Recovery - 12. Chapter 12

Over the rest of the day, Kei was awake for longer and longer periods and managed longer conversations, although they were still mainly disjointed words accompanied by smiles and touches.

By accident or design these always happened when Alex was alone with Kei. He didn’t even wake when the nurses did their regular checks, and when the doctors were there he simply stared at them and answered when he had to with nods or shakes of the head.

“He’s saving himself for you,” Jen teased and, although Alex laughed and blushed, he knew she was right. He was.

That night, Alex had the best sleep he’d had so far. The chair had never seemed more comfortable and Kei didn’t wake once through the night. When he awoke next day Alex felt better than he had in days…weeks even. He felt positive that today was going to bring a lot of good things.

Shirley, the Irish nurse was on today. Alex liked her too. She wasn’t afraid of Frank and Bonnie, any more than Jen was. He felt grateful that she was here as he had a good idea he would be needing support today. He wasn’t wrong.

“Well, good morning, sunshine. You were snoring fit to burst there. I was about to go ask for some earphones.”

“I was not….” He caught the gleam in her eye and grinned. “How’s Kei?”

“Good as gold. You always are, aren’t you darling.” She patted his hand and he mumbled something and rolled his head on the pillow.

“Hey beautiful, you awake?” Alex asked, leaning over to kiss Kei lightly. Kei smacked his lips and opened his eyes.

When he saw Alex’s face close to his he smiled brightly. “Beautiful boy,” he murmured and lifted his hand to touch Alex’s cheek. “Kiss me.”

“You’re getting very demanding aren’t you?”

“Kiss me.”

Alex smiled and complied. It was another sweet kiss, although Alex made a mental note to suggest Kei might clean his teeth at the earliest opportunity. It had been almost two weeks.

“Satisfied?” he asked finally, raising his head.

Kei shrugged, then he frowned. “Where…the fuck…?”

“You’re in hospital. Don’t you remember?”

“Oh. Yes. Home?” he asked in a hopeful voice.

Alex smiled and shook his head. “Not just yet. You’ve got a lot of getting better to do first.”

“Oh. Want…bed…you.”

“Kei!” Alex blushed and shot a glance at Shirley who was suppressing giggles. “We’re not alone.”

“What? Why? Who?”

“The nurse hun…there.”

Alex pointed and Kei turned his head. “Oh,” he said seeing Shirley.

“Hello, beautiful,” she said.

Kei smiled. “Bye bye,” he said.

Sheila shook her head. “No can do, sorry, hun. You’re stuck with me so you’re going to have to keep it clean for now.”

Kei frowned, then smiled. “Ok,” he said innocently. “Kiss me,” he demanded of Alex. Alex, knowing Kei of old, kissed him. Somehow, Kei managed to put his arms around him and pulled him down for a proper, passionate kiss.

“Hey….” Alex didn’t like to struggle too hard, and he was absolutely delighted to find Kei so much better but still…. “Will you stop it? What if your mother comes in?”

Kei stopped kissing him and let him raise his head a little. “Mother?” he said.

“They’re all here, babe. Your parents, my parents, Maria, and her new boyfriend.” Kei’s eyes widened. “You have some stuff to catch up on.”

“Yes. I’m… thirsty.”

“Can he have a drink?” Alex asked Shirley. She shook her head.

“I’ll get some ice chips. We need to work up slowly.”

Kei made a face but shrugged. As soon as she left he smiled at Alex, that twinkle back in his eyes.

“Alone now,” he said. “Bed. You.”

“I can’t get in bed with you.”

“Why not?”

“She’s going to come back any minute.”

“Hurry.”

“No, Kei, I’m not getting in bed with you. This isn’t the right place or time. What the hell’s got into you?”

“Nothing,” Kei said with a sigh. “Need, Alex.”

“Well, can’t have. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yes,” he said with that same twinkle in his eyes.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with sex,” he said firmly.

Kei mock pouted, then smiled. “Okay.” The smile slipped. “Hold me?” There was so much pain in the words that Alex was shocked. Of course, he wanted the contact, the touch, not sex. How could he have been so blind and cruel. He just needed to be held. Would he, Alex want that in his position?

“Give me a minute.”

When he tried to get up, Kei held onto him, a look of panic in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, no it’s not…. It’s okay. Just give me a minute, okay?”

Kei hesitated then nodded. Alex slipped out of the room and spotted Sheila. “Is everything alright?” she asked, a little anxiously.

“Kind of. Would it be alright I just lay down with him for a while. No funny business, just hold him?”

She looked a little uncertain. “Just be a little cautious hun. It’s not unusual for patients coming out of a coma to have…uncontrollable urges. Sometimes it lasts a while. Sometimes it never goes away. Libedo is a strange thing and brain injury creates havoc with it. It might be better to steer away from the subject for a while.”

“I…. Oh….” He blushed and ducked his head. “I will but… that’s not what I was thinking of. I just want to hold him close, to make him feel safe and loved.”

“Alright. See how it goes. I’ll give you five minutes. Make sure you don’t disturb any of the equipment.”

“I won’t.”

Feeling on top of the world, Alex turned and hurried back into the room. He was absurdly disappointed to find Kei dozing but, as soon as he became aware Alex was there, he opened his eyes and smiled at him. Alex smiled back.

“No funny business, okay?” he said, carefully sliding up onto the bed.

“Okay,”

Very, very carefully, Alex lay down next to Kei and slid his arm under him. With a growl of frustration, Kei tried to turn over onto his side. He just wasn’t strong enough.

“Hey, it’s okay. Listen….” Alex raised his head on his hand and pushed Kei gently into the pillows. “I was thinking yesterday, about our first kiss, that time up on the hill with the stars.”

“Yes,” Kei said with a smile. “Big sky.”

“It was a big sky… for a while. Once I looked into your eyes it wasn’t so big. Nothing was so big. Everything shrank in comparison to you. From then on you were the centre of my world. My sun. My stars. I love you more than anything, more than anyone has ever loved before. I adore you. I worship you.” He traced patterns on Kei’s bare chest with his finger as he spoke, keeping well away from sensual areas and avoiding the electrodes that connected Kei to the various monitors. Kei sighed and closed his eyes. He wasn’t asleep though. Alex knew he wasn’t asleep.

“Right up to that moment I truly thought I was completely straight and had no thoughts of you other than as a really good friend. I was kidding myself but you opened my eyes that night, for sure. I’d always thought you were beautiful, all the way through, but that night…that night you stole my heart and you’ve been holding it in your hand ever since.”

Kei opened his eyes. There were tears in the corners.

“Oh hell, Kei. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Kei shook his head. “No. Not bad. No crying bad. You’re beautiful. Always with words more better than me.” He stopped and frowned. “Not right.”

“It doesn’t matter. I know what you meant and it’s not true. You’re the one who paints beautiful pictures with words. Okay, maybe I’m technically better… with grammar and shit, but you’re creativity is astonishing. You’re like an artist and I love you for it. I love you for a lot of things.”

“I’m… I’m not same now as was. Oh dammit.”

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a tough time. It’s going to take time to get back to normal, whatever that might be. Maybe you’ll never be quite the same as you were but so what? Reinvent yourself. Be Kei version two. I’ll love him just as much as I did version one.”

Kei grinned. “Version two. Yes. Like.”

“Good. We’ll work on it later. Are you tired?”

“Yes. Very.”

“Then close your eyes and rest. We can talk more later.”

“You. Stay?”

“For a while.”

“Okay.” Kei snuggled into Alex and sighed contentedly when Alex lay down and put his arms around him.

When Shirley returned, Kei was sleeping sweetly. “I don’t really want to get up now. He’s sleeping.”

“Was everything okay?”

“Yeah, better than okay. He’s having a bit of trouble speaking. It’s really frustrating him.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“If he tries to say more than a word or two they all get jumbled and come out in the wrong order.”

“Ah, yes. That’s quite common. It’s called Aphasia.”

“It will go away won’t it?”

“Maybe. It’s likely to get better, at least, although there’s a chance it might never go away completely.”

“Really? He might…. No. Please. Anything but that.” Alex found himself washed with waves of something close to panic. Words were everything for Kei. Writing them, reading them, speaking them. If that was taken away from him…

“Hey, take it easy. Is it really that bad? Isn’t it better than not being able to speak at all?”

“Well… yes, I suppose, but you don’t understand. Kei’s a writer. His life is all about words. He write beautiful poetry and he speaks… If he loses his words….”

“He might still be able to write them.”

“Might? What do mean might?” The panic closed in, squeezing Alex’s chest until he could hardly breathe.

“Aphasia can affect writing as well as speaking. He might have problems with both.”

Alex felt sick.

“I did warn you that waking up might not be an end of trouble, only a beginning. It’s going to be a long, hard, crawl, Alex, and he’s going to need you more now than he has ever needed you before.”

“I know. I know but…. But I…. I never thought….”

“Keep it together, Alex. Take some deep breaths. It’s going to be fine. Whatever happens, Kei has you and together you’ll get through it. Just take it a day at a time and don’t panic.”

“I…I’m trying. Truly, I’m trying but…. It would destroy him. I know him and it would…. It would destroy him.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. It could have been worse.”

“Could it.”

“It looks as if he’s not going to have major problems with movement. He’s not going to be paralyzed and he has his memory and his faculties. So what if it’s going to take a little more time to get what’s on the inside out?”

“You don’t understand. Kei would rather be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life than to not be able to create with words. Would you understand if he was a talented artist who couldn’t use his fingers to hold a brush? Who had to somehow learn to do it with his teeth and never be as fluent as he was before? That’s how it is with Kei. As far as he’s concerned it couldn’t be much worse.”

“I’m sorry, Alex, I didn’t understand. Yes, it’s going to be hard, but it never was going to be easy. He can get through this. You can get him through this. Like I said, take it a day at a time.”

“Yes. I suppose it’s all I can do.” He turned to look at Kei who was so peaceful, so…unknowing. He bit his lip hard, trying not to weep. Kei would know. He was sure Kei would know if he started to cry and he didn’t want Kei to see him cry, not over this. He’d have to tell him and…. He’d have to fight through it, suck it up, put a brave face on it. Hell. This was going to be hell. He’d never wished to feel his mother’s arm around him so much, and he couldn’t go to her. Despite himself, tears squeezed out of the corners of his eyes.

Eventually, the call of nature forced him to slide his arm from under Kei’s shoulders and tried to inch off the bed. Of course, Kei woke up.

“Where you go?”

“Bathroom. You promised you’d let me, remember?”

“No. I wouldn’t…say…that.”

“Oh yes you did. Don’t try to pretend you’ve lost your memory because I know you haven’t. Besides if I don’t go I’m going to pee on you and that won’t be very nice.”

“Eeew. Okay. You go. Fine. I…be lonely.” He made a sad face but couldn’t keep it.

“I’ll be right back.” Alex bent to kiss Kei , then hurried out of the room. He used the bathroom as fast as he could then sought out his mother. He was distraught to find she wasn’t in the waiting room. “Where is she? Where did she go?”

“I don’t know,” Bonnie said coldly. “It’s not as if I keep her diary.”

“Thanks for nothing,” he sneered and practically ran from the room. He started to run as soon as he was out of the ICU and didn’t stop until he got to the canteen. He searched but couldn’t find her and panicked. He then raced out of the hospital and across the road to McDonalds almost getting run over as he crossed. When he found they weren’t there it was like a blow to the stomach.

Being more careful, he crossed back over the road and began to walk morosely back to Kei. He was walking past the cafeteria when he heard a laugh he recognised. Maria and Jace were leaning across a table staring into each other’s eyes. He smiled. It was cute. Maria glanced up and saw him.

“Alex,” she called, “is everything alright?”

“Fine. I’m looking for my mother.”

“Oh God, what are Mam and Sad up to now?”

Alex snickered. She always referred to her parents and Mam and Sad. “Nothing. I promise it has nothing to do with them. So, have you seen her, my Mum?”

“Not for a while. Why are you looking for her?”

“I just need to talk to her.” He was getting a little frustrated and it was showing in his voice.

“Oh well sorry, I’m sure, if I’m worried. I mean you haven’t left Kei’s room other than to pee for days and now you’re wandering around the hospital looking for your mother. Forgive me for being a bit freaked by that.”

Alex sat down heavily and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly feeling really tired.

“What’s wrong?”

He sighed. Why bother fighting her? She wasn’t his mother but she’d understand even more. “He might not be able to talk properly,” he blurted out, “or write.”

“What do you mean?” Maria asked, horror lacing her voice.

“He can’t talk in proper sentences. Things come out all jumbled. I didn’t think anything of it but the nurse says it has a name, it happens often, apparently. It might get better or it might not. Worse case scenario he might never be able to talk or write in proper sentences. The words will all be out of order and jumbled…. Or just one word sentences.”

“Oh my God. Jesus, no.”

“You’re reacting to that like people react to ‘he’s never going to walk again’,” Jace said, “so I’m figuring it’s really bad news?”

“Kei’s….” She stopped and stared at Alex. “How would you say it? He’s…all about words. He’s a writer, that’s what he’s doing at university. He’s a poet too, writes amazing poetry and performs at open mikes a lot. He’s getting quite well known in the artsy set. And he’s going to be a novelist. He creates amazing worlds full of colour and life and… characters you’d swear you’ve met. His work is amazing and the thought…

“It’s not just that he won’t be able to write, it’s…that he won’t be able to communicate. It’s what it would do to him.” She locked eyes with Alex, looking distraught. “It would kill him. He’d die inside.”

“Isn’t that a bit over-dramatic?” Jace asked, seriously.

“No. It really isn’t, Jace. It would. It really would.”

“Is it for sure?” Jace asked Alex. “Did she say this was going to happen for sure?”

“No. She said that a lot of cases improve, but….”

“Then we look on the bright side and work damn hard to get him there,” Jace said, his voice full of earnestness. “I’ll do anything I can, no matter how small or tedious.”

Alex and Maria exchanged glances. “You’ve hit gold,” Alex said seriously.

“I know,” Maria said, equally seriously.

“Don’t let them get their claws in.”

“Like hell. They can go fuck themselves. At least now I know where to go to university.” She looked up and smiled at a rather taken aback looking Jace. “I’m going to Reading, and I’ll be house sharing with some great people.”

“Can I hazard a guess that one of them is sitting at the table?”

“You’d be dead right if you did.”

Alex grinned. “Good for you.” He sighed. “I’d better get back. I just needed to speak to someone who understood. The nurse is being all sensible about it. It’s not the end of the world. It’s better than other things that could have happened. She just…”

“DIdn’t understand.”

“No.”

“Hey, apart from that though… how is he?”

Alex couldn’t help but grin at her. “Great. He’s great.”

When he got back to Kei’s room he found the door closed. When he tried to go in he was told in no uncertain terms he was to wait outside. He groaned inwardly when he realised the hated doctor was there. Great, just great. It also looked as though he’d brought a group of students with him. No wonder he wanted Alex out in the corridor.

“Excuse me, but you’ve no right to order me out. If Kei wants me here….”

“Alex. Come Alex. This man insane drive me will.”

Alex stifled both a laugh and a groan. Kei sounded pissed. It was awesome to hear the emotion in his voice but torture to hear his twisted words.

“There you see a classic example of Acute Aphasia,” the evil doctor said to his students. “It’s something that often happens after brain injury, particularly where there has been a period of coma. This patient…”

“I’m here,” Kei said with more volume than Alex would have thought possible. All eyes turned to him and Alex took the opportunity to slide into the room and work his way around the edge. He was surprised to see that the head of the bed had been risen and Kei was practically upright. He looked uncomfortable. He also looked furious. “Talk to me,” he growled.

“Anger and frustration are also classic responses, sometimes to extreme degrees.”

“Fuck. Off.”

“What?!”

“Leave me…alone. Go….away. Fuck off.”

Alex recognised the tone and began to feel nervous. Kei was very rarely angry but when the lid blew it blew. “Look, can’t you just leave it for now? Kei’s obviously had enough. You can come back later and….”

“No. Not, later. Not ever.”

“Perhaps we should adjourn for now. Mr Prince is being particularly uncooperative and unreasonable which, in itself is not unusual in this kind of case. It’s important not to unduly stress patients recovering from coma, especially in the early days, when there is always a risk of relapse.”

“What you mean?” Kei asked. The doctor smiled sweetly at him and ushered the students out the door. “Wait. What? What…?”

“Try to rest now, Keiden. We wouldn’t want you slipping under again, would we.”

“What…? But….”

The slam of the door was his only response. Kei turned panicked eyes on Shirley who was clearly angry but suppressing it.

“Don’t ye worry your pretty head about it me darlin’. Nothin’ of the sort is going to happen to you.”

“That was bullshit,” Alex burst out. “He said that deliberately to punish Kei, to make him worry. That’s not acceptable. I want to make a complaint.”

“Yes, me too,” Kei said firmly, then sighed. “Tired now.”

“I’m not surprised,” Shirley said. “He put you through your paces didn’t he, me darlin’?”

Alex noted in a detached way that her accent got stronger when she was mad. She got to her feet and reclined the head of the bed back to its usual forty five degrees. Kei sighed and shifted in the bed, still looking uncomfortable. “I hurt,” he said sadly.

“Hurt? What do you mean? Where does it hurt?”

Kei shrugged. “Lots places.”

“I’m not surprised. You’ve been pulled about and I expect your muscles are sore after being still for so long.”

“Mhm.”

“Shush now. I’ll fix that for you.” Shirley brushed the damp hair out of his face then pressed some buttons on one of the machines that surrounded the head of the bed.

Almost immediately Kei’s eyes glazed. “Mmm,” he murmured and fell asleep.

“What did you do?” Alex asked, alarmed.

“Just gave him a bit extra pain relief, just for now. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and it was painful for him. He’ll be much better when he wakes up.”

“He didn’t mean it, did he, that doctor. He didn’t mean that Kei might relapse, that he could go into a coma again?”

“It’s always possible but Kei’s strong and stable and it’s highly unlikely. It’s not worth worrying about.”

Alex nodded and sat for a while, holding Kei’s hand and watching him sleep noticing how different it was when he was just sleeping.

“So what did he say?” he asked at last.

“Sorry, darlin’?”

“The doctor. What did he say when he examined Kei?”

“It’s not really for me to say. He should speak to you all in a little while.”

“I don’t want to speak to him. I want to know.”

“Darlin’ it’s for a doctor to talk to you about, not me.” She smiled. “But it’s not bad news. Your boy is strong and kicking back. He’s got a ways to go but it could be a lot worse.”

“Really? He’s going to get better right?”

“It’s impossible to say. A lot of it’s down to him. How hard he’ll work, how much he wants it.”

“He’ll work hard. I know him. I know he will.”