So last night was a big eye-opener for me. I really do love Kevin, he's amazing as hell. Makes me crazy happy, and he's so damn sweet to me. Even when he kind of annoys me, it's so easy to just put up with it because all I have to do is think about how happy he makes me at other times, and the little annoying things just don't bug me so much. I'll be living with my best friend over the summer. I'll miss living with Kevin, 'cause that's what I've been doing for all practical purposes, but I'm looking forward to living with Liz. Another one of my best friends ever is thinking about living with us and will at least be visiting. It would be absolutely amazing to live with my two best friends in the entire world. I really can't fathom how I could be more happy and comfortable and just... right. At this point in my life, this mix of relationships is the perfect thing for me, and I think that it will really do wonders for me.

First, there's Liz. She's amazing. She's the most dependable, trustworthy, hard-working, reliable, loyal, sweet, adorable person I've ever met. I would not hesitate to put my life into her hands. Last night we were sitting outside smoking and drinking a beer whilst Kevvers was inside sleeping, and it was just so right, and when I told her that I really do trust her that much, her words were "You better! I'd kill for you, bitch!" She makes me extraordinarily happy, and she always has my best interest in mind. I know she'll do her best to take care of me, and I'll do my best to take care of her, and that just makes me warm and fuzzy to an extreme.

Next, there's Todd. I've known him since I was fifteen. I love him like a brother and best friend, even though I'd totally have married him if he'd have gone for it back when I had a crush on him (WAY back in the day, lol). He's been one of the few constant supporting figures in my life, and I feel like I can trust him with my deepest secrets because I know he'll never judge me for it and he'll always tell me the absolute truth of what he thinks, no holds barred. It's his honesty, integrity, and loyalty that make him so wonderful. I'm so thankful that I've had him to talk to during the times in my life when everyone else is distant, when my friends have become acquaintances or even enemies.

Then there's Kevin. My first boyfriend that's actually made it through more than a few days of my crazy, and made me feel like he honestly and truly cares about me. I've always been pretty sure that I cared deeply about the other person, but he's managed to convince me that he really cares about me, which is a first.

These people are just incredible. If I had them all around me, interacted with all of them intimately and in close proximity on a daily basis, I really dunno how I could be happier. They're my favorite people in the world. They make me feel special, which isn't easy. I want so badly to make them happy, to care for them, to be supportive... to just be a good friend to them.

Now, through this bout of euphoria, the villainy of the f**ked up world we live in did briefly rear its ugly head. I can't really wrap my head around this... because truthfully it ties into the really deep-seated fear and lack of understanding I have for pedophilia... but anyways. Someone very important told me about his first time. He seems to be very well-adjusted with it and not at all unhappy about it, and in fact he told me he enjoyed it and doesn't feel bad about it at all, so don't freak or anything as far as his mental state 'cause I think he's okay. Anyway, it was on his tenth birthday, and with his older brother who was sixteen or seventeen at the time.

I just have trouble understanding exactly how he could be okay with that, and not feel guilty or betrayed. It... freaks me out... lots. I mean, that whole natural curiosity and obsession with understanding people and why they do what they do is questioning how he feels about it, why he feels that way, why his brother did it, what his brother was really motivated by, etc. Also, if it makes any difference, they're not related by blood, he's adopted.

Anyways, that's just been weighing on my mind a bit, and I've been trying to analyze it and understand the mechanics of what was going on a bit better and really understand how he feels about it in particular. Enough of that now... 'cause that's such a heavy topic for a day when I'm in a really great mood.

My friend Marti has a performance she wanted me to go to at 7:30 tonight, and I'm washin' clothes at the moment. After that, I'm going to SLEEP. I'm exhausted, didn't get much sleep last night and three exams have taken their toll. More good news is that I'm down to 131.8!! Only 6.8 pounds from goal weight! YAY! I've decided that when I can see my abs, which I'm absolutely certain will be at 125, I'll start changing my diet to a high protein one with a decent amount of complex carbs, and low fat, then start putting weight back on slowly as muscle by going to the gym. I'm way too much of a wimp. Kevin only weighs 112 pounds, and I picked him up while he was asleep to carry him to bed last night, and seriously struggled with doing that without jerking him around and waking him up. I needs upper body strength especially, lol, my arms are scrawny.

Anywho, I'm gonna put clothes in the dryer before I fall the hell asleep. I'm gonna sleep sooooooo good tonight, it's gonna be amazing. Take care, have fun, seezya!