What If

[hashbrown]

It's kind of more of a rap/poem/song, I was just experimenting..thoughts?

 

When I look in your eyes all I can think is

[Tiger]

Wow! That is certainly intense. It sounds like you're feeling angry and hurt. I feel for you. Life is tough sometimes. I hope you soon find what you've been looking for.

[Drewbie]

Pretty good, plenty of emtion good job Hashy hope it helps

[AFriendlyFace]

Very intense! I really liked it. You're right, it works quite well as a rap song. In fact after I read the Eminem part I just went ahead and imagined him performing it for the rest of the piece.

 

I'm glad you mentioned that you imagined it as a song. I definitely think I read it in a different way, with a different flow and rhythm as a result.

 

great job!

 

-Kevin