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Dear Lacey

Thorn Wilde

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It's tempting when writing a letter, to begin it with, 'I hope you're well.' Can't say that in this one, so I'll just go with, I miss you.

 

There are people here who knew you much longer than I did, who probably knew you better, too. But we were talking a lot, around Christmas and into January. You told me about your life, about your family, about your illness. I told you about my life. And we talked about movies and music. We talked about hospitals. And we talked about death. 

 

You weren't supposed to die. They sent you home from the hospital. You were getting better, and you were going to go on living. You were gonna play Pokemon and knit cool things and be you. I told you I'd be very cross with you if you died. But I could never be cross with you. Especially not now. 

 

We had a lot in common, you and I. We had a similar taste in music. We talked about punk rock. You listened to my songs, too. And you were among the few here who understood what I'm going through, I think, though you were much more settled in your identity, and you always were, from what you told me. But still, you got it. You were a great comfort to me. I think I managed to be a comfort to you as well, about other things. You were afraid. I hope I managed to make you a little bit less afraid. I hope talking to me gave you something, if only a distraction.

 

In a way, I fell in love with you. Not in a romantic way, but I wish I could have been near you. I wish I'd talked to you more, too, these last couple of weeks. I didn't want to bother you, but in the end I don't think you would have been bothered. I felt very close to you. I don't know if you felt as close to me, but...

 

I loved you. So many people here did, and do. You told me you didn't have many friends, but that's not true. You had friends here. Friends who miss you. I miss you.

 

Everything but your comments and status updates is gone. Your pictures of all the cool shit you made. Your blog is empty. Wish I still had your picture, but I have it inside me, in my head, and in my heart. You'll never be gone from there. And I'll think of you, and the talks we had, and how kind and sweet you were. Less often as time goes by, probably, but you'll be here. Always.

 

"No one’s ever lost forever

When they die they go away

But they will visit you occasionally

Do not be afraid

 

No one’s ever lost forever 

They are caught inside your heart

If you garden them and water them

They’ll make you what you are"

 

—Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra, Lost

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4 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

That was beautiful, Thorn. :) 

Thank you.

Edited by Thorn Wilde
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8 minutes ago, jcl1990 said:

Oh my gosh thank you so much for this it's so beautiful. Lacey was my best friend and the love of my life and I thought I was prepared for this day but I'm not and Idk how I'm going to keep going without him but thank you. He would have loved this. Idk why he removed his stuff but I can give you a picture of him. It's my favorite cuz getting him to smile was impossible in photos. 

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Thank you so much, Jamie. That's a beautiful photo. He had a lovely smile. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're never prepared for things like this, as much as we may think we are, but we get through it as best we can. I know he loved you very, very much. And hey, if you'd like to talk... I know I'm a stranger to you, but if there's anything at all I can do from halfway around the world, let me know.

Edited by Thorn Wilde
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I had to wait until my tears stopped falling on my keyboard. Thorn, your tribute to Lacey is absolutely beautiful. I wish I had known him better. I occasionally commented on his blogs, and he would comment back, but that’s as far as it went.

 

You had such a good relationship with him, and I know exactly what you mean by falling in love but not a romantic love. That’s so easy to do on here because you become so close to some people.

 

5 hours ago, Thorn Wilde said:

 

Sorry. I hit ‘Quote’ by accident, and I don’t know how to delete it.

 

Thank you, Thorn, for writing such a heartfelt and beautiful tribute. 

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5 hours ago, jcl1990 said:

Oh my gosh thank you so much for this it's so beautiful. Lacey was my best friend and the love of my life and I thought I was prepared for this day but I'm not and Idk how I'm going to keep going without him but thank you. He would have loved this. Idk why he removed his stuff but I can give you a picture of him. It's my favorite cuz getting him to smile was impossible in photos. 

DSC_0036.jpg

Thank you for the picture, Jamie. Lacey was very photogenic and looked good in every picture he posted on here.

 

He will always be in your heart, Jamie, and he will never be forgotten.

 

I’m going to ditto Thorn; if you ever want to talk, cry, whatever, PM me. 

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What a lovely tribute Thorn.

 

Thank you Jamie for sharing his smile with us

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16 hours ago, Thorn Wilde said:

Thank you so much, Jamie. That's a beautiful photo. He had a lovely smile. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're never prepared for things like this, as much as we may think we are, but we get through it as best we can. I know he loved you very, very much. And hey, if you'd like to talk... I know I'm a stranger to you, but if there's anything at all I can do from halfway around the world, let me know.

I think that goes pretty much for anyone who ever met Lacey.  I did not interact with him much, but always enjoyed when he joined conversations, even when the subject was more serious. You can drop in on any of us.

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My condolences to everyone who's suffering this loss. 😢

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