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Reflecting on my decisions - Two years later


blog-0415419001424081820.jpgMost of you don't remember me when I used to write and beta on a regular basis. However, since the majority of my friends and family don't know much about me - and I'm trying to figure out a delicate balance between keeping my mother happy by not blasting "my unacceptable lifestyle" (trust me, this is a separate issue way too complicated for one single blog post) and keeping my boyfriend happy - I wrote a section of this as a Facebook note, and promptly deleted before posting.

 

Two years ago, what started to be a slow process to become serious with my then-ex-boyfriend who I really thought I'd live the rest of my life with decided it were best if we took a step back and allowed each other to date other people. He suggested it would be better so he wouldn't feel trapped. I contemplated that if the relationship needed another person into the mix, then we're not the right match to stay together for the long haul.

 

Two years have gone by and I don't regret this decision. Instead, I reflect on the decision I made, which took two days to formulate, weigh out, and gather enough strength to end things. I don't think either of us were ready to just end things completely, but I didn't think it would have ended well either way. He had too much temptation from moving into a "gayer" neighborhood, and I guess from his raise in status from his startup being bought out, he felt he had to date upwards. I, on the other hand, was ready to settle down, see the world with him, and even started throwing out ideas about engagement (but not to him directly).

 

The strangest thing happened during this time. I was an emotional mess, the one friend who I met online and we chatted in a coffee shop eventually became my boyfriend. My ex apparently thought SF was too bougie (yeah... I didn't understand that either) and moved to Chicago. Two years tomorrow will mark 2 years I broke up, and 2/20 will mark the day I added my current boyfriend on FB. It's so weird looking back at my facebook timeline and have "You became friends with... February 20th" with a picture of the two of us.

 

So yeah, what the hell have I been doing? Well for one thing, work's been crazy. (yeah, yeah, we've all heard this before) I ended up getting promoted to a slightly higher managerial position that now requires me to be suddenly artzy as hell. I now do visual merchandising and I have no art degree! -_- Trust me my color coordination is all over the place and people in the company hate how I can generate numbers for the company without being the artzy snotty stature the role requires me to be.

 

I got a drunk text from my ex that said he wanted to apologize at how he ended things. I'm not sure if I got the closure I wanted, but I think it's safe to say that we're both strong people who take a lot of time to get over something once something's been decided.

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Drak

Posted

That reminds me of why I don't get on Facebook.

Enjoyed reading your post.

San Francisco is a lovely city. I'd take it over Chicago any day.

  • Like 1
WestcliffWriter

Posted

Kinda Stevie Nicks and Linsey Buckingham, but I think you made the right decision especially the part about inviting poeple into your relationship - What was he thinking????

 

I hope you are as happy now as you sound, and if I were single, I would have loved to have someone with your personality to spend my life with. You deserve the happiness it looks like you found and if your Ex is ever sitting at home alone some nights you can bet he's probably cursing himself for being such a fucktard.

 

Good for you :)

  • Like 1
MikeL

Posted

Drak is right on all counts.

 

No Facebook for me.

 

San Francisco over Chicago any day.

 

Great post!

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J.T.

Posted

I think part of it was I was really ready to settle down and he was still just trying to explore the untaken roads. I hope he just finds the happiness he was trying to look for eventually. I don't hate him, just wished he and I had the opportunity to fix whatever it was truly urking him before he decided that bringing a 3rd party into the mix would somehow be an acceptable solution. :) Thanks guys

  • Like 1
J.T.

Posted

In many respects, when I tried to write my Fixing My Destiny story, it would have literally been me exploring where my own "roads untaken" would take me. While I got a chance to start the story many years ago, at a certain point I decided to accept the choices I've made and move on with what I've got. It didn't derail the writing process, I just wasn't as passionate with writing for the main character to change himself, and I read two chapters of junk that I knew wouldn't cut it even as a beta. I'm sure the idea for the story's premise is still sound, I just need a lot of work to drive myself to finish it amidst my crazy work life -_-

  • Like 1
JamesSavik

Posted

I enjoy facebook. I don't know any of the people on it and, I avoid getting involved in my own life so it works out just fine.

  • Like 2
John B.

Posted

Interesting story but not all that unusual."If at first you don't succeed, try, try..."  It is possible, on both sides of the fence, to find lasting relationships.  I have been together with my friend for nearly 39 years, without having to bring other partners into the relationship.  It sounds like you have managed to move on and build your own long term relationship.  If you work at it, it will last.  My only book to date, Skeletons Of A Murder, has composite characters based on the people I have met and people I have known.  It wasn't until late in life (31+ years in the computer industry and 12+ years in the independent film production industry, yeah, I'm old) that I finally got around to finishing my book and getting it published, self published on Kindle.  Relationships of all types, good and bad, are a great resource for character development in a good novel, that and a vivid imagination.  The above are the ramblings of an old, gay man that is trying to start another career.

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