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    Parker Owens
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Predator Prey - 29. Misery

No warnings needed for this chapter.

Four days to go.

Four days and the cruise would be over. The past two days had been eternal enough; how was he going to make it through four more? He hadn't spoken with Graham since he'd disappeared back to his lab. It was hard to completely avoid someone on a ship as small as this, but Graham was managing it. He'd looked for the brunette at meals, and caught a glimpse, but no more. But in that glimpse, at least Graham looked as haggard as he felt himself.

He sighed, deeply, for the millionth time. Four days.

He deserved this. In fact, he deserved far worse. He knew how badly he had hurt dozens of people. He had directed his frustration and anger wrongly, and now the universe was paying him back. Again.

At one point the previous night, he'd been called to deliver some coffee to the bridge. On the trip back to the galley area, he directed his steps outside, to the stern of the Feigenbaum. He wished the great green wave had taken him in the storm. He watched the wake of the ship spread out from the rear of the ship, mesmerized. The sea seemed to speak to him, calling him with the many whispered voices of people whose lives he'd damaged.

Perhaps it would be best if he simply fell off the stern of the Feigenbaum in the quiet pre-dawn hours, and never came back to the surface, he reflected. In the big picture of the world, his death wouldn't amount to much. His drowning would be a bother to his parents, but he doubted they would mourn. Perhaps causing his father to curse the extra hassle would be worth it. But even that was a dubious proposition, as he was sure his father would very likely hire an extra flunky to take care of all the messy details involved in his disappearance. That is, if his parents continued to care at all.

It would be so easy. He could just climb up and over the rail and hop off.

His thoughts were interrupted by a pair of researchers coming onto the deck. They spoke volubly together about some technical point as they approached the stern. No, drowning was not going to be an option, not at that moment

In his more rational thoughts, he considered what he would do at the end of this cruise, at the end of the four eternal days which now seemed to stretch endlessly before him.

There was activity in the mess area, despite the early hour of the morning. Just like the January cruise, the scientific party was working extra hours to make sure their experiments and data were complete and that all the loose ends that could be tied up at sea were knotted. But even though a steady stream of coffee-and-snack takers came to the mess counter, he barely noticed any of them.

None of them were the particular tall, lanky researcher he'd hoped to see.

He simply executed the tasks of his watch robotically, in a kind of fog. He prepped breakfast and got it ready to serve. He had very little to say, not even exchanging much banter with Cookie or Matilda when she showed up. This earned him an odd look from the older man, but he really didn't notice or care.

It had been that way for forty-eight hours.

He took his bowl of cereal, bagel, and juice over to a recently vacated table in the mess area and sat down. He ate, head down, paying no attention to anything else. He didn't look up when the chair opposite him scraped.

"You okay, Wally?" Cookie asked.

He had to face the man. He looked up and met Cookie's worried eye. "Sure. I'm okay. Just tired, is all."

It wasn't a complete lie, of course. He was very tired. He couldn't sleep, ate mechanically, and still had plenty of work to do, just the same. He was tired of being himself, of being what and who he was. Tired of life.

"You don't seem too good. You eat something gone bad?" the Purser's voice was all concern.

And perhaps he was worried. But Cookie was probably more anxious that a case of food poisoning was going to run right through the Feigenbaum.

"My stomach's fine, Cookie. Really."

"Yeah, well, good thing we're going to be done on Friday. You look like you need a rest," the man said artlessly.

He laughed without mirth. "Yeah, sure. I'll get right on that as soon as we dock."

"Good," said Cookie without missing a beat, "because for now, we got plenty of work to do. When I get Tilly settled after breakfast, you come meet me in the chartroom, okay, Wally? We've got some spreadsheet stuff to look at."

Cookie had shortened his own nickname for Matilda – whose real name was Katie. And he wanted to work on that damned spreadsheet again. They'd put so much work into it this voyage, he thought he could recite every accounting category in the manual in his sleep; he knew he could count, categorize, apportion and credit any item in the stores without hesitation. And now there was more? God, did the man never stop?

He nodded wearily. "Sure thing, Cookie."

His arms had to practically drag him up the ladder to the bridge and chartroom about an hour later. He had to pass through the lab on the way up, but there had been no sign of Graham. He'd taken a perfunctory shower and tried hard to wake up. He had to be ready to do battle with Cookie, but he felt ill-prepared for it that morning.

His eyes bulged at the sight that met him when he stepped inside the chartroom door.

Cookie sat in front of a laptop computer opened on the chartroom table, facing away from the door. A small pile of accounting chits sat on the surface of the table to his left. What was on the screen grabbed and held his attention.

Cookie was clearly working with accounting software. Perfectly functioning, up-to-date accounting software. There was no mistaking the look of that screen. He'd seen that kind software in one of his business courses – one of the few he'd really paid attention to.

Anger rose in his chest. What the hell had Cookie been playing at? "You bastard!" He shouted, feeling like he'd been played for a sucker.

Cookie turned, grinning. "What's the matter, Wally? You like my computer program?"

"You – you – son of a…" He spluttered with a combination of frustration and fury.

"Everything okay, Cookie?" A voice sounded behind him. He felt a hand on his right shoulder.

He turned to find the Master standing directly at his elbow.

"Everything's fine, Cap," beamed Cookie, "Wally's just figured out my accounting methods."

The Captain gave a short chuckle. "Oh. I see." The hand left his shoulder. The Captain withdrew a few steps to the wheel.

He struggled to contain himself; he managed to keep his voice lower, but he remained angry. "All this time, you've made me…and I…"

Cookie continued to smile beatifically. "Yup, I sure did." The Purser held up a hand. "And before you tell me what an asshole I am, I want you to think."

He paused, trying very hard not to say the biting words he'd wanted to utter. He'd been played, totally played.

"Because I made you create that whole project from scratch, think about what you know now."

Cookie didn't ask him to think about what he'd learned, the man talked about what he knew. Hell, he knew the shipboard accounting manual inside and out. He knew the little tricks and exceptions from listening to endless hours of Cookie's stories.

Instead of another choice curse, all he could manage was: "Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh' is right, Wally," Cookie smirked, following up his advantage, "do you think if I'd just told you to go memorize the manual or read a friggin' textbook you'd actually know the ship's accounting as well as you do now? Think you'd know how shore suppliers can cheat? Think you'd know where the swindle was if it was a good one?"

He remained silent. He knew that he wouldn't have gotten half as much out of a classroom course. Hell, he'd have slept or cheated his way through it, if he could have, before. Months ago.

Cookie turned back to the screen. "Instead, you created a first-rate tool for shipboard operations. In fact, it beats the commercial software in a couple of places."

He blinked.

"Come on, don't you want to see where?" Cookie twisted his neck and beckoned with a gesture of his head.

Cookie was absolutely right, of course. He definitely wanted to see.

They worked through the differences between his own spreadsheet and the professional software for about two hours. And, for the first time in the two days since Graham had disappeared, he managed to forget his misery. In fact, he found himself absorbed in the comparison of the professional software and his own work. He was oddly pleased. Cookie was right; his project was superior in several ways.

With about an hour before lunch, Cookie stood, stretching and holding his back. "God, I'm getting' old. Gotta stop sittin' for so long."

"So what am I supposed to do now?" he asked, rising with the Purser.

"Do? Well, I suppose what we ought to do is take this to the guys up in computer science, or maybe business. We get them to write it into some kind of computer code, and sell it, that's what."

"You think we can do that?" he asked. He'd sold lots of stuff, moved plenty of product, but never his own work.

"Hell, I don't know." The older man shook his head. "But I sure wish I'd had your spreadsheet a few years ago when I had to sort things out the first time."

He wanted a catnap before lunch but couldn't seem to settle. Thoughts of Cookie's approval and Graham's loss battled in his head.

At the midday meal, Graham either managed to sneak in unnoticed – which was enormously unlikely, given how sharply he was watching – or the lanky researcher had missed lunch again. His mood had gone dark again by the end of lunch. He was wiping down the counter, when a solid female figure planted herself on the other side.

Ellie, the blond Amazon, stood there. "Um, hey there Wally. Can I, um, get a sandwich?"

"Just finished lunch," he replied, tersely.

"I know that, I just, um, kind of…lost track of time," she said, looking sheepish.

He eyed her more closely. She certainly looked tired, and she appeared to have lost a lot of her bounce. And it was broad daylight, not the middle of the night. She was probably working as hard as any of the other researchers. He made a face but turned to the cupboard where snack materials were kept.

"Okay. I can make you something." His voice was flat, neutral. "PB and J all right?"

"Sure, that's great," she said. Perhaps her voice betrayed a hint of relief. "Can you make me a couple?"

He fished out bread, jam, and the tub of peanut butter, and started slapping sandwiches together in silence.

"Wally? What's up with you and Graham?"

He stopped moving. "What do you mean?" They'd tried to be discreet about themselves.

"Oh come off it, Wally, I know you and Graham were kind of a thing."

"Who told you that?"

"Nobody had to tell me anything. I'm a trained scientist, Wally. I observe." A few weeks ago, Ellie might have been smug. Now, she just sounded tired. "But I finally got it out of Graham yesterday, or at least some of it, anyways."

He smeared peanut butter on bread. "Nothing's going on."

He heard Ellie make a rude noise behind his back. He turned and handed the pair of sandwiches off to her. She fixed him with a skeptical stare.

"Well, for a lot of nothing, you seem to be pretty miserable, Wally."

He shrugged. Miserably.

Ellie turned to go.

"Wait."

She turned back.

His single word had startled both the woman and himself. He knew it would hurt, but he had to do it. He fumbled around in the small space behind the counter, retrieving something.

He handed her the tattered, dog-eared comic. "Here. I'm done with it. Thanks."

Ellie looked at the book proffered in his hand, considering. "Nah. You keep it, Wally. You have four days yet," she said at length.

And she stalked off with her sandwiches.

He was kept very busy all afternoon with snacks and coffee for the crew and scientific party alike. The frantic push to get everything completed was on. Cookie was more omnipresent than usual, helping with meal prep, even though the older man insisted that he, Wally, give the orders and direct operations. By the time his short afternoon watch was done, he was ready for some sleep.

He still hadn't sighted Graham, and maybe it was just as well. His heart would probably break.

After supper, he headed back to his cabin. Wearily, he decided to skip a shower. He'd get one later, when he got up for the early morning watch. He stripped down to his briefs and was asleep in his bunk within seconds.

It was from a deep, deep well of sleep that he felt himself roused. A noise. Someone knocking on the door. He sat up and shook his head to clear it. Another knock. He rose and shuffled through the darkness over to the door.

"Okay, okay," he grumbled, "this had better be good."

He opened the door.

Graham stood there, his hand raised, poised to knock again. He looked drawn, exhausted, his dark brown eyes filled with apprehension.

"Hi." No other words would come to his mouth.

"Hi." Graham returned, tentatively. "Um. Scott? Can we talk?"

I wish to thank Craftingmom for her kindness in editing this chapter and all the rest of them. Thanks also to tim, Carlos and Spike for their beta-reading.
Please leave your comments and responses. I really do appreciate knowing what you think, good or bad.
Copyright © 2017 Parker Owens; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

I hope this conversation is a good one. Graham seems like the only one who was able to get Scott to really feel something. I hope at least they can be friends if nothing else.

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From peddling drugs to peddling software. Your transformation of the young man has been masterful. Even in the little details. No wonder I enjoyed reading it so much.

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Well, I thought I was getting a special deal when these two chapters dropped at the same time. No waiting to resolve the little cliffie! But no such luck!

 

 

I think Graham has had time to reflect on what he does know about Scott. The very same time Scott has had to drop into depression while contemplating his sad history. And both of them have been so obviously miserable that at least two others noticed, Cookie and Ellie.

 

I think Graham will realize that his feelings for Scott are deep enough that he needs to find out more about Scott. They need to explore whether they have enough in common off board to continue their relationship. Pretty much what they’d have to do in any case, but with that one extra elephant in the room – something that they need to talk about so it doesn’t just get in the way all the time.

 

 

Sorry I couldn’t resist reading the chapter that probably wasn’t supposed to land for another week or so. It’s the Update’s fault. It’s not that I’m too weak to resist temptation or anything.  ;-)

 

 

Volubly’ is such an interesting word. The ‘U’ in the middle is somehow part of two separate syllables! 

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20 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

Well, I thought I was getting a special deal when these two chapters dropped at the same time. No waiting to resolve the little cliffie! But no such luck!

 

 

I think Graham has had time to reflect on what he does know about Scott. The very same time Scott has had to drop into depression while contemplating his sad history. And both of them have been so obviously miserable that at least two others noticed, Cookie and Ellie.

 

I think Graham will realize that his feelings for Scott are deep enough that he needs to find out more about Scott. They need to explore whether they have enough in common off board to continue their relationship. Pretty much what they’d have to do in any case, but with that one extra elephant in the room – something that they need to talk about so it doesn’t just get in the way all the time.

 

 

Sorry I couldn’t resist reading the chapter that probably wasn’t supposed to land for another week or so. It’s the Update’s fault. It’s not that I’m too weak to resist temptation or anything.  ;-)

 

 

Volubly’ is such an interesting word. The ‘U’ in the middle is somehow part of two separate syllables! 

Yes you unexpectedly got a bonus chapter, as auto post doesnt seem to be working right. But I really appreciate your comments and encouragement. Graham is a thoughtful guy. But he had been hit with quite a bombshell, so what has to say may not be good.

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1 hour ago, Wesley8890 said:

I hope this conversation is a good one. Graham seems like the only one who was able to get Scott to really feel something. I hope at least they can be friends if nothing else.

 

Graham got through to Scott, all right. Now Graham is there to talk some more. Maybe it will go well, maybe not. But Graham at least has a heart.

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33 minutes ago, Carlos Hazday said:

From peddling drugs to peddling software. Your transformation of the young man has been masterful. Even in the little details. No wonder I enjoyed reading it so much.

 

You have me in full blush and aw shucks mode. Your words mean a very great deal to me, and they are very encouraging.

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New career on the horizon? Develop software, sell your business for a cool few mill .. nice Parker.  This should be an interesting convo. 

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20 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

New career on the horizon? Develop software, sell your business for a cool few mill .. nice Parker.  This should be an interesting convo. 

 

I doubt Scott will turn out to be a rich software guru. His work is pretty specialized. It might eventually make a small down payment on a car, maybe. Besides, the conversation about to take place will hold Scott's interest more...thanks for reading and for your thoughts and encouragement. 

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As Drought said, Cookie and Ellie have noticed that Wally and Graham, respectively, are miserable. Of course Ellie knows about Wally and Graham, but Cookie doesn't. Or maybe he does.

 

I would have been furious with Cookie also if I realized he set me up like that! Cookie is no dummy, that's for sure! :lol:

 

I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter, Parker. :)

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I knew there was a method to Cookie's madness.. I'm sure that was infuriating, but now Scott has, should he choose a legit business venture.. 

Graham wants to talk, again... That's a good thing no matter what because at least he showed up and didn't leave Scott wallowing. Besides if they're both unhappy, hopefully they can come to a good resolution.. Fingers crossed.. 

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On 3/25/2017 at 8:31 PM, Lisa said:

As Drought said, Cookie and Ellie have noticed that Wally and Graham, respectively, are miserable. Of course Ellie knows about Wally and Graham, but Cookie doesn't. Or maybe he does.

 

I would have been furious with Cookie also if I realized he set me up like that! Cookie is no dummy, that's for sure! :lol:

 

I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter, Parker. :)

 

Well, Scott was indeed furious with Cookie, but slightly mollified, by his praises, too. You're right in that Cookie is no dummy. A sort of benign predator in his own right, maybe. Am wondering what to do about the next chapter...Misery should have published tomorrow, so now I wonder if I publish another chapter tomorrow, or do I wait a week?

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On 3/26/2017 at 0:06 PM, Defiance19 said:

I knew there was a method to Cookie's madness.. I'm sure that was infuriating, but now Scott has, should he choose a legit business venture.. 

Graham wants to talk, again... That's a good thing no matter what because at least he showed up and didn't leave Scott wallowing. Besides if they're both unhappy, hopefully they can come to a good resolution.. Fingers crossed.. 

 

Cookie was a deeply devious man in this...but Scott must realize how right Cookie is. He learned and now knows quite a lot. Scott's heart must be gone into overdrive with Graham at the door. Your fingers are right to be crossed. It could be a hard conversation that follows. Thanks for reading so far into the story, and for your comments.

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5 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

 

Well, Scott was indeed furious with Cookie, but slightly mollified, by his praises, too. You're right in that Cookie is no dummy. A sort of benign predator in his own right, maybe. Am wondering what to do about the next chapter...Misery should have published tomorrow, so now I wonder if I publish another chapter tomorrow, or do I wait a week?

You better not wait a week, Parker!! Your readers will be after you with pitchforks!!! :rofl:

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Ah, so that's what happened. I wondered how I could have got behind... two at once explains it. I really liked that you showed Scott accomplishing something special with the spreadsheet. We can't rely on others to make us feel good. We need to see our own merit. Yes, he's in misery, but he is not worthless. His life matters... the ocean shouldn't swallow him... now, the ending gave me hope. I'd prefer you didn't take it away, buddy :) . Cheers... Gary....

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Thanks for this, Gary. This chapter tried to plumb the depths of Scott's misery - and even in that black, black pit, there was something good that he had done. But that spreadsheet couldn't completely counteract the gloom into which Scott descended. Only Graham could change that.

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Hmm. This certainly read like this chapter and the last one used to be one chapter. Or, at least both written in the same sitting?

 

The end is promising. Talking is always the first step, after thinking. These two have been so miserable that the impetus to work at some solution appears to quite strong now, and I kind of figured that Graham would have to make the first move. Scott was too up caught in the feeling that he deserved this misery to look immediately for a way out of it. Foolish boy. :)

 

Cookie pulled a fast one, but it seems to have produced results. It would be nice for Scott to get something out of his hard work. Software sales are a nice income!

 

I really hate to have to wait and see what happens...but I have to wait and see what happens. Back at the first opportunity.

 

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On 4/7/2017 at 11:58 PM, Geron Kees said:

Hmm. This certainly read like this chapter and the last one used to be one chapter. Or, at least both written in the same sitting?

 

The end is promising. Talking is always the first step, after thinking. These two have been so miserable that the impetus to work at some solution appears to quite strong now, and I kind of figured that Graham would have to make the first move. Scott was too up caught in the feeling that he deserved this misery to look immediately for a way out of it. Foolish boy. :)

 

Cookie pulled a fast one, but it seems to have produced results. It would be nice for Scott to get something out of his hard work. Software sales are a nice income!

 

I really hate to have to wait and see what happens...but I have to wait and see what happens. Back at the first opportunity.

 

 

These were written very close together in time, but were meant to be two separate chapters. You read acutely! Cookie pulled a very fast one, but I can't help thinking that his teaching methods were effective. Wonder how Scott will fare if he goes back to a regular classroom? You were absolutely right that Scott was too consumed by accumulated guilt and self doubt to make any move. Hope you enjoy the chapters which follow.

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On 3/22/2017 at 3:45 PM, Carlos Hazday said:

From peddling drugs to peddling software. Your transformation of the young man has been masterful. Even in the little details. No wonder I enjoyed reading it so much.

He deserved this. In fact, he deserved far worse. He knew how badly he had hurt dozens of people. He had directed his frustration and anger wrongly, and now the universe was paying him back. Again. -- More progress. Scott isn't blaming anyone other than himself. Guilt is a powerful motivator to look for one's heart and soul, to lean into the spiritual awakening and figure out what needs to change inside the self.

He wished the great green wave had taken him in the storm. He watched the wake of the ship spread out from the rear of the ship, mesmerized. The sea seemed to speak to him, calling him with the many whispered voices of people whose lives he'd damaged. Perhaps it would be best if he simply fell off the stern of the Feigenbaum in the quiet pre-dawn hours, and never came back to the surface, he reflected. In the big picture of the world, his death wouldn't amount to much. -- Ah, yes, the desire for death. You stare into the abyss and the abyss stares into you.

"Um. Scott? Can we talk?" -- Oh, God, THAT again? THOSE 4 words?

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21 hours ago, BlueWindBoy said:

He deserved this. In fact, he deserved far worse. He knew how badly he had hurt dozens of people. He had directed his frustration and anger wrongly, and now the universe was paying him back. Again. -- More progress. Scott isn't blaming anyone other than himself. Guilt is a powerful motivator to look for one's heart and soul, to lean into the spiritual awakening and figure out what needs to change inside the self.

He wished the great green wave had taken him in the storm. He watched the wake of the ship spread out from the rear of the ship, mesmerized. The sea seemed to speak to him, calling him with the many whispered voices of people whose lives he'd damaged. Perhaps it would be best if he simply fell off the stern of the Feigenbaum in the quiet pre-dawn hours, and never came back to the surface, he reflected. In the big picture of the world, his death wouldn't amount to much. -- Ah, yes, the desire for death. You stare into the abyss and the abyss stares into you.

"Um. Scott? Can we talk?" -- Oh, God, THAT again? THOSE 4 words?

Scott is alone with his guilt and blame. It hurts, and the abyss begins to look attractive. He wants Graham back again, but that’s not in his control. Thanks for reading, and for your thoughts. 

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