Trigger The Years Past - 3. Chapter 3: If I Had A Purpose

The door to Wayne's office was open as Miracle walked in and then he slammed it shut behind him. "Boy, you must have gotten a real fucking laugh out of me."

Wayne looked up from some paper work and his eyebrows lifted. "Hmm?"

Miracle walked over to the desk and leaned forward, placing his hands along the edge of the desk. "You knew I needed credential's to work here, to do the job that you hired me to do." Miracle grinned sarcastically. "I wonder, was it hard to contain your laughter the whole time?"

Wayne then grinned. "Hey, it was not a joke. I just figured, while our real counselor was on maternity leave, maybe I would let you feel what it feels like to have a real decent job. You're the one that wanted it. Didn't you wonder why you didn't get a sign? Why no one came to see you?"

"I didn't think those nice little signs could be made in a day. I guess that's just more of my stupidity, right? Or are you just lying about that? Maybe it does take more than a day to make them." Miracle shook his head and stood upright. His eyebrows lifted. "No one came to see me?"

"Oh, you mean Gavin? My wife's son from a past marriage." Wayne nodded. "Yeah, I made a fake file for him. He graduated last year." He laughed a little. "His idea, and then I figured, well, one student would make it even better."

Miracle's eyes widened. "So Gavin was part of this? He helped you?"

Wayne shook his head. "Look, I was hoping over time that you and I might grow closer. You have a wonderful face. To have you here, so close to me, off that stage. Things, I had hoped would become less superficial."

"So it wasn't a joke? You did expect something?" Miracle looked around. "And the credentials? Did you fake any or not?"

"I was considering whether I might have to or not, so far it was kept so much on the down low, I haven't. But you figured me out, so I guess...this part is over."

Miracle's eyes narrowed. "All of it is over." Miracle then walked behind the desk and leaned forward and grabbed the arms of the computer chair and shoved Wayne back and into the wall. "And before you get any more creepy or stalkerish or obsessed...I just want to say, the last person who did that, they ended up shot in the head. People get killed around me when they hurt me..." Miracle stared at him angrily and then pulled back.

Wayne's eyes widened. "Woah...it was nothing like that."

"What I thought." Miracle backed away and then turned around and stormed out of the office.

Gavin walked into the guidance counselors office to see the chair turned away from the door. "Miracle? Are you here?"

"Come in, take a seat." Miracle then spun around in the chair just as Gavin walked over and took a seat.

"Hey, are you okay?" Gavin asked.

"Oh yeah." He said sarcastically and then threw the key ring onto the desk, causing a loud clanging sound. "Aside from the fact that this really isn't my office." He looked up at Gavin. "Aside from the fact that your file is fake. Aside from the fact that you graduated last year...and last, but certainly not least...but the fact that you're Wayne's step son." Miracle grinned. "Other than that, I'm doing just swell."

"Miracle, I..." Gavin started to speak up.

"What? You and Wayne just good buddies? Were you there that night? Throw a tip on the stage? Did you want to pass me back and forth? Come on, Gavin! Lets have a real therapy session!" Miracle leaned forward, staring at him with an intense look of anger, yet a grin on his face.

"I just did what he told me, I thought the whole thing was stupid. The guy needs to grow up." Gavin shook his head. "That was why I went to your house..."

"Oh yeah, why you broke into my house. You know, you better make this real good if you don't want me to throw your sorry ass in jail." Miracle grinned. "Because that kind of power really drives me...it makes me hot."

Gavin nodded. "You could do that."

"Damn right I could." The heel of Miracle's hand propped his chin up as his fingers curled in.

"Look, I went to see if I could find a reason to care." Gavin looked up. "I know that sounds horrible. I should care because you're a person, period. But I wanted a special reason to care. I was thrown into your life...and I wanted to make something better of it."

Miracle's eyebrows lifted. "Why? As soon as I found out, which I eventually would once the real counselor popped out the bundle of joy and her maternity leave was over, you would of never saw me again."

"Because I was going to tell you the truth!" Gavin reached into his pocket and yanked out his folded and crumbled up diploma and tossed it on the desk, causing it to unfold enough for Miracle to see it. "I brought it with me, I was going to tell you today."

Miracle looked down at the diploma and then his eyes shifted up to Gavin and he frowned and eased back from the desk and he leaned back in the chair.

"So, despite the fact that, unfortunately, you found out prior, I was going to tell you the truth. Don't you think you could at least tell me one thing?" Gavin asked.

Miracle shook his head. "I told about Jaemin, isn't that enough? That was the worst time of my life...even worse than what happened to me when..." He trailed off.

"When?" Gavin asked.

"Well...in a way, it was a cause and effect." Miracle looked down at the desk and his face tensed up. "When someone promises you...and they break it...and then you finally find that one person in the whole world who actually does...who can and who will fulfill that promise...but then...he just..."

"We should go...I don't want Wayne to come in here while you're like this." Gavin stood up and walked around the desk. "Want to take me somewhere? We could come back for my car. Or maybe we should take my car, maybe you're to upset to drive."

Miracle nodded. "Okay." He stood up and took a deep breath, calming himself and headed for the door, walking out after Gavin as he lead the way.

"So...I got this spot I go to when I kind of want to be alone. Valley Of Fire State Park." Gavin said. "It's really beautiful, quite a drive though, about an hour. So I figured I would drive us out there, it's not hard to find a spot for yourself, with some privacy."

"An hour?" Miracle looked at Gavin and managed a grin. "I'll have my crying fit done by then."

"So? Let it be. I just want to hang around with you." Gavin paused and then added. "And by the way, no, I was not at the club, so I couldn't tip you either. Not to say I wouldn't have liked to see you dance. The part about in the closet wasn't a lie." Gavin drove out of the parking lot. "My mom nor anyone else knows. Only Wayne knows, I thought he was secretly gay when I caught him looking at porn on the computer. He's actually bisexual. When I found that out, I felt safe telling him, he kept it secret like I asked."

"Are you scared he might tell now?" Miracle asked.

"No, I mean you figured out the scheme by yourself." Gavin said.

"He doesn't know that. What if he thinks you told me?" Miracle asked.

"Well...I'll hope you have my back." Gavin looked out at the road. "Then again, maybe it won't be such a bad thing if I'm outed. But then I can out him too, and there is proof on the computer about him. You can clean the history but the delete button doesn't really mean delete."

"It would cost to get someone to dig it back up." Miracle frowned. "The other guy in that picture. Issac...he was a hacker." Miracle smiled. "He would of helped you."

"Would of?" Gavin asked.

"He...died too." Miracle looked out of the window. "He was killed. Remember when I told you about the angels and my stalker? My last two years of high school...they were hell." He looked at Gavin. "My stalker..was kind of a mob boss and that's why you heard me talk to Andy about Eric and how I ran and how he didn't forget me. So I came here to Nevada and that's where I met the angels. They took me as a joke, I was never serious to them. That is until someone got the idea of using me as...ransom. So when I went home, back to New York, they followed."

Gavin looked at Miracle briefly and then looked back at the road, concentrating on his driving but Miracle had his full listening attention.

"So they kidnapped me, for whatever reason beyond me, fate had it that my house was empty and it was all set up there. Eric came, one hired man, Philip, one of the angels, killed the hired man. Jack, the leader, the one that I told you about. He removed the gag, Eric had Issac hostage, I begged for him to let Issac go. Fucked up man, he knew what I meant, instead he shot Issac and killed him, he fell right to my feet where I was bound to a chair. I was devastated. I guess at that point...for whatever reason, something clicked in Jack. He unhandcuffed me and most of his men left with him." Miracle paused.

"So what happened then?" Gavin asked.

"Philip tried to rape me and...Jaemin came and tried to pull him off me, I got the gun...out of the night stand and shot him in the face. Jaemin just...shut down after that. We went downstairs. He was unresponsive, I cried myself to sleep...when I woke, he wasn't there. I went and found him in my old bedroom...and that's when it happened." Miracle looked down.

Gavin almost ran a red light but managed to apply the breaks. "Wow..." He sat there, his gaze fixated on the road.

"I was pretty traumatized. I was going to let a train hit me...and out of no where, he disappeared without word when I was only five years old, and out of no where, my birth father...dives in and tackles me out of the way of the train, saves my life." Tears ran down his face by this point. "And I keep trying to tell myself that there is a reason why I lived...and I can't find out why, I can't figure it out. Jaemin would of served this world way more than I ever could."

Gavin turned towards Miracle. "You lived because you do have a purpose...and just because you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean there isn't one." He grabbed Miracle's hand. "Do you hear me? You have a purpose."

Miracle looked over at Gavin. "It'd be easier if I knew what it was."

"I'll help you find it, you help me...and I'll help you." Gavin let go of Miracle's hand and then drove on as soon as the light turned green. "By the way, thanks for sharing one thing, and that one thing in particular, it makes the Jaemin thing...well it puts the story around it."

Miracle smiled briefly and then looked away when Gavin started driving again. "Yeah, well it still doesn't make any sense of Jaemin's motives. Why did I have to lose him to be free? Why do you have to lose everything to start over? Why would a person think that?"

"Because for some people, they do. For some people, it takes losing all they have to push them to move forward." Gavin thought about it. "I think, if he thought that...then it was probably true. Other people seem to read you and know you better than you know yourself, most of the time. Even I did that, I knew something you were doing that you didn't even realize."

Miracle nodded. "Maybe, doesn't make it hurt any less." He took a deep breath and wiped his face. "So I guess we're a little bit even."

Gavin grinned. "A little bit, I owe you a lot more."

"So I guess this bed room is yours." Andy grinned. "Kind of nice to use one more of these three bed rooms. Felt like wasted space. We just threw a bed in it, just one we picked up at the salvation army and then a dresser."

"This works." Sterling smiled. "And..I guess I should get a job, I don't expect to live here for free." He walked over to the door. "Where do you work?" He asked.

"Oh I just do a little construction, I mean, I did bar tending in Colorado, but I knew that wasn't going to cut it with Miracle and I cutting out on our own, so I found odd relative jobs around the state, gained the experience, worked the ranks and with Miracle selling the house, we were able to afford this and it left over some savings. The ten thousand left over from Miracle's car helps, can't complain." Andy shrugged. "It was money that his mom kept out from his uh...diamond car, he sold it and most of the money went into an inheritance."

"Oh...yeah, Miracle's diamond car." Sterling grinned and nodded. "Well, I guess given my background, maybe I'll give police work a try."

Andy laughed. "If you come home dressed like that, Miracle will laugh at you."

Sterling shook his head. "Maybe so...but the army, the combat experience, I feel like it will give me some major pull, especially the firearm experience."

Andy nodded. "Sounds about right." He nodded. "Oh and speaking of that diamond car, it's a shame that Miracle barely got to enjoy his cribs bed room either." He waved a hand. "I saw the pictures on his Facebook. He even has a tearful smilie and..."

"It says to bad I couldn't enjoy it..." Sterling laughed. "Truthfully, he could. It's not like he's in danger now."

"No, he can't, and actually that is something we have to get straight here, Sterling. His doctor has ordered for him to be strictly independent. And we're supposed to enforce that, independence and maturity and growth. Buying him a car, well we felt it was a necessity for him, if he has a job and all. So Erica and I agreed to slide on that and it was a given. Otherwise, we have to try our best to enforce...you know? That's not to say we can't be there, comfort him, befriend him, all that stuff. We just can't parent him. That's what Jaemin essentially did and with that loss, it nearly destroyed him."

Sterling nodded and took a deep breath. "You know, I can't help but to think, it could of been me going through all that mess. I wonder how it would of turned out if it was."

"I know your history, Sterling. And asking yourself questions like that, well, it's pointless and you might aswell beat your head on the wall. You will never have answers to those things." Andy smiled. "So, uh...don't worry about getting into a job or rushing, give yourself a week or two if you need it, settle in with us, get our flow down, actually I have to help Miracle find a new job now. I don't want him to turn back to the dancing."

"We won't let him, we'll find something that he's qualified for." Sterling nodded. "I know you want it to be meaningful, it's just difficult to find something important without any sort of post high school education. I doubt he'll find meaning in fast food or crap like that."

"Exactly my point. And next time I'll be going with him to this interview, just to make sure all is in order." Andy said. "I just want to find something decent for him."

"Well, don't know if you'd be interested but in this mornings paper, there was an ad about a mentoring job. A peer specialist, someone who suffered and is in recovery from mental health and helps others going through it." Sterling reached into his bag of chips and tossed a few in his mouth. "Though, like Miracle would say, something to good that comes to easy...it said something about Alpha Jail."

"Alpha Jail?" Andy's eyebrows lifted. "I am not sending Miracle off to work in jail."

Sterling's cheeks puffed out and he looked down, blowing out a breath. "Good luck, it's all I have to say. A piece of advice though, maybe you should give up on finding a job where he has to help someone else. I understand the concept, I really do...but it might just not be possible. No one trusts someone with just twelve years of education to know how to help people, as stupid as that is." Sterling turned around and headed back into his room.

Andy laughed. "That is kind of stupid, as much as I'm sure we all helped each other out growing up."

Sterling grinned. "Exactly." He sat on the edge of his bed and watched Andy walk off.

"This is it." Gavin walked around and then ducked down into a shallow cave beneath a large yet small mountain, might consider it a large rock if one wanted to. Either way the shallow cave beneath the edge of it provided enough shade from the sun.

Miracle followed Gavin and sat down beside him. "This place is beautiful." He smiled. "I always liked the idea of coming to places like this...especially after watching Thelma and Louise."

"You like that movie, why?" Gavin asked.

"The symbolism, the attempted rape and murder aside, I just like how they just so quickly dropped their lives and left them behind, ignore the fact of why they did it, just the fact that mentally they were able to just do it and then they found freedom...but they weren't alone. They were together and they bonded and they had this strong friendship...and it never broke, not even until the end." Miracle shrugged. "I guess in a way, Jaemin and I sort of lived like that. Difference is...we didn't want to run...or hide, we just wanted to live our lives and...as time wore on, it broke us. So after graduation we ended up back in New York, I guess we both thought going back would fix it." Miracle looked down and shook his head. "The problem wasn't location, it was us."

"What do you mean?" Gavin asked.

"Well, when you run like that, after so long, you lose yourself and everything that was me was tied into him so...I think he lost himself. He became so...into making sure we weren't caught, being careful, being so serious all the time, there was no fun and...no love. We wanted it to be there, I think he might of wanted it more than me at one point. So when we got back to New York, it's like...you can't just come home and recreate what was, it doesn't work that way. We loved each other, we really did, and there was no breaking that, but...love just wasn't enough." Miracle's face tensed up momentarily. "You can want something and just because you want it, doesn't mean you can make it happen."

"I wish I knew what love like that was like." Gavin looked out over the desert landscape. "If it were me, I would of found a way to do it different."

Miracle looked at Gavin. "What do you mean?"

"Just...if I had been Jaemin..." Gavin looked at Miracle. "No offense, I just..would of done anything to keep the love alive, even at the risk of the danger."

Miracle nodded. "And then when the danger is over..." He shook his head. "He's gone. Almost like he just wanted to be my guardian angel, just to protect me until the end."

Gavin leaned over and wrapped Miracle into his arms, pulling him close as he started to cry and only the hint of a smile appeared. "Maybe that's what he was, in the big picture, in the whole scheme of things."

"Yeah, I just..." Miracle pulled away. "It's been four years and I feel like I've just been in this idle mess. It's like...shouldn't I have done something with myself?"

"Four years is a short time to grieve when you put that much of yourself into him." Gavin said. "And until you let me, I'll never understand why you did. I don't know if you were just a really passionate lover or..."

"Maybe one day I'll tell you. When I do tell you this one thing, and you will know it's the one thing when you hear it, you will know that you really matter to me." Miracle said. "Not that you don't now...just that...it'll mean you're part of my heart. That I care, not just care, but care a lot."

Gavin smiled and nodded. "I get it, don't worry, no pressure." He took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall of rock around the opening of the shallow cave.

"So what about you?" Miracle asked.

"Me? Well, I hardly stay at home, So I kinda am a street kid, even if I have a nice house to go home to. I just don't go home to it. Often I find a place to park and sleep in my car." He looked at Miracle. "No pity, honestly it's better than going home and faking the family portrait. Sometimes I sneak in, grab the weekly allowance that was left in my room, I gamble some of it in the slots."

Miracle grinned. "I put a coin in a whole row of slots once...and then ran down the row yanking down the levers. Few of them won the jackpot. Good thing I had friends to help catch the winnings."

Gavin grinned and shook his head. "I won't gamble anymore than twenty, usually I win at least once a week, if I'm lucky." He shrugged. "Then..uh they have underground cage fights. I bet on those, that's where some big money comes in. I just let my allowance build up and then I take it and rack up on it as much as I can."

Miracle laughed. "Then what do you do with it?"

"Use it to live away from the house as much as possible."

Miracle looked off thoughtfully. "You know, we have one more spare bed room that we want to fill. Andy wanted me to try to find another one of my old friends...he just hates the idea that we bought a three bed room trailer and we're not using all the rooms."

"You're not scared that I'll snoop in your bed room some more?" Gavin grinned. "You know, they say people with obsessions do that, like how they go into the closets and sniff the persons clothes." He started laughing.

Miracle grinned and looked at Gavin. "Did you do that? You had to hide somewhere, I came straight through the room."

"No." He shook his head. "Still...snooping could be the sign of a crush."

"Well, safe to say that technically Andy and I are technically not together. We have lived together for four years, we share a bed...but other than that, we share nothing else, a friendship...and he can be a little protective of me." Miracle shrugged. "Though, I know he hopes. I would be lying if I said I couldn't tell. If I were to ever be with someone and it wasn't him, I think it would crush him."

"You can't force yourself to be with him just because he hopes for it." Gavin said.

"I don't."

"Yeah, but you can't deny yourself opportunities either. Not that I'm trying to talk my way into your graces...but I am just saying, for the future..." Gavin looked away.

"I haven't really been with anyone since Jaemin, I just have a hard time picturing it." Miracle leaned forward and out from under the shallow cave and stood up. "We should head back before it gets dark."

Gavin followed him and stood up and nodded. "Well, here's my advice if you want to take it or not, I read the locket...if you don't move on, then you aren't honoring what he thought he was doing for you. Even if you hate it, even if you think he was wrong, he went into it, he died thinking that it was the right thing to do, I really believe that...based on what I know of it."

"That's just another way of saying if I don't move on then he failed me." Miracle turned towards Gavin. "I've been told several variations of that. He failed me, he died in vain, I'm failing him..."

Gavin pulled up to the trailer as the sun was setting. "Oh crap...we left your car."

Miracle's eyebrows lifted and he started laughing. "You have my attention span. We'll get it tomorrow. Uh...so just pack your things, whatever you want and bring them here when you're ready. We got a bed and dresser in the room, Andy hated the idea of empty rooms, so he did it for looks." Miracle grinned at Gavin. "I think he's a little obsessive compulsive."

Gavin laughed. "I hope not."

Miracle climbed out of the car just as Andy came to the front door. Miracle stepped back and waved Gavin off as he drove away.

"Miracle!" Andy walked out onto the porch. "Where is your car?! And where were you?! We waited!"

"Uh...long story?" Miracle twisted at the waist and looked at Andy innocently, nibbling on the tip of his index finger.

"Well, dinners ready." Andy walked back inside, Miracle headed up onto the porch and walked in.

"Okay, listen, turns out that Wayne was tricking me and put me in the office while the real counselor was on maternity leave, then Gavin, the guy that just drove away, well he was secretly his son, he came in pretending to be a student. Wayne made a fake file for him and everything when really he graduated last year. Well Gavin thought the idea was stupid but he liked me so..." Miracle cringed. "He kinda broke into the house and went through our room and my stuff and...I caught him, this was all before I learned the truth of everything. He was actually going to tell me the truth today, he even brought his diploma to prove it."

Sterling and Andy stared at Miracle, though Andy looked more angered than the shocked Sterling.

"What...the fuck? And then you go off riding with him? Miracle! Have you lost your mind?!" Andy yelled.

"No!" Miracle narrowed his eyes. "He wanted to find a special reason to like me, to know who I was as a person. Okay it wasn't the best thing to do, wrong thing for the right reasons. I've done it plenty of times! Besides, you don't have any idea of what his life is like at home! How would you feel if you had Wayne as a step dad? Well I've met the guy and he's horrible." Miracle crossed his arms. "So the third bedroom is filled. Gavin is taking it."

"A special reason to like you?" Andy grinned and shook his head. "Sounds like a very special reason to give to you...a very special person by your oh so mysterious ability to attract."

Miracle took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. "Give him a chance. Sterling and Jaemin were like God and Satan...and then they ended up like Luigi and Mario."

"Wait...which one am I? In either pair?" Sterling asked.

Miracle looked at Sterling. "God...and Luigi."

Sterling's eyes widened. "God? Okay, but seriously? Luigi?!"

"Mario is the star! Therefore Jaemin must be Mario!" Miracle waved his arms out.

"Oh my god..." Andy ran his hands over his face. "Fine...a month." He pointed at Miracle. "He gets a month and he needs to be on his best behavior. Does he even have a job? Because I really want everyone bringing in income if possible."

"He gets allowance that he sneaks in and takes from his room. Then he gambles in the slots and the underground cage fights." Miracle paused. "Don't bitch, it's money. You let me pole dance, so what's the difference?"

"I let you pole dance? More like you didn't give me a choice! You did what you wanted!" Andy sighed. "Fine, whatever, look dinner is done, lets just enjoy it." Andy walked back into the kitchen. "Barbecue chicken...rice and gravy and corn on the cob."

"Seriously...Luigi..." Sterling mumbled as he sat down at the table at one of the three settings.

Miracle walked over and sat across from Sterling as Andy sat at the end of the table.

"As for Sterling and Jaemin...yeah, Sterling got kicked down a flight of stairs and then knocked over a computer desk, using God and Satan as an analogy and making Sterling God...kind of pulling for the bad guys." Andy took a bite of his chicken.

"Jaemin turned into a good guy." Miracle frowned and picked up his corn on the cob and started eating it.

"Could we please forget about how I flew down the flight of stairs?" Sterling poked at his rice with his fork. "How about the money I lost when my food flew everywhere?"

"Hospital food sucks...even if it is the cafeteria." Miracle made a face. "And the patient's food? Forget it. I had to stay for two days. The next day, I had Waffle House for breakfast and then McDonalds for lunch and then Martha brought home made spaghetti for dinner. Next day I had Burger King for breakfast and then uh...Wendy's nuggets for lunch and...Craig went to some fancy restaurant and got me a steak and stuff..."

"That's a good memory." Andy's eyebrows lifted.

"Well when you're saved from suicide...you tend to remember your suicide watch pretty well." Miracle shrugged.

Sterling stared at Miracle, remembering everything that happened that night, everything before he heard that glass shatter on the floor.

"Sadly my life is not very dramatic or...whatever. I just grew up on a ranch, pretty simple life. Ended up working at the bar in the small town." Andy shrugged.

"Oh, you just have to think of the small details." Miracle smiled. "That's where the stories come from." He started eating on his corn again, soon sitting the bare cob down and then he started on the rice and gravy.

"Well, I came out at prom." Andy said.

Miracle gasped. "Tell me! Spill the dirt!"

"I had taken this girl I had been seeing, she wasn't anyone, just your average girl, like I'm your average guy. We had been seeing each other, it had been about a month. We held hands, maybe kissed twice, she wasn't the pushy type. Surprisingly we won king and queen. To this day, I still ask how it happened. Well we had our dance and the moment it was over...I whispered to her, I told her that I was sorry to break her heart but I couldn't be who she needed me to be. She came out to the parking lot, angry as hell that I left her on stage. I guess I could of at least waited until we were off stage but it seemed like one of those perfect moments."

Miracle grinned.

"She was screaming and crying, wanting to know how I could do that to her and after her rant, she suddenly calmed down and asked me, why couldn't I be who she wanted me to be. I just uttered those two words...and suddenly she hugged me and she told me that she thought it was the bravest thing I had ever done, then she kissed me and said...she did it because I was gay and because now she knew, because I was brave enough to be honest."

Andy shook his head. "She kissed me for being gay...and then we walked home and we stopped at her door and...she told me all the good ones were like the stars, you could see them...but you couldn't reach them."

Miracle stared at Andy in awe. "I can't decide if that is tragic...or happy."

Andy grinned at Miracle. "It was always a happy memory for me."

"Some how...I think we can all relate to that." Sterling said. "Maybe not in the same way as she meant, but...the general unrequited love."

"I can...I've been looking at a star for about..." Andy looked down and then mumbled. "Four years now."

Miracle looked at Andy and then shared a look with Sterling, who's gaze was questionable.

"Andy..." Miracle spoke up quietly.

"Yeah?" Andy looked up.

"Listen...you know that I appreciate everything that you've done for me. I am thankful for it to no end." Miracle reached across the table and took Andy's hand. "But...it worries me that you put so much hope..into the idea that you and I...might actually be."

"Are you saying we won't?" Andy asked.

"No, I'm not saying it won't happen or can't happen." Miracle looked down at their hands. "It's just that...for so long, I've blocked myself from most affection, the most I've let you do is hold me at night. I know you understand that I still needed that. And now I know it was selfish of me to ask you to sleep in the same bed as me, to hold me...to do all this for me...if I didn't plan on being with you."

Andy watched Miracle, knowing there was more.

"Love, when it happens, it's natural, it surprises you, there is no picking who or when or where it happens. And now I am terrified that if that doesn't happen with us...well, I'm scared for you."

"Why are you scared for me?" Andy asked.

"I'm scared you might fall apart...or lose it...or just...end up in a bad place..." Miracle looked down. "I can't promise you. Do you want to know why? I've never told you."

"Your deep dark secret." Andy looked up at Miracle with such an intense gaze, anticipating what Miracle would say.

"When I was a child, after I was given up, you know I told you I was given up. My mom didn't know it was to an illegal agency. I was sold to a man...and he couldn't pay all the money, so he filmed me and took pictures of me and...made a website to earn the money to make the payments." Miracle held a breath and then sighed. "That's not all he did..."

"He molested you?" Andy questioned.

"It's more complex than that. Yes, he did that but he had this system. Like...he would tell me he loved me, that if I loved him, I would make him happy, he would tell me that I knew how to make him happy, that it's what you do for love...and he would always tell me that he loved me and that we would be together forever. We did normal things, went to the carnival...he would take me out, buy me toys, bring me home surprises, small things got small rewards and big things, got big rewards. Basically I gave him the physical love and in return, he gave me the emotional love...he promised to love me forever and...the cops took him away."

Andy slowly nodded, processing all that he was being told.

"So the cops got me, I was put in the legal system and got a normal family. And I went out looking for someone to make up for him, no one would. They would just use me for what they wanted. Long story short, Jaemin came along and he was...beyond perfect, he was everything plus more...he did everything...and he promised me so many things." Miracle shook his head. "And then what happened to him? Promises...are like a death sentence, you're bound to get hurt by a promise." Miracle let go of Andy's hand.

Andy was quiet for several moments, unsure of how to respond to everything he was told. "So that's why you don't want to make a promise?" He then quickly shook his head. "I'm sorry, god, so many things are going through my mind right now."

"Understandably." Miracle said. "But yeah, that's why."

"So...that was the thing with you and Jaemin? He was your lover, but he took care of you, that attachment bonded so strong? He was the closest thing to fulfilling that promise that was made to you...such a long time ago, as a child?" Andy stared at Miracle.

"Yeah, I guess you could say." Miracle looked away. "And that's why it's so hard...when I think about him...I had adoptive parents...and then I had birth parents...but of them all, he took care of me."

"I can't even begin to imagine." Andy fell back in his chair, a breath of air escaped and he hesitated in drawing another breath in.

"And maybe that's why I've avoided being with anyone else." Miracle looked at Andy. "Maybe I didn't want to risk that happening again. Or worse...maybe I didn't want to risk getting hurt again...or finding out that the kind of love we had...only happens once and will never be again."

Andy leaned forward and grabbed Miracle's hand. "Listen, if you do find love...and it isn't me, I'll be okay. I've hoped, but I understand, love doesn't always go the way you want it. And I'll still be here, just like always. Might have to move out a full bed in one of these rooms and do twins...but I'll be here." A smile appeared briefly. "But I am so sorry that happened to you."

Miracle nodded and stood up. "I just need to go to sleep." He turned around and walked out of the kitchen and towards the bed room.

"You handled that well." Sterling said. "It's a rough story for him, you toss Jaemin on top of it and...it's a ship in a rough storm."

Andy nodded and his face fell in his hands.

"Ten thousand dollars! We can shop." Lacey grinned as she walked through the mall. "I've got to tell you, I love America..and Las Vegas is awesome, but still, I bet it has nothing on New York."

"Eh...New York is to...much." Miracle walked along. "I feel like it's a little more spaced out here."

"Well, I haven't been there." Lacey looked around at the stores. "What store do you want to go into?"

Miracle looked around. "I...actually don't know." He laughed. "I have ten thousand dollars and I don't know what I want to do with it."

"Could always donate it to the nuns." Lacey grinned at the nuns who had set up a table by the wall for donations.

"You are so copying my sarcasm." Miracle shook his head, walking by. "Makes me think of the movie 'Ghost' where he made Whoopi Goldberg donate the check and she didn't want to let go of it."

"Surprised it didn't rip." Lacey laughed and looked around. "Well, I'm going to get a manicure, meet me by the fountain in about half an hour, 'kay?"

"Sure." Miracle nodded, walking backwards as he watched her disappear into the manicure place and then he gasped as he suddenly felt hands grab his arms and he was slung around, into the bathroom and against the wall.

"It's just me." Sterling said.

Miracle closed his eyes and sighed in relief.

"Do you remember...the first time...we were like this? In a place like this?" Sterling asked.

Miracle looked at Sterling and then he looked around and nodded. "Yeah." He looked at Sterling. "Why?"

"I just...I wondered, maybe this was the way it was supposed to end up all along." Sterling said. "How we found each other again. You say moments can't be recreated. Is that entirely true?"

Miracle stared at Sterling. "That's what I've always said."

"But you feel it, as nervous as you were that night." Sterling still held a firm grip on Miracle's upper arms as he leaned closer, pinning Miracle back against the wall.

"Maybe." Miracle said. "But who wouldn't...after getting snatched?"

"That initial shock would of wore off..."

"Well, it's not technically recreated unless...unless you feel the same way that you did." Miracle said.

"I can't say that I do." Sterling pressed his forehead to Miracle's. "I feel stronger..."

Miracle hesitated and then shoved Sterling back and turned around. "This can't happen." He ran a hand over his head.

Sterling moved back willingly and watched Miracle. "What can't happen?"

"Everyone in my life..." Miracle turned around. "I invited you back as my friend."

"But why be just that when we could be more? You know I was the closest thing to a real relationship that you ever had, if Jaemin had never happened, of course. We competed in love like he competed with Skylar in combat."

Miracle turned around and looked at Sterling. "So you would do that? Your competition cut...so you want the final victory?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Just that...who else would come closer?" Sterling asked.

"I had a few relationships since you Sterling, despite how short they were." Miracle shook his head.

"But I know you...just as much as he did." Sterling walked closer to Miracle. "Just tell me, if put in the position, that you haven't nearly died just to kiss someone? Isn't that why you kept yourself locked up at home, with the one person you could so easily deny?"

"Sterling...just stop." Miracle said in a firm tone as he closed his eyes. "Just don't do that, okay?" He looked up at him and then walked out of the bathroom and out into the crowded mall and quickly ran off into the crowd.

Miracle's run fell into a fast paced walk until he crashed into someone and stumbled back.

The man jerked around, a handsome attorney, in his early to mid thirties, that rugged yet clean sort of appearance and a nice build beneath that suit, lean but not overdone. One thing was for sure, his reflexes were quick with the way he jerked his phone from his ear and that arm wrapped around Miracle to keep him from falling.

Miracle gasped, caught half way falling and then pulled up to his feet.

The man then brought his phone up. "Let me call you back." He hangs up and grins. "Sorry about that, cell phone people, we should know better."

"Oh, no...it was my fault. Running away from the latest crisis like a dramatic movie." Miracle laughs.

"I like that." The man said. "Cheston, nice to meet you, dramatic runner." He sticks his hand out.

"Oh, Miracle...and it's nice to meet you." He shakes the man's hand. "Uh..please no comments about the name, it really is...a long story."

Cheston stared down at Miracle thoughtfully. "Long stories...sound like they should be shared. It's just...the where and the when? How about...you key in your number...and I'll set something up. If you're okay with forwardness?"

Miracle tensed up and took the phone. "Can't say I'm a stranger to it." He said, adding himself to the contacts and then he handed the phone back to Cheston.

"Oh, well hopefully it's the right ones. Hopefully I'm a right one, for a dinner out, at least." He smiled "Well, I should be going, got a hearing to get to."

"Woah...wait, a hearing?" Miracle looked at him. "Are you an attorney?"

Cheston nodded. "Yes."

"I think...I might know where to put some of my money. I'll have a certain person I'll want to talk about...if you don't mind some business." Miracle's eyebrows lifted.

"If it's an interesting story." Cheston smiled and pocketed his phone and turned around and walked off.

"Who was that?" Sterling walked up.

"A man...with many prospects." Miracle grinned.

"Wasn't Eric just like one of those men?" Sterling asked.

"Oh my god, the paranoia. Like that's going to happen in a single persons life twice?"

"I just mean...a user."

Miracle turned around. "Not if I don't let it, my parents taught me, boundaries." He walked around Sterling and headed for the fountain to meet Lacey.

"You sound like a teenager!" Sterling called off after him and shook his head. "Some things...never change."