To Have and to Hold - 10. Chapter 10

The Next Step

All I can remember is the eyes. They fill my vision, my mind. They are speaking to me, whispering of sleep and surrender and it is easy to do both... but not for long. I can’t help it. I have to fight. I have no choice. It is as though my mind has succumbed and is asleep but my soul, my spirit blazes through me without any conscious will and gently disentangles the hold that sleep has claimed over me.

By the time I open my eyes I am whole again, body, soul and spirit free and clear. I am wary, something tells me to take care, to hide. Slowly I extend my awareness and satisfy myself that there is no one in the room and so I allow myself to open my eyes.

I am in an unfamiliar room, lying on a bed. It is soft and comfortable and there is part of me that wants to stay here, safe. The same sense of self preservation that told me to keep my eyes shut until I was sure that I was alone is telling me to hide more than just my consciousness. I have no idea how I know how to do it but I shroud myself in darkness, hiding myself in it, my energy, my essence.

The door opens into a dark corridor, not that any corridor is truly dark to me now. Everywhere is still and quiet. I can sense that it is daylight outside and so most of the vampires in Sanctuary will be asleep.

Very, very carefully I extend my thoughts, my senses searching and it doesn’t take me very long to find what I am looking for. Following my heart I negotiate the corridors, all looking the same, all leading in the same direction, until I come to a door.

I listen carefully, I hear nothing. I extend my senses and hear one heart beat, soft breathing, a sigh. Smiling, I open the door and slip inside. He is asleep, just that, murmuring and I can hear what he says... it is a name... mine.

“Kai?”

He stirs and his eyes flicker open. Tears spring into them as soon as he sees me. “Marc. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. If I had known...”

“Sorry? For what?”

Suddenly he sits up, his eyes wide.

“Marc? Is it really you? You’re really here? Did they let you go?”

“Did who let me go?”

“Gabriel, Shade?”

“No.”

“Then how....?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you.... your energy. I can’t feel your energy.”

“I’m hiding it.”

“But how? How do you know how?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m doing it or how I know how to do it, I just am doing it.”

Suddenly he smiles and the world lights up. He reaches out to me and then I am in his arms, the only place in the world I want to be. I close my eyes and kiss him. The touch of our lips awakens a fire in me, a desperate need that I have almost forgotten.

“Kai... are you....?”

“No... but getting there. I feel so much better now that you are here. You were right... it was worse than I thought. I have never known myself to take so long to heal. It seems that whatever healing energies you might have they were not passed on to me.”

“Yes they were, you are blocking them.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“I don’t know. I can... kind of...see.”

“What do you mean? What can you see?”

“I.... I can see your energy flowing around you. It is different colours and.... and the healing is... is ... a kind of pale gold and it is ... blocked.”

“How can you tell that?”

“I don’t know... look....” I put my hands on his face, either side of his forehead and close my eyes. I don’t know what I am doing, not consciously. It is instinctive, natural. I just show him and I know he can see. When I open my eyes he is staring at me with wonder in his eyes.

“That... that’s amazing. I can... I can... SEE your energy. Can you do that with everyone?”

“I don’t know I haven’t tried before.”

“Okay, so.... I can’t see my own energy. Where is it blocked?”

“Here...” I gently touch him on the forehead, “and here...” his throat...”here...” his heart...”and here,” his abdomen. He trembles at my touch and I see the blocks dissolve and the energy flows free. For a moment his body goes stiff and then relaxes and he begins to cry.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Don’t you feel better?”

“I... I feel.... I feel wonderful, never better, never so.... whole.”

“Now we can... we can be...”

He cuts off the rest of my sentence with a kiss. As it deepens I ease myself down besides him. The blankets have slid down and he is naked to below the waist. My hand explores his body, stroking the soft smooth skin, digging my fingers into the firm flesh over his hips and buttocks. The blankets slip further and my actions become more fervent gripping him hard and pulling him towards me.

Kai groans and I kiss his lips, his throat, his neck. As I move lower his fingers claw at my back, the nails are long and they break the skin, releasing the scent of blood and my nostrils flare, my pulse hammering. Hungry I slide down until I have my face buried between his thighs, breathing in the muskiness of his body.

Very gently I take one of his balls into my mouth and suck. He moans and arches his back and I rub my cheek against his cock. He is trembling and so am I.

Releasing his ball I slide my tongue along the length of his throbbing shaft to the very tip which I gently probe, tasting the sweet saltiness his body releases. Reaching behind him I grasp his buttocks, digging my fingers into him and pulling him hard towards me, taking as much of him into my mouth as I can and sucking strongly. He shudders and suddenly pulls away, grabbing me by the shoulders and yanking me upwards so he can take possession of my mouth with his own.

“I think it’s my turn.”

Now it is he who is sliding down my body and I can hardly bear the anticipation. I am shaking, my body straining towards him of its own accord. When his sweet lips close around me I almost climax there and then. Then he bites me and I gasp the feelings receding a little allowing me to fully appreciate the expertise with which he massages me with his lips and tongue. By the time he has finished I am almost delirious, barely conscious.

And then he releases me and slides up my body, my cock slick and wet from his ministrations twitches and dribbles as it rubs against his skin. As he raises his hips and lowers himself onto me I grab his cock and he slides through my hand as I raise my hips to slide into him.

Time seems to be suspended for a glorious moment as we are poised on the brink of something momentous. Our eyes are locked, blue on blue, we are both trembling and our hearts beat in time, pounding a rhythm which our bodies take up and we begin to move to the beat of a living drum.

We are perfectly synchronised, so strong we can control every movement absolutely. Slowly at first then faster and faster as our hearts speed, our blood pumps, our breath pants. I close my eyes. I have no idea if Kai does too and I don’t care. I am beyond caring, beyond thinking, beyond anything but the sensation that is building in my loins.

I am moaning, grunting, the sounds primal, animalistic and they are answered by Kai. I find myself again trembling on the edge of a chasm, this time it is filled with a swirling mass of cloud as though I am standing on a mountain top inestimably high, looking down on the world below, my world? No... a different world, a world that is calling me. This time I am not afraid, this time I am ready. I close my eyes and prepare to jump. My head is thrown back and I feel Kai’s lips on my throat, his teeth sharp against my skin. With a brief sharp shock they sink needle sharp into my neck and my body convulses as the moment of release is precipitated beyond all hope of control and I am pulled back from the chasm again.

The teeth withdraw and Kai’s thrusting against my hand increases in speed and intensity. With my other hand I pull him closer to me and, as my trembling subsides and my wits return I lift my head and bite, tasting his blood salt and sharp on my tongue and, in the next instant the warmth of his ejaculation on my belly and my chest.

Letting my head fall back I close my eyes and let my body relax, sliding out of him, releasing him. He falls across me, breathing hard, whimpering slightly.

“Are you alright?” I had forgotten he was ill. So had he.

“Yeah. I am. Surprising though it may be, I am... I am more than alright. I am fantastic. You are amazing. I have never... never... oh my gods, you are amazing.”

“You’re not a bad fuck yourself.”

He laughs and hauls himself up so he can look down at me, his eyes glowing.

“I love you Marc. I have though before in my life that I have loved, but never, never like this, never like I love you.”

“I love you too. With all my heart.”

“I swear that I will take care of you. Tomorrow, at sunrise, we will walk out of here together, in the light of the sun and we will find a place where we can be together, away from all this crap. Just the two of us, forever.”

“I don’t care where we go or what we do just as long as I am with you. I swear it Kai, I will never leave you.”

*-*-*

It is late in the afternoon. I can sense the sun falling but not yet nearing the horizon. It is hot and we have thrown off the blankets and are lying naked, our bodies entwined. I feel sticky and uncomfortable and I need to pee.

Very gently disentangling myself from Kai I reach for my clothes. He murmurs in his sleep and snuggles down on the pillow and I have to smile. My heart is full of him. His hair is all mussed and he looks like a little boy, so sweet and vulnerable. It is shocking to think that he has been alive for more than three centuries. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must feel like.... what it will feel like. I shiver suddenly realising that I have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of time to do it.

Still smiling I ease open the door and slip into the corridor. The house is still very quiet, very still, no one is awake yet, although.... on the edge of my awareness I can sense that there is someone else moving through the house. They are aimless and have no conscious direction and so they are not registering very highly on my radar. Their energy is muted, misty, familiar. I smile.... Beth.

When I have finished in the toilet I feel too wide awake to go back to bed and, although I am tempted to go straight back and wake Kai, and although I have promised him not to leave the room alone I feel that I would enjoy some light conversation, a less intense perspective on our situation, and so I go looking for Beth.

She is in the kitchen making coffee. As it is daylight outside the heavy black curtains are pulled across the windows and it is as dark as a deep cave. She looks up and smiles when I enter.

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was but I woke up.”

She frowns. It is only a small frown and it makes her look pretty. “I don’t think you are supposed to do that. I think that Gabriel will be angry if he finds out.”

“Well, that’s his problem. I am not afraid of Gabriel.”

“I am. He feels like he is angry all the time and he makes me feel like a freak.”

That makes me angry. Not the words but the wistfulness with which she speaks. “You are not a freak, no more than I am....” I catch myself and laugh... Kai has filled me in on what happened in the library. “although I don’t think that is actually of much comfort given the circumstances.”

“What circumstances?”

“It seems that I am pretty much a freak myself. I don’t really understand it but... seems like it is a big deal.”

“Why?”

“Have you heard of the Malakim?”

“Of course. Everyone has heard of the Malakim.” She says it with such finality that it makes me smile again.

“Surprisingly, I haven’t. I say surprisingly because apparently I am one, or at least I was... I have no idea what I am supposed to be now.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Well so I have been told but ... seems that’s what all the fuss is about.”

She looks at me closely, peering in that direct and straightforward way she has. Then she nods “Yes, I can see that you are different, even though you are hiding. I knew it, of course, from the day at the beach, but I didn’t think you were THAT different.”

“So why is it such a big deal?”

“I’m not that sure, only that vampires and Malakh have kind of been... not enemies as such but... hmmm not rivals exactly either... but kind of cold to each other, always. I think it all has something to do with the first days.”

“The first days?”

“Yes, when vampires first came into being. I have not paid very much attention to the stories but I knew that once vampires and Malakim were part of the same family, or at least close friends. Something happened and the vampires split, became different, darker. We kind of grew into what popular conception came to know as demons and the Malakim became known as angels. The dark and the light, two opposite poles.

“I have never concerned myself with the Malakim. They leave us alone; we leave them alone. I know that the great houses have some kind of interaction with them, or at least talk about it a lot. I think they are scared of them. The Malakim are very powerful, more powerful than us, I think. And of course they can walk in sunlight and so have power throughout the day and not only at night which gives them a big advantage over us.”

I accept the coffee mug she hands me and sip. It is strong and black and, although that is not how I usually take my coffee, it tastes good. To be honest, I am too distracted to notice much.

“Where can I find more? I have a feeling that Gabriel is not going to tell me and Kai freaks when I ask him about it.”

“I think there should be something in the library.”

“Great, will you come with me?”

“Why?”

“Because I like your company.”

“Alright. It isn’t as if I have anything better to do and, it is strange, because I am not a very sociable person, but I seem to like your company too. Perhaps we are becoming friends. That would be nice. I have never had a friend before.”

“What? Never? You have never had a friend?”

“No. As I said, I am not a very sociable person. Generally people seem not to like having me around. I don’t know why.”

“I think maybe it is because most people seem to spend most of their lives playing games, it is like a dance. They dance around each other, pandering to pride and ego and they learn to wear masks, different ones for different people and situations. You don’t seem to have learned the rules of the game, the steps of the dance. You don’t wear a mask and just walk your own path, cutting across the dancers and making them confront their games and masks. That is very uncomfortable and most people don’t like it.”

“But you are dancing Marc, you are wearing a mask and you don’t seem to mind me.”

I can’t help but laugh and, for a moment she looks hurt and so I smile and take her arm. “Ah yes, but I am aware of it and I do it by choice. My mask s there to put on or take off as I please and it is not who I am. I like you BECAUSE you are so direct, BECAUSE you show people up for who they are. You make me face the person behind the mask so that I don’t lose sight of him and become just mask like everyone else does”

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to. Just keep on being yourself and I will keep on liking you for it and yes, I am absolutely positive that we will be friends. We already are.”

“I am glad of that. I like having a friend.”

“So do I. Now come on, let’s see what we can find in the library. I am not really sure of the way so you will have to lead.”

The way to the library leads through the hall. Our footsteps echo as we cross the dark cavernous space but we donn’t notice. We dion’t notice either, that there are other, softer echoes. We notice nothing until the dark figures spring.

The first I know of it is when a figure, dressed all in black, its face covered with a mask ninja style, rears up behind Beth and grabs her, pulling her backwards, a hand over her mouth to stifle her cry. In almost the same instant hands grab me from behind.

Before I can do anything, react in any way mental or physical something soft and wet is pressed over my face and my strength drains away. I focus all my attention on trying to twist my face away but the grip is strong and, although I struggle, with every breath my strength depletes. I am falling backwards and the sound of the coffee mug hitting the floor sounds, suddenly very loud and clear in the silence within my head. There is a sharp pain in my arm and the world turns soft.

The cloth is removed from my face and I can feel the hands lifting me but there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t cry out, mentally or physically, I can’t move, I can’t stop my eyes from closing, my body from relaxing and consciousness from sinking. The last thing I am aware of is the sunlight on my face.