So it seems like life's really been dealing some of my favourite females a bad hand lately .

I went back to my (current) spade league (not the dead one), only to find out that the captain of our team, and my main partner (the one who talked me into joining after all the drama with the old league) wasn't around. I didn't see her for about a week when finally reports begain to circulate that the reason was because her sister had just died . To make things even worse apparently about a month earlier (also while I was gone) a different sister had died . So she finally came back last night and I asked her how she was doing. She said she felt a little lost . But then immediately asked if I wanted to play a few games so we did. It was fun, just like old times . I've really never played (spades) with anyone who can get inside my head like she can. I swear most of the time we play it's like we're looking at each other's hands. She's a tough lady though, I think she'll be okay.

***********

Then there's my friend Mandi. After my test this evening (actually I could tell a whole story about my day up until that point; which really wasn't that great , but I won't since that's not what this post is about lol) I decided to go out to dinner to cheer myself up (yeah lousy day). Anyway while I was there we were texting each other. Apparently as well as all the other drama she's broke as well. So I took her out for ice cream to cheer her up. Basically she had a cover story for her parents all planned out, but her roommate didn't know it and ended saying the wrong thing and making her mom suspicious. Apparently she'd had a great weekend with Joe (the boyfriend), and they'd even had the big "where is this going and what are our future plans" talk, but then when her mom finally tracked her down and called the hotel that put a damper on things . To make matters worse her car is still in her mom's name so she's worried she's going to take it away. But the really sucky thing is that her mom isn't going to give her any more money for bills until she sits down and talks this thing out with her (which I actually think isn't so unreasonable), but of course Mandi isn't eager to do this. So she was really worried because her credit card bill (which she's maxed out ) is due in like two days, and obviously it's NOT going to be good if she defaults. But I talked her into letting me lend her the money to pay it until she gets money from her parents (which she's sure she WILL do once she talks to them). SO I guess it'll work out.

Actually I'm mostly just being a "loyal friend" and presenting everything from her point of view. I actually really see her family's POV too and I really wouldn't be too happy with her either if she were my daughter. BUT she's going to do what she wants to anyway and it's probably best for me to just try to be there for her instead of trying to pressure her into doing what I think she should do. I think what does bother me though is the way she allows her self to be dependent on other people. She never keeps a job very long, she always gets tired of it after a week or so and just keeps calling in sick or giving other excuses for not showing up until they fire her....Or she just quits right away. Before she broke up with her Fiance' she just managed to rely on him and her parents to "take care of her". After she broke it off with him she still had her parents for bills but got a job for awhile to cover her every day expenses. But now that she's in a new serious relationship it looks like she's falling back into the same pattern.

I just couldn't do that! My independence is very important to me. I don't even like not having a "safety net" of reserve cash saved up, just incase something did happen and I had to leave my current job or couldn't work for awhile. I guess it's the anxiety prone side of me, but I freak out if I don't know where my next check's coming from.

But anyway we had ice cream, hung out for awhile, and went to Wal-Mart, and while she's got tangible problems to sort out I don't think she's particularly unhappy .

********

Then there's Claire . I was texting with her at the restaurant too. Basically I just sent her a "hey, how's life been treating you" sorta message because I like to check in every now and then. But her response was "Not so good, I'm hurting right now" . So of course I was freaking out. Poor Claire. I wrote in a previous entry about her and Mary breaking up, so I don't know if it's related to that, but I am worried about her. Anyway I made plans to go and meet her tomorrow (which is like a 3 hour drive ) and we're going to go the the mall in the morning and then lunch. So I guess I'll get the scoop then. It's just that she's such a great person, but she's just prone to depression and anxiety. She's been clinically depressed, has social anxiety, various phobias, and she's bipolar. So I just always take it seriously if she says something's not right.

I actually feel....well not responsible exactly. It's hard to explain. We met our Soph. year of high school after she transferred from her old school where she was really miserable (that was when she had been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety). Anyway I know she wasn't exactly elated everyday, but it seemed like alot of the time I spent with her she really was happy and having fun. She started taking Paxil for the social anxiety and she just seemed to be doing well. Then after we graduated and went to different schools it seems like she got worse. I found out she was cutting for awhile , then she was diagnoses with the bipolar, and she started smoking And drinking more than she should. I mean obviously it's not my fault and I guess in all likelihood she'd have still developed those problems even if I had been around her everyday, but I still feel like I could have been making it better. So anyway tomorrow I'm going to go and see if I can make it better (and maybe buy some new clothes! )

The thing is she's such a great person! I mean she's awesome! She's an EXTREMELY gifted artist, she's perhaps the most intelligent person I've ever known, she has a great sense of humour, and she's just really sweet and caring. In early July right before I joined this forum (or maybe right after I did) I was having a little mini-breakdown. It wasn't too bad, but I knew I needed help when it got to the point that at work I had to keep excusing myself to the bathroom to go and cry. Anyway she's the one that I talked it all out with, and I mean ALL out with. I was actually able to pretty much open up and tell her all my feelings and fears and stuff. So I've just got to help her.

***********

Anyway she has work at 2:00 so after that I'm going to head on over to my hometown (which is between our two cities) and have dinner and maybe a movie or something with my mom; who you guys alreadly know the deal about. So tomorrow ought to be a pretty action packed day. Actually I'm sure I'll have a great time!

So now I'm going to go have a nice long bath, and shave and stuff, then pick out my clothes for tomorrow....I'm not sure what I'm going to wear yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be tight

Anyway I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! Take care everyone! (or I'll have to come and take you out for ice cream! )