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It's starting again

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CassieQ

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It's starting again.

 

The sobriety.  

 

I talked to my cousin over the weekend about what my Dad has been going through.  And how my Dad is courting sobriety again.  For the record, the longest my Dad has been sober has been two years, and that was when I was a child and my Mom threatened to leave him and take myself and sister with her.  He threw out all the alcohol in the house.  

 

Another time was when I was living in Atlanta, out of college and working at a bookstore.  My Dad went through some of his worst years in Atlanta and one day I noticed he wasn't acting like his usual drunk surly self.  I remember being so concerned about his shift in personality that I told my Mom I was worried he was going to commit suicide. She laughed a little and told me he had quit drinking.  I don't remember how long that one lasted, but it wasn't long.  

 

He quit temporarily when the tests for his heart came back.  Once he saw that his heart issue remained despite not drinking, he started back up again.

 

Now here we are again.  He always stops when he has a consequence for drinking, but then he inevitably starts back.

 

I wish I could be more supportive, but I just can't.  I can't.  It hurts too much.  It hurts to see the man that my father could be.  I love my Dad, my real Dad.  He is charming, has a great sense of humor and is fun to talk to and hang around with.  I can see the man my Mom fell in love with.  I can see the man I would like to have in my life.

 

But he never stays.  Eventually the drink wins and the drunk comes back.  The drunk is mean, stupid, surly and hard to get along with.  I remember looking at the drunk and wondering how on Earth I can be related to him.  

 

My Dad came over this weekend to help me with some stuff around the house, hanging up some blinds, putting up some shelves, etc.  It was...nice.  

 

But I need to keep my distance.  Need to.  Because I can't get close to him only to lose him to the drink again.  I can't stand it.

 

I can't.   

 

 

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Addiction is a powerful disease. Sometimes the person needs a little bit of help. Has he gone to AA?

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9 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Addiction is a powerful disease. Sometimes the person needs a little bit of help. Has he gone to AA?

He will not go to AA.  

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5 hours ago, Dmrman said:

As well as local Addiction help centers... they are popping up all over and work very well with AA/NA programs Each city calls them something different, but The great thing is you have Counseling Groups as well as One-on-ones with Counselors and they assist you in overcoming other obstacles that may be triggering the Urge... check within local City they should be able to assist I was involved with this within my own local Area...!!! 

Unfortunately my Dad will not go to AA or any other group.  He is the type who thinks he can tackle this problem on his own.  I am considering Al-Anon on the advice of my therapist.  

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I am deeply sorry you have been affected so much by someone you love who has this illness. It hurts so much; that comes through in every word you wrote. I send you my warmest hugs. 

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3 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

I am deeply sorry you have been affected so much by someone you love who has this illness. It hurts so much; that comes through in every word you wrote. I send you my warmest hugs. 

Thank you, that means a lot.  :hug:

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1 minute ago, Valkyrie said:

:hug: :hug:  :hug: 

Thank you.  I need all the hugs I can get.  :hug:

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I'm an addict. When I was high all the time, I could see everyone around me struggling with it, but I just could not help myself. I've been to rehab several times before I got really serious, and I've been sober ever since. It will go two ways, he won't get help or he will. The first step is admitting it's a problem, and it sounds like he's acknowledged that several times. 

 

No matter what, don't feel like it's your fault at all, or that you're obligated to keep helping him. It's stressful on loved ones, and they don't deserve any of it. If you can help, and WANT to help, then do it, but don't let it risk your own personal health. 

 

As for AA..... I quit going to NA a long time ago. It can be pretty shady, and they like to try to convert you in an attempt to keep you sober, which I think is immoral. There are plenty of other support groups, but if he's not willing, he's simply not willing, and that's a shame, really. 

 

:hug:

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