Clovers End - 10. The Guardian

James P.O.V

I have a mate? Everything suddenly makes sense. This realization shudders me. An incomprehensible surge of joy, flushes through my system, discretely awakening a sense of relief. This is all I've ever wanted. All I've ever strived for. I feel I have reached the pinnacle of my existence. This crucible of emotions, run cold from invasive attacks of the saddened heart and mind, that very well almost shook the very essence of my being have regained a transformative power through the fire of my elated demeanour, affluently separating itself from the impurities of my past.

I shall take this harmonious opportunity to cast this new chance, moulding myself skillfully, delicately into a being that can be befittingly adorned by Alex's side. Bettering myself in every which way possible to be whatever he needs me to be. I look over at him. It's strange to comprehend that an alteration in one's thinking of another could so drastically influence the sensations associated with being in one's presence. It's sweeter, more melancholically nostalgic. I gingerly place my hand on his back, he flinched under my touch.

"What's wrong?", I coo rhythmically, searching his features.

He pulls away, turns to face me. My heart drops. I know this expression. I remember all too well. Images of the day his mother told me she loved another slash across my vision. I'm left dizzy from the drawn parallels between the two. Shortly after she had left, never to be seen again.

From tales of my childhood, the pack storytellers always mentioned that the grand duty of the custodian was never an easy one. He would forever be eternally linked to the person he had to protect. Cursed to love her from the moment they meet. When I was younger, I always thought it was beautiful to have someone fated to be yours till I unknowingly faced the real thing.

I clench my teeth in preparation for the words I know will fall off his lips and plunge itself deeply into my heart, unconsideringly relentless, stinging the wound like a heated knife. It would likely mirror the words I quite vividly remember her saying.

I wait patiently for the billowing strike. The seconds seem to flow recklessly into minutes till he opens his mouth. The air is laden heavy with raw emotion, it tightens itself around my chest, constricting my breathing to a low, slow deprived breaths.

"I'm sorry " Alex whispers, his voice wrought heavy with emotion "This is a lot for me take in right now. I need a minute." His eyes shimmer like small chocolate reflecting pools, I notice a sliver of a tear trickle along his cheeks as he turns away from me and walks of. Those weren't the words I was looking for.

My eyebrows knot tightly in concern" Alex?!?!?" I call after him. My feet, almost as if they have a mind of their own take deep strides towards him before being abruptly stopped by Rachel grabbing my arm.

"Wait." she says, locking her eyes firmly with my own "Maybe you should give him some space." The concern radiates of her being, in sympathetic waves.

"But" I protest.

She cuts me off "It's all right, I'll go check on him."

"Ooh Child, Mama thinks you in a hard rock and place." Mama Rosario exaggeratedly furrows her eyebrows.

"I don't understand Mama Rosario, this isn't how it's supposed to be.", I whimper, feeling a strong pang in my chest.

"What were you expecting child? Did you think that poor boy was gonna jump right into your arms and y'all will live happily ever after?" Mama assertively questions, planting a sassy hand on her hip.

"Maybe" I stare longingly in his direction.

"Well, he ain't child. Look at him. He got so much going on right now in his pretty little head, he ain't got no space for love in the brain yet." she insightfully remarks.

I didn't see it that way. How could I? I was too taken by the arousing emotions I was feeling. Was I selfish to not consider his own emotions? I look over at Alex and Rachel who seem to be absorbed in a deep conversation. They turn briefly to spare us a passing glance and for a second I swear our eyes connect. He sheepishly turns away. I feel my own cheeks redden from his reaction. Maybe they're right.

"Alright Mama Rosario. I hear you" I affirm.

"There's a good boy. Now come, Mama has something she wants to talk to you about. Discretely." she smiles coolly, tilting her head in Alex's direction. Her leathery fingers pull me to one side, ensuring we can't be heard by prying ears.