You should have known massage his feet would be the unmaking of your friendship....  But what can I say, sometimes we do stuff against our better judgment....  Yeah, I had a very close friend like yours, too.  I didn't massage him because he was an online friend, but we were close like you and your friend, inseparable, really....  Nowadays, he is just a suppressed memory.  If I counted my past relationship, sometimes he didn't get to be counted, because that's how suppressed he is to me now, and the fact he is straight and it really isn't a true relationship, though we were probably closer to each other than some married couples....

I guess it's alright you let it out, but please do move on.  I didn't move on fast enough, and let that impossible relationship ruined my college grades (I cried in the middle of a mid-term and I had to walk out of the class, so yeah, it was pretty bad).  So..., please take a lesson from it.  Your friend still posts birthday wishes to you so you know he doesn't hold it against you, so just let it be a happy memory.  Now, go charm some gay people.  No gay, no play! 

If there were ever a gay religion, and if its Bible-like text were a collection of stories, this would belong amongst those stories.

I'm so sorry. I agree with Ashi--I hope you can give as much love to someone who has that kind of love to give in return.

Thanks so much for the comments and advice. I'm glad to know that there are people who can empathize with my situation.

I can't choose who I love, and I can't make someone feel that way about me if they don't "swing" that way, but I need to not let myself get that close to someone if I develop such strong feelings for them and I know they won't ever feel that way. Perhaps I should develop a no chance/no touch policy, LOL.

Well, sexyinaf, you said it yourself. It was jealousy which broke the bond of a strong relationship. Not something your friend did.

Heed Cia's advice, and particularly where she points out that this is something you have to deal with yourself.

I have a different viewpoint to Ashi and Irritable in that I believe any friendship is valuable and the stronger that friendship the more valuable.

Sometimes it's called bonding, sometimes soul mates, with the potential to be absolutely a true relationship which can last through a lifetime.

If you feel you won't be able to control your jealousy in a situation where your physical attraction can't be returned then, yes, I think you shouldn't allow yourself to get too close. That would be sad though because you're limiting your options for friendship.

It's extraordinarily hard to separate the physical from other aspects of friendship and love but isn't keeping a true friend more important than some sex?

You can choose who you love. Every single person who loves someone who doesn't return that love has to face that, and most come to terms with it in some way.

Iarwain... lately I've been condensing my words quite a bit, which might make things a bit unclear.  In my post, I already assumed sexyinaf knew the bonding can be beautiful (after all that foot rubbing and back stroking...  ), so I thought there is no need to rehash 
This is actually a very complex subject, so I should congratulate myself for I conveyed my idea in only two paragraphs.  LOL  I should have known I was also written to a wider audience, not just for him.

My comment was concentrating on the stage where I assumed sexyinaf already knew what you were talking about, and already lived through it, cried about it, reflected about it.  And now I believe it's time to move to the next stage of Valley of Despair, which is acceptance and rebuild.

Yes, you can choose who you love, but you also can't....  Otherwise, many of us would not be gay, as the consequence of being gay is pretty ugly in this imperfect world.  This would lead to that age-old argument about whether sex = love or not....  We even talked about this back in my Home Econ class back in high school...  And most guys thought sex and love were inseparable while gals thought otherwise.  I am somewhere in between.  But then, I am a gay bottom....  I can definitely see tons of gay guys do think sex = love though, top or bottom....  Just some observation, not scientific.

You can have friendship, but not romantic love with straight people.  Do not confuse the two!!!  That's just dangerous, both mentally and physically.  Part of the growing pain for men is how to accept love, without ever being (self-)destructive.  Love is just that awkward for young men.  Guys can be killed if it's not done well, and this applies to both straight guys and (especially closeted) gay guys.

Contrary to common belief, you can't change the nature of men if you love them enough.  I don't want to hear another farce about "how can I turn a straight man gay."  You love them for who they are, rich or poor, better or worse, gay or straight, but you don't love your straight friends the same way.

I personally have the "privilege" of dwelling on a guy (another one) in an epic romantic novel proportion.  That melodrama is a constant ridicule from guys who know it, and I can laugh about it now.  On the other hand, I could have used that 15 years to find a possible love interest rather than a doomed one (hope is a dangerous thing, anyone?).  Move on!  Fifteen years can turn a young man old, and sexyinaf should use his golden years better than I did.  I know in novels characters can rekindle instantly from where they left after decades, and nobody gets fat or wrinkles, or the smile is still as sunny and innocent as you remembered it.  In reality, no one is Count Dracula, everyone gets old and mature.

Sexyinaf and his friends still exchange little messages, this is about as good as it can be when a confession failed (and kudo to his friend still being sport about it).  I tried to contact the guy who left me crying in the middle of a mid-term, you know....  All I got was a lukewarm reception, at the same time, you could tell he would love me only if he could....  It's worse than death!  Don't repeat my mistake and become a bitter old queen.    Don't....  Just don't.

Hey Ashi,

Yep! I agree with practically everything you're saying.

You can't change a person's orientation by loving them and you have to come to terms with that. That's why I backed up Cia's advice which is so spot on.

Yes, it's a soul destroying and pointless waste of a person's life to seek  a romantic interest from someone who by nature can't give it.

My message to sexyinaf was that friendship so strong it can only be called love (not sexual love) is an option .

There is erotic love..

There is filial, brotherly/sisterly, love.

There is spiritual love.

My 'privilege' was to have a soul mate for nearly forty years with mutual support, shared activities and companionship, before he died in a terrible accident. Despite living several thousand kilometers away his adult son still contacts me to talk about the 'good times'.