Pretty is not in my mentality, it never has been. I understand where you're coming from as a transgendered person, and as a guy who doesn't like when girls flock me for looking cute.

I think the word is shallow.  Nothing like someone saying how cute or gorgeous a guy is and haven't exchanged a word with them.  They've no idea who you really are and most of the time could care less.  They're all about what they think and want to know, not how you feel.  It goes on all the time and it's very hurtful, but the people doing it have no clue.  When they do talk to you, it's all about them.  Period.

Humans are creatures of sight, and rarely mind. As they say you never get a second chance to make a good first impression. I've said this before and will again, it is hard enough figuring out where you are on the straight, bi, gay scale. Having to deal with the fact that you were born in the wrong body adds another whole level that people can't always get over. I know someone who has transitioned and I know as Tammy. For me, it might be easier because she has always been Tammy to me, but there are people who knew Anthony before he began to make her outside and inside match. She still deals with people calling her him. Life is a learning experience. All you can do is be patient. Hopefully, the worst you will deal with is someone trying to be well meaning and not outright disgust and no understanding. I wish you all the best.

I guess not everyone will get you, but don't let that stop you from celebrating who you are and projecting the self you feel within. Enjoy being you.

Don't get angry.  Sometimes they just don't know what to say to you, so they compliment on your look, because you're (apparently) a nice looking person.  Just learn to tune it out until it's nothing more than people asking "how's the weather?"

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Don't get angry.  Sometimes they just don't know what to say to you, so they compliment on your look, because you're (apparently) a nice looking person.  Just learn to tune it out until it's nothing more than people asking "how's the weather?"

I wouldn't mind the compliments if they weren't directly related to my gender. I guess that's what I was trying to convey with this post in the first place. It's not that I don't appreciate the compliment about my physical appearance--that is always nice. But nonetheless it is a horribly painful reminder that I can never physically be the person I am supposed to be. I can't tune that out. I'm not angry at the well-meaning people giving me compliments. I'm angry that they're so blinded by my appearance. That they base their perception of me and my gender on my girlish looks and not my actions.

Knowingly encountering a trans person is new territory for a lot of people.  Even those poised to be accepting and who find it cool don’t know what to say.  You might try dropping a hint as to how they should respond.  Develop an “elevator pitch” about your identity and how you feel about it.  A lot of times, they’ll cue off your lead.  For example:

Them:  I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl named ‘Aaron’ before.

You:  Oh, I’m not a girl.  I know when you’re looking at me that might sound strange, but I really am a guy. Specifically I’m trans (or genderqueer or however you want them to identify you.)  I hear a lot from people that I look too pretty to think about being male but I always hope once they get to know me they see that I make a pretty cute guy too. 

It sounds like a lot to get out, but that’s okay.  In their heads, they’re still grappling with your first sentence of “I’m not a girl.”  So while they process that, keep feeding them information in an easygoing, conversational way – acknowledge this is new/strange territory for them, give them the right language to work with, deflect their most obvious question/objection and replace it with what they should be thinking about you.

Sometimes this worked for me and sometimes it didn’t, but at least I was the one framing the discussion. 

Also, welcome to GA.  It's a good place to be.  

ILL REPLY WITH A VIDEO YAY

Knowingly encountering a trans person is new territory for a lot of people.  Even those poised to be accepting and who find it cool don’t know what to say.  You might try dropping a hint as to how they should respond.  Develop an “elevator pitch” about your identity and how you feel about it.  A lot of times, they’ll cue off your lead.  For example:

 

Them:  I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl named ‘Aaron’ before.

 

You:  Oh, I’m not a girl.  I know when you’re looking at me that might sound strange, but I really am a guy. Specifically I’m trans (or genderqueer or however you want them to identify you.)  I hear a lot from people that I look too pretty to think about being male but I always hope once they get to know me they see that I make a pretty cute guy too. 

 

It sounds like a lot to get out, but that’s okay.  In their heads, they’re still grappling with your first sentence of “I’m not a girl.”  So while they process that, keep feeding them information in an easygoing, conversational way – acknowledge this is new/strange territory for them, give them the right language to work with, deflect their most obvious question/objection and replace it with what they should be thinking about you.

 

Sometimes this worked for me and sometimes it didn’t, but at least I was the one framing the discussion. 

 

Also, welcome to GA.  It's a good place to be.  

Thank you, it's been lovely so far.

I know it's incredibly difficult for most people to synthesize and, thank you, I needed the reminder to be patient. It's just hard. Specifically what I was talking about was when established friends who know I'm trans tease/question me about being girly. I know they aren't trying to be hurtful, but. 

I have little practical advice, honestly. I've straddled the line between genders a lot because I am not overly girly and have always preferred hanging out with guys if I have to be with group of men or women, but I am not transgender. The days of 'Alicia is a girl!' all my friends exclaimed when the substitute teacher would tell a classmate to "go ask 'him' how to do it, because 'he' seems to know what 'he's doing" ended when I got boobs. Unhidable boobs.

 

What I do know from a lifetime of not being what people expect is that most folks have NO idea how to handle anything outside of their comfort zone, even if they clearly aren't trying to be offensive. However, like I've told many a teen who's come to me for advice on talking to their parents, you have to be patient. You've had your whole life to come to grips with your sexuality/gender/differently-mindedness. Those you tell might have had seconds, so when they come out with a non-politic response or general lack of understanding... try to remember how you felt when you first realized you were different. Then teach them what you learned.

I know I have to be patient. You're right--after a lifetime of not fitting in, I don't have any trouble coming to grips with differences in others, so oftentimes I get frustrated when someone can't get with the program. In my head, I'm just a dude and that's that and everyone else had better deal, lol. Thank you for the advice, Cia.