Death by Dreaming - 15. Chapter 15

The next few hours were an absolute nightmare for Charlie and Marcus. Not only was there the drama of the arrival of the ambulance and the worry about Angel’s condition but they also had to deal with Charles’ attempts to play the concerned guardian, getting in the way and frustrating everyone, and Angel’s continual resistance to everything anyone tried to do for him. All he was interested in was Marcus and he struggled with everyone and everything else.

Charles had tried to insist on travelling with Angel but he got so upset when he was separated from Marcus that in the end the doctor himself intervened and insisted that Marcus did. The journey was a nightmare that Marcus would relive in his dreams for many years to come.

Angel was agitated and restless, upset by the attempted forced separation from Marcus and unaware of anything that was going on, other than the pressure of Marcus’ hand in his. Every time the paramedic tried to do anything he freaked out and once, when she tried to separate them he became so upset that both the paramedic and Marcus were afraid he was going to crash there and then.

But he didn’t, and they got to the hospital safely. There then followed another nightmare as the emergency team took Angel away leaving Charlie and Marcus in a state of extreme agitation. Marcus was seriously concerned about what would happen to Angel when he realised that Marcus wasn’t there any more. He kept expecting someone to come to the door and tell them that it was all over. But no one came

The night wore on and still no one came. Eventually Charlie fell asleep, curled up in Marcus’ arms but Marcus never got anywhere near it. For a time he paced but once Charlie dozed of, while he was comforting her, he was trapped and although on the outside he was calm, on the inside he was raging.

It was almost two in the morning before anyone came near. Marcus started and sat up straight with such suddenness and force that Charlie, still sleeping almost slid from his arms onto the floor. She woke with a start.

“What... wassup? Oh...”

Dr Cole wasn’t smiling and it made them both feel sick.

“What happened Marcus?”

“I don’t know what happened. I already told you all I know. Is Angel... is he alright?”

“Surprisingly, yes. He’s exhausted but his heart seems to have come through pretty much intact. There were moments we were concerned, very concerned... we thought we were going to lose him... but you know Angel... he’s a tough one. He’s sleeping now. He’ll be fine.”

Charlie started to cry and Marcus took her into his arms and held her close.

“So he’s alright. Angel’s alright.”

“He’s not ‘alright’ Marcus. The blood tests show that he has taken something called ‘Harmony’. It’s a new designer drug that’s been doing the rounds of the party scene recently. It’s unstable, it’s dangerous and it damn near killed him.

“I’m going to ask you again, and I would appreciate candour Marcus. Do you know where he got it? Is there something going on that I need to know about?”

For a moment Marcus felt the anger bubble up inside, then he thought of Angel, how scared he had been when he couldn’t work out what was happening to him, how scared Marcus had been when he felt his heart beat so wildly. He ran his hand through his hair and met the doctor’s eyes squarely.

“I wasn't there. I wasn’t with him. The one time all bloody night I left his side and this happens. There were over 150 people there and that’s not counting the caterers, servers, band hangers on etc. Any one of them could have given it to him.

“I have my suspicions but what can I do?” He shrugged helplessly. “I can’t prove a damn thing. So unless Angel remembers something, we’re stuffed.” He squared his shoulders. “I’ll tell you one thing though. There is no way... no way on God’s earth that Angel would ever, EVER have taken drugs knowingly, not ever but especially not now.”

For a moment the doctor stared at him, tension in every line of his body, then he relaxed and nodded. “I believe you Marcus. How can I see that look on your face and not believe you? Can you not give me any idea, any idea at all what you think is going on... who did this? Maybe I can talk to them. Maybe if they realise what they’ve done... what they almost did... even if they won’t admit it...”

Marcus snorted. “Trust me, it wouldn’t do any good. They know what they did. They knew exactly what they were doing and they will have more than a dozen witnesses to swear they couldn’t have done it.” He sagged. “This was my fault; all my fault. I should never have left him alone.”

“Don’t be silly Marcus.” Charlie grabbed his arm and held on tight. “It’s not your fault. You can’t be by his side every minute. Angel is a big boy now. He’d hate it anyway.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care if he’d hate it. I don’t care if he’d hate me, as long as he is safe.”

“Safe? That’s an... unusual choice of words Marcus. I... when I spoke to you last the meeting left me... uneasy. I felt that there was something you weren’t telling me. Clearly there is something going on and it seems to me that Angel is caught in the middle of it. I am very worried about him. His health is failing rapidly and I don’t know why. I’m searching for answers but only finding more questions. If there is anything, anything at all you can tell me...”

Marcus stared at him and for a moment he wondered. Could he tell him? Could he tell him everything? But he shook is head. How could he? Even Charlie hadn’t believed him at first and he couldn’t speak of what Harry had told him without getting his friend into serious trouble, which was not only unthinkable, but also dangerous, as Harry had a knack of not only getting out of trouble as easily as he got into it but also of making life very difficult for those who helped him get there in the first place. No; telling anyone was impossible.

Dr Cole saw the shutter come down and sighed, even before he saw the shake of the head that confirmed he was not going to get any answers here.

He was desperately worried about Angel, someone he had been very fond of since he had given him his first check up when he was less than two years old. He had been a pleasant happy baby, full of light and joy, the kind who make you smile just my looking into the enormous azure eyes. He had remained very much the same ever since.

Dr Cole did not like to feel helpless. It was one of the reasons he had become a doctor in the first place. He needed to be able to do something. And this time... this time there was nothing he could do and he couldn’t shake the feeling that Angel’s life was slipping through his fingers like sand through an hour glass and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.

“Can we see him now? Can we sit with him?”

“Of course. Mr Bishop has been making something of a nuisance of himself with demands that we only allow family in but, fortunately I have a very wide definition of family.”

They were led through the main hospital foyer, which was busy even at that time of night and through a set of double doors into and altogether different part of the hospital. Both Charlie and Marcus felt a pang of guilt as the flooring under their feet changed from stained floor tiles to plush carpeting and the lighting became more muted.

Dr Cole paused outside a room. “He’s sleeping. Sleep is the best medicine possible for him right now so you can stay as long as you like but don’t wake him.”

“We won’t. Thank you.”

“Make yourself as comfortable as possible. I’ll be around to check on you all in the morning.”

“Opening the door the doctor beckoned to the nurse, in a very sharp and very possibly designer, uniform who was sitting by the bed reading a book. Smiling she closed her book and followed Dr Cole out, leaving Marcus and Charlie alone with Angel.

Awkwardly they both sat down and tried to make themselves comfortable as best they could.

Marcus couldn’t take his eyes off Angel and it wasn’t long before Charlie saw tears begin the long slide down his cheeks.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. I’m just bloody angry. I know who did this. I know it was bloody Henry and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it. You should have seen him... he was so smug... he knew... he bloody knew. What are we going to do Charlie? I tried so hard to protect him and look what happened. What’s next?”

He began to sob more pronouncedly, his shoulders shaking. “They’re going to do it Charlie... they’re going to kill him and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.”

“It’s not going to happen Marcus. Look... Angel’s safe here. No one can hurt him here. Tomorrow we’ll go back to the house and search everywhere. We’ll find the evidence we need and get Charles and Henry behind bars before Angel even sets foot in the house again.”

“I... I thought we could do it. I was so full of myself. I thought we could keep Angel safe and make sure Charles got what’s his like a pair of fucking superheroes. Look where it got us Charlie. Fuck... when I found him in the garden... he was so... out of it and his heart... I thought... I swear, if anything had happened to him then Henry would never have seen the light of dawn.”

“We can only do what we can do Charlie. We are not superheroes, we are just good friends, and good friends stick by each other no matter what. We’ll get Angel through this and we will make sure that Charles gets what he deserves. Right now I am not entirely sure how, but I believe in you.”

“Lucky you.”

Charlie got to her feet and put her arms around Marcus, resting her chin on his head and staring at Angel over his shoulder.

“Maybe we should tell him.”

“What? Of course we can’t tell him. I can’t believe you even suggested it.”

“Marc, Angel isn’t as soft and fragile as he looks... he’s nowhere near it. He’s strong, really strong. If he knows he can be careful. He can protect himself.”

“If he believes it... IF...and it’s a huge if especially as he has himself convinced that he is having precognitive dreams... he will go storming straight in there and confront him. He’ll go all out, make a huge fuss and end up in a worse place. Either Charles will twist things to his own advantage or he will just switch to something even more drastic.”

“More drastic than murder?”

“A less subtle kind of murder.”

“Murder is murder. I don’t feel right keeping Angel in the dark about something that is so important. It’s his life after all.”

“I know but...” Marcus leaned his head back against Charlie and closed his eyes. “He’s headstrong and moral and... He’d just take the bit between his teeth and go rushing in regardless and it would be a disaster. You know that don’t you.”

Charlie shook her head but she was smiling when she said, “Yeah... I know. So what are we going to do?”

“We are going to do exactly what you said to do, O wise one. Tomorrow, while Angel is safe in here, we are going to go back to the house, search it and find something to incriminate Charles and get him out of Angel’s hair permanently.”

“Good.”

Charlie wrapped her arms around Marcus and they sat in silence for a while, sharing thoughts and feelings without any need for expression.

It was a long, long night, even given that it was already half over. It seemed to the two friends that no sooner did they get comfortable than they were disturbed, usually by a nurse coming in to check on Angel, but sometimes by Angel himself, tossing restlessly or moaning in his sleep. It seemed as if Marcus was utterly tuned to every movement from the bed and Angel only had to turn his head to have Marcus crack his eyes open to check.

At one point, in the early morning, as the hospital began to wake around them Angel half woke calling out in panic. Marcus was on his feet in moments, stroking Angel’s hair and holding his hand.

“It’s alright Angel. I’m here. You’re safe.”

“Marcus?”

“Of course. Who else?”

Peering up at him with eyes that were still heavy and drugged Angel smiled, a distant smile, then slipped away again, still with the smile on his lips leaving Marcus feeling unsettled and disturbed. For a long time after he was asleep Marcus continued to stroke Angel’s face, lost in the sight, the feel, the soft sounds of his gentle breathing.

Surprisingly, although his actions were soft and tender the emotions that coursed through him were anything but. There was a tight knot in the pit of his stomach, part fear and part anger. How could anyone want to hurt someone as gentle, as sweet, as beautiful? How could the very person into whose care he was entrusted seek to extinguish the glorious light that was Angel?

Somewhere between the dawn and when he finally fell asleep Marcus’ hatred for Charles turned cold and hard and he vowed that no matter what happened he would see them all pay for what they had done... to Angel, to Charlie and to him. He fell asleep with his fists clenched and his head resting on the bed.

Consciousness returned slowly and in stages. First he became aware of the extreme discomfort caused by the angles in which his neck and back had been twisted for the past few hours. With a soft moan he shifted his position slightly to ease them, not yet awake enough to register much more than the easing of the pain.

The next thing that made its way through to his battered brain was the light, which had been subdued but which was now almost blinding. He cracked his eyes open, saw a pale hand wearing his watch that reflected the sunlight almost directly into them. Groaning again he closed his eyes and moved his hand so that the watch no longer directed the brightness at his face.

Finally he became aware that something, someone was toying with the hair behind his ear, absently twisting it between their fingers, tickling his neck. Shivering with pleasure his groans turned into sighs and someone laughed softly.

Blearily Marcus raised his head and blinked. Angel’s hand fell away from his hair and reached for his instead.

“I thought you were never going to wake up. You have no idea how boring it is to watch someone sleep.”

“I think I do... I spent half the night doing it myself.”

They smiled at each other and Marcus’ heart soared to see that Angel’s face had some colour to it again and had lost the sickly pallor that had so frightened him the night before.

“Are you ok?”

“I feel...” Angel shrugged. “... like shit. What happened?”

“Don’t you remember?”

Angel frowned, then shook his head. “Did I have a fit?”

“No. Try babe... try to remember what happened.”

Angel gave him an odd look and frowned again, thinking deeply. “Well...” he said slowly and thoughtfully, “I remember being at the party. We were waiting for the band to start and you went off somewhere with Harry. I was... I was hungry and I went to get something to eat. I bumped into Henry and he was being a complete twat as usual...” He stopped, his frown deepening.

“What happened then? Did you go with Henry?”

“No. Not that I remember. He was making a big deal about his friends coming to watch the band. I... I remember him going on about it but after a while it stopped making sense.”

“What did you tell him? Did you tell him that his friends could come and see the band?”

“I... don’t know.” Angel looked up shaking his head. “It’s the weirdest thing Marcus. I remember what he said but... I have no idea how my side of the conversation went. I don’t think it did. I kind of want to say... I wasn't there... but I was there.”

Marcus squeezed his hand. “In a way you weren’t hun. Did you have something to eat before Henry came?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“What about a drink? Did you have a drink?”

“I think I got one from the bar... or from somewhere. I had one.”

“When you were talking to Henry?”

“Yes.”

“Did he give it to you?”

“Henry? I doubt it. I don’t think I would have taken one from him... I would have been too afraid he’d poisoned it.”

Angel failed to see Marcus wince at that comment. Marcus smiled and encouraged Angel to continue.

“What happened next?”

“I don’t know. After that it's all jumbled. Lights, colours, snatches of conversation. I remember feeing really hot, I mean stupidly, unbelievably hot and I found myself in the rose garden so I thought I would splash water on my face to cool down. I don’t remember getting there. I remember... you.”

“I was there hun... not soon enough but I was there.”

“So what exactly happened?”

“We don’t know. Someone must have put something in your drink.”

“What? Drugs? Someone drugged me?” He sounded so outraged that it made Marcus giggle.

“Yes.”

“Fuck!! Shame I don’t remember.”

At the sound of voices Charlie woke up and, when she saw that Angel was awake she threw herself into his arms. He hugged her as best he could through the mesh of hospital equipment.

“Damn Angel... you are going to have to stop scaring us like that. It’s not good for us you know.”

Angel smiled. “I do try babe... really I do but... I don’t know what happened.” He glanced up at Marcus. “How did I get here? I mean... okay someone slipped me something but... I mean why am I here? Where is here?”

“The local hospital. The drug got you in a state.”

“Was it an overdose or something?”

“No. It just... it... your heart.”

“Oh” He swallowed looking uncomfortable. “So that’s why I feel like I’ve been kicked in the chest.”

“I guess.”

“How long do I have to be here?”

“Hell Angel, you’ve only just got here... so to speak. Give it a chance.”

“I...” He sat up, groaned and fell back against the pillows, losing the colour from his cheeks. Marcus was alarmed.

“Take it easy Angel. Last night you were... we were...” To his immense chagrin the stress of the previous night caught up with him and he started to cry. Even more alarmed, Angel sat up again leaning towards him with his arms open to draw him in. Although it made him groan with pain he held on, pulling Marcus into an embrace, resting his head against his shoulder. Marcus tried to pull away but Angel wouldn’t let him, holding on tightly until Marcus surrendered to his embrace and melted into his arms.

“I thought... I was afraid Angel. I was so afraid I was going to lose you.”

“Hell man... haven’t I told you that there is no chance of that? I’m not going anywhere.”

Closing his eyes Marcus allowed himself to be comforted, glorying in the feel of Angel’s strong arms around him, his soft breath on his neck, his sweet smell in his nostrils. He almost fell asleep again, maybe he would have if a nurse hadn’t come in and tutted in horror to find them as they were.

Being forcibly separated by a stranger did not go down well with Angel and he lost no time, nor spared any words in telling her so. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he had met his match and mostly the nurse simply ignored him as she carried out her usual checks. In the end he fell silent and watched her with brooding eyes.

“And there is no good to be had in looking at me with those eyes. It will make no difference whatever. This equipment is sensitive and if you dislodge it, it could be dangerous to you. Now you are not a little boy and neither are you an unintelligent one. You have to be sensible.”

“I don’t want to be sensible I want to go home.”

“You’ll do no such thing.”

“Why not?”

“Because the doctor says that for now you need to be here. Doctor Cole will be around to see you in an hour or so and you can give him a hard time about it. Until then try and behave yourself.”

“I always behave myself.”

Marcus chuckled. “It’s true although he often behaves himself badly.”

The nurse did not have much of a sense of humour and she gave them all a scathing glance before smoothing out the sheets and stalking out of the room. For a moment they all stared at the closed door and then burst out laughing.

They were still laughing, although not at the same joke, when Dr Cole arrived later that afternoon. He was smiling.

“Good to see you are feeling better this afternoon Angel. I did call in to check on you this morning but you were all sleeping and I did my best not to wake you”

“You don’t think I did this do you? You don’t think that I took drugs? I’m not that stupid.”

Dr Cole smiled reassuringly. “I know you Angel, I’ve known you all your life. I know what sort of person you are. Don't worry. I know you didn’t do this through choice.”

Angel nodded sighed and relaxed back against the pillows while the doctor examined him, including studying the printouts from the various machines for what seemed like a long time.

“So... will I live?” Angel joked.

“I’m sorry.” The doctor looked up distracted.

“Am I going to be alright?”

“Yes... this time. You’re going to feel like hell for a few days but there’s no lasting harm done. You have got to take better care of yourself Angel. We still don’t know what caused the earlier episodes and this was really pushing the envelope. You very nearly died last night.”

“But... you said you believed me. I didn’t do this. It wasn’t my fault.”

“Maybe you didn’t take drugs deliberately Angel but you were careless. You were drinking and partying and being careless. Don’t you understand? You have a weak heart. The illness you had when your parents died damaged it... irreparably. You’ve done extremely well to control the symptoms, you’ve got strong again and you’ve been in control of it but it has never gone away Angel, and it never will.

“The seizures have weakened you and the episode last night... you were very lucky that it didn’t cause any more permanent damage. You have to take care of your health Angel. It’s as simple as that. With plenty of rest and some gentle exercise you will get your strength back and you can get back to leading a pretty much full and normal life, but you will never be as strong as... well as Marcus say. You will always have to take care.

“You have never listened to me, never taken this as seriously as you should. You push yourself too hard and too far. One of these days I won’t be able to pull you back.”

Marcus was white and he stared back and forth between Angel and the doctor. “What does he mean?” He said softly and Angel hung his head, unable to look at him. Marcus addressed the doctor directly.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You said... you said that Angel’s heart was permanently damaged. You said it was weak. You said...”

“Hasn’t he told you any of this? Angel?”

“Why would I? It’s not something you drop into casual conversation. At the time we were all kids. I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want them to treat me differently, to always have been taking care of me. Besides you always knew. The last time you made me go see the doc you knew... he told you.”

“We knew there were problems. We knew that having seizures like you are could hurt you, put strain on your heart... we didn’t know that your heart was damaged... that it could... even without the seizures... what you could...”

.

“Besides... there hasn’t been any need. I haven’t needed to be taken care of and I don’t now. This was an accident...a stupid accident. Someone made a mistake. Maybe I picked up the wrong drink or something. I’ll be fine. And then we can get back to normal.” He raised pleading eyes to Marcus. “I don’t need to think about this. It hasn’t affected me so far, and it isn’t going to now.”

“You’ve been very lucky Angel. You’ve been careful and worked hard and you’ve been symptom free but that doesn’t mean that the problem has gone away. Your heart will never be strong and you will have to be careful for the rest of your life. There is a chance that if you are careful you can live a long and healthy life but you can’t be careless of your health like others of your age. You have to think about this and adjust your life accordingly. You know the score.”

“I didn’t know.”

Marcus was looking at Angel as if he was suddenly afraid that he was going to break in two and it made Angel angry.

“You see? You see why I didn’t tell you? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to see you looking at me like that... like I’m fragile, like I’m sick. I’m not. I’m strong and I am going to be strong again.”

“Of course you are... if you’re sensible and you listen to me. The drugs you were given last night put a great deal of strain on your heart and there were one or two moments when... well let’s just say you skated over some very thin ice.

“Make no mistake Angel, you are still ill. The drugs brought on more seizures last night, not major ones but if they keep happening then sooner or later your heart will stop.”

“Thanks for giving it to me gently.”

“Giving it to you gently doesn’t work Angel. I have to knock you over the head with it like a sledge hammer or you just won’t take me seriously.”

“Well I’m taking you seriously now ok? I’m taking you very seriously. I’ll be careful. I’ll be extraordinarily careful. I will rest and take things easy and I won’t push myself. Only please let me go home.”

“Angel... You say you are taking me seriously but...” the doctor raised his eyes to the sky. “Have you listened to a word I’ve said? You’re in a very precarious position at the moment Angel. You’re heart has been put under a great deal of strain and any more is going to push you over the edge. There is a good chance that you might suffer more seizures and that if you do your heart will stop. Now you tell me... where would you rather be if that happens? Here with a crash team 50 yards away... or at home?”

Angel opened his mouth, then glanced at the faces of his friends and closed it again, hanging his head. “How long do I have to stay?”

“Let’s see how it goes. I want to keep you on the monitor for at least twenty four hours and after that we’ll see how it goes. If you haven’t had any more seizures in that time and your heart stays steady then we’ll think about maybe Monday.”

“Monday? I’m supposed to be going to a...” He sighed. “Alright. Okay... Monday. Can my friends stay?”

“Not for the whole time. You need to rest and you get precious little of that with these two around. I think it would be better if they went home and then came back this evening.”

“Yeah right, like I am going to rest cooped up on my own in here.”

“If you don’t I’ll make sure you do.”

“Oh... so I am in here because I got drugged and if I don’t behave myself and rest you are going to drug me again. How sensible.”

The doctor chuckled. “Be that as it may... it’s the way it is. Your friends have half an hour and then they have to leave. I’ll be back to see you later this afternoon.”

When they were alone they sat in silence for a while. Angel stared at a spot on the far wall and Marcus fiddled with a corner of the blanket.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly after a while.

“Would it have made a difference?” Angel’s voice was just as quiet but it had a strange edge to it.

“Of course it would have made a difference. God if I had known... if I had known you were so... I would have looked after you better, I would have...”

Angel stopped him with a glance. It was furious. “If you had known I was so what? Fragile? Sickly? Pathetic? Would you still have fallen in love with me or would it have been something else? Pity maybe? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t WANT it to make a difference. I didn’t WANT you to look at me and see damaged goods. I don’t want to be treated like a cripple, like a sick person. I want what we had. I want...” He faltered to a halt the anger leaving him and a kind of exhausted resignation taking its place.

“Angel... don’t say things like that. It wouldn’t have made any difference, none at all... except that I would not have left you alone for so long, I would have taken better care of you... I would have spent every minute I could with you.”

“Huh... making the most of the time I have? Well... I have news for you... I have plenty of time. I have no intention of letting this beat me... not now, not ever. So I have a weak heart! So what? I am NOT going to let it beat me. I can’t live like that Marcus, with my friends and family watching my every move, afraid every time I have the sniffles or get out of breath when I climb a mountain. I want to be normal. I want to be treated like a normal person... and if that kills me in the end... good.”

“Angel...!!!”

He rolled his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean that. I mean... I did mean it only not the way it sounded. I’m not trying to kill myself. But I am not going to wrap myself up in cotton wool either. I want to be normal, to live a normal life... for better or worse...and if by doing that my heart is damaged or... or I... I’m prepared to take that risk.”

“What if we’re not?”

“It’s not your decision, not your life, not your risk to take.”

“I know but...”

“No... you don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like to have a time bomb ticking inside you. To worry every time you have a twinge of pain in your chest, every time you get out of breath, every time you hand shakes in case it is going to be the start of the seizure, the one that will kill me. I lived like that for almost a year... and then I decided that I was not going to live like it any more. I decided that I was not going to accept the pain, or the fear, or the limitation.

“Please understand Marcus... please.”

For a moment Marcus looked at him, meeting his eyes with a blank look. In the end he sighed and nodded. “I understand Angel. I do understand and you’re right... I would have treated you differently, more... carefully. I can’t promise that I won’t now. I can only promise that I will try not to.”

Angel beamed and it was like the sun coming out from behind clouds. He opened his arms and Marcus threw himself into them, careless of the equipment, careless of the situation, careless of everything but his love for Angel.