Weeping Lily - 13. Chapter 13

Everyone was eating when he walked into the lounge. Kelly was there too, tucked into a corner with Luc, whispering about something. They’d got takeaway.

“Hey Cal... we got some for you... your favourite. I was just about to come and get you.”

He faltered to a halt at the look on Cal’s face. At the silence everyone looked up.

“What’s wrong? Is it Jayden?”

“Now you worry about Jayden? It’s a shame you weren’t so worried this morning... when you left him alone... and he freaked and tried to get out of bed. I trusted you and where did it get us?”

There was an embarrassed silence, when no one could look at him. “I asked you to look after him. You all made such a big thing about me going home to get some rest and I asked you to look after him while I was gone. So why didn’t you?”

The silence stretched and it just served to get Cal even more angry. “I asked you a question.” He said, his voice as cold as ice.

“Cal...”

“Oh for heaven sake Cal, get over yourself. It’s not possible to be with him every minute of every day. The doctors and nurses need time to do stuff with him and we need time to ourselves too. It’s not as if you were there either. And who’s with him now?”

Cal turned to stare at her, hardly able to believe that she had spoken let alone the words she had said. Luc looked horrified and was trying to shush her but she was having none of it.

“You make out that you are so bloody perfect. You’re the only one who knows him, the only one who can take care of him, but let’s face it you haven’t done a very good job have you?”

The silence was so deep it was painful. Cal gave Kelly a look which would have withered most people... she returned it cooly. Pointedly Cal turned his back on her and turned his glare on Rik. “Where were you? Why wasn’t someone with him?”

Rik lowered his head, unable to look him in the eye.

“Will somebody please give me an answer?”

“We were having a meeting Cal... it was only half an hour.”

Cal looked at Jeff incredulously. “A meeting? What kind of meeting?”

Jeff looked highly uncomfortable and began to shuffle his feet. No one else would meet Cal’s eye.

“What’s going on? What are you plotting?”

“We’re not plotting anything. We just wanted to talk about what is going to happen next, what we are going to do about the band.”

“Who gives a shit? There is no band without Jayden. I can’t believe that you would be sitting around in here talking about the future when Jayden was fighting in there... all alone... scared and desperate.”

“Aww come on Cal... that’s going a bit far isn’t it? So what we left him alone for an hour? It’s not as if we were a hundred miles away.”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

Cal spun on her with a venom in his eyes and voice that made everyone draw back.

“You’ve got no right...”

“I have every right... this is band business and the last time I checked you were not in the band... so fuck off.”

“Cal...”

“Ah cut it Luc. It didn’t take her long to wriggle back under your skin did it? For fuck sake wake up and smell the coffee. She’s no good... never was and never will be. The only reason she wants to crawl back in here now is because Jayden managed to claw his way out of that cesspit they made for him and do something with his life and she wants a slice of it. She can play the concerned sister as much as she likes but I know better. Now get the fuck out of here before I throw you out myself.”

Everyone looked shocked but no one moved. “You heard me.” He said... this time very soft and very dangerous.

Giving him a cold look Kelly got to her feet and walked to the door her head high. As she passed Cal she looked him in the eye and smirked. “I’ll go and sit with my brother shall I, make sure he’s not alone?”

“You do that. Not that he’ll know but... maybe it will make you feel good for a while huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jayden just got some bad news and, after the little... episode this morning he couldn’t handle it. The doctor has decided it would be best to knock him out for a couple of days until his body’s healed enough to cope with emotional turmoil”

“Shit! What happened? What news?”

“Why don’t you go and find out for yourself Kelly... while we have a ‘meeting’?”

“Cal...”

“I’m not saying anything until you are gone.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re a great one to talk about what’s fair. The way you treated Jayden wasn’t fair... lying about him wasn’t fair... not being there for him when he needed you wasn’t fair... not trying to contact him for all these years wasn’t fair. You have no idea what he’s been through... none at all. Not the first clue what’s going on inside him so don’t you dare talk to me about what’s fair.”

“I think I may have more of an idea than you think. I really hope for Jayden’s sake that you get down off your high horse sooner rather than later and let others help him too... because you’ve had your chance and you really haven’t done very well... have you?”

Before an irate Cal could say another word she disappeared through the door.

“She has a point you know. You do... I mean you always have...”

Cal swung on Luc and glared at him. “I have always what?”

“Well... you know... thought you were the only one who could help Jayden, the only one who knew what was going on with him... the only one who knew what was best for him.”

“What the fuck??? Look I don’t know what’s been going on here but can we please cut the bullshit now? Jay’s in trouble and he needs us... he needs us all.”

“What’s happened Cal?”

The concern in Rik’s voice wiped the legs from under him and he sat down suddenly in a chair. Quite suddenly he found himself shaking.

“Cal?”

“The doctor just told Jay he’s going to be in hospital for weeks, in physio for months. When he said that he wouldn’t be getting out of bed for a couple of weeks he freaked completely. He was on the edge anyway... that’s what it was all about this morning. You know what happens to Jay when he feels... trapped. Well... he freaked... completely. I haven’t seen him like that since... since... well you know... since before last time.”

“Shit.”

“Fucking hell Cal. What are we going to do?”

“He’s freaking about the band. He wants to get back on stage... he’s afraid that people will forget us... that we’ll go down and it will be his fault.”

“Well...”

“What?”

“The meeting we had... that’s what it was about... what we do next?”

“You had a meeting abut the future of the band without me and Jay being there? How could you? How could you possibly consider anything about the band without Jay? He IS the band... he always has been.”

“We know Cal... but he’s not... We’ve all got a lot invested in this Cal... everything... our futures, our careers, our lives... we all followed you and we don’t regret it for a minute but suddenly it’s feeling like we’re all left high and dry and we’re worried. We just wanted to get some feedback from Jeff about what we can do to make sure we still have a career to go back to when Jayden’s up for it.”

“And you couldn’t have waited a day?”

“We’re sorry Cal. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“And what did you decide at this meeting?”

“Nothing was decided Cal.” Jeff said placatingly. “It was never about deciding anything. It was just about looking at options.”

“So then... what options did you look at?”

“Don’t be so pissed Cal. This is about all of us not just you and Jayden.”

“I appreciate that... but you could have waited until at least we knew whether or not he is going to make it before we start planning a future for him... I assume that the options were involving him.”

“Of course they were. How could you even think that?”

“Well I didn’t think that you... any of you... would think of holding meetings about the future of the band when I wasn’t here and Jayden was fighting for his life in the next room. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable guys but I’m pretty disappointed in you.”

“That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?”

“Harsh? Let me tell you what’s harsh. What’s harsh is the fact that I have just sat with my best friend and heard the doctor tell him that he has brain damage and if he ever walks again it will only be through blood sweat and tears on his part. What’s harsh is that I held him my arms and saw that look in his eyes that, last time, almost broke him completely. What’s harsh is that because of what that bitch did to him Jayden is so fucked up that the doctor has to keep him unconscious just so he doesn’t freak out so much it damages him. Ring any bells guys?”

No one said a word... they all looked at the floor.

“I’m sorry Cal. I’m really sorry... sorry about everything. You know we’re here for you... for him. You know we’d never let you down. We just... we got scared and we needed... we needed to focus on something real.”

“It’s something you are going to have to think about sooner or later Cal. If it is going to take Jayden months to get back on his feet you can’t afford to wait that long before the band starts working again. If you drop out of sight for months the offers will dry up and we’ll be back to square one. We have to do something, even if it’s only interviews. It would be better if...”

“It would be better if we save this conversation for a time when Jayden can be part of it. I am not going to discuss ANYTHING about the future of the band without him present. It's his band and let’s not forget that.”

“It’s our band Cal.”

“Your band Luc? Really? Let’s see how far you would get without Jayden... without his songs, his music, his inspiration...”

“Cal please... we know you’re upset... we’re all upset, all saying things we don’t mean. Please... let’s just shelve this for now... until Jayden’s more... stable.”

“Yes. Let’s.”

Incandescent with fury Cal got to his feet and strode from the room. He couldn’t go to Jayden because Kelly was there and she was the last person he wanted to see. For a moment he felt blind panic... where could he go to escape the anger and frustration? For just that flash of a moment he tasted what Jayden was feeling and it horrified him.

In the end he found his way to the restaurant, calling off on the way to make some calls. He found that he was ravenously hungry and was tucking into a huge meal when someone sat down across the table from him. He barely glanced up then went back to eating, his head down.

“I’m sorry Cal. I don’t know what else to say. You know we care about you, about Jayden... at least I hope you do. We’ve been through so much... good and bad. You’re like brothers and it hurts to see you like this... both of you.”

“It hurts so much that you abandon us... him when we need you most? That you have to have a meeting to talk about our future without us there... but it was okay for that bitch to be present, pouring her poison in your ears?”

“You’re being too hard on her Cal. I hasn’t been easy on her... coming here, facing us... seeing Jay like that.”

At last Cal looked up and Rik shrank from the look in his eyes.

“She didn’t take part in the meeting Cal, didn’t say a word.”

“I am so thankful.” The sarcasm was so great that it cut off conversation for a while. Rik fiddled with the condiments and Cal went back to eating although he had lost the desire to eat and the food tasted like cardboard.

“Are... are you okay?”

Cal looked up again and Rik’s eyes were so hurt, so full of concern that the anger melted little. He sighed and shrugged.

“It’s so fucking hard Rik. Jay’s in hell and it seems to me as if no one gives a shit.” Rik looked horrified and Cal sighed again. “I know... I know you do. It’s just... it just feels like that. It hit me hard to think that you would have a meeting about our future without us.”

“It wasn’t like that. It really wasn’t like that. It was just a conversation that kind of turned into something more serious. We never sat down and decided... let’s have a meeting or anything like that.”

More of the anger dissipated and Cal sat back in his chair, regarding his friend with something more akin to affection. Rik hazarded a shaky smile which, eventually Cal returned.

“It’s always you isn’t it?”

“What?”

“It’s always you who scrapes me off the ceiling.”

Rik grinned. “I guess I’m the one with the biggest scraper.”

“Yeah right.” He said with affection. “So what did you talk about?”

“Not a lot actually. We kind of went round in circles and kept coming back to exactly what you said. The band is Jayden. I think that’s why what you said hit such a sore point. Jeff is worried, we can see that and it’s putting us all on edge.”

Cal sighed. “I know. I’m not that blind, stupid or self satisfied. I know that we need to do something. If nothing else we owe it to Jay to make sure that when he’s well he has something more than an empty shell to come back to.”

“Jeff thinks that he can get us some interviews... you know... um... about how we feel... how we’re coping with what happened. It will keep us up there for a week or so, keep our faces in the news. We were always going to take a short sabbatical to work on new stuff and in the meantime he had a series of short interviews and articles lined up. I think for the moment we can just concentrate on that. It won’t be the same without Jay but he never liked that kind of thing anyway.”

“I... I guess I could do that... as long as it doesn’t take me away from him for too long.”

“Jeff seems to think that, at least at first they would come here... it’s... it’s...” Rik stuttered to a stop, looking embarrassed.

“A good angle... I know.” Running his hand through his hair Cal shook his head and gave a deep sigh. “I know it’s what we have to do it just... it just doesn’t feel right.”

“You know it’s what Jay would want... what he will want when he’s up to thinking about it. You know full well that as soon as he is able he’ll be writing furiously again and, if I know Jay it’ll be awesome stuff. He always puts his heart into it and at the moment it’s pretty dark so...”

Cal smiled. “Yeah... I know. It’s been his therapy for a long time and people seem to like it so... we’re pretty much guaranteed another No 1 from all of this... if only from the sympathy vote.”

Rik looked down. “I know what you mean though... about it not feeling right. What happened was...” He lifted his eyes, his face dark and his eyes shadowed. For the first time Cal noticed the shadows that spoke more than any words could what Rik had been going through. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days... he probably hadn’t. “Do you think... do you think that Jay is going to be alright? I mean... he’s getting better physically but... He’s not... he’s not going to end up...”

“No. He’s not. I’m going to make sure of that. He’s not going to end up breaking again. I will chew off my left leg before I see him in a psychiatric hospital this time. That is not going to happen. I... I don’t know how... I don’t know what I can do to stop it right now but...” Something inside him gave way and he slumped. “He’s bad Rik, really bad. I’ve never seen him this bad. Even the first time it was... it was a big bang and all over with. He was taken away and I didn’t see him again until...

“This time I can see the cracks and it scares me. To be honest it scares me as much as when I thought he was going to... when he was... You should have seen the look in his eyes Rik and... and he told me some thing... about... about what he was doing all those times he ran away. It was... it was shocking and painful and... and it just scared me. You have no idea what he went thorough. It was horrible... to hear that, to know what... ”

“I know.” Rik said softly and there was something in the way he said it, with authority, that made Cal look up sharply.

“What?”

“I know what he was doing.” He looked embarrassed and sad.

“But how... how...?”

“I have other friends Cal. My life is not just about the band. Some of them are... are not so... nice.”

Cal’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. He was completely shocked. So many things ran through his head, so many questions; difficult questions, painful questions; and the questions were nothing compared to the pictures... he shuddered but all he said, very softly with no accusation, was:

“You never told me.”

“No. And I never told him either. It wasn’t my place. If he had wanted you to know he would have told you himself, and if he had wanted me to know he would have told me. The fact I did know was my burden, not his.”

Cal nodded. “Do you know it all... what he... what he did?”

“Probably not all, but I know enough.”

“Did you know that he... that he was...?” He just couldn’t bring himself to say it but he could see from Rik’s face that he knew exactly what he meant.

“Yes. I knew. I had... I made sure... There was always someone watching him, from a distance, making sure he was safe.”

Cal’s eyes widened and he shook his head in wonder. “Thank you.”

“I... it was... I knew why Cal. I have... spoken to some people. In the beginning, the first time I didn’t believe it... I couldn’t. I...” He shook his head. “I was shocked, appalled, scared. I went to... to the place... it was...” He stopped, taking a deep shaky breath. “I talked to a lot of the people there and they told me... they gave me an insight into why people need to do that. He was... doing what he needed to do... not wanted... needed, like when he needs to write.

“I didn’t judge Cal. I never judged. I just spoke to some of my friends, who spoke to their friends and they all made sure that he was okay. There were some... issues. He was into some heavy shit and he skated close to the edge of the law sometimes. He... You know about... about when he...?”

“Yeah.”

“Mostly they were set ups, they were... safe.”

For a moment Cal just stared at his friend, shock and horror written all over his face and the knowledge of what had been happening to Jayden, the naked and stark truth about the part of his life he had tried to hide from them for so long, hung between them like the sword of Damocles.

“Oh my God. I... I can’t believe I never knew.” Cal leaned forwards, putting his face in his hands, and wept. Rik got up and put is arm around his friend.

“Come on. Let’s go somewhere more private.”

It was impossible to go outside because there was still a media and fan presence, although it had lessened somewhat. However, there were numerous small enclosed gardens dotted about the hospital and they found one of these which was unoccupied.

Sitting on a cold stone bench Rik pulled Cal into a rough embrace, resting his head against his shoulder while he wept.

“Thank you.” Cal said after a time, sitting up and wiping his face with his sleeve.

“Oh very attractive.” Rik teased about his read and swollen face and the snot soaked sleeve.

“As always.” Cal gave a watery grin. Suddenly he threw his arms around Rik and hugged him fiercely.

“Hey... steady on. I think I heard some ribs crack. What’s that for?”

“For being the best friend I totally don’t deserve.”

“Hey... I do what I can. I love you guys.” He beamed. “Erm... not in the way you love each other of course...”

Cal grinned. “Don’t worry I’m not going to hit on you any time soon. I have everything I want.”

“I know. It surprised me how long it took you to realise that. It was pretty obvious to everyone else a long time ago.”

“Everyone?”

“To those who know and love you.”

“And it doesn’t bother you? It doesn’t change anything?”

“Of course not. Like I said... we always knew. There’s a bet on, you know.”

“A bet?”

“Yeah... on how long it would take you to get together.”

Cal arched his eyebrows. “So who wins?”

“No one. What happened kind of threw off the timetable so to speak.”

Cal had to laugh at that. “So did you have a meeting to discuss that?”

Rik’s smile faded. “Cal... I’m really sorry... we all...”

Cal smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay Rik. I’m okay now. I know I over reacted but after having just come from that... I was all over the place. I didn’t mean...”

“I know mate. We all understand. Are you up to coming back and letting us all know in a slightly less hysterical way what’s going on with Jay?”

“Yeah... slightly less hysterical. I suppose... I suppose we had better discuss those ‘options’ as well.”

Rik grinned and led Cal back to the lounge.