Chat guy that sometimes does and sometimes does not seem interested - ummm - have you let HIM know YOU are interested? Considering how hot you look, he may be interested, then pull back when he figures he has no chance with you...

Grass is greener - as you could guess, it's tough being IN a relationship as well... Sometimes (for some strange reason), I actually think I get on Dan's nerves - go figure...

And as you'll blow this whole thing off, I guess I have only one thing that you really do need to pay attention to:

<hug>

Sometimes it does seem that way. Perhaps it's just that this is not your time. When you find the right person then the chemistry snaps and suddenly you don't want the chase any more. You can't make yourself be interested in someone just because they are interested in you. If you have no interest in them... end of story.

It may be that the person you are interested in is feeling just as confused about you or maybe he just isn't interested. All you can do is relax and be yourself. Surround yourself with friends, have lots of fun and eventually someone will swing into your circle who will, either in a sudden wham bam or slowly and insiduously, manouvre you into a position where you're just not interested in anyone else.

Perhaps you find yourself attracted to the unattainable because it is safe. It doesn't require you to take a chance, to let someone else in, to let yourself out. Don't wrack your brains, don't heartache and analyse... and I get the feeling you do that A LOT.... just get on with living. Do the things you enjoy to do, spoil yourself because you are at your most attractive when you are relaxed and having fun. Don't go looking for it and just be ready to accept it when it comes.

Who knows... when you relax and chill out, start being your charming, relaxed, confident self...without the stress this guy might suddenly realise how much he wants you... or you might just notice someone who you want even more.

Good luck

Seriously Steve, I'm bout ready to come out there and stick my foot up your butt!

I tell you over and over that you're a catch and any guy would be lucky to have you and whether it's now or later, you never know. Hell Mr. Right could walk up to you tomorrow or he could walk up to you a few years from now, and in either case, it'll be so worth it.

You are a true friend of mine, and that's why I'm blunt with you (that and I love being THE BITCH) but I also know that you'll get it through that thick head soon enough.

Finally, remember that until Mr. Right comes along, you got your friends to keep you entertained and hopeful. Listen to us, we may know a thing or two

<Hugs>

Eric

I've been racking my brain how to get this guy to notice me, but its probably in vain. I should just ease off and focus my energies on work, or school, or listen to the assinied stories my family feels it is necessary to repeat ad nauseum.

If you've made an effort to be noticed or show interest in that guy, that's about all you can do. If there's mutual interest, the balls in his court at this point.

For energy focusing, might I also suggest something physical like biking, running, or working out...or all of the above? I find the physical exertion a great stress & frustration reliever. Besides keeping you in shape, there's always good eye candy out on the paths . You might meet some other IRL friends so you won't have to listen to too many crazy family stories.

I know all these things. I really do. Perhaps I wouldnt "wrack your brains, don't heartache and analyze" if it didn't seem like this didn't happen at every turn. Perhaps I wouldn't do it if I ever had a meaningful relationship with another person.

These things however aren't happening. How many relationships did you have before Matt Eric? Who said I am looking for Mr right? I'm not I'm looking for Mr right f**king now and we'll see where it goes. Does this happen, or even hint at happening? Nope.

There is a habitual "failure to launch"

oh and as for me only being attractive to the unattainable. Perhaps it is a safety system. then again Im not looking for perfection, just a regular guy who isn't a complete pig of a human being, and a guy that doesn't exhibit any "swishy" mannerisms.

Maybe those three things are impossible. Who knows... I'd at least like a shot. however that too seems to be habitually denied.

Logic dictates if this happens continually, its not all these guys that have something wrong with them. It can only me, after all I am the common denominator.

Now someone please tell what the hell is broken so I can fix it okay? save the pleasantries for an emotional persons. I don't need niceties I need the truth.

Now someone please tell what the hell is broken so I can fix it okay? save the pleasantries for an emotional persons. I don't need niceties I need the truth.

Okay, I'll participate, I'm feeling opinionated. But a few caveats:

- I only know you from your online presence, so I don't have the same perspective as those who've met you in real life. So hopefully this isn't too far off base.

- Viv, don't shoot me, he said to save the pleasantries

- Trebs, don't shoot me, he said to save the pleasantries

One problem? One word, Marketing

I think you have to really considering how you are Marketing yourself.

Think about it, you have a target audience ( I'm not looking for perfection, just a regular guy who isn't a complete pig of a human being, and a guy that doesn't exhibit any "swishy" mannerisms).

1) How are you going to let this audience know that you're available? You seem straight appearing and I doubt you'd wear any accessories that give a clue that you might be gay/bi. So sitting back waiting for someone in your target audience to approach you might not garner lots of leads.

- Have you considered online personals or ads?

- Joining a gay/bi friendly club/social group?

2) What kind of plan would work in your location? Your location is probably dictating a lot about how far you'll put yourself out there. Same goes for your potential matches. Adjust your plan to the marketing realities of your area.

3) Spruce up the Merchandise & Packaging - That could be as simple as smiling more and making eye contact with your leads. Dress in a fashion that your target audience would find appealing.

Some may say you don't have to market yourself, that Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) will find you no matter what. While that does happen for some people (particularly the drop dead georgous type), I think most everyone else has to put a little effort into it to put ourselves in the best possible light.

So maybe you just need to adjust your marketing plan?

I read your blog and totally related to it. You're like a hunter, you want to catch the prey. If it's too easy, it's not worth having.

Maybe your crush is the same way?

Perhaps... That would be disappointing I think. I dunno. He stopped by the job last night while I was at work. He smells good. Looks better.

I asked if he wanted to hang out and catch a movie or whatever today.

I haven't heard back.

I seriously doubt if I can do this much longer...

If the same thing happens over and over again and it always turns out wrong then, to me, that only means one thing... that it's happening for a reason... to teach you something that you need to learn. If you can figure out what that is then you will be on the way to learning it and those situations won't keep arising. Only you can figure it out because only you know.

Obviously there is something that is going wrong on a pretty basic level. I don't want to sound as though I am trivialising your situation but sometimes it can help to break things down to a trivial level... such as... behaviour patterns, strengths, weaknesses, strong points, stumbling points etc. Kind of like in a business when you do a SWOT and SMART analysis.

Do things always go wrong at the same point? If so what is that point, what leads up it, how do you deal with it. Are you too eager... too hesitant? Are you too uptight? Too needy? Too confident? Too standoffish? Do you unconsciously push people away because you are afraid they are going to leave anyway? I am not suggesting that you ARE any of these things just giving examples of things to look at.

One thing that often goes wrong is that people make incorrect assumptions.... he MUST know I like him... he MUST be aware that I want him to ask me out. Sometimes people don't like to presume or don't pick up messages becuase they are unsure themselves.

I don't know the answers. I'm still looking for them myself. I just want to help... because that's my nature.

I read an interesting book some time ago. The author's advice is to recline any invitations etc. when a guy wants to date you. Be busy, be occupied, don't have time to see him. Thus he's getting desperate and longing. Finally, he'll do whatever you want. Perhaps this guy has read the book? Perhaps you alter your tactics? But, please, do not blame me if things get worse.