**Warning spoilers for the move "Evening" ahead.

So there's so many thing I'd like to write about that have happened to me since my last entry. Unfortunately as is often the case I feel less inclined to write about actual narrative events and more eager to write about feelings, situations, and philosophical ponderings.

I went to see the movie Evening tonight. It was AWESOME! Just the kind of movie a like - a nice, long, weapy chick flick

Anyway basically the movie is about this woman who's old and dying and her daughters and a nurse are taking care of her and she's somewhat delirious and she keeps dreaming/having fantasies about her life when she was a young, 20-something girl.

It was all about the choices people make, the courage to go after the things you want instead of the things you think you should want, and the wisdom to know that in the end often it doesn't really matter anyway.

So there were these four central characters:

Ann: the old lady currently flashing back, and the "central" character

Lila: Ann's best friend and Buddy's sister who at the time of the flashback is about to get married

Buddy: Lila's younger brother

Harris: The guy all three of the above are in love with. He's slightly older and he's the son of one of Lila and Buddy's family's servent. He's now become a doctor.

Then in the "now" there's also Ann's two daughters:

Constance: the older daughter who seems to have the ideal suburban life

Nina: her younger, more "drifterish" kinda daughter

Anyway Lila's been in love with Harris since she was 15. Buddy's pretty much been in love with Harris since the same time, but he's also possibly in love with - and definitely fixated on - Ann, whom he met in college. Ann comes to their little paradise town to be Lila's maid of honour and of course she meets and falls in love with Harris. Harris doesn't return the romantic interest of either Buddy or Lila - though he cares about both - but he does fall in love with Ann.

So Buddy is trying to convince Ann to help him convince Lila that she should dump Carl and pursue Harris. Buddy's probably in love with Harris himself but he hasn't really worked that out properly yet. Anyway between the two of them they basically do plant enough doubt in Lila's head to make her confront Harris about her feelings and offer to leave her fiance' for him. Unfortunately, Harris doesn't feel that way about her.

Anyway, it's a rough time for Buddy because his sister is marrying Carl - whom he just knows won't make her happy - and the other two objects of his affection are pairing off themselves. So he's drinking alot and generally making bad choices (while simultaneously being completely adorable and lovable). Finally, the night of the wedding after Ann and Harris' relationship comes to light he gets really drunk and kisses Harris.

Later when he and Ann are talking about it he says that it doesn't make sense to him because he's not "that way", and Ann says that wouldn't matter even if he was. That's when he takes the opportunity to produce a very seemingly pointless note that she wrote him like 5 years ago when they were in school. He's carried the note with him everyday since she gave it to him. He makes a very poignant offer to her of them spending the rest of their lives together, having kids, and laughing and singing (he writes - or tires to - she sings, and they both have a good sense of humour). She of course turns him down.

Later that evening Buddy, Ann, Harris, and the rest of the wedding party are standing of the cliff jumping into the water. Buddy has of course had way too much to drink and Ann tries to stop him from jumping in, but he does anyway. He never surfaces so Harris and several of the other guys jump in to look for him. Then he comes strolling up and makes a dramatic entrance because apparently he was just playing a joke on them. This infuriates Ann and she proceeds to tell him off. She basically tells him he needs to leave her alone, to start writing something besides a first sentence for all of his novels, and "kiss men if you want to", but to just get a life of his own and stop dreaming about things he can't have and doesn't really want. Then she storms off with Harris and they go make love in a forest cottage.

So Buddy's understandably upset about all of this and he starts running through the forest in a daze. Finally at the height of his dispair he runs out onto the little country road that runs through the forest and gets hit by a car. He does get found by the rest of the wedding party before he dies, but he dies anyway and the reason seems to be because 1) they can't find Harris, who's a doctor (because of course he's off making love with Ann). And 2) because someone takes the note Ann gave him out of his hand (which to me symbolized that he died because he let go of that which gave him strength: his dreams).

So anyway at first I thought, "well Grrr, how irritating that the (possibly/probably) gay character ended up not only dying, but dying lonely and sad." Then as the movie went on it occured to me that the point wasn't that he was gay and that's why he was destined to die unhappy. The point was that he was denying his true nature. He was unwilling to accept the truth (that Ann wasn't in love with him, that Harris didn't love him that way, and that he was probably gay). He just kept dreaming of things that could never be. It wasn't that he was a gay character, it was that he didn't know how to pursue the life he wanted/needed. Basically:

He didn't die because he kissed men; he died because he didn't.