Weeping Lily - 8. Chapter 8

When Cal walked out of the room he didn’t stop there. He walked out of the ward, out of the hospital, out of his mind. Miraculously he entirely failed to attract any media attention and eventually found himself in a bar with a drink in his hand. Someone was talking to him.

“Hey man, you okay? You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

Cal glanced up at the man who was sitting on the bar stool next to him.

“Woman trouble?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Man trouble?” Cal sneered and half turned away. “Let me buy you a drink.”

“I have a drink.”

“Then let me buy you another.”

“No thank you.”

“Go on. It’s criminal... someone like you... all alone, looking like that, as if your world is ending. Let me help you.”

“Help me? How the hell do you think you can help me?”

“I could help you forget... for a while.”

Cal stared in astonishment as the man covered his hand with his own. He lifted his eyes and the man smiled. Cal suddenly realised what the man was after and his eyes widened. Pulling his hand away he turned away.

“You’re barking up the wrong tree mate. I’m not... interested.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Cal thought about it. He thought about the relationships he’d had, the beautiful girls, the meaningless sex, the sense of... wrongness as if something was missing. He thought of this man in front of him. He was not unattractive with bright blonde hair, falling over his forehead and sparkling blue eyes. He was clean, smelled good, and was clearly interested. Cal thought of the differences in the male and female form. He thought of running his hands over taut masculine muscles, kissing strong male lips... and he shuddered.

“Yeah... I’m sure about that.”

He slipped off the bar stool and walked out into the dark street. Then he thought of Jayden. His legs gave way and he fell to his knees vomiting into the gutter.

**********************
It was almost 4am when Cal finally made his way back to the hospital. He had been buffeted by almost every emotion known to man and was feeling bone weary and fragile.

He was not so lucky with the media this time and had to fight his way through to the lobby. Jeff met him there. It wasn’t until he saw Jeff that it suddenly hit him that while he had been out there wandering in the darkness anything could have happened... that Jayden might...

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone has been worried sick. Don’t you think they have enough to worry about?”

“Jayden...?”

“He’s the same.”

Relief made him feel weak and he almost fell. “I... I needed time to myself, time to think.”

“And clearly you also needed a drink.”

“I am not drunk Jeff... and, in case you hadn’t noticed... you are not my mother.”

“No, but I am someone who cares about you, about all of you. You know they look to you for guidance Cal... they’re lost without you, we’re all lost.”

“And what about me?” He had been walking towards the lift and now he stopped and stared at Jeff, with wild eyes. “What if I’m lost too?”

“Then we’ll all be lost together, be there for each other.”

“I... I don’t know.” They reached the lifts and got into one of them. “What do you think Jeff? Do you think I should be realistic and let him go, or should I hope and pray, holding on to every precious moment?”

“I can’t tell you that Cal. You have to deal with this in your own way. Just... don’t do anything you are going to regret... or fail to do something you might regret.”

“And you think I will regret it if I don’t make the most of every moment, of whatever time we have?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. I filled it in for you. I guess I knew anyway.” He paused and sighed. “Jeff...”

“What’s on your mind?”

Cal laughed bitterly. “Trust me... you don’t want to know.”

“Try me. It might help.”

“Nothing is going to help Jeff, nothing.”

“You may be surprised.”

Cal looked at him, his eyes dark and tormented. The lift arrived and the doors opened. There was no one waiting.

“I love him Jeff. I have always loved him and I always will, and... more than that... I... um...” He hung his head, unable to look Jeff in the face. “I... I’m in love with him. Hopelessly, completely, utterly. I’m not gay. I was chatted up tonight by this guy in a bar. He was okay... nice looking...clean... but the thought of touching him... it repulsed me. But having sex with women is almost as bad... empty... unsatisfactory... because... because there is only him... only Jayden. Always... always has been... just him. Just Jayden. And now... now there is no one.”

“Cal... there is still Jayden. He’s...”

“He’s gone. The Jayden I knew... the Jayden I loved... he’s not there any more... he... he’s gone. I don’t know what’s left but... the only person I have ever loved... I ever could love has left me and... and ... I’m lost Jeff. I’m so fucking lost.”

Roughly Jeff pulled him into his arms and held him as he sobbed helplessly.

Jeff let him cry for a while then gently steered him towards the lounge. “You’re exhausted. You need to rest.”

“Rest? How can I rest? I can’t...”

“You have to rest Cal. You have to sleep some time. What good are you to Jayden, to anyone if you make yourself ill?”

“What good am I to Jayden anyway? I couldn’t protect him. I let that woman drug him and take him away right in front of my eyes. I knew something was wrong and I did nothing, absolutely nothing. And now... I can’t make him better, I can’t stop him... stop him...”

“Cal... I’m not a doctor and I’m not a priest. I don’t know what’s going on with Jayden, what’s going to happen to him but I know that he loves you and that wherever he is he is trying to get back to you, trying to get back to us all. If you call him loud enough, for long enough, maybe he will hear you. Maybe he will respond. And if he does, one thing is for damn sure... he will need you Cal... he is going to need you like he has never needed you before, all of us.”

“That’s it Jeff. I don’t know if I can... If he’s... if he... I don’t know if I can.”

“You’ll do whatever you need to do. If Jayden needs you, you will be there for him. You won’t be able to help yourself.”

“I... don’t know.”

“I do. I know you. And I know Jayden. I know how strong he is, how determined, stubborn, single minded. If he does come through this he will be okay. He will pick himself up and do the best he can with whatever he has and he’ll do it alone if he has to.”

“I know.”

“But you won’t let him be alone. You will be there for him, just like always. You will laugh with him and cry with him and grow with him.”

“I know.”

“So where’s the problem?”

“With me Jeff. The problem is with me... because I don’t think I can cope with him being... something other than himself.”

“He will always be himself, always be Jayden, no matter what.”

“If only I could believe that.”

“The only thing that is stopping you is yourself.”

“I know. That’s what I said.”

“Come on. Lie down for a couple of hours. If you don’t sleep at least you will rest and the world will look a whole lot better afterwards.”

“Alright. I... I’ll rest, but I... I need to see Jayden first. There’s something I need to tell him.”

“Okay.”

Kelly had gone, although he later found out she was only having coffee in the all night canteen. Rik was sitting with Jayden and he leaped to his feet when Cal entered.

“Cal. Thank god. We’ve been worried. We didn’t know...”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I needed some space.”

“It’s okay mate. We understand.”

Cal looked into his eyes and could see with some surprise that he did understand. An overwhelming wave of emotion washed over him, principal among which was guilt that he could have put his friends through more pain and worry.

“I know you do. Thanks. I’m okay now.”

Rik beamed and slapped him on the back as he passed. Cal put a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you for taking care of him for me.”

“That’s okay, it was my pleasure. You don’t have a monopoly on caring for Jayden you know.” Cal smiled, even though it was a thin smile. “He... he’s going to be alright Cal. I know that he’s going to be alright. I don’t know how I know but I... I was sitting here and suddenly... suddenly I just knew.”

“I hope so.”

Rik smiled. “We’re all going to be alright Cal.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know.”

When he was alone Cal sat down and ran his hand through his hair.

“Oh fuck Jay. I never thought... I never imagined... How the hell did we get here? I don’t mean... here... in the hospital... I mean... somewhere that I can't reach you any more, where I don’t know what to say to you?

“Actually I do know what to say. I should have said it a long time ago. I should have said it and lived it and reminded you of it every day. I don’t know if you would have liked it, whether you would have accepted it but I should have said it anyway.”

Cal slid his hand under Jayden’s, struggling with the fact that it was so cold and limp in his grasp. Nevertheless he curled his fingers around it and held it carefully, like something precious.

“The thing is... the really freaky thing is that I love you. I have always loved you and I know you know that but I don’t know if you realise how much. I adore you. You are my life, my everything. You’re my soul, man, my fucking soul and if... if you... go... if you leave me... I can’t live without you Jayden. I just can't live without you.”

Before he knew it Cal was weeping again, shaking with silent sobs. Bending forwards he kissed Jayden gently on the cheek then laid his forehead on his hands and sobbed until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.

***********************
The sun was streaming through the window when he woke to find that someone had carried him into the lounge, laid him out on the chairs and covered him with a blanket. He sat up rubbing his eyes. Rik and Ashton were still fast asleep in chairs and there was no sign of Jeff or Luc.

There was a tray on the table with the remains of breakfast and he helped himself to some fruit. The coffee was cold. He was debating whether to go and find some fresh when the door opened and Jeff came in talking to the same doctor that had been there the night before. Cal was on his feet in an instant, his heart hammering.

“What is it? What’s happened?”

“Cal, calm down. Nothing has happened.”

“Don't screw with me. I can tell by your faces...”

The doctor walked across the lounge and put a hand on Cal’s shoulder. “Take it easy son. You know the score. There was never going to be any good news.”

“Please...tell me what happening.”

Ashton and Rik, woken by the sound of raised voices sat up rubbing their eyes

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s going on. Jayden’s condition is still essentially the same.”

“Essentially?”

“Over the last few hours he’s been struggling. His breathing is deteriorating as I expected but, at the moment he is still holding his own. He is still very unstable so it’s impossible to tell exactly what’s going on but it’s a good sign that none of his organs have failed yet.”

“I know what’s going on.”

“Excuse me.”

“It’s bullshit that you can’t test him because he’s unstable. You’re not doing the tests because you don’t think there’s any point, because you know he’s going to die. You’re just waiting for it.”

“Cal, please...”

“It’s not right. He deserves more than this. He deserves you to be fighting for him.”

“Cal, we are doing everything we can.”

“You’re doing nothing. You’re leaving him to fight alone and it just isn’t right.”

“Cal...”

“No... You know what you’re doing. You know it’s wrong. You don’t know him, what kind of person he is, what he’s been through, how he’s fought all his life. You don’t know what this world will be losing if you let him go. Please don’t give up on him. Don't let this happen.”

“Cal...”

“Look... you believe he’s dying... you know it’s happening so what do you have to lose? If he... if the tests... if they make him sicker then so be it... there’s nothing to lose.”

The doctor looked kindly at Cal and shook his head. “You may be right but by the same token there is little to gain and it would be unfair to put him through that stress.”

“Unfair? What’s unfair is that someone like Jayden has had to go through something like this. You might find something... something that can help him.”

For a long moment the doctor stared at Cal, whose eyes were burning.

“Alright. You win. We’ll so the tests. I’ll make the arrangements.”

“Thank you.”

“Cal... you have to appreciate... this is not going to make any difference.”

“It will to me.”

The doctor nodded and, turning, strode from the room. Cal rubbed his face with his hands.

“I’m going to see Jayden.”

“Of course. Luc and Kelly are with him.”

“Kelly? I thought she’d gone.”

“She’s been there all night.”

“One night in six years.”

“Cal... she’s pretty upset.”

“Like I said.... she’s had 6 years.” His voice was grim, holding a note of warning that Jeff ignored.

“She’s his sister.”

“Whoop de fucking do. Isn’t he the lucky one?”

“Cal...”

“Jeff, you have no idea... no idea at all. You didn’t know Jayden before... when his family were destroying him piece by piece, when he was committed to a mental hospital where they... they... You weren’t there when Kelly and Anya were telling everyone he was insane and a liar and evil manipulator. You weren’t there when they spat on him, when Anya tried to gouge out his eyes screaming that she hated him.

“Kelly may be his sister by blood but she has no right to call herself family, she gave that up a long time ago.”

“Maybe, but he needs everyone he can get right now.”

“He can do without help like that.”

“Maybe... just don’t make a fuss right now Cal... that’s certainly not what Jayden needs.”

“Alright, alright I’ll behave. I’ll be a good boy. I won’t rock the boat... but it’s just for him... do you understand... just for Jayden.”

“Noted... fair enough.”

Cal shook his head and walked past him out of the door.

Luc was standing, staring out of the window and Kelly was sitting in the chair, holding Jayden’s hand, stroking his hair and speaking softly to him. They both looked up when the door opened. Kelly was crying.

Cal ignored them both, had eyes only for Jayden. His face was flushed, covered with a fine sheen of sweat. He was clearly struggling with something, whether it was pain or something else. His breathing had quickened and grown more harsh. Cal was frightened but would not show it. Still ignoring the others whose eyes were on him he walked straight to the side of the bed and took Jayden’s hand. It was hot, slippery with sweat.

“How long has he been like this?”

“It’s been coming on for hours, getting worse and worse. What’s happening to him?”

Cal looked at her, his eyes dark. “You know what’s happening to him Kelly, he’s dying.” She winced as though he had slapped her and turned her eyes away.

“Why are you so cruel?”

“I’m not cruel, just realistic.”

“You’re being cruel and you know it. I suppose I can’t argue, can’t blame you.”

“No. You can’t.”

“Cal...”

“Look, I’ve promised not to make a scene, for Jayden’s sake, but make no mistake I don’t want you here. You weren’t there for him when he needed you. You haven’t been there for him since so, in my opinion you gave up any right to call yourself family a long time ago. We’re his family now.”

“I know I deserve that but...”

“No ‘buts’ Kelly. As far as I’m concerned the conversation’s closed.”

They were silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

“Did you tell him?”

Cal glared at her, his eyes burning, and then the light went out and he slumped, nodding. “Yes, I did. I told him.”

They were silent again until the doctor came to take Jayden away.

Cal paced the lounge. No one spoke to him knowing they would be incinerated if they did. Kelly watched him silently, awed, as she always had been... by him, by all of them. Cal was a powerhouse. Over six feet tall with hair like a lion’s mane. It had never been smooth and silky like her brother’s; it was wild, like the rest of him. She had always been a little afraid of him.

Luc sat down next to her and put his arm around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder. Cal gave them a contemptuous look and turned his back on them.

It was a long afternoon, a very long one, and the shadows were lengthening by the time the doctor returned. Cal had finally run out of steam and was sprawled in a chair, dozing. He was on his feet in a moment. The doctor looked uncomfortable; everyone’s eyes were on him.

“Well... the bad news is that there is extensive damage throughout Jayden’s body, to all of his major organs. The good news is that none of it is concentrated in any one area. As a singer it is unsurprising that his lungs are in excellent shape and have suffered least damage, his heart is also in pretty good shape and will recover, given time and care. His liver and kidneys are more badly damaged, but not critically so. There is damage to other parts of his body but not un manageable.”

The doctor paused. The others were looking relieved, Kelly was crying, only Cal was frowning, watching him with narrowed eyes. He lowered his eyes and continued.

“There is damage to his brain which is spread throughout the structure. It is not concentrated in one place but scattered throughout.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that minor damage in so many places adds up to a major problem. His entire body is compromised in one way or another, nothing’s working properly and, above all I have no idea what the brain damage means to him.

“Apart from the fact that we no longer have to fear major organ failure, my initial prognosis remains the same. I’m sorry.”

“But... but now that you know where the damage is you can fix it, can’t you? Why can’t you fix it?”

“I’m sorry, it isn’t as simple as that. If any one place has received massive damage we could have dealt with it... we could have tried surgery, transplant... something. But the damage is too widespread... it's just...” He paused again raising his eyes to meet Cal’s. “It's the damage to his brain that’s put the seal on it. It's practically impossible that it would have missed all vital areas. Like everything else there is no significant damage concentrated in any one area but it is so widespread... somewhere there is going to have been serious harm done.”

“But maybe not. There is a chance... there must be... that it’s missed all the vital parts, that it’s just damaged parts of the brain we don’t use or something?”

“Physically there are no parts of the brain we don’t use.”

“But theoretically it is possible? He could recover. He could be okay?”

“Theoretically maybe... but the chances are so slim... he would have to be living a charmed life.”

“Maybe he is.”

“Cal, it would take a miracle.”

Cal folded, collapsing in on himself, and turned away, tears stinging his eyes. The doctor met Jeff’s eyes and they exchanged a look then, with a sad smile he turned and left.

“Cal...”

“Leave me alone.”

“Cal, please...”

“I said, leave me alone.” He shook off Jeff’s concerned hand and stormed out. No one followed him. They all knew where he was going.

A nurse was bending over Jayden, finishing re connecting the monitors. She looked up and smiled at Cal.

“I won’t be long. Almost done.”

When she finished she pulled the sheets up to his shoulders and moved to one side switching on the equipment.

Cal ignored her and moved to the side of the bed. Jayden looked exhausted, his hair damp and sticking to his face. Cal brushed them away. His face was hot.

“I’m here. I... I’m sorry Jay. I thought it would help you... all this... I thought... but it’s just made you sicker. I just keep on letting you down. I should have known, right from the beginning I should have known. I know you. I should have known you weren’t drunk.

“And I... I can’t help you now. I couldn’t help you... I... I... couldn’t save you. I’m useless Jay. I’m worthless. If I can’t save you there’s no point, no... reason. Jay... please... please don’t give up on me. I’m not worth it but I’m begging you... please.” He had to bite his lips to stop them trembling, tears pouring down his face. Every time he cried he thought he had drained himself dry but there were always more.

“Cal...” The nurse’s soft voice startled him, dragging him back from the depths of despair to which he had been sinking. He looked up. The nurse looked serious. “Jayden is having some problems. I’m going to get the doctor. Talk to him and try to keep him calm.”

“Problems? What problems? What do you mean calm?” He looked at Jayden who seemed to be fast asleep, although his cheeks were flushed.

“Just talk to him... quietly.”

“Is he...?”

The nurse smiled kindly and put a hand on his shoulder as she passed. “I’ll be right back.”

Cal scanned the monitors, his heart pounding, looking for signs, some thing to tell him what was happening, but he had no idea what he was looking for, what anything meant.

“Jayden, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared. Jay, I’m really scared. I have to keep you calm so for god’s sake whatever’s happening, please be calm.”

That was when Cal noticed that Jayden was breathing strangely, almost in gasps, pausing between each exhalation. He was struggling and suddenly Cal was more frightened than he had ever been in his entire life.

“Jayden, what I told you yesterday... it’s bullshit. I must have been out of my mind. Don’t let go Jayden. Please don’t go... please.”

Cal took Jayden’s hand and squeezed it. He almost fainted with shock when Jayden squeezed back. It was uncontrolled, spasmodic, but the first real movement Cal had seen from him.

“Jayden... can you hear me? Can you? Please... hold on. The doctor’s coming... just keep holding on... please... I’m here.”

Now there was no mistaking that something was happening. The sound of the monitors had changed. It wasn’t slow and steady, it was speeding up, jumping.

“Please Jayden, be calm. Relax. Whatever is going on the doctor can fix it. Please be calm. Yesterday... yesterday I told you... I told you I love you and I... I... can’t lose you, I just... I just... please Jay.”

Rather than calming him it seemed that just the sound of his voice was making him struggle harder. His hand was jerking, gripping Cal’s spasmodically and he started to shake.

At this point the doctor arrived. After checking he monitors briefly he bend over Jayden, flicking a pen light in his eyes and listening to his heart.

“What is it? What’s happening?”

“Not now Cal. Maybe it would be better if you left for a while.”

The nurse put an arm around his shoulders and began to draw him away.

“No... no please.”

“Come on Cal... it’s for the best. Just wait outside.”

“Wait for what? No...”

Jayden was gripping his hand painfully tightly. It jerked erratically and the shaking was intensifying. The doctor lifted his eyelids and peered into his eyes, frowning.

“Wait... Cal... stay put a moment.”

“Why? What’s going on? Is he having a fit?”

“No. No this is different... very different.” Jayden was twisting, his body rising from the bed, his breath coming in gasps. He looked like he was fighting... but what? “Talk to him. Keep him calm, keep your voice steady.”

“Steady... I... I... What’s happening to him? Is he... is he..?”

“He’s trying to wake up.”

“What? But...”

“Calm him down Cal. He’s fighting too hard, his heart can’t take it. If he doesn’t calm down I’m going to have to sedate him.”

“No. Don’t do that. Please... he’s trying to get back to me. If you stop it... please.”

“Calm him Cal or I’ll have no choice. It’s either that or we risk his heart giving out.”

“This is good isn’t it? Isn’t it? This is good?”

“Just talk to him Cal.”

Trying hard to keep his voice calm Cal stroked Jayden’s hair and spoke to him quietly, begging him to be calm, to relax, but Jayden did anything but. Grinding his teeth, his face contorted with the effort and his struggles, if anything intensifying.

“I’m sorry Cal... his heart’s under too much strain. I have to put him out.”

Cal leaned close over the bed, his hand resting on Jayden’s head, stroking his hair almost unconsciously. “Jayden, listen to me. Listen. You can’t keep this up. You have to stop now. Don’t give up... just rest for a while. Please Jay... please stop... just for now. You’re going to make yourself really ill. Please stop. Jay... Jay?”

For a moment Jayden went completely still, panting, almost as though he was listening to something, maybe Cal. Then his body jerked, his head flung back, and with a gasp his eyes flew open.

He stared at Cal, his eyes wide, and then they fluttered and closed.

“Jay!”

“It’s alright. He’s exhausted. Give him a minute.”

“What... when... when he wakes up... what will he...?”

“Just wait and see.”

“Does this mean...?”

“Cal... wait and see.”

The doctor made adjustments to the equipment and drew the nurse a short way away, speaking to her in low tones. Cal had no time for them. Jayden’s hand in his was limp again, no longer gripping him with painful intensity. He was still breathing hard, as if he had been running. Cal stroked his forehead.

“Fuck Jay... you scared me. Don't do that again. You freaked me out. I thought... I... thought...” Jayden’s fingers twitched and Cal’s heart soared. “Can you hear me? Can you?”

Jayden’s eyes flickered and opened with painful slowness and he struggled to focus.

“Hey you. Fuck man. I thought...” Jayden’s lips twitched into smile which faded instantly to be replaced by a puzzled frown. He licked his lips and swallowed. His lips moved, trying to form words but it wasn't happening.

“What happened? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Almost imperceptibly Jayden nodded. “You were kidnapped by a mad woman do you remember that?” Jayden blinked slowly, looking completely spaced out. Then he nodded again.

“She poisoned you. Fuck Jay you almost died. You’re not going to do that now are you? You’re not going to die? Please don’t do that... don’t die.” The smile flickered over his face again and his fingers tightened on Cal’s hand.

Again Jayden’s lips moved and he looked frustrated when no sound came. Frowning he licked his lips and tried again. It came out as a sighing moan.

“Hey, it's okay. It’s okay. Take your time. You’ve been a long way away and it’s going to take some time to get back. You need to rest, get your strength back.”

Jayden shook his head, his eyes still flickering in and out of focus. “Jayden, I know you. I know how strong you are, how stubborn... but you can’t be superman. You’re ill Jay, really ill. I’ve been so scared. Please don’t exhaust yourself and make yourself worse again. You need your strength to fight... not to talk.”

“I... I feel...” Jayden’s eyes steadied and grew intense. “A... am I... am I... going... to...?”

Cal shook his head, understanding instantly, and squeezed his hand. “No. No Jayden. You’re not... not going to... You’re going to be alright. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

For a long moment Jayden’s eyes searched his, burning, then he smiled, a lasting smile that stayed even as he faded into sleep. For some reason Cal felt shaken and found that his hand was shaking.

The doctor came back and put a hand on Cal’s shoulder.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, fine. It’s not me is it? Please... please tell me he’s going to be alright now.”
“I can’t do that Cal, you know that. It’s a promising sign but he’s still very ill. When he comes round properly we will be able to assess more what effects the brain damage has had.”

“When will that be?”

“It’s hard to say. It’s practically miraculous he’s come this far. Cal... it's important to realise that just because he’s opened his eyes it doesn’t mean that he’s out of the woods. Nothing’s really changed. He’s dying Cal and that’s something you are to have to accept sooner or later.

“He’s taken a step forward and maybe he’ll take another. Maybe at some point he will take enough steps to draw away from the edge... but it’s more likely that, at some point he will fall. You have to be prepared.”

“So what happened to hope?”

“There’s always hope.”

“But every time I start to hope you knock me back.”

“I’m trying to make sure you keep perspective Cal. It’s easy, when they seem to be rallying, to get hopeful, to convince yourself it means they are going to get better, but often it just means that you get a chance to say goodbye.”

“He knows.”

“Knows?”

He asked me if he was dying and I said no. I didn’t lie to him.” The final sentence was wholly defensive, his eyes snapping, challenging the doctor to gainsay him.

“No, you didn’t lie to him. You told him what you believe, and that’s important. He needs to know you have belief in him but you need to keep perspective, keep real and the reality is he has a long way to go before we can even begin to hope.”

Cal nodded, tears running down his face, unable to speak. “I am going to start him on drugs that will help heal the damage done to his organs. We’ll see if we can drag him on a few more steps.”

Again Cal nodded, beyond speech and the doctor squeezed his shoulder before they left.

When he was alone Cal wept freely, exhausted. When the storm had passed he felt strangely calm, empty of all feeling. There was a strange, surreal feel to everything, as if he had been somehow taken out of the world and placed in this room, with Jayden, outside time and space, just the two of them, the only ones to exist anywhere.

Drawn by some force outside his control he leaned forwards and brushed his lips against Jayden’s. The only response was the softest of sighs.

“I love you. You have no idea how much I love you but I am going to show you, prove it to you over and over for the rest of our lives. Come back to me, my love and neither of us will ever be alone again.”

Jayden’s lips were soft and warm beneath his own but there was no response to the kiss and it didn’t feel right. Raising his head Cal looked down into the most beautiful face he had ever seen and he smiled.