(In)visible

[AnytaSunday]

Thought I'd start a discussion thread for this new story.

 

Rune and Scott discover friendship and more. But there are consequences to loving someone invisible.

 

Okay, while the story is mainly a romance, there are a lot of darker things going on in this one. Mainly grief and guilt. The story starts as they are 15 and 13 respectively, but the bulk of the story focuses on their relationship five years after this point.

 

Also, while the story will be told from both their perspectives, I imagine there will be more scenes from Scott's point of view.

 

I will try to post weekly, but depending on flow and work time this maybe be more, but mostly likely less.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Chapter One

[jian_sierra]

I already love it, but then again I'm biased because I love your writing style. I think there's so many things you can do with this storyline so hope you continue this one. It doesn't matter if you post weekly or more than that, the important thing is you post hehe. Thank you for sharing

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Anyta,

 

I have always said good things about your work and now I wish I had saved a few superlatives for this. Imaginative, original, engaging, mysterious, I mean these are all there in addition to your usual flare for showing us your characters inside and out. You take us to the edge of too much detail, but pull back at just the right time. We get to see your setting but not in such a way we bog down. It really is quite brilliant.

 

Really this is quite engrossing for the reader. I can't believe you were concerned folks might not be interested

 

Andy

[AnytaSunday]

I already love it, but then again I'm biased because I love your writing style. I think there's so many things you can do with this storyline so hope you continue this one. It doesn't matter if you post weekly or more than that, the important thing is you post hehe. Thank you for sharing

 

Thanks, hehe. I'm just going to give it a shot. Hmmm we'll see...

[AnytaSunday]

Anyta,

 

I have always said good things about your work and now I wish I had saved a few superlatives for this. Imaginative, original, engaging, mysterious, I mean these are all there in addition to your usual flare for showing us your characters inside and out. You take us to the edge of too much detail, but pull back at just the right time. We get to see your setting but not in such a way we bog down. It really is quite brilliant.

 

Really this is quite engrossing for the reader. I can't believe you were concerned folks might not be interested

 

Andy

 

Hehe. Let's see how it goes. I just finished chapter two, and I hope I have enough conflict. It's hard, because I want to demonstrate the good stuff they have between them before bringing in more conflict. Huh. Well, I'm sure you'll tell me if the pace slows too much into boring world.

 

Sweet,

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I kind of hate being one of two or three people who keep your thread alive - but then it is the same with mine so I keep at it.

 

The good - So F'ing creative!!! I love it. An invisible boy - whodda thunk that??? What I really appreciate is how much thought goes into things - how does he eat, how does he bathe, how does he get clothing, what does he do to pass the time, how does he stay warm - all those things which we take for granted. AND thy are handled in this round about way that we learn it but we don't sit down and get a list.

 

This is truly first love/crush. This young is hard - just remember to keep at least Scott in character - 14 is very different from college age in so many ways. Rune on the other hand is 15 going on 36 given what he has been through - at least what it is hinted he has been through.

 

The Bad - Nothing!

 

Comments - Things I am sure you thought about and will address, but haven't yet. Clothing - how does this and his bag stay invisible? It can't be just by a touch because once it leaves his person it is visible - his blood, his 'gifts' to Scott, etc.

 

Now if contact with Rune makes him invisible, does Scott become invisible when he touches Rune? Seems he has to otherwise nothing else would be - So every time he touches Scott, Scott ought to disappear. Might get hairy with Scott's parents, or it might be useful to sneak out, or better yet, be together right in plain view.

 

Does Rune leave a mark - footprint, dent in the bed sitting down? How come the bed he is sitting on doesn't vanish as well? It is in contact with him just like the canvas bag etc. His shoes don't touch his person - he had socks on but the shoes aren't visibile. Just tossing these out - not that you need to explain everything but you started it by making his clothing and bag invisible too - so what is the area affected? In theory at least, if he is sitting on something touching something or what not it ought to turn invisible too. Or maybe it needs prolonged exposure to him or something, but then the clothing he borrows from Scott would take a moment to disappear. IDK but think about it. Typically in the invisible man type movies, the person has to be naked or else the clothing gives them away.

 

Otherwise - nothing to say - I still think this is brilliant.

 

Andy

[Benji]

.........Just found your story, it is a fascinating read, mysterious and with a somewhat bitter-sweet sadness. Half the time you have me believing that this is all in Scott's head with Rune being imaginary. Other times I can't help but feel that Rune has already killed himself and is a spirit walking the earth. I can't wait to how this progress's. Great story, looking forward to more!!

[AnytaSunday]

I kind of hate being one of two or three people who keep your thread alive - but then it is the same with mine so I keep at it.

Yeah, but maybe with the new system it will be easier to use and more people will contribute to it? Hopefully. Thanks for using the thread.

 

The good - So F'ing creative!!! I love it. An invisible boy - whodda thunk that??? What I really appreciate is how much thought goes into things - how does he eat, how does he bathe, how does he get clothing, what does he do to pass the time, how does he stay warm - all those things which we take for granted. AND thy are handled in this round about way that we learn it but we don't sit down and get a list.

 

hehe, I like the idea of the invisible friend. Sometimes there is so much I want to add though that doesn't make the cut because it's too mundane. I try to put it in where I can though. Sometimes it bugs me if I read a story and the character never goes to the loo. Especially if they've been drinking beer or something for ages. I just start to get sympathy bladder pains for them, lol. That's why I try to inject a little in. But I know I miss out on so many other things too. Someone already mentioned about the fact it seems Scott doesn't have any chores. Well, in my head he does of course, I just didn't get it in the chapter. hehe.

 

This is truly first love/crush. This young is hard - just remember to keep at least Scott in character - 14 is very different from college age in so many ways. Rune on the other hand is 15 going on 36 given what he has been through - at least what it is hinted he has been through.

 

Yeah, how you think at 14 is different. I get that. But I wanted to be honest as well. It's a time of discovery and learning about yourself and I know I found sex and the idea of love and crushes fascinating at the age and others I knew felt similiarly. Of course, I also recognize at the age it's more likely a lot of embarrassment goes with that. The first four chapters of the story plays with Scott being 13 going on 14 and Rune 15, I hope I can keep it as consistent as I can until then.

 

 

The Bad - Nothing!

 

Comments - Things I am sure you thought about and will address, but haven't yet. Clothing - how does this and his bag stay invisible? It can't be just by a touch because once it leaves his person it is visible - his blood, his 'gifts' to Scott, etc.

 

Now if contact with Rune makes him invisible, does Scott become invisible when he touches Rune? Seems he has to otherwise nothing else would be - So every time he touches Scott, Scott ought to disappear. Might get hairy with Scott's parents, or it might be useful to sneak out, or better yet, be together right in plain view.

 

Does Rune leave a mark - footprint, dent in the bed sitting down? How come the bed he is sitting on doesn't vanish as well? It is in contact with him just like the canvas bag etc. His shoes don't touch his person - he had socks on but the shoes aren't visibile. Just tossing these out - not that you need to explain everything but you started it by making his clothing and bag invisible too - so what is the area affected? In theory at least, if he is sitting on something touching something or what not it ought to turn invisible too. Or maybe it needs prolonged exposure to him or something, but then the clothing he borrows from Scott would take a moment to disappear. IDK but think about it. Typically in the invisible man type movies, the person has to be naked or else the clothing gives them away.

 

Otherwise - nothing to say - I still think this is brilliant.

 

Andy

 

These technicalities are part of the reason the story worries me. I have it in my head clear as crystal how Rune's invisibility works. Only, I find it had to express that in the story without being "let's list everything he can and can't do" or without beating the reader over the head with it. I try to leave little clues, but then I realize, sometimes these aren't picked up on (chapter three I hope gives more clues).

 

But, Rune leaves his mark (he's coporal, he does have a body that can damages things and ruffle them up)

His invisibility is not by touch, but by a shifting aura around him that eminates from inside. He can control it. I.e, he can suck in up inside himself (that's how he can get people to see him--but there's a reason he doesn't do this), He can also let the aura expand over the things he holds or work it to the shape of something, if he wants it to be invisible too. (Not great distances, a couple of meters radius).

As for things he wears slowly becoming invisible even when Rune's not around anymore due to prolonged exposure, I like the idea. But I imagine it takes weeks of prolonged exposure (depending on what it is--a t-shirt would take a few weeks, something bigger would take longer)...

 

Anyway, thanks so much for the comment. I've just finished chap. three, so after I get an 'okay' on it, I'll post. I'm getting busy pretty soon, but this week I have some time, so I'm sort of trying to get as much done as possible.

[AnytaSunday]

.........Just found your story, it is a fascinating read, mysterious and with a somewhat bitter-sweet sadness. Half the time you have me believing that this is all in Scott's head with Rune being imaginary. Other times I can't help but feel that Rune has already killed himself and is a spirit walking the earth. I can't wait to how this progress's. Great story, looking forward to more!!

 

Benji,

 

Thanks for leaving a message! Yay! I'm glad the mystery fascinates you, hehe, things will slowly make more sense, I hope. As for the bitter-sweet sadness, I'm afraid there's more to come. Hope you enjoy the story ride.

 

Anyta

[Andrew Q Gordon]

These technicalities are part of the reason the story worries me. I have it in my head clear as crystal how Rune's invisibility works. Only, I find it had to express that in the story without being "let's list everything he can and can't do" or without beating the reader over the head with it. I try to leave little clues, but then I realize, sometimes these aren't picked up on (chapter three I hope gives more clues).

 

 

This is easy to fix without a long list of things - Scott is 13 he HAS to be curious about it - he asks, Rune explains - being interrupted along the way of course by Scott's confused follow up questions. Or someone walks in and Rune is making something that should be there no longer visible. Scott of course doesn't know there is a problem - say his mom walks in and Rune is making the chair he is sitting on invisible, so mom asks what happened to the chair - that leads to Scott asking about it because he doesn't see the affect Rune has - something like that.

 

Two chapters is not enough to explain everything without detracting from what you are trying to accomplish - the dynamic between the two - but soon the lack of understanding will be a distraction to the readers who will start to ask - 'um why is this but not that?'

 

As for you being worried - pish posh - you will find a way to make it fabulous and we both know it

[AnytaSunday]

Okay, chapter three of (in)visible is up.

 

I believe there is only one more chapter to go as kids. Chapter four starts with Rune's perspective, so we finally get a clue as to what he's thinking about Scott. hehe.

 

Well, I better get on to writing some more of that...

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Okay Stop-

 

One more to go as 'kids?' huh??

 

Never mind, I will wait to read it when you post it.

 

Seems you dealt with the aura issue we talked about quite nicely - makes sense he can control it if he can retract it.

 

Be interesting to see why he is going into town alone - can't imagine what he has to get right away - I mean it's not like some big day is coming up or anything.

 

Andy

[AnytaSunday]

Okay Stop-

 

One more to go as 'kids?' huh??

 

Never mind, I will wait to read it when you post it.

 

Seems you dealt with the aura issue we talked about quite nicely - makes sense he can control it if he can retract it.

 

Be interesting to see why he is going into town alone - can't imagine what he has to get right away - I mean it's not like some big day is coming up or anything.

 

Andy

 

do-de-doo, hehe, I'm saying nothing more on that last bit.

 

I'm going to try and finish that fourth chapter today or tomorrow. The ideas are nagging at me and I just have to get them on paper.

 

Cheers for leaving a note,

 

hehe, Aynta

[Benji]

do-de-doo, hehe, I'm saying nothing more on that last bit.

 

I'm going to try and finish that fourth chapter today or tomorrow. The ideas are nagging at me and I just have to get them on paper.

 

Cheers for leaving a note,

 

hehe, Aynta

 

...............Why he is getting a camera for Scott of course!! I'm curious about Runes watch, there is something to it! Last chapter as kids?? :wacko: What are you going to fast forward? Nice chapter, looking forward to more as this mystery continues as being one!!

[AnytaSunday]

...............Why he is getting a camera for Scott of course!! I'm curious about Runes watch, there is something to it! Last chapter as kids?? :wacko: What are you going to fast forward? Nice chapter, looking forward to more as this mystery continues as being one!!

 

hehe, we'll see. Good pick up on Rune's watch, though it'll be a few more chapters before that's revealed. I hope to finish chap. four tonight, if I get some time. Thanks for the message! yay,

 

Sweet,

 

Anyta

[Agaith]

I apologise beforehand for not saying anything sooner, I find it difficult to articulate how I feel about a story.

 

Anyta, this is such an orginial story ( not that you've been told that before!), Rune has much that he has kept hidden and his...ability? to allow or not allow people to see him is intriguing.

I feel that Scott is as alone as Rune is though, being stuck on that farm, Rune is invisible to the world, but then again so is Scott in certain regards isolated on the farm.

I can't wait to see more of this keep going please :D

[AnytaSunday]

I apologise beforehand for not saying anything sooner, I find it difficult to articulate how I feel about a story.

 

Anyta, this is such an orginial story ( not that you've been told that before!), Rune has much that he has kept hidden and his...ability? to allow or not allow people to see him is intriguing.

I feel that Scott is as alone as Rune is though, being stuck on that farm, Rune is invisible to the world, but then again so is Scott in certain regards isolated on the farm.

I can't wait to see more of this keep going please :D

 

Thanks Agaith,

 

hehe, I'm so glad you're interested in the story. Yes, I guess you could say in some ways both boys are invisible or 'not seen' although, I think this develops more as the story goes forward. Although then Scott is living in the city--even despite all the people round he's lonely.

 

It's awesome that you dropped by,

 

Cheers again,

 

Anyta

[AnytaSunday]

Okay, Chapter Four is now up. My link

 

This wraps up the first part of this book. I'm curious to know how you think the events of this chapter will affect the characters, okay, particularly Scott...

 

Personally, I think this has a major effect on his ability to trust and love and make friends. I think, in his guilt and grief, he takes a lot out on himself (i.e. doesn't treat himself with much respect).

 

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Okay, Chapter Four is now up. My link

 

This wraps up the first part of this book. I'm curious to know how you think the events of this chapter will affect the characters, okay, particularly Scott...

 

Personally, I think this has a major effect on his ability to trust and love and make friends. I think, in his guilt and grief, he takes a lot out on himself (i.e. doesn't treat himself with much respect).

 

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

 

UGHHHH I so hate you for leaving it like that - UGHHH

 

How freakin great is that chapter??? I mean WOW.

 

Since you asked - I don't think this will affect Scott as much in his ability to trust and love and make friends as it will affect him regarding his sexuality. He loved Rune, he kissed Rune, he let Rune know how he felt, that he liked Rune like 'that' and the next day Rune left him. He left after Scott tried to take a picture of him and it failed and then he brought up the kiss and Rune seemed different. Scott already wondered if his feelings were 'right' or 'normal' so this will only make him hate those feelings even more.

 

So while I expect he will have trouble making friends, trust people and fall in love, I think all of that will circle back to how he trusted Rune with the secret of his sexuality and by revealing that he lost his friend and his first love. Given the isolation in which Scott lives, it is going to take a while for him to work through those issues. Toss in that he lost his dad and Rune on the same day, that will leave Scott an emotional wreck for a long time.

 

 

 

 

So my guess is Rune left because he found out he had something to do with Dad's accident. By that I mean - his aura somehow did something that he believed caused the accident. I say this because the shirt Scott was wearing was invisible when he put it on - So there was some residual affect - and he left AFTER setting up the picnic which means he wasn't planning to leave when he woke up that morning. Something triggered the need to leave.

 

 

 

 

As for Rune - well I know he is a tortured soul in some ways but what he did to Scott was flat out shitty - and contemptable. He knew Scott's feeling by this point and he also knew what happened. I bet he heard the call when mom got it. To just leave Scott like that - knowing he was the only real friend he had, is terrible. Sorry - as much as I hurt for Rune, he showed an enormous lack of compassion by just leaving with a one word note - sorry. And what in God's name would possess him to think leaving the camera and flower were going to help? All it would do remind Scott of his loss. If anything these 'reminders' were worse than if he took them with him. No doubt Scott tossed them both and never became a Photographer now - using a camera will be too painful a reminder of Rune.

 

Like I said, WOW - I normally do NOT get worked up like that over a 'story' so awesome job.

 

So now I truly hate you for not having written the whole thing so I can skip work and read it.

 

 

Andy

[AnytaSunday]

Since you asked - I don't think this will affect Scott as much in his ability to trust and love and make friends as it will affect him regarding his sexuality. He loved Rune, he kissed Rune, he let Rune know how he felt, that he liked Rune like 'that' and the next day Rune left him. He left after Scott tried to take a picture of him and it failed and then he brought up the kiss and Rune seemed different. Scott already wondered if his feelings were 'right' or 'normal' so this will only make him hate those feelings even more.

 

So while I expect he will have trouble making friends, trust people and fall in love, I think all of that will circle back to how he trust Rune with the secret of his sexuality and by revealing that he lost his friend and his first love. Given the isolation in which Scott lives, it is going to take a while for him to work through those issues. Toss in that he lost his dad and Rune on the same day, that will leave Scott an emotional wreck for a long time.

 

Hmmm, interesting. Actually, this is great food for thought... I'm still tinkering on chapter five (it's half done) and these are some excellent considerations.

 

As for the spoiler, well.. read on, read on... (though the chapters will be coming out slower now, my busyness has caught up with me, drat it!)

 

And Rune, that poor tortured boy. Can anything redeem him? Maybe. Maybe not.

 

We'll skip four/ five/ six (still not decided) years and see...

 

Thanks so much for the response, it wasn't only fun to read, it's actually got my mind spinning more. Sweet,

 

Anyta

[Forty-Two]

As far as all the details of the invisibility go I think you've done a pretty good job of telling us enough but not overwhelming us with every little detail possible. Some questions are unanswered, but it's better to leave a little mystery and let the readers fill it in for themselves.

 

The bigger mysteries are begging to be answered though: Who was the girl and how did she die? What's up with the watch? Why did Rune run off (I think Andy's right - it definitely had something to do with the accident)? What happened to Rune's dad?

 

As for how Scott will be affected - definite feeling of abandonment and mistrust will ensue. I'm sure Scott will have trouble trusting people and forming friendships/romantic relationships, as he'll be afraid of being abandoned again. He'll probably have a lot of self doubt too, to the point where he's wondering if he's messed up enough that he just imagined Rune altogether. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. Now that you've brought up the idea that objects will become invisible with extended contact, how long will Rune have to be away from them for them to rematerialize? Or will they ever?

[AnytaSunday]

Forty-two,

 

I like how opinionated you are! hehe. (thanks for the comments, btw--it's really awesome) It makes me question the way I'm writing, and this type of reflection is great for learning.

 

The bigger mysteries are begging to be answered though: Who was the girl and how did she die? What's up with the watch? Why did Rune run off (I think Andy's right - it definitely had something to do with the accident)? What happened to Rune's dad?

All these things will be resolved, and soonish.

 

As for that spoiler above (and some other people's guesses), my question is: what if (not saying either way, but if) Rune had nothing to do with the dad? Would that be disappointing? Or relieving?

 

Well, I'll keep working on chapter five, I think people's response to that chapter will determine if I continue with the story. I'm afraid that the jump in time and to a large extent in character, may put readers off. We'll see, I guess.

 

Thank you awesome much for all the messages and comments.

 

Anyta

[Andrew Q Gordon]

 

As for that spoiler above (and some other people's guesses), my question is: what if (not saying either way, but if) Rune had nothing to do with the dad? Would that be disappointing? Or relieving?

 

 

 

Honestly? VERY disappointing - I am not saying he killed dad - I was saying he thought he had something to do with it, maybe he was IN the car at the time sneaking a ride into town for something when it happened. The thing is - for me at least - his leaving had really better be something major or else he is a class A jerk. I mean he had the picnic set up, he told Scott he had a surprise for him, a birthday surprise no less and Scott's dad died. He obviously did it on the spur of the moment, a moment of panic whatever, it was not something he planned to do as late as mid morning when he was setting up the picnic.

 

Now I have my suspicions as to how dad's death ties in but I won't say in public BUT it would have to be momentous to forgive him for abandonng Scott like that. That is just me - of course I am perhaps not the most forgiving of people and maybe Scott is - who can say - oh wait - Anyta can

[Forty-Two]

Forty-two,

 

I like how opinionated you are! hehe. (thanks for the comments, btw--it's really awesome) It makes me question the way I'm writing, and this type of reflection is great for learning.

 

Well, there's not much point in leaving a comment or review if it's not opinionated, lol As far as our conv in the reviews about the perspective - I totally support you experimenting and would never say you should re-write the whole thing, just wanted to let my general reaction be known. I tend to prefer to write in first person myself, but it's a good exercise to write in a way that makes you uncomfortable sometimes and to see what you can do when you don't have the same restrictions on you all the time.

 

As for that spoiler above (and some other people's guesses), my question is: what if (not saying either way, but if) Rune had nothing to do with the dad? Would that be disappointing? Or relieving?

I think it would be relieving. It would really suck and be kinda angsty if Rune ran away just because of some misunderstanding or unfounded guilt. But you would have to work a lot harder at making the total coincidence that Rune runs away on the same day that Scott's dad dies believable.

 

Well, I'll keep working on chapter five, I think people's response to that chapter will determine if I continue with the story. I'm afraid that the jump in time and to a large extent in character, may put readers off. We'll see, I guess.

There is no way you won't continue the story, don't even pretend You are way to invested and have too many interested readers (me included!). I don't think the jump in time will be too jarring. The way things are going, I don't know how else you could have done it. They need to be adult enough to be held accountable for their own lives and to relieve the whole are-they-too-young-to-think-about-them-this-way squeamish factor, but the meeting and becoming friends part at this tender young age are vital. As long as you fill in the gap with the relevant missing material, it will be fine.

[AnytaSunday]

There is no way you won't continue the story, don't even pretend You are way to invested and have too many interested readers (me included!). I don't think the jump in time will be too jarring. The way things are going, I don't know how else you could have done it. They need to be adult enough to be held accountable for their own lives and to relieve the whole are-they-too-young-to-think-about-them-this-way squeamish factor, but the meeting and becoming friends part at this tender young age are vital. As long as you fill in the gap with the relevant missing material, it will be fine.

 

haha, I think you may be right. The story does tap away in my head something chronic, if I don't write it, headaches and sleeplessness will convince me otherwise. Yup, you hit the mark with that invested bit. Might add in stubborn there too. But my biggest problem is I just don't have faith in my writing sometimes. Oh, and besides that, I have another story that I need to finish before December that I will be only starting next week--that one has to be darn near perfect, haha. Sigh. Sweet. Thanks again for all the help,

 

Anyta