Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
    10
  • comments
    68
  • views
    8,614

It's starting again

CassieQ

234 views

It's starting again.

 

The sobriety.  

 

I talked to my cousin over the weekend about what my Dad has been going through.  And how my Dad is courting sobriety again.  For the record, the longest my Dad has been sober has been two years, and that was when I was a child and my Mom threatened to leave him and take myself and sister with her.  He threw out all the alcohol in the house.  

 

Another time was when I was living in Atlanta, out of college and working at a bookstore.  My Dad went through some of his worst years in Atlanta and one day I noticed he wasn't acting like his usual drunk surly self.  I remember being so concerned about his shift in personality that I told my Mom I was worried he was going to commit suicide. She laughed a little and told me he had quit drinking.  I don't remember how long that one lasted, but it wasn't long.  

 

He quit temporarily when the tests for his heart came back.  Once he saw that his heart issue remained despite not drinking, he started back up again.

 

Now here we are again.  He always stops when he has a consequence for drinking, but then he inevitably starts back.

 

I wish I could be more supportive, but I just can't.  I can't.  It hurts too much.  It hurts to see the man that my father could be.  I love my Dad, my real Dad.  He is charming, has a great sense of humor and is fun to talk to and hang around with.  I can see the man my Mom fell in love with.  I can see the man I would like to have in my life.

 

But he never stays.  Eventually the drink wins and the drunk comes back.  The drunk is mean, stupid, surly and hard to get along with.  I remember looking at the drunk and wondering how on Earth I can be related to him.  

 

My Dad came over this weekend to help me with some stuff around the house, hanging up some blinds, putting up some shelves, etc.  It was...nice.  

 

But I need to keep my distance.  Need to.  Because I can't get close to him only to lose him to the drink again.  I can't stand it.

 

I can't.   

 

 

  • Like 3
  • Sad 4


10 Comments


Recommended Comments

Addiction is a powerful disease. Sometimes the person needs a little bit of help. Has he gone to AA?

  • Like 2
  • Love 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
3 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Addiction is a powerful disease. Sometimes the person needs a little bit of help. Has he gone to AA?

As well as local Addiction help centers... they are popping up all over and work very well with AA/NA programs Each city calls them something different, but The great thing is you have Counseling Groups as well as One-on-ones with Counselors and they assist you in overcoming other obstacles that may be triggering the Urge... check within local City they should be able to assist I was involved with this within my own local Area...!!! 

  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
9 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Addiction is a powerful disease. Sometimes the person needs a little bit of help. Has he gone to AA?

He will not go to AA.  

  • Sad 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
5 hours ago, Dmrman said:

As well as local Addiction help centers... they are popping up all over and work very well with AA/NA programs Each city calls them something different, but The great thing is you have Counseling Groups as well as One-on-ones with Counselors and they assist you in overcoming other obstacles that may be triggering the Urge... check within local City they should be able to assist I was involved with this within my own local Area...!!! 

Unfortunately my Dad will not go to AA or any other group.  He is the type who thinks he can tackle this problem on his own.  I am considering Al-Anon on the advice of my therapist.  

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment

I am deeply sorry you have been affected so much by someone you love who has this illness. It hurts so much; that comes through in every word you wrote. I send you my warmest hugs. 

  • Like 2
  • Love 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

I am deeply sorry you have been affected so much by someone you love who has this illness. It hurts so much; that comes through in every word you wrote. I send you my warmest hugs. 

Thank you, that means a lot.  :hug:

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
4 minutes ago, CassieQ said:

Unfortunately my Dad will not go to AA or any other group.  He is the type who thinks he can tackle this problem on his own.  I am considering Al-Anon on the advice of my therapist.  

Well, this is really sad, because if he should end up Being involved with the Court Sytems that will Be their first requirements and it's documented so you "can" but not wise to cheat the system However it is 100 times worse than if you will seek the professional help on your own... once in the system they own you, and it's either that or depending on offense and what happens it can change to 2 to 6 years in prison ( not sure about all states they do vary) However the program I suggested is the best way for him to go before something happens, they don't focus so much on the drinking as the issues that lead to it, and while nothing is a sure fired cure for everyone they do have a very high success rate without involving AA or NA... But you are correct if he won't you need to check it out otherwise it becomes a form of enablement from you to them... Sad but it is about tough LOVE and it's either pursue it, and the options available or my experience over 70%  end up killing or hurting someone and end up facing a lot more charges then the easy cures now... not trying to be a bearer of bad news but these are the FACTS  I have been dealing with this sort of thing for over 27 years. and if it gets too far...??????:X:X he's NOT going to Like it and won't have any say about it short of the very last resort and well let's not even go there...!! the programs I talk about are not Court ordered... But AA and NA plus A heavy schedule of Classes and Counseling Are and if you miss ANY of their programs He will find himself doing a LOT of Jail time and if he should get Kicked out of the Program... prison is his destiny... hope this helps??? but check on state and local laws, I'm am reasonably sure you will see I am not far off from what I have stated... Hugz my friend and Best of Luck, my thoughts are with you...:hug::hug::hug:

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
1 minute ago, Valkyrie said:

:hug: :hug:  :hug: 

Thank you.  I need all the hugs I can get.  :hug:

  • Like 2
  • Love 1

Share this comment


Link to comment

I'm an addict. When I was high all the time, I could see everyone around me struggling with it, but I just could not help myself. I've been to rehab several times before I got really serious, and I've been sober ever since. It will go two ways, he won't get help or he will. The first step is admitting it's a problem, and it sounds like he's acknowledged that several times. 

 

No matter what, don't feel like it's your fault at all, or that you're obligated to keep helping him. It's stressful on loved ones, and they don't deserve any of it. If you can help, and WANT to help, then do it, but don't let it risk your own personal health. 

 

As for AA..... I quit going to NA a long time ago. It can be pretty shady, and they like to try to convert you in an attempt to keep you sober, which I think is immoral. There are plenty of other support groups, but if he's not willing, he's simply not willing, and that's a shame, really. 

 

:hug:

  • Like 1
  • Love 1

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..