Well, I know I always talk about suitcase company and it is not just talk. Guests seem to like to stay overnight, and most of the time two nights. But, some of my family called last night to let me know that they would be at my house next weekend, staying until Wednesday. That would be a total of four nights. I love them to death, but they are the most complaining guests that I have. After getting off the phone with them, I starting bitching about them coming to my husband and how they complained about everything. He muted his television and said, " Quit bitching at me and tell them how you feel or post it on the wall so that they can see it ." So, I sat down and this is what I came up with, thinking of putting it right beside my back door so that they can't miss it as they enter the house. Tell me what you think:P

1. This is my house, I pay the light bill. If it is too cold for you a night, wear socks to bed or ask for another blanket before you retire.

2. This is a house, not a hotel. There is no room service available. The coffee pot will be available if you rise before I do. I cook breakfast when I get ready, not on your schedule. Eat some crackers with your early morning meds and drink juice. I have plenty of both.

3. My dog is an inside dog. If you have a problem with that, then you are welcome to sleep outside. Sleeping bags are available and if it rains, you can sleep on the deck out of the rain. That will be no problem.

4. If you don't have to pick your towels up off the floor to use them, then I don't expect to have to pick them up off the floor to wash them. Drop them over into the washer, or into the hamper. Very simple.

5. Snacks are available. Feel free to open the refrigerator for a soft drink or juice. You are welcome to open the chips and dip on your own. I am not the only one capable of doing that.

6. The television in your bedroom is for your enjoyment. Watch what you want, but if you are not watching it, simply hit the power button. Five televisions going at one time in the house is annoying even to me and my dog.

7. Smoking outside is admissable. Throwing the butts down in the yard is not. Find a place for your butt besides my yard!

8. You are welcome to the beer in the porch house refrigerators. That does not mean fill your coolers for the return trip home. Not only is that against the state law, but against MY law.

9. The wildlife you see from my deck is for you to enjoy, not shoot or scream at because you are scared of a raccoon or a possum. Believe me, they want you to leave as much as you want them to.. Suitcase company annoys them also.

10. After reading my little invitation and hospitatlity ditties, if you feel as if I have turned into the family witch, fell free to borrow one of my brooms and fly back home. If not, feel free to use one of them to keep the dirt you track through my house swept up for me.

YA'LL COME BACK NOW, YOU HEAR?