It isn't hard to understand, but you have to want to.

What I don't understand is why the hell people can't just accept someone the way they are.  You were born female, so what? You identify as male - more power to you.( And vice-versa if you were born male and identify female.) Honestly, i don't care male or female, that you are a good person is what matters to me, just as your choice of company in the bedroom makes no difference to me, as long as s/he treats you well.

As the saying goes, clothes don't make the man. You should wear whatever you want, whenever you're in the mood for it. Trousers, skirt, binder, cufflinks, heels - whatever feels good to put on, wear that.

7 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

It isn't hard to understand, but you have to want to.

Very true. And so many people don't want to. All the more reason to talk about it, though.

7 hours ago, Kitt said:

What I don't understand is why the hell people can't just accept someone the way they are.  You were born female, so what? You identify as male - more power to you.( And vice-versa if you were born male and identify female.) Honestly, i don't care male or female, that you are a good person is what matters to me, just as your choice of company in the bedroom makes no difference to me, as long as s/he treats you well.

And this is (part of the reason) why you're a wonderful human being. Thank you! ❤️ 

3 hours ago, MacGreg said:

As the saying goes, clothes don't make the man. You should wear whatever you want, whenever you're in the mood for it. Trousers, skirt, binder, cufflinks, heels - whatever feels good to put on, wear that.

I try to live by that. For the past few weeks the idea of putting on a dress or wearing make-up has not appealed to me at all... At my choir's Christmas concerts, we were meant to wear red lipstick and gold jewellery. I just decided not to. Cause it didn't feel right. But I have some really gorgeous dresses, and a lot of cool make-up that I mostly use when I perform, and one of these days I'll want to put those on again, and I will.  

6 minutes ago, Puppilull said:

The inability of many people to realise they themselves constantly signal who they are is honestly baffling. I should be used to it, but I still find it so puzzling. Since we are here animals, we use dress to tell people around us who we are. Some try to pass it off as fashion, but it's advertising. The suit says one thing, a hockey shirt another. Heels and make up send signals, as do combat boots. Just because a person thinks they dress "normal", they don't. It's still broadcasting who they are. It's just not as noticeable, since they dress as expected. It's the same thing as the whole "don't flaunt your sexuality" discussion. Well, most of us do flaunt our sexuality constantly, when talking about spouses and such. We just don't react, because it's expected. 

 

Not sure what my rant is all about, other than perhaps a wish for us to see ourselves as keenly as we see those around us. And think for a moment. Is that too much to ask? 

 

You should dress in a way that allows you to feel like your internal signal align with the outer ones. As we all do. Without thinking about it. 

Well put, I think. I don't often quote the Bible, but what you said reminded me of this:

Quote

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

Matthew 7:3

Hopefully, one day you'll be able to feel you're a guy who's having fun doing drag, or dressing up as a woman for a laugh or a play, or any other of the many reasons cis men have to wear a dress. But I can certainly see the point about having to validate your gender by the clothes you wear. We ALL wear clothes to make us feel good and accepted, to fit in at work, with our family, or friends etc.

50 minutes ago, Timothy M. said:

Hopefully, one day you'll be able to feel you're a guy who's having fun doing drag, or dressing up as a woman for a laugh or a play, or any other of the many reasons cis men have to wear a dress. But I can certainly see the point about having to validate your gender by the clothes you wear. We ALL wear clothes to make us feel good and accepted, to fit in at work, with our family, or friends etc.

My point exactly. Everyone wears clothes to express their identity, but as soon as it is to express a gender different from the one you were assigned at birth it's not okay anymore. Much like how everyone advertises their relationships and their sexuality by holding hands, showing off wedding rings and going on dates, but if you have a same sex partner that's not okay either.

Such a lack of self insight and critical thinking. What is this thing I do, and why do I do it? Why is this the way things are? If the answer to that question is 'because it is', there's something wrong. Things that are the way they are because some people or we collectively have decided they are that way, are things that need to be challenged. People should ask these questions more often.

As I'm coming late to this party, the gist of what I would say about signaling has been well covered by @Puppilull in her comment, and in the subsequent conversation.  The thing that I would add is, basically, "this is water."

There's something that's important here that I'm slightly at a loss to say succinctly and eloquently. @Mikiesboy has his finger on it with the observation that this (idea of gender expression and signalling) isn't hard to understand -- if one wants to. But as Thorn points out in the comment immediately above, often the ignorance comes from "lack of self-insight and critical thinking." All of these things are true: the importance and pervasiveness of signalling; the notion that it isn't a difficult concept to grasp, given a little consideration; the fact that many (if not most) people do not spend the time or effort to do so. There is little need to stop and consider what one is signalling, or why, if the process of doing so is not disruptive to a person's life. (I'll ignore the question of whether there is value for now.) Most folks can swim through the day, signal to the other fishes, and never stop to think about the water.

We lucky few in here know about the water. Of course, that's often because, for us, the water has not been comfortable. But when we try to tell the other blithely swimming fish (who are our parents, our siblings, our partners, classmates, colleagues and friends) that the water is fucked up, we are actually asking them to make a pretty significant leap. First they have to see the water. Then they have to realize how they are so well adapted to it (let's ignore the vice-versa argument for now.) Then, IF they begin to realize that this water isn't so great for us, there's a chance they will think that the problem is with us, instead of with the water.

So by the time we get to "wearing men's clothes doesn't make you a boy," the good news is that we're about halfway there. Our poor, thick-headed mothers -- and I may be reaching with an assumption, but the reach is not that far -- can see that there is a signal, even if they cannot yet read the message.

*The questions of why someone cannot or will not get the message is a whole different fun conversation, and one that I am DEFINITELY not going to get into here, because for starters it ain't my blog . . .

1 hour ago, Saraband said:

First they have to see the water. Then they have to realize how they are so well adapted to it (let's ignore the vice-versa argument for now.) Then, IF they begin to realize that this water isn't so great for us, there's a chance they will think that the problem is with us, instead of with the water.

This is such a good image. And I agree, far too many people swim around like those deep sea creatures, unseeing. 

Well put, @Saraband. That's a really good analogy, the water thing. Gonna have to listen to that whole speech, too, I think. It seems good. Thanks for sharing.