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Who W/we Are

MichaelS36

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Who W/we Are

 

First if I am out of bed at this god-forsaken time something is on my mind. Right now, it is the feeling I must defend who and what tim and I are, and how we live.

I likely don’t. This will likely be repetitive. But I don’t care.

Better out, than in!

I am a Dom. A Dominant man. I have a boy … who is my submissive. That does not mean only that I take the dominant role in sex. Our lifestyle is one of Dominance and submission, it is a partnership.

tim, my boy, is the most important person in my life. My role is to care for him, mentally and physically. I love and cherish the person he is. tim is submissive because it is natural for him to be. To him, I am his teacher, his lover, caregiver, I give him shelter from the storms of life. he knows he can run to me and I will protect him.

I make most of the decisions in our life. tim and I discuss things, but the ultimate choice belongs with me. My responsibility. If the truth be told, tim does not want the responsibility.

I do things, expect things that I know make him grumble mostly to himself, sometimes to his friends. That’s fine, he a human being. For example, I usually select his clothes, tell him when to get a haircut and how I want it.

Why? tim is an introvert. If left to his own devices he’d grow his hair to hide behind and wear clothes two sizes too big. he is a handsome man, I am proud of him and enjoy having him beside me, so I care how he looks. he likes that I make these decisions for him.

tim is quiet, he stammers when he’s forced to talk especially to strangers. Writing is a different thing. Writing frees his mind and makes it easier for him to communicate.

It is tim’s nature to care for others. he is empathetic, but often takes on too much of other’s hurt. Until he is hurting. His past most of you know about, the abuse he suffered during those years still haunts him. It left him with PTSD, nightmares, depression and HIV. Conflict is difficult.

Before I was diagnosed, tim worried about symptoms I was displaying. Over and over he asked me to see a doctor. I told him there was nothing to worry about. This went on for a while, until it became too much for him.

tim my quiet, beautiful husband finally raised his voice to me. Told me, didn’t ask, in no uncertain terms that if I was his Sir, his Dom that it was my responsibility to look after myself, so I could look after him.

That few minutes cost tim a lot. It was totally out of his comfort zone, not who he is at all.

In that few minutes, I was shocked, slightly angry. But then I saw, I had messed up. I had forced him to do this thing. I hadn’t paid attention.

tim saw a huge empty, black place ahead, if something happened to me. Which I never thought about. He was so afraid, he yelled at me. I went for tests, brought him with me for the results. I have diabetes. his bravery likely saved my life.

subs are brave, loving people. I am grateful for mine every day.

As a Dom what do I get out of this? I am fulfilled because I look after tim. I protect him, let him be who he is.

D/s is about control. But it is rarely loud. Our D/s scene/play is quiet. Quiet because being quiet takes control. Breathing is controlled, there is no moaning, groaning or begging. There is silence as much as possible. Sometimes sex is involved, often it is not.

Being a Dom means you are aware, flexible, you need to be able to read your sub and understand them.

Here is where things become murkier. D/s can involve S&M, bondage and other fetishes. It depends on the couple. For some those things are never part of their lives. That is why when people who have zero idea about D/s write it, they get it wrong. They do not see the interactions, do not understand the little everyday things that make us who we are.

Sex? We have sex like all Gay couples. I am a top, tim a bottom. Because I am a Dom I normally control things. Sometimes that includes allowing tim to come or not, it includes what we do, how we do it. But sometimes I let tim decide. I know he enjoys exploring my body so I let him. It’s fun for us both.

Finally, we do not choose to be what we are; we do not turn it off and on. Like being Gay, it is NOT a choice.

We simply are.

 

Just a little more …  tim wrote this about a trip to the store .. in it he refers to me.. but it really says so much about him. 

Out

Today we went shopping you and me.
We met an older man.
He was not pretty,
but I won’t be if I live so long.
You talked to him like You do, so easily
so openly; while I stand quietly afraid
to trip over my tied tongue.
You said something about, my husband,
and he looked at each of us then.
I am so thinking, here it comes.
- me with little faith in my straight brothers -
He smiled and said: Oh, how wonderful!
And we stood, the three of us in
Best Buy, speaking of English TV
and detective shows.
As you do.

  • Love 13


21 Comments


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7 hours ago, Kitt said:

As you said, most of us came to understanding this a long time ago. Truth be told, all relationships are D/s to a slight degree, just not so as you would feel the need to call it such. In most homes one person tends to make the decisions, with input from the spouse. Honestly I think your way would be easier than the balance my spouse and I have struck. Our levels of dominance and submissive occasionally lead to protracted discussions to get to the same place you and tim get in minutes.

You are. That sums it up nicely. You are right for each other. You are in love with tim, not to be confused with loving tim. You are responsible. I could list an hundred things you and tim are. Let's just leave it at

YOU ARE.

I figured it would be boring..LOL.  and thanks for your support... its never wavered and I appreciate it. 

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6 hours ago, chris191070 said:

We came to know to this along time ago and have learnt to understand the relationship that you and tim have with each other, is based on love, friendship and trust for each other. Your relationship is the same as mine and Mark's, where we care for each other, both physically and mentally. Mark has to worry about my HIV and epilepsy and I have to worry about his depression, diabetes, asthma and sleep apnea. So whilst our relationship is not that of a D/s, I do understand what tim went through when he had to force you to go for tests as I've had the same with Mark and his diabetes.

So Sir and tim, you are in love with each other. You are responsible for your boy. There's probably many other things you and tim are but you shouldn't have to defend your way of life. 

I'm somewhat calmer today. And I appreciate all the support and comments. Thank you, chris. 

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6 hours ago, Reader1810 said:

What I see between the two of you is love and caring, and that’s enough for me. You live the way you do because that’s who you are and your lives are good because you both want the same thing albeit from different directions. 

I’m glad you two found each other - with a little help from Pastor Paul (I hope I’m remembering him correctly). 

:) 

You do remember correctly.  I am a lucky man. Thank you Reader.. as always. 

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5 hours ago, rickproehl said:

Michael Sir,

thank you for sharing this wonderful love you and tim have for each other. 

Thank you, rick. For caring and your steady support. 

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words are hard today Sir

Yours are well chosen & received with respect. 

thank You Sir

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1 minute ago, mollyhousemouse said:

words are hard today Sir

Yours are well chosen & received with respect. 

thank You Sir

I am sorry to hear that. Let me know if I can help. Thank you, my girl. 

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21 minutes ago, Wayne Gray said:

We have spoken about all of these aspects at one time or another throughout our time knowing one another on GA, but this is the first time I've seen it all in one place. It's a good reminder of the importance of tim in your life, and more ... a great lesson in how D/s works.

I particularly find it incredible how you knew the moment where you had pushed tim out of his comfortable, submissive role. he stepped out of it because he had to - because you needed him to. he pushed past the fear - to make you see. To me, that is such a loving thing.

Thanks for sharing, Mike.

It was borne from love. I think now if you ask him, he would agree he is proud of doing it. he could have simply listened to me and accepted that I'd go to the doctor sometime. I am grateful he didn't wait because frankly I had some rather bad symptoms I was set on ignoring.  When it was tested my blood sugar was very high. tim likely saved my life...his bravery then was a huge gift to me. I will not put him in that place again. I don't miss my appointments. 

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Thank you, Mike for sharing this again. For being open about you. I still say it was an act of providence that brought you and tim together. The love that you two have is amazing, and you see it even in text as we read what you guys post here. Thank you for your open honesty, and for the advice that you've given me in the past about trusting people.

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MichaelS36

Posted (edited)

14 minutes ago, Brayon said:

Thank you, Mike for sharing this again. For being open about you. I still say it was an act of providence that brought you and tim together. The love that you two have is amazing, and you see it even in text as we read what you guys post here. Thank you for your open honesty, and for the advice that you've given me in the past about trusting people.

Thanks, A. Happy to help. Let me know if I can help further.  Appreciate your support. 

Edited by MichaelS36
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Reader1810

Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, MichaelS36 said:

It was borne from love. I think now if you ask him, he would agree he is proud of doing it. he could have simply listened to me and accepted that I'd go to the doctor sometime. I am grateful he didn't wait because frankly I had some rather bad symptoms I was set on ignoring.  When it was tested my blood sugar was very high. tim likely saved my life...his bravery then was a huge gift to me. I will not put him in that place again. I don't miss my appointments. 

tim spoke and you listened.  Your deep and powerful love for one another made that possible. 

Edited by Reader1810
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I appreciate all the learning I gained from tim and of course you and MacGreg in the DiC. I once held the superficial views of the lifestyle that mainstream media portrays, and consumed media that I now know is flawed and dangerous as well as defamatory.

and I'm glad I've learned better since then. 

While it may not be a way I choose to live, it's a valid and loving life as anyone with eyes can see from you and tim.  

Thanks for being you.  The world needs more good honest people. 

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3 hours ago, Thorn Wilde said:

Thank you for sharing so much about your life with tim. It's always so interesting to read, but also heartwarming. Having multiple identities that carry multiple stigma is difficult and draining, but being yourself, being who you are, is rewarding. At least it should be, though I suppose some never get to experience the rewards... Anyway, thanks. And I love that poem.

I may moan sometimes, but I am happy. My .. our life is rewarding and fulfilling. I'd never change it.  Thanks for reading. I like the poem too... it says so much.  Thanks, Thorn. 

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I just saw this today. I've been avoiding a lot of things this week out of shame and embarrassment. I know that earlier comments on my part helped to throw things into a tailspin. You are absolutely right with everything you've said. I'm not usually so insensitive, other issues have been affecting me as well. I'm extremely hard on myself, especially when I know that others have been hurt. I'm truly sorry. 

 

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1 hour ago, kbois said:

I just saw this today. I've been avoiding a lot of things this week out of shame and embarrassment. I know that earlier comments on my part helped to throw things into a tailspin. You are absolutely right with everything you've said. I'm not usually so insensitive, other issues have been affecting me as well. I'm extremely hard on myself, especially when I know that others have been hurt. I'm truly sorry. 

 

Don't beat yourself up. Thank you for reading it and your comments. We all, me included, need to try and stay focused and calm. There is so much pain in the world right now.  We do not need to add more anxiety. 

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