So, I haven't been here much lately, and the longer you stay away the harder it is to come back. So I thought I'd post a sort of general update for those who might be interested.

First of all, I'm doing okay. I take my meds, I get up in the mornings and go to school (I haven't quite mastered getting up the mornings I don't have school, but I'm working on it), I do my homework, I mostly eat proper food and the flat isn't a complete mess. Magpie's busy with work and uni, I'm just busy with school.

I'm studying sound production. Currently we're learning about pro-tools, and some of the physics of soundwaves and how they pertain to setting up a studio or a gig, and analogue mixers, and the history of digital sound, and sound in relation to dramaturgy in film and on TV. We have practical lessons in the Mac lab and in the studio, and this week we're taking studio certification tests. If I pass, I'll be able to book time in the studio an play around with my own stuff whenever I like. I honestly don't quite expect to pass on the first go... I was off sick week before last, and I missed the whole lesson on compressors. Still, if I don't pass the first time I can try again in a couple of weeks. No big.

I took up knitting over summer, which means I now have a yarn obsession. I can go into a yarn shop and buy just one thing, but it takes a lot of self discipline to pull off. Mostly, I walk out with three new colours that I want to turn into hats for my friends. I have a knitting problem.

I also have a medication problem. I realised it had become a problem when I wrote a poem on the metro on my way to school one morning and I thought, wow, my creativity must have come back, only to realise later that I had forgotten to take my meds that morning. The days I do remember to take them (which is nearly all as long as I keep them by my bed or somewhere really visible) I can focus better in class, I'm less jumpy and I don't get all angsty among strangers, but my creativity is close to zero. Win some, lose some. I'm finally in therapy, though. The past few sessions have been to get an idea of the roots of my problems. Tomorrow we'll be starting properly. Hopefully, after a while in therapy I'll be able to stop taking the meds. Don't know when that will be, though. Which means I don't know when I'll be able to get back to writing.

Before school started I was at a point where I could manage to get a little bit done every day if I pushed myself, but now I just don't have the energy. I hate it. I want to write, and I want to play my instruments, and all that stuff, but I come home from school and all I manage to do is sit in front of the computer and play games, or watch Netflix, or something like that. Weekends I catch up on the sleep I missed out on during the week.

A couple of weeks ago my nephew was finally born. He's adorable, and pretty well behaved for an infant. I've been over to my brother's place twice to see him.

I got my first tattoo last Saturday. Just a teensy one. Nothing big, nothing fancy. But I get why so many depressed people like getting tattoos. It's an incredible high. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Less painful than going to the dentist. But it gets the adrenaline flowing, and when you're done you feel like you're the king of everything. And you feel happy. The rest of the day I was just walking around grinning.

I want another one.

So, that's where I am right now. I've been pretty absent from all my social media. It's like I get enough of people just going to school with them every day. So when I get home I shun all society. I haven't seen any of my friends since Magpie and I had a dinner party last week.

It mostly feels like I'm living one day to the next. Planning is hard. Thinking ahead is hard. But I guess that's okay for now. I hope I'll be able to be here more often soon. I'd really like to. I miss all you guys.