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A look back at the past year

Bleu

Entry posted by Bleu

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I thought today would be a good time to look at the past year.

I came out to my parents exactly a year ago. So, even though I had previously come out to a handful of friends (including my future wife) in 1995, I take this date as a major step towards switching from the straight lifestyle I had maintained up to that point.

 

Overall this new episode in my personal life feels quite good. By this, I mean that I am happy with how I have changed over the past year and a half, acknowledging the gay side which I had kept in the closet for so long, meeting other gay people, enjoying the GA stories and community, etc. One of my close co-workers is a lesbian and I get to talk freely with her, which helps anchor my feelings into reality instead of having them contained to the virtual world. I can speak freely with my siblings as well; they are very understanding. Over the past year I also experimented with the ups and downs of gay dating. I had crushes on a few guys, again with some good and some bad experiences.

 

But to be honest, most of my gay life is not in plain sight. Those I'm not yet out to (most of my workmates, more distant family members and friends) still see me as a widower who will soon find another woman and raise a family. So far, there was nothing that really called for an explanation of my love life, but that may change in the near future.

 

I have tried to come out to the closest people in my life but it hasn't always been easy: some close friends live far away and it's an issue I'd rather discuss face-to-face. When I saw one of my best friends recently, his young daughter was around all the time and it didn't feel proper to come out in front of her. A similar missed opportunity with another friend, who is quite gay-friendly, also left me disappointed. Sometimes, it really gnaws at me that I still have to lie about it. On Friday, one of the secretaries at work was asking about my upcoming vacation, and she went "Oh, they have very beautiful girls, there, you know...". I really had to bite my tongue not to spell things out for her. But it's a bit premature, especially since I've fallen in love with someone I have yet to meet in real life. And we are not close neighbours, to say the least.

 

The most moving change happened quite recently when my parents came up from the country to visit me. They know there is a new significant person in my life now, not because I told them as much, but because of some decisions I've taken which can only be explained by it. So when my mum saw a framed picture of John next to my computer and asked, in a soft tone, "Is that your boyfriend?", I could only nod and say "uh huh". Of course, I had put the picture there for them to see. But that the term "boyfriend" would come from her first, and not from me, I had not expected... and even though the conversation that ensued did not much go into details, it warmed my heart.

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jian_sierra

Awww you're precious. The way I look at it, you didn't really lie about who you are, you're just not comfortable revealing that part of you freely to other people. Or the timing is a little off. So don't be too hard on yourself, you don't really need to tell everyone. Anyway, wishing you a lot more things for the upcoming years :)

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Marzipan

What Jian said. Also, sooo cute what your mum said. Gotta love her. Coming out should not be forced. Everything happens when it is supposed to happen.

 

:hug:

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Cia
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Other than clearing up misconceptions, if you choose to, who you fall in love with or are attracted to really shouldn't have to be shouted from the rooftops. I do understand the urge but when it happens and the opportunities come, you know you will share. You're not hiding it, you're just waiting for it to be right. That's the way it should be. It's a personal thing, telling people should be personal too.

 

And I love that your mom seems so accepting. Having a supportive family like her and your siblings is great!

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NaperVic

Even though I've been generally 'out' for a while, I still catch myself in situations where I have to come out to someone. Usually it's a situation where my being gay didn't come out early on and I allowed the friendship to grow without revealing that part of me.

 

Though not as difficult as when I was first coming out to close friends and family, there's still that little feeling of apprehension of how the other person will react to finding out I'm gay.

 

 

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had the word 'Gay' tattooed on my forehead.

 

Though there will be ups and downs, do enjoy this time of self-discovery as you become more comfortable with this part of your life.

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old bob

Take stock of his life by writing, as you do it here, is the best way to see yourself as others see you.

You said you made a major step towards switching from the straight lifestyle you had maintained up to that point, to an open and well accepted gay life. That's nice and I'm happy for you.

 

But the most interesting is what one can read "between the lines" .

They are two aspects,

 

one negative :

Without going into details, I feel that, like many others who have traveled the same path, your transition from a public life in the closet to an openly gay life could be for you a much bigger problem that you supposed it to be.

 

The other, a positive one, is also to be found "between the lines" :

You will be fully accepted, by yourself and by the others (straight ot not), when you will be able to walk anywhere, for instance on the quays along the Seine or on the Pont Neuf, walking hand in hand with your boyfriend, and even, why not, sharing a modest kiss with him, despite the people going on around you. I wish I could be there to see it and applaud :worship:.

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Nephylim

You're awesome. That has nothing to do with being gay or straight. It's the first thing that people see the gay can never be as important

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paya

The other, a positive one, is also to be found "between the lines" :

You will be fully accepted, by yourself and by the others (straight ot not), when you will be able to walk anywhere, for instance on the quays along the Seine or on the Pont Neuf, walking hand in hand with your boyfriend, and even, why not, sharing a modest kiss with him, despite the people going on around you. I wish I could be there to see it and applaud :worship:.

 

I wish I could walk with my man, holding hands and not hearing sniggering behind our backs. I hope one day it won't be problem for anybody.

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Bleu

@Jian: I know these are not truly lies, there are more aspects that one skips without going into details. But sometimes, I wish it could be completely natural to say what I truly feel. Thank you for your wishes. blush1.gif Erm... maybe you could actually help making some of those "good things for the upcoming years" come true, what say you? wub.gif

 

@Maria: yeah, I was glad for her reaction. I'm sure she knew that making them aware of my new relationship was the real reason I invited them over. My father probably had no clue :P

 

@Cia: I completely agree. I don't intend on being the token "out and proud gay guy" at work, but I've been used to my close co-workers knowing about my personal life, and it feels wrong that it should change because the person in my life is now a man and not a woman.

 

@Vic: thanks, and as you say, I don't expect that "coming out" will end any time soon.

 

@Bob: I don't see it as problematic as that. I think that the only problem so far is that most people haven't seen/sensed the transition whereas I fully feel it :P. And yeah... that's a nice vision. There are quite a number of romantic spots over here and it will be a real pleasure to take him to all of those.

 

@Nephy: thanks, and I don't think there's anything wrong either.

 

@Paya: I agree with you. Even here it is going to be a long way away to be fully accepted.

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