Bisexuality: thoughts and opinions.

[viv]

Or learn another way that's better...

[Menzoberranzen]

I don't want to argue moral philosophy all day, so I'll stop with the judgment talk, but I do want to make something clear about what I think. Yes, there are a few generalizations I have made about bisexual people (as Viv was so kind to point out) but that does NOT imply that I am any less accepting of, or empathetic to the plights of, bisexual people. What it implies is that I would not, under ordinary circumstances, choose to date one. I then tried to differentiate between the two and ended up making some long winded points about more abstract stuff.

 

Menzo

[shadowgod]

Sorry about steering the topic away from its intention.

 

Would I date a bisexual person?

 

As long as they were a person. Would I be fearful that they could at some point change their minds and opt to Straight out? Yes but it wouldnt be a deciding factor in the relationship. WHat happens upstairs in their head is far beyond any means of my input on the situation.

 

Why would I?

 

Well apart from generally detesting labels when it comes to sexuality as a rule. You never know that "Bi" could be everything I have ever looked for, and at the same time I could be everything he has been searching for as well.

 

To not give that at least a chance is fool-hearty on any scale.

[Masked Monkey]

Sorry about steering the topic away from its intention.

 

We still love you

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

[AFriendlyFace]

I harbour no hard feelings towards the guys that said they would not date a bi guy, it is a personal choice. But I bet if the right bi guy came along you'd think twice.

If not, your loss. Some of us are pretty cool

Well said, Tarin! And you're right! You and alot of the others are very nifty

 

It doesn't matter what your label is Graeme, I wouldn't date you cause I wouldn't want to be the mommy of two upcoming teenage boys. Too much stress

LOL, personally, finding a partner that already had kids would be a slight advantage to me. I'm I'd like to raise my own "from scratch", but I'd definitely be excited about having these new kids in my life as well

 

I think that we all want to meet that someone who will complete us and know that they want US, not because we are convenient or they're stuck, or made some mistake that led to another and another and now it's ten years later. And yes, "I think we all have some criteria as to who we want as a significant other." I'm just surprised that to many of you, someone saying they are attracted to people of both sexes, or that they want who they want, or that they fall in love with people, not body parts, is on the list of offensive things. If anything, I think they are the strongest. Their ability to love based on WHO you are, and not WHAT you are, is profound.

Good post, Viv. Except I was a bit disappointed to be one of the people singled out as having made unfortunate remarks, since I'm very much "on the side" of bisexual people, and was only trying to bring everyone together and make them feel better. Anyway, with regards to the paragraph above I definitely agree. In fact I've always said that logically speaking if you were going to assign "values" to the different sexualities (which I think is a mistake) bisexuality should definitely be the "best", since it is less restrictive and encompasses a greater scoop of human differences. Obviously I don't have a problem with exclusively gay or straight people, but I don't see why anyone would knowingly choose to not be able to see the beauty inherent in both genders, and to then make their decisions based on true compatibility instead of some label.

 

The whole thing with societal pressures is...unfortunate. However, I had already consciously decided to ignore it well before high school. I'll be damned if I let the opinions of society, particularly people I barely know (which is what society is, each of us only has a personal relationship with but a few people comparatively), dictate how I'm going to live my life. I make my own decisions thank you. So anyway, if I were bisexual I certainly wouldn't date girls because it's easier. I certainly wouldn't leave my boyfriend to cave in to the opinion of the faceless masses. I would love, date, and anything else, with whomever my heart and head deemed was the best person. Actually I do that now, but my orientation is setup such that those people are all guys.

 

So if I could choose, yes, I would choose to be gay, because that's who I am and I like it. My second choice would be to be bisexual because I still think that logically speaking that's obviously the best choice (and I would choose it if I didn't already have a personal bias toward being gay). I would take being straight last because I have no bias, personal or logical, toward it. I like straight people, I have no problems with them, but I don't want to be straight thank you.

 

 

-Kevin

[RJ Santos]

Everything comes down to personal preferences. But as I'm a guy who doesn't have an "ideal" lover, I don't see the point of this poll at all. When it comes to dating, I don't see how that kind of detail would affect anybody's decision. I mean, you date a guy because you like him and want to get to know him more. You find out he's bi, and you're all turned off all of a sudden. That's human, I guess. But if you're that kind of person, I wouldn't date you at all. And again, that's a personal preference.

 

 

Rad

[TalonRider]

Everything comes down to personal preferences. But as I'm a guy who doesn't have an "ideal" lover, I don't see the point of this poll at all. When it comes to dating, I don't see how that kind of detail would affect anybody's decision. I mean, you date a guy because you like him and want to get to know him more. You find out he's bi, and you're all turned off all of a sudden. That's human, I guess. But if you're that kind of person, I wouldn't date you at all. And again, that's a personal preference.

 

 

Rad

I have to agree with Rad. It all comes down to a matter of choice for each of us. I've already told you about an ex of mine so I won't go into that again. There was another that came along shortly there after. A former neighbor of mine moved back into the neighborhood with is his dad. He was 15 at the time. Over the next two years, we got to know each other on a big brother type relationship. He felt more comfortable talking to me than he did his dad. Eventually, he and his dad moved back to Atlanta. I later found out that one his friends that I had met was gay.

 

After he moved, he started writing to me and at one point, I came out to him. He replied wanting to know if I would get gay with him sometime. Later on, I got a letter from him want to see me again. He as having problems with school and was getting close to going in the army, which he wound up not doing. Over the years, we kept up some contact. Eventually he disappeared and it took 13 years to find him again.

 

I found out he's living in Texas, the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I found out from him, that he'd been married 3 times and at one point, he did ask if I would get gay with him again. After a brief period of time, I stopped hearing from him again and he wasn't returning my calls.

 

Was he Bi? I don't know. I'm thinking now more in the line of being gay and very deep in the closet and since he was living with is mother and her family, he was afraid being found out.

 

Those two case tend to make me shy away with a relation with someone who's bi.

 

Jan

[Former Member]

I would date a bi guy, though this may be somewhat related to the crush I've harbored on a bi friend of mine for while.

[JamesSavik]

I found out from him, that he'd been married 3 times and at one point, he did ask if I would get gay with him again. After a brief period of time, I stopped hearing from him again and he wasn't returning my calls.

...

 

Those two case tend to make me shy away with a relation with someone who's bi.

 

 

Jan-

 

Notice the way language is used here. Gay is not something that you are, it is something that you do.

 

This indicates to me a couple of very bad things.

 

First- internalized homophobia. This is what happens when a gay person listens to religious nuts and/or anti-gay people who stress that homosexuality is a behavior to be avoided and not a sexual orientation.

 

Second- deep denial. If you "get gay", doesn't that indicate that you aren't gay otherwise?

 

 

 

James

[Hylas]

I'd happily date Bi guys. Partly because Bi guys are more often than not, the masculine types (my 'ideal'). I'm attracted solely to guys ... I'm envious of Bis, because they can look past gender when it comes to loving someone. :S

 

However, Bi's who are Bi's just for the sake of variety are another sort. I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole.

[TalonRider]

Jan-

 

Notice the way language is used here. Gay is not something that you are, it is something that you do.

 

This indicates to me a couple of very bad things.

 

First- internalized homophobia. This is what happens when a gay person listens to religious nuts and/or anti-gay people who stress that homosexuality is a behavior to be avoided and not a sexual orientation.

 

Second- deep denial. If you "get gay", doesn't that indicate that you aren't gay otherwise?

 

 

 

James

Actually, he was asking me if I would have sex with him. His letter went on to indicate that he was curious and wanted to try it. Bear in mind also, this was back in 1987 when I got that letter. And believe it or not, I still have it.

 

Jan

[BeaStKid]

It would be hypocritical of me if I answered in the negative. If I expect someone to date me, then they also have the right to deserve the same.

 

Also, I am of the firm belief that one needs to be faithful in a relationship... So, if you're dating a man and you like a girl, you should never pursue her unless your partner is in confidence and is totally comfortable with it.

 

Even then, I would never date a person who's not faithful. A mistake committed once can be forgiven, but if he/she has a history of being unfaithful, then.....

 

[/rant]

 

So, the net result of my rant is...Yes, I'll happily date a bisexual man/woman if he/she is of my interest.

 

BeaStKid

[Tiger]

I am going to say something that people will yell at me for, but it's something I've observed. Most (not all!) guys who claim to be bisexual enjoy sex with both genders, but only have relationships with one. That, to me, is trying to have your cake and eat it too. People use bisexuality as a stepping stone to gay, and others use it as an excuse to have sex with whomever they please, but I've met very few people who have had (semi) longterm relationships with partners of both genders. This is obviously not true for every guy, but it's something I've observed with regularity. I knew a guy in college who was a, um, friend with benefits who claimed to be bi. In the five years we've known each other, he's never dated a man.

 

Even if I'm incorrect in saying most, it's undeniably true for some of the population and I really don't care to waste a few months of my life with someone who's either masquerading as someone they're not or who has no intention of having an actual relationship with a man.

 

Of course, the list of people I wouldn't date includes 95%< of the gay population as well, so feel free to label me as judgmental.

 

Menzo

I have always considered myself bisexual, and I don't believe in cheating. Cheating is not something I tolerate. Considering all the stereortypes out there, people must think bisexuals only care about sex. That's not true. I'm not shallow, and I never have been. Maybe you should judge people on an individual basis rather than stereotyping. Also, I have no qualms about dating men OPENLY. I don't care what other people think. It's not about sex. It's about who you love.