To Have and to Hold - 4. Chapter 4

He is not a very pleasant looking human, middle aged but trying to look younger, a paunch oozing over the top of his trousers. He looks stunned, as though he can’t believe his luck in being towed into an alley by someone like May. His eyes are small and they leer at her, he is practically dribbling, his hands already straying to her ample breasts. How can she allow him to paw her like that, even knowing…. knowing…?

I hear Kai’s mental voice thrash out like a whip. “May… don’t you think you could have found a better one… for his first time.”

May’s response was just as swift and harsh. “Do you really think he would be able to do it if I had? This one is perfect. THIS one deserves to die.”

They are close now, close enough that I can smell the stale sweat and aftershave. I am trembling. I can’t do this. I know that I can’t do this.

Shade steps forwards, gliding towards the duo, his eyes fixed on the man. The man sees something moving in the darkness and lets out an exclamation of surprise. Then he looks into Shade’s eyes and goes very still. At that moment his life is over, quick, clean, instant, deadly, silent. He is still standing but his eyes have turned blank. There is no awareness in him. His heart still beats, I can hear it, I can sense the blood pumping through his body but his mind is gone, instantly wiped, destroyed.

I am horrified and I can’t move. I remember the way I had felt when Shade stared into my eyes. If I had been human would I now be a blank, lifeless shell?

“No. It only happens when I choose for it to happen. And I would never choose for that to happen to you. I would never hurt you Marc, I couldn’t. You don’t know it yet but you are too strong, even for me.”

I can’t look into the wide, innocent looking eyes and so I look over his shoulder instead to when the man stands, alone as May has stepped back and been swallowed by shadows. He is waiting, waiting for me. I am shaking so much I can’t move.

“He deserves to die Marc.” I am so startled that I let my eyes flick back, to connect with Shade’s stare and I am lost. I have no awareness of where I am or who I am or what I am doing. I hear a voice whispering to me close by telling me about all the bad things this man has done. About the disabled wife he leaves at home while he prowls the bars and clubs, about the beatings he gives her when her disability makes her clumsy, about the child who cowers before the sound of his voice, the shadow of his arm, about the other child, the one who watches with empty eyes and broken spirit while he abuses the body and warps the mind.

Anger flares in me and I suddenly realise that I am standing next to the man, holding him in almost a loving embrace, my lips so close to his throat I can taste him. His heartbeat is a pounding in my head, the flow of his blood in his veins a rushing river carrying my at dizzying speeds towards a certain inevitability.

“No!”

I step back and glare at Shade, anger sparking in my eyes. Kai appears from the shadow a look of panic on his face.

“What’s the matter? What happened?”

The anger left me as quickly as it had flared and I shake my head. “If I do this, I do it my way, in full knowledge. I have to take responsibility for my actions. I have to live with them. I can’t just let myself be led by the nose, seduced and mesmerised with my senses drugged by…” I turn to Shade. The eyes, as always are unreadable. “I’m sorry. I know you meant well. But you can’t force me or trick me into doing this.”

“I know. I was testing you. It is rare I have to use so much energy and still you broke free. I am impressed. You do not need me.”

“Wait!” But it was too late, Shade had gone, melting into shadow, a whisper on the wind was all that remained and that only for a moment.

“When you need me, I will be there.”

“Fuck!”

Our eyes meet and Kai smiles shakily. I know what he is thinking. I have seen the way they look at Shade. They are afraid of him, even Wolfy, even May. I hope that I never see that look in any eyes that are looking at me. I shiver, a chill of presentience lifting the hair on my neck.

Kai moves to stand at my side. He puts his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder.

“It isn’t as bad as you think it is going to be. It’s best not to think too much about it. Usually in a hunt you can’t think because if you do you will get a knife in your guts. Usually we only hunt those who can fight back but, for the first time, this is easier… or maybe not. If you hate it, if you really hate it, then there are places we can go where there are willing donors.”

I don’t hate it. That surprises me. The hardest thing is to overcome my revulsion for the person. I am beyond the morality of ‘who am I to say who deserves to live and who to die’. I feel ill, shocked, weak and helpless. It had taken more out of me than I care to admit to fight free of Shade and I had not even been aware of doing it. My legs are shaking and there is a pain in my stomach like the worst kind of heartburn. I am soooo cold and I can feel the life in me fading.

I know that I have to feed, that it is him or me and I have no intention of it being me. I am more callous than I had thought, or expected. I feel nothing when I sink my teeth into his neck, nothing except a sweet rush of energy as the blood gushes into my mouth. I don’t bite too hard, just enough to puncture deep enough to drink, and so the blood does not overwhelm me. I drink slowly, savouring the taste, the smell and most of all the feel of it.

It is not as I had expected. I have little memory of drinking from Kai, I was out of my mind, barely conscious. This time I am fully aware and I am shocked by how light it is, how sweet and how it makes by lips, tongue, mouth and throat tingle and fizz. As the blood hits my stomach I realise with surprise and some embarrassment that I am becoming aroused by the experience and I turn my hips slightly to hide my erection against the man’s flabby gut.

I suck harder, hungry now for the sensations, the energy, the buzz. And then suddenly it is over. I don’t know what or how it happened but suddenly I know that I am full. I have had enough. There is no question of taking more because I know that if I do it will make me sick and spoil the whole experience and so I lift my face, licking the last traces of blood from my lips, feeling my fangs slide automatically back into whatever place they seem to lurk when not needed.

“Do you want to finish this?” Kai’s eyes are wide, he is so astonished as to be almost afraid. “What?”

His hands are trembling as he reaches around the man from behind, leaning over his shoulder, his fangs flashing in the darkness as he lets his head sink down to drink. He is so beautiful this dark angel, his hair falling forward to spill like a bloodstain down the pristine white of the man’s shirt. There is something so sexy about watching him feed that I can’t help myself.

I move behind him and put my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. I can feel his energies subtly change as he takes in the new energy from the blood. Reaching around between Kai and his prey I slide my hands down his body. He shudders but continues to feed. Leaning his hips slightly backwards to give me room to manoeuvre I feel the muscles of his abdomen contract under my hands and it makes my heart kick in my chest and my cock twitch in my trousers.

Releasing his belt I pull at the zip of his jeans and then abandon it to slide my hands down and find that he is as aroused as I am. I curse aloud that his jeans are too tight and I tug them down over his hips releasing his erection. This is too much for him and he lifts his head gagging.

He releases the man and I swing him around, slamming him into the wall. The man slides silently to the floor and, after a time I am no longer aware of the beat of his heart in the background. Kai stands for a moment, his head back, his fangs lowered dripping blood and I press my lips to his, licking the sweetness from him. We are both trembling and I can feel his heart pumping.

His hands fumble at the button of my jeans but I push them away impatiently, pinning him to the wall as I lick the last of the blood from his face. And then I fall to my knees in the dirt, sliding down his body, worshipping him, gazing up into his beautiful face, the face of an angel leaning over me, his incredible hair almost touching my face. His eyes are wide and dark, at first he does not know if I have fallen or if I was deliberate in my actions and then, as my lips close about his phallus he moans and lets his head fall back against the wall shuddering.

As sweet as the blood had been the taste of Kai’s juices are sweeter. I lick the pearls of nectar that his body offers me and they coat my lips with the lubricant I need to massage him with my lips and tongue before taking him in as far as I can, applying just the right amount of suction to make his legs tremble so hard I am afraid that he will fall before he comes… but he doesn’t.

When it is over I slide myself up his body until I am standing again. His head is thrown back against the wall and his eyes are closed. I can feel him trembling all over and I can’t help but smile.

“Fuck Marc, fuck!!”

“Not right now, maybe later.”

I step back but he catches me, pulls me back, crushing me against him. “You are so fucking incredible. I can’t believe you.”

“Hey, it was just a blow job, no biggie.”

“You have no idea. Your power, your restraint! I have never seen anyone as controlled, as… as…” he pauses. “I have guided a few through the changing. I have seen so many feed for the first time. Some of them were eager, some had to be coaxed, tricked even… they all… all… lost control in the feeding frenzy. There are so few of us who can control ourselves when we are feeding but you… there is barely a mark on him, no blood on his shirt, no waste at all. And you stopped, when you were full you stopped. That is unheard of for someone so new, a real professional job… rather like the one you did on me.”

“I had a good teacher.”

He is still shaking, trembling with an intensity that is beginning to worry me. He raises his head to look at me and I feel the smile freeze and fade from my face. His eyes are so dark, so unreadable.

“That… that isn’t a bad thing is it? I mean, I haven’t done anything wrong have I?”

“Wrong? No, oh gods no. Not wrong. I knew that you were special Marc, from the beginning I knew you were special but I had not idea how special you really are. You amaze me, every day you astonish me more.”

“That’s alright then, because that is exactly how I feel about you.” I am blushing and I know it. I am not so good at taking compliments although, when I am with him I actually believe the things he says about me.

He laughs and, cupping my face in his hand lifts it for a kiss. It is the sweetest gentlest kiss I have ever experienced and I could stay here forever, lifted above this stinking alley, way above and beyond by the sanctity of his love.

But nothing lasts forever and he gently pushes me away, at the same time pulling up his trousers. “I am getting cold and we really should be gone from here.”

I glance down at the still white heap and shudder. “Yes, I wouldn’t want to have to explain that.”

“Don’t worry it will be taken care of.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we have finished there are… others who take over and do a much better job of disposing of the evidence.”

“What?”

“Scavengers. They are…. not like us. They will devour him, flesh, bones, hair… the lot. They come in handy but they make my blood go cold. I don’t want to be here when they start on him.”

Suddenly on edge I want nothing more than to be away from there. As we leave the alley I look back and I swear I can see the body move, swept away on a tide of darkness.

Wolfy and May fall into step beside us as we move away from the alley. Kai is still adjusting his clothing and May leers.

“Have fun boys?”

“More than you could imagine.”

“Oh.. I have a VERY fertile imagination. Besides the two of you were making so much noise I couldn’t help but overhear.”

“But… we didn’t make any noise at all…. oh…. you didn’t mean…” I blushed furiously. She had been listening in, and not with her ears.

“May, shame on you. You know the rules.”

“They are not my rules hon. I have little use for rules and regulation and that is why you love me so much.” She dances around to kiss him briefly on the lips and I see her eyes flash towards me. I have a feeling that I am going to be seeing a lot more of May… and I am going to have to be very careful.

*-*-*

We have been walking along the beach for a while, looking at the sea. May loves the sea and it is a passion she shares with Kai. The two of them have been standing for almost and hour, side by side, just staring out over the water, to the moon in the distance. The tide has come in and wet their feet but they don’t notice and I am not going to be the one to tell them.

They are standing close but not touching and I can feel the connection between them. Examining my feelings I find that I am not jealous. What Kai and I have is special, sacred, there is nothing that can touch it, certainly not this red headed vixen. He has clearly known her for a very long time but he chose me. The thought makes me smile inside and brings a tear to my eyes to think that someone so special chose me.

Misinterpreting Wolfy grunts and sits down besides me. I am staring out over the sea too but I think he thinks that I am staring at them. I feel thoughts slide through his mind. He is too good at shielding for me to see what they are and I would not dream of trying to probe, that is an unwritten law, more than a rule. Anyway, I know what they are… he is trying to find words to reassure me, to let me know that I have nothing to fear. I want to tell him that I know that, that I have no fear but I am curious about what might be revealed if I keep silent, and so I do.

Eventually he clears his throat. “Those two go back a long way you know?”

“Were they lovers?” I can feel the confusion and embarrassment flowing off him in waves, and I feel bad so I have to qualify. “Not that it matters, I am secure.”

He turns his head to look at me and I look at him out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly his beard is split into an enormous grin. “Yes, you are. I have never met anyone who is so… secure.” Chuckling he settles down, relaxes. “No. They have never been lovers, although May would have wanted it different. Kai has always been…. always preferred the company of men.”

“Always been gay you mean?”

“Alright, if you wish. May has tried to seduce him from time to time and it has always ended in tears, but they always make up. There is something that binds them, something from their past that makes them stick to each other no matter what. Sometimes she leaves for a while, sometimes he does but they always come back.”

“Wolfy… will you answer me a straight question with a straight and honest answer?”

“If I can.”

“How old are they?”

“I have no idea. Older than they seem.”

“That is not really a straight answer. Okay then, how long have you known them?”

“Oh…. I don’t know. A long time.”

“How long?”

“Persistent little bugger aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Alright. I have been a vampire for almost seventy years. Kai and May were with me through the crossing, although neither of them was the one who turned me.”

“Seventy years?”

“And they had been together a good long time before that.”

“Seventy years.”

“Marc, you are very young, in more ways than one but you will very soon find out that Kai is… special, everyone knows him, most of the decent folk respect him. He has many friends and there are many who would give their lives for him in a heartbeat. But he has a past, it catches up with him from time to time and before he came here…. there is a sense of lifetimes lived, battles fought and fought again.

“I have a feeling that, unless you are prepared to be shocked to the core of your being, you never ask that question to Kai.”

I shiver, the presentience again stroking the back of my neck, a breeze coming in from the sea lifting my hair and I shiver again. Kai turns and stares and me and then turns back to murmur something to May before they both start to walk back to us. “I think you are right.”

“Ok beautiful?” He strokes my hair, sending shivers down my back, then sits down next to me putting his arm around my shoulders and leaning his head against my shoulder. “It is a glorious night isn’t it.”

“Yes, it is. The moon is full, it’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you are.”

“Oh please. You two are sickening. Come on Wolfy, let’s leave the pathetic fags to shag their brains out in peace. I guess its safe enough now.”

Kai looks up and smiles at May and she affectionately ruffles his hair as she walks past and away up the beach back towards the promenade. Wolfy simply climbs to his feet, shrugs and lumbers after her. There is a strange look on Kai’s face as he watches them.

“You ok babe? You seem far away.”

“Not a long way, just a long time.”

“I don’t understand.”

He turns to me with shaded eyes, he look sad and it makes me sad to see him so. His hair is blowing across his face in long silky strands and I can’t help but to reach out and brush it away, tucking it behind his ear. He is so beautiful in the moonlight, my heart aches to hold him, to kiss him, to make love to him. I can taste his hot salty tang on my tongue and I am breathless with desire for him.

It seems that wherever his mind was wandering it was treading similar paths to mine and I smile, slowly peering up through my hair coyly and suddenly, blindingly he grins.

“You are such a tart.”

“Only because that is the way you made me.”

“I… made you.” he frowned. “No… I didn’t make you... I just… found you.”

“No. The truth is, I wasn’t like this before. I was closed down, in denial of who and what I am. I wasn’t always like that. When my parents were alive I was able to be completely myself, I told them the truth about me. Then when they died it just seemed easier to shut down, close off, and I suppose I did it too well. I have never even begun to open up, to be myself, not until now, not until you.”

We both shift until we are kneeling in the sand, facing each other. We don’t move, don’t speak, it is enough just to be there, just to bathe myself in the glorious glow of his face. Touching my face he turns my blood to fire and I sense the flame kindle in my eyes. Seeing it, he smiles and an answering red glow emanates from his own.

I begin to move towards him, anticipation making my heart beat faster but then I see something on his face that stops me dead. I don’t need to look behind to know there was someone there, I don’t need to reach out with my mind and feel the red hot hatred, I don’t need to do either, I do both.