From Where I Stand - 8. Chapter 8

The next day I was up early. I felt better than the day before, but I still had lingering thoughts of guilt over the way I was behaving. In particular I felt bad about Jase...I shouldn’t have needed Justin to send him out of the room just to talk some sense into me so I wouldn’t be an ass to him. I knew he told me not to worry about it, but I wasn’t always the best about following instructions myself.

I dislodged myself from Justin and headed for the shower. After 15 minutes under blissful jets of hot water, I made my way about my normal morning routine. Surprisingly, Justin was still asleep. I decided he could afford to sleep in a little, so I got dressed and went to the kitchen to make coffee and some bagels. The clock neared 7 a.m. and as I was getting my dose of caffeine for the morning, I heard the phone ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey.” It was mom.

“Oh, hi mom.”

“Are you doing ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine. How’s Washington?”

“It’s fine. I’m just really busy still. Ok, well I have to head to a meeting, but I just wanted to check up on you.”

“Ok thanks mom. I’ll be fine.”

“Ok good. Oh is Justin there?”

“Yeah he’s upstairs.”

“Ok don’t forget to eat and go grocery shopping if you two run out of food.”

“Heh, ok mom. I gotta go ok? I’m trying to get to school a bit early.”

“Ok honey, I’ll call you later. Love you, bye.”

“Love you, bye.”

That was a typical exchange between me and my mom. It wouldn’t be unusual to go days without talking anymore than that. I didn’t especially mind...I missed “family life” sometimes, but usually I had Justin and his family...and then Jase to keep me company. I made my way upstairs with a quickly disappearing cup of coffee. As I entered my room, Justin was just starting to stir.

“Grmm...Chris?”

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Huh? Oh what the fuck...since when do you get up before me?”

“You can blame Jase for that.”

“Heh, well at least I don’t have to jump on the bed to simulate a natural disaster just to get you up,” he said as he crawled out of bed and yawned.

“PEW! Speaking of natural disasters...mouthwash...now! There are bagels and coffee downstairs.”

“Hehe. Alright I’m going...” He hugged me a minute. “Missed you Ace.”

“Aw, missed you too J. Now get going, or we’re gonna be late...woah, who said that??!”

“Ha ha. Now you know how I always felt in the morning.” He disappeared into the bathroom and I heard the shower start up. Twenty minutes later, we were out of the door.

School was relatively uneventful...thank god. However, something did irk me throughout the day...I didn’t see Jase the whole day. He was missing from lunch and I didn’t seem to pass him at all in the halls. I asked Paul at lunch and he said that Jase seemed to be rushing earlier and that he hadn’t seen him since. After school was over, I headed to practice and still no Jason.

I ran out to the field a bit early so I could talk to Coach Matthews since I had missed practice and to check if Jase was out there. Coach was mysteriously forgiving...and he even complimented me on how well I had been doing during the past few weeks...it was kinda eerie. Then he mentioned that he was glad that I was also tutoring and keeping some of his players from failing...bingo. Oh well, as long as I didn’t get another commitment lecture. Just as practice got started, I finally spotted Jase dashing out onto the field. Because of the drills we were doing, I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him during practice. He did smile at me whenever we were close enough to allow it, so I guessed he wasn’t mad at me or anything, but something still seemed a bit off.

When practice got through, Jase dashed inside ahead of everyone...seemed like he was in a hurry the whole day or something. I tried to run in after him, but as I got into the locker room, expecting to see him heading for the shower as usual, I spotted him shutting his locker and trying to run out the door.

“Hey Jase! Where are you going in such a hurry?”

“Huh? Oh hey babe,” he paused and gave me a quick kiss...no one else was in the locker room yet. “I just have to go finish something. Are you going home?”

“Um yeah.”

“Ok, is it ok if I stop by later?” he asked with a big grin.

“Absolutely not. Who do you think you are, my boyfriend?” Yeah I was feeling better. Jase seemed cheery enough...just in a hurry.

“Haha.” He gave me another kiss and we separated as we heard people entering the vicinity. “That’s my boy. Ok, I gotta run, I’ll see you tonight.” He ran out the door and I think he almost plowed over a few people in the hall. I was a little perplexed...it didn’t seem like he was avoiding me or anything...he did say he would come over later...but he did come across very sidetracked...

When I got home I headed up to my room to do a little work before when I assumed Jase would be coming over. I decided to give Justin a ring to figure out where he was...I didn’t see him in the gym and I was too lazy to just go across the street.

“Hello?”

“Hey J.”

“Hey Ace, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, where are you?”

“I’m in my room...doing homework, gah.”

“Ha, yeah I’m about to get started. Have you done history yet?”

“Nope, was doing math. Want me to come over or do you wanna come here?”

“Eh, you come here, I’m too lazy to walk over.”

“Ha. You know one of these days you’re gonna get fat sitting on your ass.”

“Not before you go bald and impotent.”

“OOO! Ouch! Alright, I’ll be over in a minute.”

He was over literally a minute later. We finished history relatively quickly...yay for the War of 1812. I started on my calculus and helped out Justin whenever he had a problem with his precalc. Seven o’clock rolled around and we were pretty much homeworked out and hungry. I hadn’t had much time over the weekend to do cooking, so I had been cooking every night or going to Justin’s house to eat. I assigned Justin to cut up some vegetables and, while listening to his protests about child slavery, started cooking. I let myself get a little lost in it...I had always enjoyed it and it made people happy. My mom was thrilled when I learned how to cook...she was always worried about not having enough to eat since she had to work so much and my brother was...well...worthless in the kitchen. I remember a little after I first learned how to sauté, he would come into the kitchen and just shake the pans for fun. He still did that on occasion when he visited home for holidays and such.

“Mmmm...” Justin broke my concentration and I turned around to see him scarfing down some of the roasted peppers I had just finished. It seemed like whenever I was cooking with him in the kitchen, I came out with less food than I started. “Ace...these are soo good.”

“Couldn’t tell...not like you sounded like you were having an orgasm or anything.”

“Haha. Mmmm...food orgasm.” He kept on eating as I finished up some risotto. One thing I didn’t like was to make generic stuff...no mac ‘n cheese, no spaghetti and meatballs or stuff like that...I liked doing more gourmet stuff. It was just more fun. Unfortunately, it was usually more complicated and produced more dirty dishes. On the bright side, Justin usually did the dishes and appreciated the more creative food.

I managed to squeeze out three dishes, but Justin was almost done eating by the end of my cooking. I grabbed as much as I wanted and let Justin tackle the rest. We sat down in the living room and watched some random TV during dinner. Within 20 minutes, we were done eating and Justin was sprawled out on the couch holding his stomach.

“Soooo full.”

“Heh. May it go straight to your ass.”

“Please, I’ve been working out this ass so much lately. Dare I say I have buns of steel.” He flipped over on the couch and stuck his ass out a little in my direction.

“Haha. Nice Just, can I bounce quarters off it yet?”

“Hmm...maybe, got any change?”

“How bout I try this.” I threw my fork at his ass.

“OUCH!” He wasn’t hurt...it landed sideways.

“Aww...did I deflate it?”

“Meanie.”

“Flabby.”

“Heh.” We watched TV for a little while longer, but our hypnotic state was interrupted by the doorbell.

“Oh, that’s probably Jase.” I jumped up and ran to the door with Olympic speed. I swung open the door quickly and I caught a glimpse of Jase staring across the street for moment before he turned around.

“Hey babe.” Did I mention I loved it when he called me that?

“Hey you.” I leaned in for a quick kiss...but it turned into a long one relatively quickly. I started backing up and before I knew it I was inside against the staircase. Jase had shut the door behind him and proceeded to push me further in...seconds later I was on my back on the stairs with him a little on top of me...it was so great.

“Hey was that Jas...WOAH! Ok, not looking, not looking!” Jason and I parted briefly to see Justin’s shocked face. He put a hand up to his head and pretended not to look as he walked by and up the stairs. “Yeah...I’ll just grab my stuff, one sec...”

“Haha. Just, you don’t have to leave,” Jase yelled after him laughingly. “Besides, you should enjoy the show, it’s free!”

“HEY NO IT’S NOT! ADMISSION’S $20!” I yelled up at Justin.

“RIP OFF!” He came down the stairs with his bag a second later. “Well you two have fun now...I’m gonna go home and take a shower...and scrub until I feel clean again.” That got us all laughing.

“J, you were born dirty, live with it.”

“Haha yeah, but that’s a different kind of dirty. It involves boobs...I’ll explain later.” He opened the door and stepped out. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow...hopefully.” The door closed behind him and Jase and I both chuckled a little.

“So, happy to see me or something?”

Jase blushed a little. “Or something.” He leaned back in and we picked up where we left off. After rolling around a little on the stairs, he broke our make out session and pulled me up. He continued pulling me up the stairs towards my room. After we got in, he threw his bag on the ground and then threw me down on the bed...god I was enjoying it.

We continued our little escapade for another 10 minutes or so...at least I think it was 10 minutes...keeping time while making out is hard. I think we were both getting a little winded. I guess making out does consume a decent number of calories.

Jase licked his lips a little. “Mmm...you taste like...peppers?”

“Haha, yeah. Roasted peppers for dinner.”

“Oooo...any leftovers?”

“Sorry, Justin polished them off.”

“Bastard. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to lick down your lips for any scraps.” He gave me another kiss...shorter that time, but still just as sweet.

“Wow...it’s been awhile since you’ve attacked me like that. Did I do anything to feel this special?” I was grinning like the cat that broke into the canary store.

“Heh...well actually I kinda felt bad about not seeing all day and running off. Oh yeah and about not staying last night and not calling you and...”

I put my fingers on his lips. “Jase...you don’t have to apologize to me ok?” I moved my fingers and replaced them with my lips. “Although, I do kinda want to know what you were up to all day. Everyone who saw you said you were running around like a crazy guy.”

“Haha. Well I kinda was...I tried to get all this done today and it was a bit hard with all the interruptions that school generates.”

“Get what done?”

Jase hopped off of me...I sighed a little because I immediately missed the warmth...and went to his bag. He fussed with it for a few seconds and then slid back onto the bed. He was holding his journal.

“Well after today I think we’re gonna need a new one.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah...I wrote a LOT. I think there are only like three pages left in the book.” I was a bit shocked. There were probably 50 pages left the day before if I remembered correctly.

“Wow...you were writing all day?”

“Yeah, that’s why I kept running off. I needed a little seclusion so I could get it done.” He handed the journal to me.

“Um...what did you write about?”

“Well...last night it kinda occurred to me that you never really talked about your past or your family life much. When you kinda shut out everything yesterday, it got me thinking that you may have gone through some heavy stuff when you were younger...” My eyes were locked on him. I was always a little nervous about talking about things that happened in the past...only Justin really knew everything because he was the one that was there for me. “Then when Justin asked me to leave, I guess it sorta clicked that maybe he knew about what you went through and maybe he picked up on something I didn’t about how you were behaving...” I loved how perceptive Jase was...the perceptivity Justin had with me was gained over years and there Jase was picking out very subtle things about me after a couple months. “I thought about it and long story short, I figured out that you were probably a little uncomfortable talking about all of it and I sorta recognized the defense mechanism.” I looked a little shocked when he said that...he picked up on it pretty quickly. “That’s what my psychologist called stuff like shutting out everyone when you get really stressed or something.”

Woah. “You have a psychologist?”

“Used to...it’s been a couple years. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I want you to be able to open up to me too...I know Justin has been your confidante for years, but...I guess I don’t want to have to leave the room anymore because I don’t know you as well as he does.”

“Jase...I...”

Before I could finish...or really even begin the sentence, Jase cut me off. “Chris, it’s not because I’m jealous or anything like that.” Bingo...I should have taken Jase to play poker or something. “I just want to be there for you when you need it...but I can only help if you want me to...so I figured maybe the best way for that to happen would be to...” He trailed off a little and pointed to the journal. “Well, you know when you were always asking if things were ok with me at home?” I nodded. “They are now for the most part, but they weren’t always that way...I mean I had a psychologist so there must have been something kinda fucked up right? Heh.” He tried to smile and lighten up the mood a little. “Ok, so much for long story short, but...I wrote down everything I could think of. You can read it at your own pace, but I think it’s all there. I guess you can call it a guide to the fucked up past of Jason Coleson. I just need you to know that whatever is going on with you, I’ll understand and I can probably relate...I want you to trust me...so I’m trusting you with this.”

“Jase...I don’t know wha...you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know...but hey, I figured this would be best anyway. I want you to know me...completely. I don’t want to hide things from you and I don’t want you to have to go around making assumptions about me either. I don’t want to pressure you into telling me everything all at once or anything...but I do want you to let me in at whatever pace you can handle.”

I was floored. There I thought maybe he had been mad at me or something during the day and he had been spending the whole time spilling out his heart and soul to get me to trust him. “Jase...” I had to take a deep breath. “I already trust you. I want you to know me too...just things in my past kinda scare me still. I guess we never really talked about this...I guess I forgot to sign some disclosure statement when I gave you the deed.” I tried to make a little joke so the mood wasn’t completely somber. I guess Jase appreciated it as he smiled widely and laughed.

“Hehe...well, it’s never too late.”

I put the journal aside for a moment and pulled him into a hug. “Thanks for doing this Jase.” I breathed in deeply until all I could smell was him. I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “And you’ll never have to leave the room again just cause Justin’s known me longer ok?”

“Ha. Sounds good.”

“Jase...I don’t know how I feel about this though.” I took the journal in my hands. It had become like a piece of us. “I don’t know if I just want to read all this stuff about you...it just seems kinda...”

“It’s ok Chris. You don’t even have to read it...I just write things when I have stuff on my mind. I want you to keep that though...so you know that I’m not gonna hide things from you.”

I smiled warmly at the thought...he trusted me. “I know Jase. Think you can stand to listen to some stuff about little ole me?”

He scooted up like a kindergartner does when the teacher is about to read a story. It made me laugh a little. I took a few deep breaths and went over everything I was feeling the day before...and I explained all the things that ran through my head when Justin was trying to get me to snap out of my shell. I told him everything I could think of...about the things in the past that triggered those kind of reactions in me, about what the psychologist I saw afterwards said, etc... I managed to not break down completely when I was telling him everything that was going on with me the previous day, but I came close a couple times. Over the course of my spilling, Jase had moved closer and by the end I was in his arms...I felt completely safe there. I was a bit mentally exhausted by the time I finished.

“Hey, are you ok?” Jase asked, very concerned.

I had closed my eyes for a moment. I opened them to see Jason’s worried face. “Yeah Jase...I’m ok. I’ve just never really spilled out stuff like that before.”

“I know the feeling...Chris...god...I think I get it now. Why you clammed up like that...um...” He looked down and closed his own eyes for a few seconds. “I used to do that too.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

He got started a bit slowly. “If you went over to my house now...the guy that I’d introduce as my dad...he isn’t my dad.”

I think I did a double take in my head. “Oh.”

“He’s my step dad, since I was seven or so. My real father...well your dad reminds me of him actually.”

Ah shit. “Oh god Jase...”

“Hey don’t worry...it sounds like I’ve had a bit more time to heal and deal with this sorta stuff than you’ve had.”

“Time doesn’t always do the trick.”

“Yeah I know...but I’m ok now. It took awhile to work through everything, but I’m ok. I know you’re mostly ok too...” He smiled at me a little. “But I know you still are working through some things.”

“Yeah...”

“Well it looks like we had more in common than we thought huh?” He forced out a grin.

“Heh...yeah looks like.”

“I’m here for you ok? No matter what.” We kissed briefly...a nice short reassuring kiss.

“Same to you, ok?” I looked at the journal absentmindedly. Then a thought came to my head. “Oh...hold it one sec, I’ll be right back.” I darted out of my room and down to the study downstairs. I went into the little closet in the room and rummaged for a little while until I found what I was looking for...I grabbed it and ran back up to Jase.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Just wanted to grab this for you.” I pulled out a black notebook from behind my back. On the surface it resembled a leather-bound book, but the pages were empty. I had been thinking off and on about giving it to Jase for a while, but it kept slipping my mind.

“Aww Chris...thanks babe.” He was gleaming with surprise and elation. “I was gonna go get another one tomorrow too...this is perfect.”

“Yeah I kept forgetting to dig that out for you. I figured one day that journal would fill up...just didn’t think it’d happen that fast.”

“Haha yeah well, me and my writing sprees. You’ll be keeping this with me right?”

“Heh, like I’d be able to resist taking it anyway. Besides, we’d lose our cute mushy couple license if we didn’t pass this back and forth all the time.”

“Ha! Well can’t let that happen...” He leaned in rather seductively and stopped barely an inch from my lips. “We worked way too hard for that license to lose it.” Within a few seconds, we were back into full make out mode...great as always.

Before we knew it, it was midnight and we were both exhausted. It had been a very satisfying night...for both of us. We were cuddling lazily on the bed when Jase sat up a little.

“Hey...you know what we haven’t done in a while?”

“Have wild monkey sex on the kitchen counter,” I deadpanned.

“Ooooo...mental note: wild monkey sex, kitchen counter, oo oo, aah aah,” he said while pretending to write on his hand. “But seriously, besides that.”

“What have you got on your mind?”

“We should go out biking.”

“OO! God yeah we should, it’s been a few weeks since we did that last. Oh hey! We should go out tomorrow, no practice.”

“Sweet.” He lay back down a little on top of me. “Date then?”

“You bet.” We were both excited over something that simple.

“God we are such a lame couple, huh?” Jase said while laughing.

“Haha. So what? Besides, no other couples can compare cause of one thing.”

“Oh and what’s that?” I grabbed his ass and gave him a toothy grin. “Ooohh...that. Well that’s true, I do have a great ass.” He looked back a bit and moved his ass to get a better view.

“Hey, we should probably get some sleep...I wanna be nice and awake tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Oh hey...think your shower would be too crowded for two?” I jumped up and started pulling him towards the bathroom with the most determined look I could muster up on my face. “I guess not then...haha.”