Reflecting on my decisions - Two years later
Most of you don't remember me when I used to write and beta on a regular basis. However, since the majority of my friends and family don't know much about me - and I'm trying to figure out a delicate balance between keeping my mother happy by not blasting "my unacceptable lifestyle" (trust me, this is a separate issue way too complicated for one single blog post) and keeping my boyfriend happy - I wrote a section of this as a Facebook note, and promptly deleted before posting.
Two years ago, what started to be a slow process to become serious with my then-ex-boyfriend who I really thought I'd live the rest of my life with decided it were best if we took a step back and allowed each other to date other people. He suggested it would be better so he wouldn't feel trapped. I contemplated that if the relationship needed another person into the mix, then we're not the right match to stay together for the long haul.
Two years have gone by and I don't regret this decision. Instead, I reflect on the decision I made, which took two days to formulate, weigh out, and gather enough strength to end things. I don't think either of us were ready to just end things completely, but I didn't think it would have ended well either way. He had too much temptation from moving into a "gayer" neighborhood, and I guess from his raise in status from his startup being bought out, he felt he had to date upwards. I, on the other hand, was ready to settle down, see the world with him, and even started throwing out ideas about engagement (but not to him directly).
The strangest thing happened during this time. I was an emotional mess, the one friend who I met online and we chatted in a coffee shop eventually became my boyfriend. My ex apparently thought SF was too bougie (yeah... I didn't understand that either) and moved to Chicago. Two years tomorrow will mark 2 years I broke up, and 2/20 will mark the day I added my current boyfriend on FB. It's so weird looking back at my facebook timeline and have "You became friends with... February 20th" with a picture of the two of us.
So yeah, what the hell have I been doing? Well for one thing, work's been crazy. (yeah, yeah, we've all heard this before) I ended up getting promoted to a slightly higher managerial position that now requires me to be suddenly artzy as hell. I now do visual merchandising and I have no art degree! Trust me my color coordination is all over the place and people in the company hate how I can generate numbers for the company without being the artzy snotty stature the role requires me to be.
I got a drunk text from my ex that said he wanted to apologize at how he ended things. I'm not sure if I got the closure I wanted, but I think it's safe to say that we're both strong people who take a lot of time to get over something once something's been decided.
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