As usual, you state your points eloquently and logically. Every once in a while, some bozo will decide to post something on the forums here reflecting that point of view, that bisexual men are fags in denial. Usually they get an earful from Myk, or if not him, a gentle explanation from me on why that's really not a very nice approach.

Next time, I'm just going to e-mail the link to you and let you carry the water on this one for awhile.

I love you man.

Nothing wrong with bisexuals. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just confused.

What beautiful descriptions you had of making love there -- I can totally understand what you mean. And I know of (at least) two cases where guys had that dilemma, that they found both men and women compelling the way you do -- one of them is living with a man and a woman in Wales, and reportedly all three of them are happy with that solution, and another one is married to a woman but has male lovers, with her consent (and no, I'm not talking about Old Bob ).

So yeah, that's an interesting phenomenon where there's even less of a convention when it comes to choosing your life partner(s) than for gay people. One problem is that society today is so extremely monogamy-centred, and that goes for everyone, including every atheist I ever met. There's nothing morally wrong with loving more than one person, so why should there be, legally? But I admit it could easily get complicated... But still, one should keep an open mind. Good luck with all that...

So yeah, that's an interesting phenomenon where there's even less of a convention when it comes to choosing your life partner(s) than for gay people. One problem is that society today is so extremely monogamy-centred, and that goes for everyone, including every atheist I ever met. There's nothing morally wrong with loving more than one person, so why should there be, legally? But I admit it could easily get complicated... But still, one should keep an open mind. Good luck with all that...

Thanks for the comment. And actually in my own life I have arrived at a resolution. I was speaking kind of hypothetcially.

For the longest time, I used to think that being bisexual did mean that the bi guy just didn't see gender. That gender didn't factor into what they found to be hot- a sexy person is a sexy person, regardless of its a guy or a girl. Now I'm starting to see, because of your anecodotes and some of what Mark has described in his stories, that this isn't necessarily the case.

So thanks for challenging my long-held notions, Adam. Always good to get that. When I was 19, I knew everything. Now I'm understanding that there's a lot more to know, and my interactions with you have helped with me understanding that.

We had already a lot of discussions about bisexuality. I made several times in posts, blogs and comments clear that, as an happy bi, I dont need a lot of explanations to explain what I feel and what I am.

But here, I fully agree with Procyon. AdamP's words are the most amazing and the most appropriate words I ever heard about this subject. Thanks a lot and "Bravo"!

I know I came across this post pretty late, but I just had to read it and reply to it. I completely relate to this. Even for just being 17, nearly 18, I deal with most, if not all of the things above; the way I feel towards each sex, hearing how that, because I'm Bisexual, I'll eventually turn full-on gay, etc. Which, to be honest, I have to disagree with. I love women too much to be gay. And, likewise, I enjoy guys too much to be straight. I'm snug in the middle of it all. And what's funny, it's kind of exciting, because I don't know which one I will end up spending the rest of my life with. I'd find it ignorant of myself to say that I should choose just one to like over the other, although, like I stated before, that's pretty much impossible. And a major misconception that really urkes me, is the thought that just because I'm Bi, I'm completely promiscuous, and cannot keep a relationship with just one person, and instead resort to sleeping around with many members of each sex, consistently going back-and-forth, and so on. Why is it so hard to believe that I'm capable of this, just as are many other Bisexuals?

I remember the first person I ever fell in love with was a girl who I'd known since the second grade. She was my first in everything. I loved her so much, that I couldn't even define it. But, eventually, after a major rift in our relationship, we separated. It was hard, hella' hard. After her, I continued dating girls, had a couple serious relationships, but not so serious as the one I had before. Then, further down the road, I came across something that I hadn't really ever experienced before. I began falling for a guy in the same way I did her. Now, don't get me wrong or anything, I new beforehand that I had an attraction to guys, but I never really acted upon it up until this point, really. But what I did realize, was that I was just as capable of loving a guy as I was a gal. That was an amazing moment for me.

Now, a while later, after being single for a while, I'm still waiting for that person to spend the rest of my life with, whether it's a guy or girl. And I fully intend on loving them with all my heart and with everything I've got. I'm still young, so only time will tell. Besides, I like surprises.

And I can really relate to your descriptions of sexual responses to each gender. It's much the same way for me. Kind of funny, really.

Anyway, I realize I've just written a bit of a novel, but I thought I'd just share this point here. Oh! And by the way, I plan of reading your "Crosscurrents" story. I feel, from reading about it and such, that I may relate to it in a few ways. And I just wanted to thank you for posting it, and this blog.

Like the post above me, I'm coming on this pretty late. (Congrats on becoming a hosted author by the way!!) First, off I whole heartily agree with all the compliments on your writing. You so eloquently and succinctly express your thoughts in a way that makes me, well slightly envious.

As a lurker who pretty much just observes from afar, I vacillate between "struggling" to identify with a label, and deciding to just f*** it-who really cares anyway? But this post struck a chord with me about my own journey with labels and sexuality.

When I was growing up, I had the fantasy of finding a boyfriend, getting married, having kids, and a car, and a dog, and "living happily ever after." There really wasn't room for any other narrative in my world view...coming from the small community I did, there really wasn't the option for there to be.

I don't really remember when that view expanded, but gradually it did. In high school "sexuality" was two options: you were either gay or straight.

Then came college, and suddenly, my world view expanded and I started lurking on line. Among other things, my best friend, who had been in a very serious relationship with a girl, came out (not to the surprise of anyone); my best girlfriend, who had come out in high school, fell in love with a guy; and I jumped on a whole new band wagon. This time, it was the "everyone's different degrees of bi" philosophy. At the time it was kind of a revelation of sorts. As we all do from time to time (or maybe it's just me0:)) I even prided myself on what "liberal" and "open" thinking I was engaging in.

Oh my. I've since come to see that even that narrative is problematic. And, the issue I have with it really is more mathematical than anything. This is the progression as I see it: we (as in USAmerican "society") went from having just one point-or one option for the expression of sexuality: "straight" to having two: now you're either "straight" or "gay." Which opened up a lot of space for a lot of people, but still doesn't quite cut it. So, we throw in the line connecting the two points ("bi") and now we have a scale on which to place ourselves. However, that scale, or rather that line, is still confining and really doesn't, in my opinion, allow for all of the possibles ways sexuality can be expressed and experienced. You're still operating on a binary, you still really have only two (maybe three if you're lucky) options in that system.

How in the world can only three possibilities account for the infinite number of ways that the human experience is expressed?

Take my own internal reactions for a second. I am a female, I am very much a female and, while the identity of my gender is not in question, there are times, and ways in which I "identify" (if you can really call it that) as male-and, interestingly enough, sometimes it's sexual. And don't even get me started on the whole "asexual" aspect of my being. Because it is there (I've never had a "romantic" or "sexual" relationship of any kind with anyone for starters) along with strong sexual attraction to many people from many walks of life over the years. What then, is to be done with all of that? Should I just label myself as "confused" and go through the angst and worry of trying to "figure" out "what" I am, even though "what" I am changes moment to moment anyway?

Personally, I would rather not. (I just wish I had the guts to actually live this...) Instead of trying to come up with labels and boxes that we can put ourselves and (even worse) others in, let's maybe add a third point, or rather another axis to the model above. Why not take binary system of black/white, right/wrong, yes/no, one/many, x/y and expand it so it's more spherical in nature-allowing for infinite points of expression along an infinite plane of possibility?

It's kind of ironic, really, because I think I've come full circle in the quest for labels. Instead of putting everyone on the gay/straight/bi line, maybe a better "label" to have is that we're all sexual. And in that aspect of our humanity, we all have a myriad of ways to express and experience that sexual nature. (Including the negation of it.)

Why can't we just leave it at that?

Trust me, I understand the investment labels (it's one thing to say, another to do)...and how terrifying it is to break out of their grasp. They provide the illusion of safety and of ground. Unfortunately, they are no more than that- illusory; and, sadly, the tighter we grasp onto anything for safety, the more likely we are to cause harm-harm to ourselves and harm to others.

So I just looked up to breathe and realized this was getting a little lengthy and soap-boxy. I think that's probably a good note to end on.

Thank you for your writing and for getting the discussion rolling.

And sorry for my rambling!

Oh! And by the way, I plan of reading your "Crosscurrents" story. I feel, from reading about it and such, that I may relate to it in a few ways. And I just wanted to thank you for posting it, and this blog.

Thanks for the reply, Eros. Crosscurrents deals with much of what we're all talking about here.

It's kind of ironic, really, because I think I've come full circle in the quest for labels. Instead of putting everyone on the gay/straight/bi line, maybe a better "label" to have is that we're all sexual. And in that aspect of our humanity, we all have a myriad of ways to express and experience that sexual nature. (Including the negation of it.)

 

Why can't we just leave it at that?

As I said in the first part of that two-part reflection on sexual labels, "everything I've experienced in my own life, and in hearing from some of my readers, and from research and reading I've done, suggests that sexuality is much too complex and nuanced to be adequately captured by the labels 'gay,' 'straight,' and 'bi.' " On the other hand, the labels are attempting to get a conceptual fix on something that's real, and there are times when we need them. We do need to recognize that the labels are reductionistic and obscure important realities and distort others, but as long as a person recognizes this, I think they have legitimate uses.

Thanks for your post and your reflections!

After having read both of your blogs on the above subject matter (linked conveniently by yourself in the labels thread) I pretty much have to say I agree on every level. Not a whole lot more to reply, except that a lot of what you said/are saying I can relate to on several levels. Thanks for sharing, and sorry for being late to the party

I always here the line... "Your a fence Rider." my response to that I am a bisexual male who leans more to guys than woman...I like woman.. but I love being with a man more... enough said.