I hope you all enjoyed the last Improve & Encourage feature, because it's time for another one. These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until the last author signed up is critiqued. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. Just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured. I'm currently out of these critiques, so if you've already signed up, and haven't yet provided your critique, please get them in as soon as possible. As I will be gone for a while, for the time being, please include @TalonRider and @Cia in the PM.

Stars for the Star

Parker Owens

Critique By: CassieQ

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

Beau left his hometown of Lafayette to brave the colds of Ohio only to have to deal with bad Southern accents, jealousy, stage fright and his handsome and charismatic coworker George.

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

This was delightful to read.  There is a fantastic subtle humor in it that I wasn't expecting, from Beau's opinion of the Ohio winters, to his coworkers ridiculous Southern accents.  Beau's emotions were so vivid; I could feel the way he seethed with jealousy over Harold, the paralyzing trepidation of being on stage and the sexy undercurrent of all the scenes where he interacted with George.

What do you see as the weaknesses of the story/poem?

This was extremely well done, but the ending felt a bit abrupt.  It was a sweet and delightful conclusion, but it didn't appear to match the pacing of the rest of the story and therefore came off as rushed and a bit jarring. 

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

A little bit more resolution near the end.  It was a lovely conclusion to the story, but after all the build-up to it, I would have liked to see just a little bit more.  (Also, I was a little bummed because I liked reading about these characters so much). 

What was your favorite part?

I liked the scene where George brought in some Vietnamese shrimp fried rice for Beau.  It showed that George was thinking of Beau when he was out to lunch and knew him well enough to know that he liked the rice and would be hungry.  It was very sweet and thoughtful.

And this line:  " Something definitely pinged, and it wasn't just my brain."  Nuff said.