t as big of a classical music fan so he opted out. Jase and I freshened up a little and headed into Boston for the recital.

The performance was ok...nothing spectacular, but it had its moments. Jase and I analyzed the music a little afterwards...he was much better at that than I was since I was tone deaf, but overall we enjoyed it. We also had a good time cuddling a little in the back of the concert hall with all the lights out.

When we finally got back to my place, Jase got a call from his parents. He decided to not spend the night since his mom was pestering him about not being at home so much. He figured he could give them one night and that should last for another couple weeks.

“I hope everything’s ok with you and your folks...I get a bit worried about you sometimes.”

“Don’t. It’s ok. They aren’t particularly interested in my life so whatever. I want to be spending my time with you anyway. They aren’t especially high on my priority list.”

“Ok. I’m glad we’ve been able to have so much time together anyway.” I gave him a kiss good night and he headed down the road to his house. It had been a while since I actually slept by myself. I was pretty sure Justin was asleep already so I didn’t want to just wander over...not that he would mind. I just didn’t want to be needy anymore. One thing about Jase was that he somehow managed to imbue me with a bit of self confidence that I hadn’t felt before. He even managed to push the idea that I was lucky to have him out of my head. He kept saying that we were good together, and that we should leave it at that. As I was about to go to bed, I got an IM on my computer from Jase.

JaseC42: hey babe, just wanted to say good night. didn’t want to call in case you were asleep already.

Kanseiji: heya. i was about to go to sleep. g’night. i miss you already...hehe.

JaseC42: awww i miss you too. ok, i’m off to bed too, see you tomorrow babe. mwah.

Kanseiji: mwah.

We both signed off and I climbed into bed. It felt a bit empty, but I managed to clear out my mind and just relax. I actually didn’t mind the night alone too much. It was nice and quiet and I didn’t have to think about anything. I was exhausted from the long day and I passed out pretty quickly. I remember thinking right before I fell asleep that my life finally felt more complete...it was a nice thought to sleep on.