Weeping Lily - 25. Chapter 25

Jayden cracked open his eyes to a misty world of subdued light and no colour. There were voices nearby but they were low and muted. He sighed deeply and there was instantly someone there, holding his hand and stroking his hair. He opened his eyes and blinked them a few times until the blurred image resolved itself into Cal. He looked worried. Jayden smiled sleepily and reached for him.

Leaning over to hug him Cal moaned. “Fuck Jay, you have got to stop doing that. My heart can’t take it.”

Jayden nuzzled into his hair and sighed again. “I know.” He whispered. “But GOD was it worth it.”

Cal raised his head to find Jayden grinning, his eyes lit up.

“Fuck you, you son of a bitch.” Cal ground out but he was grinning too and he lowered his head for a kiss.

“Who was here?” Jayden asked a few minutes later when he was sitting up with his back against the wall and Cal’s head in his lap. “I heard voices.”

“Everyone.” Cal murmured, sighing with pleasure as Jayden idly played with his hair.

“All at once?”

“No, in a steady stream for hours.”

“Hours? Have I been asleep for hours?”

“No, it’s just felt like it. Are you okay now?”

“Fine. I don’t think I’m as strong as I thought I was.”

“You think?”

Jayden grinned. “I knew it really, which is why I was so worried beforehand. I didn’t think I was going to make it through the second song.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you stop after the second song?”

Jayden shrugged. “By then I was on a high and felt invincible. Beside I had absolutely no intention of showing weakness on stage or in front of the cameras.”

“Just as well... there were millions of them. The come back performance of Weeping Lily attracted some serious press coverage.”

“I know. I saw them. That’s why I was so determined to get under cover before I passed out. Who’s trailer is it anyway?” He asked looking around for the first time.

“Solid Fury’s manager.”

“Is he pissed with me?”

“Pissed with you?” Cal laughed.

“What?”

“Solid Fury has just had the best publicity it has ever had. Their manager would sign over his soul to you right now if you asked. Besides...” Cal frowned. “They’re nice guys and were genuinely worried about you. We all were.”

“Sorry about that. I honestly had no idea it was going to happen until just before it did.”

“I know. I saw you fade which is why I was surprised you went rushing off like that.”

“Ah well, if I’m going to be seeing my face all over the news tomorrow I want it at least to be conscious.”

“Oh you’ll be all over the news right enough. Jeff’s been fighting off reporters all day and twice as much since you came off stage. There are all sorts of rumours flying around.”

“Really? What kind of rumours?”

“Like that we had a major falling out and you stormed off with me trying to calm you down and stop you leaving me. The camps are divided as to whether we split up or made up. There are also the rumours that the band is breaking up because you’re a spoiled brat. I think that’s the one closer to the truth.”

Jayden slapped him hard. Then he laughed. “God. Yeah, I can see how all of that might fit. Is Jeff furious?”

“Jeff’s delighted. You can’t buy publicity like that. He’s arranged all sorts of things for the next few days and he’s keeping them guessing in the meantime.”

“What kind of things?”

“Interviews mostly. But there are photo shoots and guest appearances on some interesting shows. If you’re up to it of course.” He added seriously.

“Oh I’m up to it.” Jayden said grinning. “I had forgotten how brilliant it was to perform. God the energy: the rush! I think I’m still high. I would go back on stage right now if I could.”

“No chance of that.”

“Why not?” Jayden teased.

“Well, for one thing it’s the middle of the night and everyone’s gone and for two the doctor said you have to have complete rest for 24 hours.”

“Doctor? What doctor?”

“The one Mike called as soon as you passed out, when he panicked and thought you were dying again.”

“Oh shit. So how long have I been out?”

Cal grinned. “Only about an hour.”

“So it’s not the middle of the night.”

“Not exactly, but it might as well be for you because you are going to lie down and go back to sleep.”

“You think? Not a chance. Now I’m awake, I’m buzzing. There must be a party going on somewhere.”

“No way. You have to rest Jay, and that means...”

“I’ll rest... later. Come on, let’s go find the party and celebrate.”

“Jay... no...” But he was already opening the door.

Jeff was pacing the length of the trailer, speaking animatedly on the phone but he made his excuses and hung up as soon as he saw Jayden with Cal close behind.

“Jayden, you are going to have to stop doing that. You had us all worried sick.”

“Yeah, that’s what Cal said.” He shrugged. “You know what I’m like.” He said grinning.

“Glad to see you up and about again” said one of the other four men sitting around drinking whiskey. Jayden recognised him as the man who had met them and therefore assumed him to be Mike.

“Up and about and raring to go. Where are the boys?”

“Oh no you don’t.” Jeff said firmly. “The doctor said rest for 24 hours and it’s been less than 1. You’re going straight back to bed and...”

“Yeah well... I seem to remember a doctor saying a lot of things that didn’t come to pass. Sorry Jeff but there’s not a chance of me going back to bed. I’m buzzing and I need to let off steam before I explode.

“On second thoughts, don’t bother to tell me where the boys are, I’ll just follow the sounds of partying. See ya later.”

“Jayden; don’t you dare walk out that door.” Jeff tried valiantly but he ended up talking to the empty doorway. Cal shrugged at him as he followed Jayden down the steps.

Luc and Rik were lurking outside sharing a smoke, leaning against the trailer.

“Jayden.” The chorused in unison as soon as they saw him, throwing their cigarettes on the floor.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fucking awesome. Was that the best buzz or what? Point me at the party.” He was lit up and rekindled the excitement in the others.

“You were awesome Jay, and I mean frigging awesome. I’ve never seen anything like it. You’ve never performed better.”

“Thanks guys. It felt like I was just soaking up all the energy and riding a freaking huge wave, fuck a tsunami. So...where’s the party?”

They exchanged nervous glances. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Up to it? Fuck yeah. If I don’t let off some steam I am going to explode. And that isn’t going to be pretty.”

They looked helplessly at Cal who shrugged, smiling. “Don’t look at me, you know what he’s like.” Cal said affectionately and indulgently.

“Don’t worry guys. I wouldn’t want you to get your knickers in a twist. I’ll find my own way; I can hear it.”

He left them staring after him and headed toward the marquee from which the unmistakable sounds of enthusiastic partying were emanating. They trailed after him as he strode across the field purposefully.

“Is he okay?” Rik whispered to Cal.

“Not really, but you know Jayden. If you want to try and stop him then by all means go ahead.”

“What if he collapses again?”

“Then I’ll be there to catch him. I’ll always be there to catch him.”

As they approached the rowdy tent Cal found himself infected with the excitement. As soon as he stepped inside someone thrust a drink into his hand and he was swept into the crowd. Jayden had disappeared but he could tell exactly where he was by the roar and the buzz. He was the centre of the universe tonight and he’d be soaking it up like a sponge.

There were two distinct sides of Jayden: the one who loved to be the centre of attention... and the one who didn’t. If you caught the wrong one he would sulk and scowl and bring down the energy until he was allowed to leave and be alone. But if you caught the right one he would take control, suck in the energy and spit it right out again, supercharged with his own, unique flavour.

Tonight he was on fire and Cal found himself suddenly relieved of the heavy burden of fear that he had been bearing for the past few hours. Infected by the excitement and almost hero status afforded to all members of Weeping Lily he threw himself into some serious partying while maintaining a general awareness of where Jayden was and ensuring he was reasonably close.

It was after a few hours of being mobbed by people he knew and didn’t know every time he took a step forward that he found himself back near the doorway. He was feeling decidedly tipsy and thought it might be a good idea to take some air.

The cool night breeze hit his face and he turned it up towards the stars. He felt tired to his bones. “God I must be getting old.” He murmured to himself.

He heard a soft laugh and turned to the darkness in the lee of the tent where a bright pinpoint of light flared briefly illuminating a shadowy figure before falling towards the earth.

“Why don’t you come over here old man?” A very familiar voice purred. “I’ll see if I can get your pulses racing again.”

Grinning, Cal sauntered towards the voice and before he got there Jayden’s hand shot out and, grabbing him by the wrist, dragged him deeper into the darkness.

“Where are we going?” He whispered, slightly unsteadily. The heady night air, thick with the scents of cut grass and pine, combined with the large amount of alcohol he had consumed to make him dizzy.

“Not far.” Jayden murmured and indeed, once they were wholly consumed by the darkness Jayden stopped and pushed Cal back against the wall of a trailer and kissed him fiercely. Cal responded with just as much passion, turned on by the taste of alcohol and smoke on Jayden’s breath.

It had been a very long time since Jayden had got drunk. He had certainly not had a drink since he’d been out of hospital. Cal knew full well that the effects of alcohol on Jayden’s tight control was to lower the barriers, sweep away the inhibitions and make him wild.

The thought excited him even more as Jayden tore his shirt from his trousers and ripped off the buttons as he pulled it off his shoulders to kiss the hot skin exposed there. Cal moaned and buried his hands in Jayden’s hair. “

“Steady on Jay.” He yelped as Jayden bit him. Jayden laughed huskily and did it again but this time he had grabbed Cal between the legs and any further complaint was lost in his gasp. Moments later he began to shake as Jayden fumbled with the buckle of his belt. He didn’t have to struggle for long because unable to bear any further delay Cal released the buckle and unzipped his trousers for him.

The trousers were tight, very tight and it was no easy job for Jayden to get his hand inside. Fortunately once it was in there was a gap which allowed him some room for manipulation, which he certainly did, while going back to kissing Cal deeply. On trembling legs Cal pressed himself back against the trailer wall for support.

Moaning into Jayden’s mouth and feeding off the incredible energy Jayden was bringing to their lovemaking Cal threw back his head and thrust against Jayden’s hand. For once Jayden seemed almost as excited as he was and, as the tension built they were both breathing fast and eventually had to abandon the kissing as they didn’t have either the breath or the focus for it.

As the end approached Cal became aware that somehow Jayden had turned him away from the wall and was half behind him. With his hand still firmly down the front of Cal’s trousers, pretty much taking away the ability for conscious thought, he was biting his neck and shoulder from behind breathing so hard he was almost sobbing and rubbing himself against Cal’s hip in a way that made no secret of his own arousal.

The realisation that Jayden was fully ‘there’ was enough to drive Cal to an intense and very noisy orgasm, most of which was caught in the tatters of his shirt.

As he came down from his orgasmic high he realised that Jayden had not backed away as he usually did at this point. He was still thrusting against his hip and biting his neck. The only difference was that he had now removed his hands from Cal’s trousers and settled them on his hips, pulling him against him.

Unable to stand it and fired with uncontrollable drunken passion Cal, possibly unwisely, but unstoppably turned and slammed Jayden into the wall. Jayden groaned, his eyes closed and his head thrown back. The invitation was too much and Cal didn’t even pause to wonder why he hadn’t pulled away. The passion was too strong for thought.

Grabbing Cal’s buttocks Jayden pulled his hips hard against him and gasped “Bite me.” turning his head to expose his throat. Without hesitation Cal complied and gently bit the tender skin between his neck and shoulder. Jayden growled and jerked against him. “Harder.” He moaned with something that could have been pleasure or pain.

Cal would have pulled away but Jayden grabbed his head and pulled it down hard, smashing his face into his shoulder. “Bite me.” He commanded and convulsed with a hiss when Cal complied.

Grabbing Cal’s hand Jayden thrust it between his legs and rubbed himself against it in a way that drove them both to the edge of madness.

Cal ripped open Jayden’s waistcoat and shirt while Jayden fumbled with his trousers, slipping them down over his hips. Cal was kissing him almost violently as their bare chests rubbed together.

“Please Cal, please.” Jayden moaned and Cal thrust his hand between them and closed his fingers around... “Not there.” Jayden gasped. “Not that.”

For a moment Cal was confused but Jayden was beyond niceties. Grabbing Cal’s hair he dragged his face back to his throat making him yelp with surprise and pain. Jayden didn’t care. In one sense he wasn’t even there any more.

Possessed by an almost animalistic passion Cal had never seen before and which, if he was being honest frightened him, Jayden grabbed Cal’s hand and, thrusting it further between his legs, he wriggled until Cal got the idea. As Cal simultaneously entered him and bit down hard on his shoulder Jayden gave a strange cry and, clawing at Cal’s back with his nails, jerked and thrust against him, the muscles in his abdomen twitching uncontrollably.

Almost unable to speak he sobbed. “More. More Cal please... please more... harder, harder please.”

Cal had a fleeting but very real flash of something that was almost horror and almost terror along with a vague feeling that he really shouldn’t be doing this but he was so caught in the passion that it was as if he had no free will any more. It was what he had wanted, what he had longed for. To have Jayden writhing under his hands, to be able to pleasure him in the way he had been pleasured. It was almost a dream come true, almost a dream...

Adding a second finger Cal slammed into him and bit down so hard he tasted blood. Jay cried out and tightened his arms around him. “Oh God. Oh God Cal I love you. Oh fuck... fuck... I... I love you.” He whimpered as Cal, spurred on by his words grew even wilder in his lovemaking, except that it wasn’t lovemaking...was it?

Raising his head Jayden freed Cal from his shoulder and kissed him hard. The taste of blood drove them both even wilder. Cal was slamming him back against the wall with every thrust and Jayden was shaking so badly he could barely stand.

Gasping Jayden broke the kiss and grabbed Cal’s free hand and pressed it against his throat with one hand, while the other reached between them and began to jerk himself. This madly stimulated Cal’s own erection which was rock hard again. Unable to think Cal tightened his fingers around Jayden’s throat and Jayden moaned.

“Yes. Oh yes...yes. Hurt me Cal. Please, please hurt me more.”

There was something about the words and the way in which they were said that penetrated Cal’s alcohol and passion soaked brain and he realised in a flash what was happening and just exactly what Jayden was asking of him. He was suddenly horrified by what he was doing and took a step back, dropping his hands.

“No Jay. No I... I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t hurt you.”

“Cal.” Jayden moaned, reaching for him. And then he saw the look in his eyes and seemed to come to his senses as if awakening from a dream. His eyes went wide and he pressed his back against the wall looking for all the world as if he was trying to push himself through it.

“Jayden.” Cal reached for him but he shook his head jerkily and held out his hand in a warding off gesture. Cal stopped and watched with horror as Jayden’s eyes filled with tears and a kind of horrified despair. Slowly he slid down the wall to sit in the mud, hugging his knees and rocking. Heart rending sobs wracked a body that suddenly seemed frail and vulnerable.

“Jayden, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have... I should have... Please Jayden. It’s alright. It’s really alright I promise.”

“No, no, no, no, no.” Jayden moaned.

“Please Jay.” Cal crouched down and reached for him. Jayden lifted his head at the gentle touch on his arm. He looked dazed and distraught and stared at Cal with wide, scared eyes.

“It’s alright Jayden. It’s going to be okay.”

Jayden looked blankly at the hand resting on his arm and then up at Cal’s face. Cal stared at him, not even daring to breathe and he saw the precise moment that something snapped behind his eyes, the moment Jayden broke.

Taken completely by surprise Cal was knocked backwards off his feet as Jayden exploded upwards and ran. In moments he disappeared as the darkness swallowed him. For a few moments of complete shock Cal stared after him and then, realising what had happened he scrambled to his feet.

“Jayden.” He called desperately. “Jayden, for god’s sake come back. Please come back. I swear I won’t touch you. You’re ill and not... not yourself. Please come back so I can take care of you. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry I did that to you. I should have known. I did know you weren’t yourself. Please, I’m scared Jay. Please.”

As he spoke, already realising that Jayden wasn’t coming back, he started to run. He had no idea where he was going, where Jayden had gone but he had to do something, he had to run, he had to try. Running through the night he was gripped by the deepest, most oppressive fear he had ever experienced. Jayden had gone. Jayden had run away from him and this time he was really going to lose him.

By the end he was sobbing and stumbling over obstacles in the darkness. He was afraid of getting lost or falling over something but he was more afraid that he was going to lose Jayden. Eventually he had to give up, defeated by exhaustion. He sat on the damp earth sobbing.

The sound of voices roused him from his misery stupor. How long he had been there he couldn’t say, but the sky was lightening. It was Rik who found him, falling to his knees beside him, his voice thick with concern.

“Cal are you okay? What happened? Where’s Jayden?”

“He’s gone.” Cal said flatly.

“Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where? Why?”

“I don’t know. He ran away.”

“Ran away? What the hell’s been going on?”

Cal shook his head, tears rolling down his face again. “He’s gone. We were drunk and we... I... I drove him away. I didn’t mean to. He wanted... he wanted something I couldn’t give and it... I... I drove him away. He’s gone.”

“Look, I think you had better come back to the van and you can explain what happened.”

“No! He’s gone. Jay’s gone. He ran away. We have to find him. I hurt him. I really hurt him and he’s not... he’s not well. Please help me find him.”

Cal grabbed Rik by the front of his shirt, is eyes pleading and edged with madness.

“Easy Cal. Look... you need to go back to the trailer. You’re freezing and exhausted. Don’t worry, we’ll find Jayden.”

“Promise you won’t give up until you find him.”

“Cal, you know us. You know we love Jayden. We won’t give up, I promise. Come on Cal, let me help you.”

Cal allowed Rik to help him to his feet and followed him back to the trailer. On their way they met up with others who all promised to keep on searching.

Jeff was waiting anxiously in the trailer and he was ridiculously pleased to see Cal.

“Cal what happened? We were worried sick. You and Jayden just disappeared and when you didn’t come back...”

“He ran away Jeff. I hurt him and he ran away.” Cal had no tears left. He spoke simply and dully.

“What do you mean ‘hurt him’?”

“No, I didn’t... I didn’t hurt him, that’s the point, I couldn’t. He wanted me to. He wanted me to hurt him and I couldn’t do it. I pushed him away and he was... he was so... I hurt him so much more than I ever could have with my hands. I shouldn’t have done it, not like that. But I was... I didn’t know what to do. I hurt him and he ran away.”

“Where did he go?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he knew. He just ran. I tried to find him but...”

“We’ll find him Cal, don’t worry. You know Jayden, he’ll run until he exhausts himself, which won’t be long right now, then he’ll lie down and go to sleep. It’s a warm night and he’ll be fine until we find him. We’ll find him Cal.”

“He was crazy Jeff, crazy. I did... I did start to hurt him, before I realised. I was hurting him and I couldn’t help it because he wanted it so badly. He told me; he warned me. He’s told me so many times but I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what he meant when he said he was afraid to let me love him because if he did he’d want me to hurt him. I should have listened. I should have talked to him and kept on talking until I understood. But I didn’t. I let him love me. I let it go too far and I hurt him.”

Cal crumbled and started to cry. Awkwardly Jeff tried to comfort him until a tap on the door preceded a young man in leathers who smiled apologetically.

“One of the bikes is missing.” He said without preamble.

“He’s taken a bike? Oh god no. No, he was... he was drunk. He’s drunk, exhausted and sick. He’ll kill himself. I have to... I have to...” With a moan he collapsed onto the seat, his head in his hands. “What can we do?”

Jeff nodded at the young man who disappeared. “Cal, it’s going to be okay. He’ll ride around for a while and then he’ll come back.”

“But what if he doesn’t? What if he crashes the bike and kills himself?”

“He’ll be okay Cal. He’s Jayden; he’ll be okay.”