Recovery - 3. Chapter 3

“I should call Paul, let him know.”

“I think you might want to call Kei’s parents and Maria first. Shouldn’t they be the first to know?”

Alex snorted. “You think they’d care? Well, Maria would but—.”

“Of course they’ll care.” Jess sounded shocked. “He’s their son and he’s in real trouble. Of course they’ll care.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Jess glanced at him and was sad to have to admit that the wry look on his face was justified. The only reason she was pushing him to tell them was because she felt he should, not because she thought it would productive – for them or for Kai.

“Well, tell Maria and she can decide if she wants to tell them.”

“Good idea.”

Maria fell apart completely. “I… I… I was so horrible to him. He forgot my birthday and I was so mad. He was terribly upset. He was…. You…. I thought you broke up.”

“We did so, if you feel bad imagine how I feel. I don’t think this is the time to think of ourselves, Maria.” He didn’t mean to come across so sharply but he couldn’t help it. The guilt was still there, cutting into him like a knife and all he could think about was the nurse saying that Kai had said he was alone. It was becoming more and more apparent that he had been and that was the single thing that hurt most. At the one time in his life Kai had needed his friends and family around him he’d been absolutely alone.

“No, I… I’m sorry, Alex. I… I’ll tell Mam and Dad. I suppose they’ll come down. Can we? I mean it’ll be late.”

“You should call the hospital. I don’t know.”

“Yes, okay, I will. I… I’m sorry Alex. I’m so sorry. Call me when you know something.”

“I will.”

“Tell him… Tell Kai I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, and I love him.”

“Of course I will.”

The call with Paul didn’t go any better. He was as shocked and upset as them all. So were all their other friends, who Alex rang. He found that once he’d started it was easier when he was talking to someone than just sitting there thinking.

He even called his sister, or at least tried to. She didn’t answer. She never answered. Caitlin was a model and if she wasn’t on a shoot or preparing for a show, she was at a party or a press conference.

Finally, he rang his mother.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“There’s no need, Mum. You probably won’t be allowed to see him anyway.”

“I’m not coming for him. Well, of course I’m coming for him, but mostly I’m coming for you. Hang on in there and we’ll be there in about three hours, no probably four by the time we sort things out this end. Do you have someone with you? “

“Jess.”

“Good. Try to keep some perspective and whatever you do try to stay calm when you’re with Kei. The last thing he needs is you falling apart.”

“I know, Mum. I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will but you’re way too calm at the moment. I know you and at some point you’re going to crack. Try not to do it in front of Kei.”

“As if I would.”

“Just saying.”

“Then don’t. I’ll see you later.”

“What did your mother say? Don’t get stressed in front of Kei?”

“Oh God,” he groaned. “I knew there was this freaking psychic force that connects all women.”

“You better believe it.”

When Jess pulled into the hospital Alex barely waited for her to slow down before wrenching open the door and bailing.

“Fuck, Alex, be careful or I’ll be visiting both of you.”

Alex wasn’t listening. He was already running up the steps to the front door. In the foyer he started frantically at the signs, not seeing one for the surgical unit. He ran to the desk and asked for it, breathlessly. The receptionist pointed him in the right direction, with a sympathetic smile and he raced along corridors not caring about the disapproving looks he earned for himself.

He skidded to a halt outside a door with the sign ‘Surgical Unit’ above it. At first, when he was unsuccessful at opening it he was angry and frustrated. Then he noticed the keypad at the side. He pressed the button and kept pressing it.

A few moments later a figure appeared on the other side of the door and opened it. “You’re not supposed to keep your finger on the button,” the nurse said severely.

“Oh. I… I’m sorry. I…” He took a deep breath. “I’m here to see Kei Prince. I was told he was here.”

“Ah, Alex right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Kei’s been fretting for you. He seems to think you’ve broken up.”

“We…kind of did. But I was stupid. I couldn’t have stayed away for long.”

The nurse smiled. “I understand. He’s a sweetheart.” She stopped in front of a door that had the numbers Three Oh Five on it. “I should warn you,” she said. “He was very upset and it’s important he stays calm so he’s been sedated. He’ll be very sleepy but quite lucid.”

“Oh. I wasn’t…. I didn’t think….”

The nurse patted him on the back. “It’ll be alright.” She opened the door and almost pushed him inside, shutting the door behind him.

It was dark. He hadn’t expected it to be dark. Weren’t hospital rooms always bright and white? Oh, of course. Kei got sensitive to light when he had one of his migraines… only they hadn’t been migraines had they? His heart thumped in his chest as he approached the bed where a dim light illuminated the figure in it.

Kei was lying on his side, curled up as he always was when he slept. Alex froze. What should he do? Stupid. There was only one thing to do.

Walking over to the bed, he sat down on the padded bench and stared into Kei’s face. It was so familiar but suddenly seemed alien. In the weird half light it was pale and deeply shadowed. With a shaking hand, he reached out and brushed back the floppy hair that couldn’t be controlled no matter what he did. Kei liked it long and ragged and Alex put up with it because he loved Kei. Right now it was the loveliest hair in the world and Kei was the loveliest man… although that had always been the case, at least for him.

Kei murmured something at his touch and nestled his head deeper into the pillow.

“Hey sleepy head,” Alex said softly. “Guess who came to see you.”

Kei’s eyes fluttered open and he stared blankly at Alex for a moment. Then suddenly he exploded, throwing himself into Alex’s arms and ending up on his lap. “Alex,” he cried, ignoring the tangle of bedclothes and IV line, desperately circling Alex’s neck with his arms and holding him tight. “Alex, Alex, Alex.”

“Hey. Ssh. It’s alright. It’s alright. I’m here. Be careful.”

“Alex, I thought I’d never see you again. I thought…. I thought I was going to die alone.”

“Hey.” Alex said firmly and pushed Kei away far enough to be able to look into his face. “First you’re not alone. You’ll never be alone. Never. Understand?”

Kei dropped his head. “I…hurt everyone. I was…lost Alex. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to call Jess but she text to tell me not to. Paul said I was acting like a dick, it was all my fault and I should suck it up. Maria yelled at me for forgetting her birthday. Even your mother was pissed with me. I felt….I felt like I had no one. Nowhere to turn. I told the nurse my parents are dead. They may as well be. I was so alone.”

“What did I just say? You’re not alone and you will never be alone, not even when people are mad at you. Everyone’s mad with someone at some time. Doesn’t mean they don’t love them like crazy. I couldn’t stay away from you, Kei, you know that. I could never have stayed away from you for long and now…now I know, I feel like shit. I’m the one who let you down.”

“No…no, I…. I should have tried harder. I should have—.”

“Kei, you were sick. You couldn’t help it. I know you tried. I know you did and I was the fuck up for not seeing it. I should have known a long time ago. I should have seen you weren’t yourself, that it wasn’t like you to be like that. I should have been there for you.”

“But…but I…I was….”

“You were sick and I didn’t take care of you. But I will now. I promise I will now. Once…once you’re through surgery I’m going to do everything I can for you. I swear it. I’ll be here with you every moment. I’ll never let you be alone again, not for a second. I’ll be the best fucking boyfriend a guy ever had.”

Kei smiled a thin smile. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“You will. You will see it. You’ll see it every day. I’ll treat you like a princess.”

“I’d hate that. I’m scared of heights so I couldn’t do the tower, and I can’t ride so sweeping me off on a white horse wouldn’t go down too well. Besides, the dresses wouldn’t suit me.”

“Okay, like a precious jewel then.”

“Nope. Don’t like the idea of getting dusty on a shelf either. How about you just treat me like me?”

“Okay. It’s a deal. I’ll treat you like you.” He laid his cheek on Kei’s hair and held him close. He knew he should probably make him go back to bed but he just couldn’t let go.

“Alex,” Kei whispered.

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. I’m scared too, but it’s going to be alright. I promise it will be alright.”

“You can’t say that. You can’t say it’s going to be alright because you don’t know any more than I do. I…I might die Alex.”

“No, no you won’t. No way. I won’t let you. I won’t let it happen. I hold on to you too tight. You’re not leaving me Kei, not now, not ever.”

“I don’t want to but….”

They were interrupted by a tap on the door and both looked up as it opened and Jess slipped through. “Oh,” she said. “I thought you’d be…. Well, at least in bed.”

“I like it where I am.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No.” Kei said.

“No, this one needs to get back in bed anyway,” Alex said and Kei complained bitterly, but allowed Alex to help him back into bed and tuck him in. “That’s where you belong for now. There’ll be plenty of time to hold you in my arms later, when it’s all over.”

Kei gave Alex a dark look but said nothing.

“So, I guess this is a really stupid question,” Jess said into the awkward silence that followed, “but how are you feeling?”

“Not the best I’ve ever felt,” Kei said with a sigh, “but, to be honest, apart from the terror, I’ve been worse.”

“Really?”

“Sure. I’m not feeling ill at all, just really sleepy.”

“That’ll be the drugs.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot.”

“Maybe you’d better go to sleep. We’re not supposed to be letting you get wound up.”

“I’m not wound up. Just really, really, really happy to see you.”

“I just had a call from Maria,” Jess said. “She’s on her way. Got a lift off a friend. Your parents will be here sometime tomorrow.”

“What?” Kei’s eyes went wide. “My parents. But…but…. Why?”

“Because they’re your parents, you idiot. They might be total dicks but you’re still their son and they care about you.”

“Yeah right.”

“Well, in their own way.”

“I guess they’re coming because it would look bad on them if they didn’t. They have their reputations to think of doncha know.”

“I’m sure it’s more than that.” Jess hung her head, hiding behind her long blonde hair. Even as she spoke the words she knew how empty they were.

Kei sighed. “Oh well. By then I suppose I won’t really care.”

“Kei! Don’t say things like that. Of course you’ll care. You’ll probably be feeling a bit sick and you’ll want people you love around you.”

“A bit sick? Yeah. Sure. And as for people I love…well that’s true but they don’t fit into that category.”

“That’s not true,” Alex said, squeezing Kei’s hand. “You do love them. They’ve let you down badly, over and over, but you do still love them.”

For a long time their eyes locked, then Kei sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

The three friends fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Alex watched Kei fight to keep his eyes open, then finally succumb, allowing them to flutter closed. Alex raised his hand and kissed it. He was rewarded by a flash of moss green eyes and a pale smile.

Not long afterwards a nurse came to check on Kei, taking his pulse, blood pressure and temperature and making notes on a clipboard at the bottom of the bed. Kei roused enough for some banter and to introduce his friends, but was asleep before the nurse left. Alex felt he really didn’t need the shot the nurse gave him but he figured she was acting under orders and he really couldn’t begrudge Kei peace, especially as he certainly didn’t have any and didn’t want Kei to have to see how badly he was holding up.

Jess slipped her arm around his waist and put her head on his shoulder. “He’s going to be alright. He’s got so many people rooting for him. We’ll bring him through no matter what.”

“I hope so.”

“You have to believe, Alex. We all have to believe or it won’t work. You can be scared, but if you don’t believe with all your heart he’s going to be alright, the magic won’t work.”

“What magic?” he asked, actually managing a genuine smile.

“The magic of positive thinking. The more positive energy we throw his way the stronger he’ll be.”

“Well, I’ll try but I have to admit I’m not feeling particularly positive at the moment.”

“Ssh, don’t say that. Not here. He’ll hear you.”

“He’s out like a light.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean the words won’t get through to some part of him. You have to be positive for him.”

“You’re weird,” Alex said, hugging her, but her words really sank in and made him feel better. He leaned forward and stroked Kei’s face. “You hear that? You’ve got witchy Jess rooting for you and casting her spells. You’re going to be fine, buddy. You’re going to be more than fine. This time tomorrow we’re going to be laughing together at how scared we were. I really believe that. Truly.”

“Hey,” Jess said, elbowing him in the ribs. “Less of the witchy. I’m way too beautiful to be a witch. Not a wart in sight. I’m an enchantress. A beautiful enchantress.”

Alex grinned and hugger her tighter. “You’re definitely enchanting me. I feel a lot better.”

“Good. So do you, don’t you sunshine?” she said, stroking Kei’s hand. Amazingly, wherever his sleeping mind was wandering Kei seemed to have heard because a sweet smile appeared on his face and stayed there. Alex exchanged glances with Jess. His was startled, hers smug.

Alex would like to have thought he’d sit all night at Kei’s bedside holding his hand, reassuring him when he woke, soothing him when he dreamed, but the truth was that after half an hour he got bored. His back was stiff, Jess’s head was heavy on his shoulder and the silence was irritating him. Kei barely stirred and the eerie silence and lack of light was oppressive.

“Jess, are you asleep?”

“Of course I’m not asleep.”

“Are you as bored as I am?” he whispered, afraid Kei might overhear.

“No I am not. Well alright, a bit.”

“It’s so fucking quiet. Can’t even hear people moving about outside. I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble.”

“I know what you mean.”

With a sigh, Alex got up and walked over to the window, cracking the curtains open to peer out. “Fuck, it’s snowing.”

“Snowing? But it’s March. It doesn’t snow in March. It was warm this morning. Well, as warm as it gets this time of year. It can’t be snowing.”

“Why would I lie? I’m telling you, Jess, it’s snowing like hell. I hope Mum and Dad have the sense not to drive in this.”

“You know they won’t. I mean won’t not drive. I mean…you know they will drive. They wouldn’t let anything stop them getting to you now. Besides it can’t be that bad.”

“You think?”

Jess joined him at the curtains. Choosing the other curtain, she peeped out at the thick, swirling flakes. “Shit. It’s really coming down.”

“That’s what I meant. It’s not safe to drive in.”

“Your father’s a great driver.”

Alex sighed and combed his hands through his hair. “I know, but there are plenty of other idiots out there who aren’t and he won’t see them coming in this. The last thing I want now is a call about them.”

“Don’t worry. They’ll be alright. Hey, I’d better pop home while I still can. Pick up some stuff. We’re going to be here a while I think.”

“You don’t have to stay.”

She gave Alex ‘a look’ and he cringed. “Alright, alright madam. I’m not easy about you going out in this though.”

“I’m not going to stay in this place for long without some necessary provisions. Give me your key,” she demanded. Alex stared at her, confused. “So I can get into your house to collect something for you.”

“Oh. Oh, okay. Just be careful?”

“I’m always careful.” Jess kissed Alex lightly on the cheek, then she bent over the bed and did the same to Kei. “Won’t be long sweetheart. I’m going to bring you some nice things for when you wake up so you won’t be so scared in the morning. Sleep tight.”

When she had gone the same deep, oppressive silence fell on Alex and he just couldn’t keep still. He paced and peered out of the window and fretted about everyone.

Every time the door opened he jumped and was disappointed because it was always a nurse checking in.

During the latest round of checks Kei woke and panicked.

“Alex? Alex are you here.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m here, babe. I haven’t gone anywhere.” He sat down quickly and took his hand. Kei squeezed it and let out a long breath.

“I couldn’t see you. I thought you’d gone.”

“I promised, didn’t I? When have I ever broken a promise?”

“Never.”

“Then have a little more faith.”

“I…I have faith…in you.”

“ You better. Hey, guess what? It’s snowing.”

“Snowing? But it’s March.”

“Whatever, babe. It’s definitely snowing.”

“Let me see,” He was half out of bed before the nurse pushed him back.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re staying put, angel. I’m not going to have you falling and hurting yourself on my watch.”

“I won’t fall.”

“Not about to take that risk. I can, of course, strap you down if you’re refusing to co operate.”

“No you can’t,” both Alex and Kei chorused.

“Well, maybe not officially, but I do have a set of handcuffs lying around somewhere.”

“Alright, alright,” Kei grumbled, while Alex stared at the nurse, who grinned back at him and winked. “Open the curtains then. Let me see.”

It was dark by now so the only illumination was that of the moon, muted lights from the garden below and other windows across the way.

Alex stood at the window for a moment, watching the soft, silent snow, twinkling slightly against the lights. They blurred everything, so all he could see were patches of glowing orange here and there. He turned and was caught by the look on Kai’s face. He was entranced.

“I love snow,” Kei said with a smile, sinking back against the pillows, his eyes already heavy again. “Do you think it’s a good omen?”

“You don’t need good omens because you’ve got so much love,” the nurse said firmly, but Alex sat down again, took Kei’s hand and smiled into his sleepy green eyes.

“Absolutely,” he said. Kei smiled, turned his head to watch the snow and fell asleep with the smile still firmly in place.