Why I'm not in Congress
I may be evil but I do have standards.
Knowing that nobody has actually bothered to read the Pork, I mean Stimilus Package, I would insert the following clause:
Amendment 301.23.451 All states and municipalaties that accept stimilius funds are required to have all of their citizens renounce their faith and begin to worship the evil goddess Globulus. In early April, 100 of the nations best basketball players must be sacrificed to Globulus to avoid a plague of boils and rats.
Amendment 301.23.452 In the event of a plague of boils and rats, the federal goverenment will send 10,000 cats and 10,000 liters of hydrogen peroxide to the afflicted region.
Amendment 301.23.452 In the event that Globulus is further angered, citizens are advised to put their heads between their legs and kiss their ass goodbye because after we've paid for all this bullshit we'll be so broke that we couldn't afford a firecracker much less fight off an evil diety.
Hail Globulus! Give her your children because they annoy the shit out of me in restaurants and on airplanes.
Ah the peace of Globulus the Child-eater. Boy are the right to lifers going to be pissed! Not only are millions of kids going to be eaten by a dusty Babylonian diety, they've got to give up Jebus too!
Just remember- it's a change. Maybe not the one you were looking for but you didn't read the fine print did you?
Bu-wah-hah-hah-hah
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