"Beautiful" - pardon the narcissism
Entry posted by AFriendlyFace
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Everyday is so Wonderful
I like a lot of songs. In fact I like almost all songs, but if I had to pick a favourite song a permanent favourite, not just a "flavour of the week", it would be Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. I really do feel like everyday is so wonderful.
So I just finished that book that I mentioned in an earlier blog, Outing Yourself. Basically...I thought it was a load of crap. I guess some parts were useful, and interesting, but mostly I just finished it because I'm a sucker for case histories of real people and this book was full of them. The problem with the book is that the author literally claims all gay people are filled with self-loathing. Not only this, but, according to him, we never really defeat this demon, but instead must battle it every day (like alcoholism). He also doesn't just state this theory and move on. No, he makes it the foundation of the book. I swear he might as well have called the book, "Problem? That's because of your self-loathing".
I know I'm not perfect; I have some issues, but if there's one thing I'm quite certain of it's that self-loathing, low self-esteem, and destructive behaviour aren't among them. I really really like me and I treat me REALLY well. Not only that I LOVE my life. I've thought countless times in the past, "I wish everyone could be as happy as I am", or when I'm in a cockier, more playful mood, "It's ashame everyone can't be me for a day!" 
Most days my thinking follows along the lines of, "What fun activity am I going to get to do next?!" I know that sounds horribly smug and obnoxious and I don't mean it to; I'm VERY thankful for the extremely blessed, serendipitous life I've led. I've had more than my fair share of kindness and generosity bestowed upon me and when I look around at all the people going through strife I really wish everyone else could be so lucky.
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
So I went and had my hair done today. NO, I didn't get it "cut", although they did trim it a bit. No, I had it "done". See in Houston they put out this little phonebook thingy called "The Rainbow Pages", basically it's a guide to all the gay/gay friendly businesses in Houston. Anyway I selected the place from there. I was there for over an hour and a half! First off she trimmed it to start the new style I want (it still needs a couple months before it gets to the length I want, but it's moving in the right direction now anyway ). Then I selected a new colour. I decided to go straight blonde with no red at all. However, they did it as highlights instead of doing the whole head, but they still pretty much got everything visible...it's hard to explain, but it looks great! Anyway then she conditioned it with this AWESOME stuff (my hair feels so smooth and silky! 
). THEN she straightened it all for me. 
OH my gosh she did such an awesome job! She totally nailed the look I was going for too. She even got the part right and trimmed my bangs to accenturate the part (and indeed the whole look) perfectly!
It was just amazing! Going back to my previous topic, if there's ever been anything I didn't like about myself it's my hair. It's curly/wavy and I want straight. It has a lot of body and I want it relaxed. I've never liked the natural colour (not that I can even remember the natural colour very well at this point ). I guess it was brown. Then again some people have described it as red. Other's blonde. And this is my NATURAL unaltered colour I'm talking about. So I guess it's somewhere in the nexus of all three. I've always wanted VERY blonde though, or bright, deep red, or even black. I've dyed it every which way imaginable, and I usually really like the results....for a couple of weeks. But it's never comes out like I really wanted; it always comes out some other fun colour and I think, "well, that'll do I guess". But THIS time! WOW! 
When I first looked at it after it was finished it was just...PERFECT. I actually thought I could be on the cover of one of those magazines. All I could think was, "God! I look so HOTT". I looked just like the kind of guy I can't take my eyes off of. So yeah it was REALLY expensive, and realistically it'll probably only look like that when I have just spent close to two hours getting it fixed. But I don't care. I've never liked it this much and if it NEVER looks that good again I'll always have the memory of the evening I spent with "perfect" hair. (Pardon the narcissism)
Actually I did go to the gay cafe' when I finished (had to show off my new do ) and I flirted shamelessly with the cute guy working and...he flirted shamelessly back ....then his boyfriend showed up to drop something off 
Oh well, he wasn't THAT cute anyway. He did make me a really killer desert though!
Anyway while I was there I read the latest issue or The Houston Voice and there's this one section "On the Record" which is just a bunch of quotes from celebrities and political leaders. Anyway this one quote was so stupid, and it totally brought back all that nonsense the guy from the book was saying (even though the guy in this quote is clearly anti-gay and the book guy is clearly very pro-gay)
I mean geez!! What the heck! Are happy gay people really such an anomaly? Is it really so hard to think of gay people as....gay? Returning to the book there's this one exercise where you're supposed to write down all the adjectives you wish applied to gay people like, "intelligent, confident, funny, charming" etc. Anyway you're supposed to envision all these things you wish gay people were. Then of course he goes on to make the shocking revelation that GAY PEOPLE CAN BE THOSE THINGS 
. Is it really such a tough thing to believe that we were all supposed to gasp and say "Really?". Frankly I've always held the opposite biases, which realistically I know aren't true, that gay people are MORE intelligent on average. Are generally more sophisticated, charming, and funny. That they Are actually NICER than the average person. Now I know logically that isn't true, but that's the immediate stereotypes that spring into my head and they always have, long before I ever identified as "gay". I definitely don't mean to offend anyone. I do get that it's common for people to go through a lot of turmoil about being gay and I really respect and feel for people who've struggled with those things. I'm just surprised that according to these people that's the rule rather than the exception when I look around (here and in "real life" ) and perceive many happy gay people.
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Actually there were a couple of other quotes I wanted to relate. First off:
Then I read this really nice one:
I've always liked her, even without taking the song into consideration. She's a hottie too! 
I also think Morgan Fairchild is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen (random I know, but she really is).
Anyway I wanted to do a poll for this blog entry, but it seems they're no longer possible (unless I just don't see how). I was going to ask "Are you happy? Yes or no" So anyway I can understand that that's probably something many people would prefer to keep anonymous, but I would appreciate seeing how the votes go. HMMM, I may just start a topic to this effect in The Lounge. Anyway this was that "heavy" blog entry I've been talking about writing...I meant to make it heavier, but I was in an especially good mood.
Anyway take care everyone and have a really REALLY awesome day!
Kevin
'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
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