Weeping Lily - 12. Chapter 12

Cal kept his promise to Jayden and went back to the hotel. He was sneaked out the back way under police guard, driven to the hotel and sneaked in at the tradesman’s entrance. He hated the sneaking but he would have hated the mobbing more.

It wasn't until he was standing under the shower, his tense muscles finally beginning to relax, that Cal fully realised just how tired he was. He was barely able to find the energy to wipe himself and fall into bed. The hotel room was eerily quiet and it disturbed him considerably.

When he was finally tucked under the covers he found that he couldn’t sleep. There was so much to process, so much to think about and try to understand. It wasn’t so much his crystallising feelings for Jayden... now he knew they were returned it was not about coming to terms with the feelings but rather of trying to stop from bursting whenever he thought about them.

The things that he found really hard to come to terms with was the fact that he still couldn’t relax and be sure that Jayden was going to be alright... he was still waiting for the phone to ring at any minute with bad news... and also, even more pressingly at that moment, the revelations Jayden had imparted in their last conversation.

He hadn’t lied when he told Jayden that he would love him no matter what, that he would care for him no matter what he had done, no matter where his pain had led him or what he’d had to do to control it... but still. How was he going to cope with that? How was he ever going to be able to cope with what Jayden had to tell him... and he would have to cope because Jayden had to tell him?

This was a burden that Jayden had been carrying all alone for a very long time... far too long. It wasn’t fair to expect him to do that any more and he wouldn’t... he would be there with him, right at his side but he wasn’t naive and he knew full well where that journey was likely to take them both. Was he ready for that? Was he up to it?

What if Jayden was right and he wouldn’t be able to have sex without pain? Would he be able to... could he hurt Jayden if he wanted him to, needed him to? Cal shuddered at the mere thought. No... he didn’t think he could. He was going to have to get Jayden through this to somewhere more normal on the other side. He was going to have to persuade Jayden to get help, professional help.

And that brought a whole new set of problems. After what Jayden had been through at the hands of professionals it was going to be hard to persuade him to trust anyone. Maybe he could get in touch with Helen. She had helped him so much last time. Maybe she would do it again. Maybe this time she would get all the way through to him and help him to deal with what had happened rather than just coping with it. Maybe...

Still thinking of the maybes he fell into a fitful, exhausted sleep and didn’t wake for more than fourteen hours. He wouldn’t have woken then if it hadn’t been for the insistent ringing of the phone. It just went on and on and on, slowly infiltrating his unconscious mind and drawing it back to consciousness. With awareness came panic. How many times in his dreams had he woken to the sound of the phone and it had never brought good news.

“What!? What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

“Calm down Cal... nothing’s wrong. Chill.”

“Sorry... I’m a little... on edge.”

“I can’t imagine why.”

“So what is it?”

“Are you coming to the hospital later?”

“Are you kidding? I am going to shower and then be over. Is Jayden alright?”

For a moment there was silence and that’s all it took to throw Cal into a panic again. “Rik... what’s happened? What’s happened to Jayden?”

“Nothing... calm down. He’s fine... he’s... He wants his stuff... his writing stuff.”

“He wants to write?”

“He says he needs to.”

“Oh. Is he...?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Cal’s stomach was churning as he hurried through a quick shower and grabbed an apple for breakfast. He was so nervous he forgot about making arrangements for transport and was lost in a world of his own right up to the point he stepped into the lobby of the hotel and saw a worried looking manager hurrying towards him. He was diverted into the staff lounge.

“Please try and be more careful Mr Berkley. If the reporters had seen you they would have caused trouble for us again.”

“I’m sorry... I... I didn’t think. I don’t want to cause trouble. I’m just... a little distracted.”

“Of course. How is Mr McDonnell? Is he...?”

“He’s getting better. Slowly but... He’s going to be fine.”

“That is such a relief. You know...” for a moment the professional mask slipped and real concern showed in the soft brown eyes. “... he is a very engaging young man. He used to... he’d sneak down the back stairs sometimes in the middle of the night and make himself a sandwich in the kitchen. He got caught I don’t know how many times and by the end he’d make a batch and bring them into the staff room. We’d look forwards to his visits. It was such a shock...” Seeming to realise where he was and who he was talking to he pulled himself together and smiled, the professional screen slipping back into place.

“Jayden is a... he’s a sweet person and he likes to do break the rules.”

The manager smiled and nodded. “If you would like to wait here I’ll arrange a car. Would you please give Jayden our best regards for a full and rapid recovery?”

“Sure... of course I will... thanks.”

It was hell just sitting and waiting for the car. He paced, which was his way of relieving tension. He’d known that coming back to the hotel was a bad idea. He should have been there. He should have stayed with Jayden.

When Jayden wanted to write everyone was happy because they knew that he was going to create art and that he was content and happy. When Jayden needed to write they got scared because it meant that he was sliding into one of his dark moods and although the work he created was still art, sometimes even more so, it meant that he was far from happy or stable which in turn meant that neither was the group.

The fact that Jayden was saying that he needed to write, coupled with what he had told him yesterday, and the fact that he was probably going to be unable to write anything much at the moment, made Cal shiver... and the fact that it was going to take so much bloody time to get to him turned the shiver into a growl of anger and more pacing.

It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital and, for once he barely noticed the crowds waiting outside. He pushed through them without a thought for them and when a reporter thrust a microphone into his face he shoved it back so hard it knocked the man off his feet. He was raging by the time he got inside.

Jeff met him in the lobby, his face grim. “Was that wise?”

“Fuck wise... what’s going on with Jayden?”

Jeff looked surprised. “Going on? Nothing’s going on... he’s stronger today, he wants to write.”

Cal stopped and faced Jeff, his eyes burning. “Wants to or needs to?”

Jeff looked puzzled, caught off guard. “What’s the difference?”

“Trust me there’s a difference. Wants or needs Jeff?”

“Needs. He’s quite agitated... he keeps saying he needs to write. The doctor’s a little concerned about how restless he is.”

“Fuck...”

Without waiting for another moment Cal turned away and, ignoring the lifts, took the stairs two at a time.

When he burst into Jayden’s room Kelly and Luc were there. They were trying to keep Jayden occupied but it was obvious by the look on his face, the feverish glow in his eyes that they were failing.

“Cal...”

The look on Jayden’s face was priceless to Cal. He looked so happy... almost desperate.

“What the hell have you been up to now? I can’t turn my back for a minute and you have everyone in a tizz. Can’t you chill for one night?”

“He’s fine. We’re perfectly capable...”

Cal ignored her completely and, from the moment he had laid eyes on Cal, there was no one else in the room for Jayden.

Deliberately elbowing Kelly out of the way Cal sat down on the bed and put a bag on Jayden’s lap. “There. Happy now?”

Keeping his eyes fixed on Cal, Jayden slowly shook his head. Cal placed his hand against the side of Jayden’s face and Jayden closed his eyes, turning his face into the touch and closing his eyes. His lips were compressed and his face pale as chalk.

“Jay,” Cal said softly, “you need to sort this out... once and for all... but not now. You’re too ill, too weak. Please can't you just...”

Jayden opened his eyes and they made Cal shiver. Jayden shook his head. “Do you think I haven’t tried? Do you? Do you think I haven’t wanted to rest, to put this behind me for a time? I want to rest. I’m so tired but... every time I close my eyes... I can’t escape. I can’t run. I have to write.”

Slowly Cal nodded. “Then write. But please take care of yourself. Don’t push yourself too far. Maybe we should talk. It would be easier than writing.”

“No it wouldn’t. I don’t want to talk, not now. Please...”

“Okay... but I am staying right here with you when you write.”

Jayden shook his head. “No. I want to write alone... please... You know how I am. Later... I promise later we’ll talk... about something... not this... but about something.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am more than sure. I need this Cal... need... you understand.”

Unfortunately Cal did understand. When Jayden ‘needed’ to write it was because he was in trouble mentally. It usually preceded a disappearance and this time that wasn’t an option. Jayden was a prisoner in this place and he couldn’t run away. His only escape was in his writing and it would hurt... It scared him, scared him because he now knew that when Jayden was hurting on the inside he needed to be hurt on the outside and he couldn’t do that here... could he?

Cal glanced around to see Kelly, Luc and Jeff watching intently. “Are you still here?” He said in a cold voice.

“Wait a minute... you can’t just walk in here and take over... command that we all leave and expect us to...”

“I think we’d better go Kelly. I’ll explain.”

She stared at Luc with pure anger in her eyes then with a struggle managed to bring herself under control and swept out of the room with Luc and Jeff in her wake.

“Bitch.” Cal spat, not quite quiet enough for her to fail to hear.

“Cal... that was a bit mean. She is my sister after all.” Cal glanced at Jayden, shocked but relaxed a little when he saw the twinkle in his eyes.

“She is a bitch thought.”

“Oh yeah... she’s still a bitch.”

They both laughed and the laughter felt healing. For a moment Cal thought that maybe... maybe... but then the shutter came down again and Jayden reached for the bag.

“Do you want me to go now?”

“Yes... I’m sorry Cal.”

“Just don’t tire yourself out. I don’t want to ... I couldn’t bear it if...”

Jayden looked up and smiled. He reached out and touched Cal’s arm with cold fingers. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so difficult. The last thing I want is to worry you after everything you’ve been through but...” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control his shaking. “I don’t want to be ill again but... I don’t know what to do... I’m getting better on the outside but I’m getting worse on the inside. I feel... I feel that I can’t control it any more. It’s... it’s...”

Cal took him into a very careful hug and was alarmed by how much he was shaking and how cold he was.

“It’s going to be alright Jay. We are going to work this out I promise. I’m going to call Helen. She’ll come and see you. She’ll help you again, this time maybe...”

“I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if... I can talk to anyone...”

“You have to Jay... it’s the only way. You have to do whatever it takes to hold this at bay until you are strong enough to face it... and then you have to face it and deal with it.”

“I know... but... I just don’t... don’t know... how.”

“You’ll find a way... we’ll do it together. You are not alone Jayden... you never were and you still aren’t. Less than ever now... you have me.”

“I always did but...”

“It wasn’t enough.”

Jayden stared at him and sadly shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just get better... please.”

“Yes... maybe...”

“Jay?”

“It’s okay... just go... I need to write now.”

When Cal looked back from the doorway Jayden was writing fiercely on the pad, balanced awkwardly on his knees. When he looked in again a quarter of an hour later Jayden was fast asleep and when Cal slipped the pad from his fingers the words were the equivalent of the artist painting his canvas completely black.

Putting the pad and pen on the table Cal sat down and stared at Jayden, wondering what he could possibly do to help him. This was way beyond him, beyond his experience and ability. Maybe he should ring Helen now. Maybe he should ring his parents. Maybe he should... He sighed. He had no idea what would be for the best and the indecision and fear paralysed him.

He was still there, still frozen, still staring when the doctor came more than an hour later.

“You’re looking better after having a rest.”

“Yah... but Jayden isn’t is he... not as well as he would be if I had been here when he needed me.”

“You’re putting too much of a burden on yourself. You are not responsible for Jayden. For so long as he is here... I am.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t accept that. Jayden always has been and always will be my responsibility, so don’t even try to convince me otherwise.”

The doctor looked at him thoughtfully for a while and smiled. “I have to say that this is proving to be a very challenging case for me and will only get worse before the end I think.”

“What do you mean? The end?”

“Don’t panic Cal... I was referring to the end of the case and not the end of Jayden.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“No, and I think it’s time that you do. I think it’s time that you both do. I think that we can safely say that Jayden has got to a stage where we can be cautiously optimistic... cautiously Cal.”

Looking down at the excited, joyful face the doctor shook his head but could not help but smile. “He’s getting there Cal. God knows how but nevertheless he is getting there. However... he has a long way to go... a very long way and he is going to need his friends now like he never has before. He’s not out of the woods and he is certainly not in any shape to be pulling stunts like he did this morning.”

“Stunts?”

“Did no one tell you?”

“They told me he wanted to write.”

The doctor shook his head sadly. “He tried to get out of bed... said he needed to walk. He was... beyond reasoning. It was only when the doctor in charge threatened to sedate him that he finally calmed down.”

“He got out of bed? How?”

“He tried Cal... there is no way he would have succeeded. It is only fortunate that a nurse checked in when she did. If he had fallen...”

“Wait a minute... wasn’t there anyone with him?”

“Apparently not.”

Cal’s face went dark. “Well that isn’t going to happen again. I won’t be going back to the hotel until Jayden goes with me.”

“That’s ridiculous Cal. Jayden is going to be here for a long time and there is no way that you can stay here that long. You’ll wear yourself out and make yourself ill.”

“I’ll sleep in the lounge. I’ll take care of myself. But I won’t leave him alone again.”

The doctor shook his head again at the look in his eyes. “We’ll see. Right now I need to take a look at Jayden and to talk to both of you.”

“Sounds ominous.”

“We’ll see.”

Jayden woke with a start and his eyes went wide when he saw Cal and the doctor.

“Fuck... I fell asleep.”

“You obviously needed it. What the hell was that all about this morning... trying to get out of bed?”

Jayden lowered his eyes. “You know what I’m like. I dreamed and... when I woke... I had to get away from it. I couldn’t... but then I had to and... that’s why I needed to write.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

“No, not really... just more... in control.”

“Well... that will have to be good enough for now.”

The doctor had kept silent, sensing that there was something going on between the two that went deeper than the words they were speaking. Now he firmly intervened himself physically between them. Jayden looked up in surprise.

“If you’re not too busy Mr McConnell perhaps now you will permit me to examine you properly... for the first time may I add.”

“I... okay.”

Jayden allowed the doctor to give him a thorough examination although Cal, watching his face saw him grow more and more withdrawn as it progressed. He wondered if the doctor had noticed, if he cared.

“Jay... are you okay?” He asked, when the doctor paused and began to make notes on the chart. Jayden raised his eyes to him and they looked strange. He was withdrawn but not in the same way as before. This was something different. There was a sense of almost desperation about him, a paralysing fear rather than his usual desperate restlessness. “What is it?”

Jayden opened his mouth but couldn’t speak and Cal got even more alarmed. “Jay are you feeling ill? What’s wrong?” The doctor turned to him catching the alarm in Cal’s voice.

“Jayden?”

“I’m alright... no... no I’m not am I? I’m not...” The eyes that raised to the doctor were panicking but held in strict control. It crossed the doctor’s mind that the boy seemed to have had a lot of practice and to wonder why.

“That’s what I need to talk to you about... to both of you about.” He sat down and looked at the two faces before him, pinching his lip. One of them was eager and anxious, the other hopeless. He had to be careful how he played this. Make too light of it and he would never get Cal to realise the seriousness of the situation and work with them; make it too heavy and he would crush Jayden whom he was experienced enough to realise was struggling with more than just his physical condition and was already close to the edge.

“You’ve realised Jayden, that your body is not reacting entirely as you would expect it to. That is to be expected. With the amount of damage the poison did to your body it was impossible that you would simply come through this unscathed. Most of the things will improve with rest and medication. It will be slow but it will happen. Gradually the general fatigue and weakness will lift, your appetite will come back, the pain you are experiencing will fade.”

“But...”

“But there is damage that won’t fade so easily. You may not believe it but you have been very lucky. Most of the damage to your body was peripheral and most of the damage to your brain was... manageable, even unnoticeable.”

“Most?”

“There was inevitably going to be some damage that didn’t miss all the vital areas.”

“Vital?”

“Jayden calm down. You know that you are not paralysed and it hasn’t affected your speech and mental capacity so just be calm.”

“How can I be calm? This is my body you are talking about... my life. Just please come out with it... give me that bad news.”

“Bad news? Alright. The bad news is that you are displaying neurological deficit in a number of areas and in particular in your left leg, although there is weakness all down the left side... as you’ve noticed.”

Jaden nodded solemnly. “I couldn’t help but. What does it mean? It will come back won’t it? I mean... I will get the feeling back in my hand and be able to walk?”

“Maybe... but it is not going to be easy. It is going to require a lot of hard work on your part... physiotherapy, exercise...”

Jayden looked horrified, his eyes flickering between Cal and the doctor. “For how long?”

“As long as it takes. Maybe months.”

“Months? But I can’t... I mean... the band... I... can’t be here for months.”

“You’ll be here as long as it takes Jay.” Cal said firmly.

“It doesn’t mean that you have to stay here for all that time. As soon as you are well enough you can transfer to a rehabilitation centre or even home if there is someone to look after you and you can just go to the hospital daily for physiotherapy.”

“Okay... I can deal with that... I don’t mind hard work but... I can’t commit to long term physio at a hospital. We’ll be travelling and stuff... maybe we could get a private physio to come with us.”

“Jayden... you are not going to be going anywhere for a while.”

“I have to... the band... we have to keep going or things will start to go wrong. We can’t afford to be out of sight for months.”

“Jayden...”

“No... it’s not happening. I have to be there for them. They’ve always been there for me. I... I can do it. Maybe we could rig something up... something to support me on stage... I’m sure...”

“Jayden you’re not listening. You will not be well enough to go on stage for a long time, a very long time. You can’t even start thinking about physiotherapy until your body is healed and that is going to take a few weeks. It’s going to be a fortnight before you can even think about getting out of bed.”

“Not a chance.” The look that Jayden gave the doctor at that point chilled him to the bone. “If you are serious that I can’t get out of bed for two weeks then you may as well just give me another shot of that poison because in two weeks I’ll be completely insane and not fit for anything.”

“Jayden... that’s not...”

“You have no idea, none at all. I cannot be confined to this bed for two weeks. I can’t. You have no idea what that would do to me.”

Recognising the edge of hysteria creeping into his voice Cal tried to forestall the explosion he knew was pending.

“It’s okay Jay... we’ll stay with you. I swear I will never leave your side...and you have your writing and...”

“Fuck that... fuck it!!! I... I can’t do it. Cal you know. You know what’s going on for me... It’s in my head... it’s all opening up and I can’t close the lid. I can’t lie here and let it take me... I can’t. I have to get out. I have to be able to... I have to... I can’t...”

The doctor was beginning to look worried. He glanced at the monitors behind the bed, alarmed at the readings he was seeing there.

“Jayden, calm down. It’s not as bad as all that. As Cal said you have your friends around you and I am sure that you will be able to work something out with the band. In a few days you should be up to doing some interviews, keeping the profile up... isn’t that what you call it?”

The doctor was trying it lighten the mood but was having no impact on Jayden at all. Cal recognised the look in his eyes and it scared him. Usually when Jayden got like this he would write furiously for a few hours... or a day and then disappear. This time he couldn’t do either. He was suddenly terrified of what would happen when the lid was jammed onto the pressure cooker.

Cal vividly remembered the first time Jayden had exploded. They were due to play a gig and Jayden had been skipping rehearsals. They were all angry with him but no one dared say anything. Even before that Jayden was skittish and took off for no reason if someone or something pissed him off. The trial of his parents had not long finished and he was more nervy than ever.

He’d turned up late to the rehearsal looking like shit. They all knew what he had been doing... drinking, smoking weed, taking anything he could get his hands on to take the edge off his pain. They all thought they understood. They all believed that they had been supportive and caring but enough was enough. This gig could be important; it could be a big break for the band and Jayden was spoiling it all.

At that time it had felt as though he was doing it on purpose, as if he cared nothing for the band and didn’t want them to make it. It had been the final straw for all of them. The boys had started on him as soon as he walked through the door and he’d got that look in his eyes, the same one that was there now, the one that said... ‘I’m trapped and I’m confused... I don’t know what to do, how to handle what’s happening to me so get out of my way because I am going to run and if you try and stop me there will be hell.’

But they did stop him. He had tried to bolt for the door but they had cornered him and let it all rip. How angry and disappointed they were, how he kept on letting them down, how they were sick of his tantrums and emo fits, how they weren’t going to put up with it any more.

Cal saw the moment he snapped and tried to go to his aid. He saw his eyes go blank and tried to steer him away from the gang, to take him off somewhere quiet to calm down but instead, as soon as those cold, dead eyes turned on him he realised he was in trouble.

Even so the first blow had been completely unexpected, had come from nowhere. He could have resisted, he could have hit back but it was Jayden... how could he ever had hit Jayden, ever have hurt him. And so he just took it... blow after blow until he’d been forced backwards by the force of the assault and tripped over something. He must have hit his head going down because the next thing he remembered was waking up in hospital with his mother’s anxious face bending over him.

The pain from the bruises and the blinding headache he’d had for three days after were nothing compared to the pain he felt when he was told that Jayden had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

At first they had not been allowed to see him. He was high security, a danger to himself and those around him. In the end the people at the hospital had realised that Cal was the only person who called, the only person who cared and they started to talk to him. Every time he called it was to be told that Jayden had made another attempt on his life and they had to increase his medication again until it got to the stage where they weren’t saying that any more... they were just saying that his condition was stable and unchanged.

After two months of the same message Cal got scared and begged them to let him see his friend. It took a lot of engineering with help from his mother and contacts she had on the local council, to get a visit arranged.

The visit shocked and chilled him to the core from beginning to end, from the moment he stepped through the front doors and had to be searched and let through a series of locked doors by an armed guard, to the moment he saw Jayden, curled up on his bed, his eyes dead and hopeless, so drugged that he had no awareness of what was going on around him at all, no recognition of Cal or spark of life of any kind. After half an hour Cal left... there was no point in staying any longer. Jayden may as well have been unconscious for all the reaction Cal got out of him and it just hurt too much, way too much.

Cal was so upset and disturbed by the visit that his mother made a few calls to a psychiatrist she knew... Helen Walker who had pulled a lot of strings and arranged a visit for herself. The next three weeks had passed in a haze of fear and impatience for Cal until he got the news that Jayden would be released into Helen’s care and that meant that he would be staying with Cal and his parents with daily visits from Helen.

Helen took Cal with her to the hospital to collect Jayden. He was still curled up on the bed, staring at the wall but this time he was dressed in his own clothes and looked more like himself. Someone had brushed his hair until it was shining and, best of all, when Cal called his name softly he had looked up, with wonder in his eyes and tears had rolled down his cheeks when he’d whispered “Cal.”

And now he had that same look in his eyes, the same desperate but blank look as if at any moment the mind behind them would snap and he would be gone, sliding back into that darkness that had claimed him so completely.

In desperation Cal, ignoring the doctor, pulled Jayden into a rough embrace. “Don’t freak out Jay... we can do this. I’m here and I am going to be here every moment. We are going to get you through this. This is not like before. This is now and not then. Think about how far we’ve come. Think about all we have achieved. You said that you didn’t want to let everyone down... you won’t. We love you and are behind you all the way. All we care about is that you get better, that you let yourself get better.”

Jayden didn’t respond and Cal felt him begin to shake, tremors running through him as internally a battle raged between control and chaos.

“Jayden please... please don’t do this, not again. It’s going to be alright. I’ll help you deal with this. I’ll gel Helen here... you trust Helen. She can help you. Please Jayden... please don’t... please don’t go there again.”

Cal gripped Jayden as hard as he could and felt Jayden’s hand convulsively clutch the clothes on his back. If the doctor said anything neither of them heard. They were not aware of him, only of each other, and Jayden not even that.

“Jay... listen... listen to me. We’re going to get this sorted, once and for all. We’re going to make you better this time... all the way through. You’re going to be alright. We’re going to do it together Jay. I swear we are going to do it. Just hold on... just... just hold on and we’ll get there.”

At first, when Jayden started to relax Cal was filled with joy, thinking he had finally got through to his friend. But it was too fast, too complete. When he pulled back Jayden’s arms slipped from his arms, his head fell back, the eyes rolling closed. Cal looked up anxiously to see the doctor carefully disposing of a syringe.

“I’m sorry Cal. I appreciate he has some emotional problems which are going to need dealing with but not now. It’s too dangerous. I couldn’t let it go on. It was putting too much strain on his heart and it can’t take it right now.”

“So what are you going to do? Keep him drugged up until he’s well enough to cope... that’s not... that’s not fair. That happened before and it didn’t work. You just can’t...”

“Calm down Cal. We’ll just have to see how it goes. You realise better than anyone how close to losing Jayden we came. I told you that I could be cautiously optimistic now but that doesn’t mean he’s completely out of the woods.

“I don’t know what happened to Jayden before, I can’t even begin to guess, although seeing his reaction right now I can imagine it was something highly traumatic. From what you say I am also assuming that he received psychiatric treatment which may or may not have been the right thing for him at the time. At this time all I can say is that this is not about Jayden’s mental health... this is still very much about saving his life.

“If keeping him sedated is what I need to do to make sure that he remains stable long enough for the serious damage to heal... then so be it. You have to understand Cal that outbursts like this... like the one he had this morning... his body simply is not strong enough to cope with them. If they carry on they will kill him and it’s as simple as that.”

Cal swallowed hard and nodded. “I understand.”

“Yes... I think you do. I understand that being restrained is very hard for Jayden and perhaps now I have a little more insight into why. I promise you Cal that I will do my very best to have him up and out of that bed as soon as I possibly can... but until then he has to be kept calm and he has to rest. Now I really don’t want to keep him sedated. It’s not good for him but it's better than him freaking out and damaging his heart.

“I hate putting this on your shoulders and I know it is highly unfair of me to do so but I need to know. Is this likely to happen again? If I let Jayden wake up is he likely to freak out again?”

The question struck Cal like a blow and he turned his face away, struggling with his answer. The last thing he wanted was to betray Jayden to spending more time in the darkness but... how could he honestly say that he wouldn’t when he knew full well that he would.

“It’s alright Cal,” said the doctor laying his hand reassuringly on his shoulder. “You don’t have to say a word. I think it might be better if Jayden slept for a few days... at least until we are sure that his body is strong enough to withstand the emotions... until he’s out of the woods physically.

“I appreciate that this is a very difficult time for you and a very difficult subject but it would help me a great deal in treating Jayden if I knew a little about what it upsetting him so much.”

Cal looked up, feeling dazed and nodded slowly. Taking a deep breath he began to talk. After a few moment the doctor sat down, looking pale