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Showing my hand....

shadowgod

Entry posted by shadowgod

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I am an asshole, just so you know.

 

My Uncle passed away recently, and honestly I have sympathy for the situation, but not for the man. I feel bad about this. It's like I have all these concerns and worries over people I care about, but little to nothing for the rest, even if they are members of my family.

 

Family is supposed to be first. I have always been taught that. No matter what happens in life they are always there for you. It sounds great in a book, and in a hallmark card, but while having this notion drilled into me I have witnessed the reality. There is no one in the world so well equipped to hurt you as family. They know all the secrets, all the weaknesses.

 

They are always the first in line with their hand out, or standing just far enough in the distance like lurking vultures, ready to take whatever they can get. That is family, and you can't choose the assholes that surround you.

 

For those of you who don't know. I work with my family, well a good portion of them, my two sisters and my Aunt. I live with my parents and the same two sisters, so I am around them 24 hours a day.It was okay for a long time, but for the last two years or so it has become increasingly... problematic.

 

All anyone around me does is bitch and moan about things they have no control over, or bitch for the art and sake of bitching. As if it is a sport or something to make the day more interesting.

 

They tell me I'm always in a bad mood. I don't think I am, I mean how can a person who remains quiet be in a bad mood? Well other being tired of a situation to the point it probably seeps out of my pores.

 

I don't think I'm a bad guy, but all I ever hear is how I am in foul mood from all directions. Yet if I ever smile I get snarls all around asking me "Why in the hell am I so happy?"

 

I dunno, I guess I am unhappy and I just recognize it as normalcy, only ever catching happiness on the back of a summers twilight.

 

If so, here's to those golden days, when dreams where young and anything was possible. The days when the world was mine, before time took it away.

 

In other news....

 

I have friends, and in connection with said friends; I have a roll of duct tape and a cactus. I'm not afraid to use them.

 

catch y'all on the flip side

 

steve

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viv

You know babe, from someone who doesn't have much left, and the little I do have left isn't around all that often or isn't all that great to be around, this is what I've come to know...

 

Your 'family' are the ones you love, the ones who love you. And they love you for who you are and who you want to be. They love you enough to help you and not criticize from their perch. They believe in you, even when you stop believeing in yourself, and they lift you up when you need it. They're the people you choose to be genuine with and know you well enough to know when you aren't being so. They are the people you go to for help, even though you hate having to ask for it, and they know that too, so they offer, and then make you say yes, even when you keep saying no.

 

They are the people that make you smile and comfortable in your own skin and proud of who you are. And when you accomplish things, big or small, they congratulate you and celebrate with you. They know what you want out of life and want to be there at the end to see you living it, help you get there.

 

Anyway, that's what 'family' means to me. I have plenty of people I feel some responsibility to under the stigma of 'family' but it''s the ones I choose, the ones that give me all of those things, that are what make me feel like I have a family to fall back on, to be a part of, to give to.

 

Love,

Me

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Sarah

In my experience, just because someone is family, it does not mean you will get along with them. Some of my family are lovely, some aren't. I could not live with my parents again..EVER! They are judgemental, and drive me nuts.

 

However, I have friends who have been incredibly supportive of me and I would say they have been more like family than my actual family have been. There's that well used saying 'you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends'. I believe that gets used a great deal because it's true!

 

Is there any way you could move out into a place of your own, or share with a friend?

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Phantom

Family is the ones you love and care about, not just the people you share genetics with. You know me, I care about cha and I wanna see you happy. Moody steve isn't cool to me ;)

 

Also you ever need to talk and get things off your chest.... you got PLENTY of people to talk to!

 

<HUGS>

 

Eric :)

 

PS - You keep the duct tape and cactus away from me :P

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shadowgod

bleh, I should really be barred from blogging on certain days... its like that life rule: Merlot and eMail don't mix. Except it should be Steve and Blogging don't mix, alright maybe not that extreme.

 

Anyhow, I'm going to state that anything coming out of this blog for the next few weeks be taken with a grain of salt. Due to nicotine withdrawal therapy my body chemistry is a little jacked up at the moment.

 

Yep that's my story and I'm sticking to it :P

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