Weeping Lily - 32. Chapter 32

There was absolute silence except for the sound of Kelly’s soft sobbing and Jayden’s moans as he cradled his arm against his injured side. The boys were still and stunned, no one wanted to move, to break the spell, to make this real.

No one had noticed when Luc knelt silently next to Jayden. No one had noticed when he leaned in slightly towards Kelly, enough to see everything but not to draw attention to himself. No one noticed the expression on his face which was one of sorrow, betrayal and determination. But Luc was noticing everything. He was very carefully watching Kelly, waiting for a chance to intervene, to talk sense into her. He felt guilty, almost responsible for what had happened. He had defended her, taken Jayden to her.

He felt sick. When he remembered the things he had said to Cal, who had been right all along. Oh God! What if Cal had listened to him? What if he hadn’t insisted on coming straight here? If only he hadn’t delayed; had driven faster. She was a monster. This woman whom he had always thought of as being a sweet, caring person was an absolute monster.

Being here, in this place, seeing the objects lying ready, the blood, the restraints: seeing Jayden, had finally made him understand. He was the only one who was watching Kelly so intently. He was the only one who saw her hand slide down. He didn’t know what she was doing but he had a fairly good idea and when her hand came up he had reacted without thought, shoving Jayden out of the way to fall heavily into Cal and taking his place.

It had caused Jayden intolerable pain in his bad arm and side but not as much as Luc felt inside. Not even the hot burning pain in his side when the scalpel slid through flesh was as bad as that. But as the blood began to seep between his fingers he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders.

He knew he was dying, right from the start, but in a strange way he didn’t care. His death was an absolution and when he stared up with darkening eyes the words he was trying to say to Ashton were. “I’m free. I understand.” And he was smiling when the light went out.

Jayden, getting the pain under control, raised himself from where he was slumped against Cal and sat up. He reached out to touch Luc’s hand. It was warm. “Is he...?”

Ashton, who was weeping silently with his head bent, looked up and simply nodded. Jayden collapsed emotionally and turned to Cal. Cal, however was stony faced. He carefully pushed Jayden away, ignoring the wide, shocked eyes.

“Look after him, Rik,” he said firmly. He got to his feet and, casting a last glance at Anya and Luc, he walked slowly across the room. Even though everyone knew where he was going no one made a move or raised a voice to stop him.

When he stood in front of her, Kelly stopped crying and looked up. Her eyes were wet but blazing.

“You! You’re as bad as he is. You filthy pervert. You’re the one he defended, the reason Dad couldn’t bear to look at him. You made him dirty, a filthy fag like you.”

Cal raised his hand but, for some reason, he hesitated.

“Go on, hit me,” Kelly hissed. “That’s what you want. You want to hurt me because of what I’ve done. Well, welcome to my world, Cal. You’re no better than me.”

“Oh yes, Kelly I am better than you, because I’m not going to lay one finger on you. In fact I am going to make sure that no one lays a finger on you, no one is going to hurt you in any way; because I am going to take the greatest pleasure sitting with my head up in the courtroom when they sentence you. And when they drag you away I will watch them and laugh because I know that I am better than you.”

Kelly was speechless for a moment then she started to laugh. “You worthless piece of shit,” she spat. “Don’t ever think you could be better than me. You knew. You knew as well as I did what was going on and what did you do? Nothing. You sat back and let it happen just as much as I did. And you lied to him too.”

“I never lied to Jayden,” he snapped, barely containing his anger.

“Oh yes you did. You told him that it wasn't his fault, but it was. It was his fault. He goaded him. He made him do it and when Dad was telling us about you, about how you turned queer; when you started to wear make up and growing your hair long like a girl, he stood up for you. Dad forbade Jayden to see you in case you infected him but he just laughed and carried on anyway and he even started to do exactly the same things, openly, blatantly.

“That’s what made Dad so mad. He was doing it for Jayden’s own good. He wanted to save Jayden from turning into a fag like you.”

“But that’s crazy,” Cal said, stunned, “None of us was gay, not then. It was never even on our minds.”

“Wasn’t it?” she spat. “If that’s what you think then you’re a fool. We all saw the way he looked at you and he even admitted it to Dad.”

“Lying bitch,” Cal ground out, his hand rising to slap her. He was stopped by a gentle touch on his arm.

“Don’t Cal, she’s right.”

Cal turned in surprise to find Jayden at his shoulder. He looked like an extra from a bad horror movie but he had a strange smile on his face.

“Oh I don’t mean about it being my fault,” he continued, “although I did believe that for a long time, a very long time.” He frowned and his face darkened. “I believed it so much I needed to be punished over and over.” His smile turned introverted but he shook himself and carried on. “But she is right about one thing. I did love you. I was in love with you and I did tell him. When he was screaming at me, telling me how evil you were I snapped and told him not to ever say those things about you again or call you those names. And I told him that I love you. That was the last night.”

“But why?” Cal asked bemused. “Why didn’t you say anything? I don’t understand.”

“You said it yourself. You weren’t gay, not then. What would you have done if I had told you? How would it have affected our friendship? I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. You’re all I had.”

Kelly laughed again. “Precious fool. You went through all that for nothing.”

Cal tensed but Jayden smiled gently. “No Kelly. It was never about that, never. Okay maybe it changed the things he said to me; the things he did to me, but it was happening a long time before – a very long time.”

“I don’t believe you,” she snapped; but she did, she believed him because she’d known. She may not have understood but she’d always known. She was, however, genuinely confused. “Then why? Why did he do it to you and not to us?”

“I don’t know. I never knew. He said I was bad and I needed punishing; that I didn’t fit, I was different. But it wasn't a reason, not really.” His words were getting distant and Cal thought he was going to pass out, but he drew himself up and swallowed hard. “I want to thank you Kelly. I’ll leave it to others to condemn you for what you’ve done. What you did for me was liberation. I’m free of it - that horrible sick fear; the twisted memories; the lingering guilt. I’m not saying it will never come back; I’m sure it will sometimes, but for now I feel – free.” He smiled and before she could do anything he leaned forward and kissed her.

“Goodbye Kelly,” he said softly. “Maybe one day we’ll meet in Hell.” He glanced at Cal and smiled. “But somehow I doubt it.”

But Kelly wasn’t finished. “You bastard. I hate you and I hope you rot in Hell. Look what you did. You made me kill them. I would never have hurt Anya. You made me do it. I had the knife in my hand but it’s you I wanted to use it on. She was tugging at my arm and going on and on. I just wanted to shut her up. I was only going to slap her, but I had the knife in my hand – because of you.

“And Luc,” she continued with a definite catch in her voice. “Luc was my friend. He was the only one who cared for me and now – now... Oh God! Oh God what have I done? I should have been you. It should have been YOU.” Snarling, she struggled furiously, trying to get to Jayden. Cal drew him back in alarm, placing himself between them. But Jeff’s knots had been tight and she wasn't going anywhere.

At that moment they heard shouts and footsteps upstairs and then everything happened at once and there was nothing but chaos and confusion.

In the middle of it all, the wail of sirens heralded the arrival of ambulances. A team of paramedics appeared and one of them tried to examine Jayden while the others dealt with Anya and Luc.

Eventually the paramedic managed to get Jayden out of the cellar and sitting in one of the large chairs upstairs. The others were milling about awkwardly, still in shock. Kelly had been taken away somewhere and the whole house was crawling with police. It was surreal.

Jayden brushed off the paramedic and snapped at him. “I’m not going anywhere, not yet.”

“Jayden be reasonably,” Cal said urgently but with little hope of being heeded. “You need to go to the hospital for xrays; if nothing else to get your arm fixed.”

“I know. I’m not stupid. I know I have to go but not now, not like this. The street will already be full of nosy parkers. They all know I lived here. They are going to be drawn by the ambulances and police cars like bees to honey and the press will be here in no time. I do not want them to see me taken away on a stretcher in an ambulance again.

“I am going to get cleaned up, get properly dressed and walk out with my head up. I am going to tell them what happened and show them that I’m okay. This is not going to be about me again. I owe that to Luc. This is about him.”

Cal pushed a lock of hair, thick with blood and sweat, out of his face. “Babe, it is about you. It’s always been about you.”

“I know,” he snapped irritably. “But this time the fans are going to be mourning Luc and now wasting their time worrying about me.” He turned to the paramedic. “Thank you very much but I can manage. I will come to the hospital, I promise, but I will come in my own time, in the car with the boys.

The medic, who looked very young, grinned and said to Cal. “Is he always like this?”

Cal smiled back. “Always. Stubborn as a mule and selfish as hell, a proper Diva.” He smiled softly at Jayden’s outraged glare. “But he is the kindest, sweetest soul I know and much as I hate to say it, this time he’s right.”

Cal helped Jayden upstairs to the bathroom and carefully washed the blood and sweat off his body. He was shocked by the slashes and the horrific wound on his stomach. Jayden gritted his teeth and pressed his back against the wall while Cal dabbed at him with a towel, trying hard not to hurt him, although it was inevitable, especially when he was trying to wash his bad side.

Eventually Jayden hissed and batted his hand away. “I can’t... I... that’s enough.”

“Okay. Lean on me and we’ll see if we can find you something to wear.”

Jayden laughed. “This is Anya’s house.” He frowned. “This was Anya’s house. Unless you shrink me there won’t be anything to wear here.”

“Then what...?”

“You’re wearing a shirt and jacket. Take the shirt off and I can wear that.”

“It will be too big.”

“Not much and it will do.” He looked down at himself. “I think we need to put something over my stomach first or the blood will soak into the shirt. I think some of the stitches have come loose.”

Cal shuddered at the very mention of the stitches that he couldn’t bear to look at. Jayden noticed and laid his good hand on his shoulder. “Cal, I think there’s something you should know.”

Cal raised his head sharply at the tone in his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Jayden hung his head and bit his lip. He ran his fingers gently over his chest and stomach. “Kelly didn’t do this.” He looked up and met Cal’s eyes. “I did.”

“You did?” Cal asked, confused. “Why?”

“I... I needed to. Kelly showed me...”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Cal snapped.

“No Cal. I know what you think of her and you’re absolutely right. I was a damned fool to trust her but this... I NEEDED it, Cal. I had to do it or I would have... I don’t know what I would have done.”

Cal gently laid his hand against the side of Jayden’s face and looked into his eyes. They looked... different. “And what about now? Do you need it now?”

Jayden frowned and turned his head away. “I don’t know Cal. Right at this moment I can tell you with all honestly that no, I don’t. But tomorrow...”

“Tomorrow is another day. What do you say about taking just one day at a time?”

Jayden smiled and nodded. “One day at a time.”

It was hard for Jayden to get dressed in Cal’s shirt. They had found some sterile dressings in the first aid box and taped them across the worse wounds, the ones that were bleeding and then Cal had stripped out of his shirt. With a wan smile Jayden appreciatively ran his hands over Cal’s chest. “My hero,” he whispered and Cal laughed out loud.

“Hardly. Come on, put your bad arm in first and I’ll try...”

Jayden couldn’t help but cry out when Cal carefully slid the shirt up over his arm. The pain was generally a dull ache but when he moved it or jarred it, it burst into shocking, sharp life. There was no way that Cal could completely avoid tugging on it and in the end he decided that it was best just to get it done.

Jayden sagged against the sink and looked as if he was about to be sick in it.

“Are you okay?” Cal asked softly. “You look like crap.”

“No,” Jayden responded just as softly. “I feel like crap but I have to do this Cal, I have to do it for Luc.”

At the mention of Luc’s name Cal shuddered and the colour drained from his face.

“We had a fight in the car,” he said, hanging his head. “He was defending Kelly and we... we both said some things that we shouldn’t have said. I threatened him. I said I was going to knock his teeth down his throat. If Rik hadn’t held me back I would have hit him and now I wish that I had.”

“What?” Jayden asked shocked.

“If I had knocked him out he would have been left in the car and... and he...”

“That’s just ridiculous. We can all think like that. If I hadn’t gone rushing off in the car... If I had called anyone but Kelly... If I hadn’t kept in touch, hadn’t trusted her...”

“Stop it. None of that was your fault.”

“I know that. I know it, Cal. And I know that none of it was your fault either. So you stop it okay?”

Cal looked at him for a moment then he nodded. “I’ll try. It’s just... just... Oh God Jay I just... I can’t believe he’s gone.” Crumpling Cal sat down heavily on the toilet and began to sob.

Very carefully Jayden eased himself into a position where he could put his arm around Cal and draw his head against his side. Stroking his lover’s hair and back Jayden sighed. “I know. I know it... it’s a... It’s a hell of a fucking shock. I can’t let myself think about it, not now. There’s too many other things to think about.”

Cal looked up. “What other things? What can be more important than that?”

“Well for one thing, I really, really want this to be all about Luc. I want everyone to be talking about what a hero he was, even more than what a sick bitch Kelly was. I want everyone to know what he did, how he sacrificed himself. I don’t want the news to be full of me; I want it to be full of him.

“It’s not going to be easy considering what happened here, today and... and before. I mean it seems that this year so far bad things just keep happening to me and it’s what everyone has been talking about for months.

“I know that the questions everyone is going to be asking are going to be about me and I don’t want that. I don’t want to take the thunder. I don’t want to detract from Luc’s sacrifice. So I am going to have to walk out there and pretend nothing has happened to me, at least for now. I am going to have to keep in the background and not let anyone know the truth about what happened here. And I don’t know if I can do it.”

Cal looked up, concerned but with a light of pride in his eyes. “Of course you can do it. Since when have you ever failed to do something you have set your mind to?”

A dark shadow passed across Jayden’s face but it didn’t last long. It was driven away by a fond smile. “You never could see the faults in me could you? You never recognised the darkness, the weakness. There were lots of times Cal; lots of times.”

“No.” Cal shook his head. “That was someone else, someone I never met. My Jayden was different, golden. My Jayden never failed and my Jayden is the one who is standing here in front of me; not that frightened little boy you have been carrying around with you all this time, a brave and strong man who I love with all my heart.”

Jayden was a little startled by Cal’s mention of carrying around the little boy, because he had a sudden flash of memory about the hallucination he’d experienced. He blinked and smiled uncertainly. “I’ll take your word for it but... I’m weak Cal. I haven't been well for days. She was drugging me and I didn’t know... every day. And now... with the pain... I feel sick and...”

“This is exactly why I wanted you to go to the hospital in the ambulance.”

“I couldn’t Cal. You understand that don’t you?”

“I understand your intentions my love, of course I do, and they are noble... heroic ones; but you are not superman. What is going to happen if you walk out the door and collapse with all the cameras on you? That would be even worse.”

“I am not going to collapse.” Jayden said firmly while gripping Cal’s shoulder until it hurt both of them, afraid that if he let go he would fall.

“Jayden what the hell do you think you’re doing?” They both looked up, startled at the sound of the voice from the doorway.

“I’m comforting Cal, what do you think I’m doing?”

“Look at you. You’re practically out on your feet and you look like crap. You should be on your way to the hospital.”

Jayden groaned. “Please don’t make me go through all that again. Cal, explain to Jeff. I am going to see if I can find something strong to drink.”

“There’s some brandy downstairs. If you want some you had better hurry. Ash and Rik are working through the bottle fast.”

“Good. That’s just what I need.”

Letting go of Cal was hard and walking across the room unaided was harder. He used it as practice, pushing himself to walk with his head up, holding his arm as naturally as he could and was pleased when he got out into the hall before he collapsed against the wall with a moan. He was sweating and weak but he’d done it and that made him grin broadly.

After a large glass of brandy he was feeling even better. By this time the press were out in force and Jeff demanded that the ‘ridiculous charade that Jayden seems hell bent on killing himself to enact’ had to end and that they were getting him out of there and to the hospital immediately.

This time Jayden was pleased to agree and, taking a deep breath and leaning heavily on Cal until the last moment he walked to the door and out of it with his head held high.

Of course they were immediately surrounded by the press and Jayden, surrounded by the others and as close as possible to Cal, held up his head and answered that yes, he was fine; that what had happened here today was a tragedy but he would leave it to others to explain in better words than he could.

After a few questions Jeff interjected and said that there would be an official press release later in the day when the full facts of what had happened were ascertained by the police and in the meantime the boys were too upset to face the press and were on their way to the hospital to provide support to their injured friend.

Warding off any further questions he ushered the boys to the car and they all surrounded Jayden, hiding the difficulty he experienced getting into the car. Cal and Rik followed him into the back while Ashton took the wheel and Jeff joined him in the front seat.

Sitting between Cal and Rik, Jayden had time to think that he was so glad the car had tinted windows before he groaned and finally succumbed to the pain, shock and exhaustion and passed out.