(In)visible

[AnytaSunday]

....I'm a bit baffled that the clothes issue was not brought up, also a few in here think this is the beginning of the break-up when all I see is the relationship mending itself. Knowing that this is going into another book, I will take the stance that Rune is good for Scott's mom and her healing will not be detrimental in his leaving to pursue his career or she will unexpectedly die and Rune will be there to help him pick up the pieces. He is over 18 now, and looks to have a promising career, BTW how did he do in the last photo project he undertook before his trek with Rune through the grapevine fields? So that said, his mom needs resolution here, either by death or recovery, I see the former. The baggage he carries will be more then equal to the one Rune carries, that is the real point in the story. Their griefs finally imploded on each other, and their solance found with each other.

Hello Benji,

 

Nice to hear from you, as always.

 

1) Trust me the clothes issue will be brought up at the right point--actually, I failed to make that part less of an issue--it was not meant to be a focus point.

 

2) Most likely there will be no second book.

 

3) No comment on the Mom bit(s)--yet, I'll discuss this further at the end.

 

4) the photo project result will come up in two chapters.

 

Thanks for leaving a comment.

[AnytaSunday]

Okay peeps--

 

I'm really struggling with the last two chapters. In fact, chapter thirteen is a real shortie. I seem to be wrapping things up pretty quickly--I could just make this longer and finish it at thirteen, but, ah, I want it to end on an even number. So will we all be okay with a short chappy? I mean like around the 2000 word mark.

 

Sweet... more will be on it's way soonish.

 

haha, thirteen might be small. Fourteen is teeeeeeeny. Guess the story should end at thirteen--but, perhaps superstition comes into this a bit? So it'll end on a punch. Short sharp fourteen... hehehe

[Agaith]

Your story Anyta! And my chapters are short any way so I can't complain

[AnytaSunday]

Your story Anyta! And my chapters are short any way so I can't complain

 

hehehe. I can't believe it's nearly done. Just working on the last chapter now. thirteen is around 2300words in the end and all from Rune's perspective.

 

Thanks so much for all the encouragement! I'm sort of sad after this I won't be posting more stories for a while. I like writing for all you lovely peeps.

[Agaith]

hehehe. I can't believe it's nearly done. Just working on the last chapter now. thirteen is around 2300words in the end and all from Rune's perspective.

 

Thanks so much for all the encouragement! I'm sort of sad after this I won't be posting more stories for a while. I like writing for all you lovely peeps.

 

 

No... no...no more stories?...

(hug needed)

 

But in all honesty it has been a cracking story Anyta and we like reading your stories Anyta you sweet sweet thing

[AnytaSunday]

No... no...no more stories?...

(hug needed)

 

But in all honesty it has been a cracking story Anyta and we like reading your stories Anyta you sweet sweet thing

 

Hehe here's a hug, Agaith:

 

Well, I've got another written project to complete (start), but I'll try to get in some short stories.

 

*****************************

 

And Just posted chapter twelve. We're pretty much hitting the climax here and after this two short chapters follow.

Anyway, for me this is my favorite chapter. I wonder if you can guess why?

And it is not because the two finally have sex--errr, make love. Well, maybe a bit., lol Which, btw, was hard to write in keeping with the tone of the story.

 

[Benji]

Hehe here's a hug, Agaith:

 

Well, I've got another written project to complete (start), but I'll try to get in some short stories.

 

*****************************

 

And Just posted chapter twelve. We're pretty much hitting the climax here and after this two short chapters follow.

Anyway, for me this is my favorite chapter. I wonder if you can guess why?

And it is not because the two finally have sex--errr, make love. Well, maybe a bit., lol Which, btw, was hard to write in keeping with the tone of the story.

 

 

...........Great chapter! Yes, Rune and Scott finally get it on! Lilly was a perfect name, very surprising that Rune extended aura caused Lilly to be invisible, or was she always invisible? Kinda sad to see this saga ending soon, it's great to see Scott putting his ghosts to rest. Rune still needs to do a lot of explaining to Scott (and us) on more of how his family came about and why the invisibility.

Edited October 24, 2010 by Benji

[Agaith]

...........Great chapter! Yes, Rune and Scott finally get it on! Lilly was a perfect name, very surprising that Rune extended aura caused Lilly to be invisible, or was she always invisible? Kinda sad to see this saga ending soon, it's great to see Scott putting his ghosts to rest. Rune still needs to do a lot of explaining to Scott (and us) on more of how his family came about and why the invisibility.

 

 

Maybe Anyta's leaving it up to us this time Benji?

Or Rune just hasn't told her?

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Hehe here's a hug, Agaith:

 

Well, I've got another written project to complete (start), but I'll try to get in some short stories.

 

*****************************

 

And Just posted chapter twelve. We're pretty much hitting the climax here and after this two short chapters follow.

Anyway, for me this is my favorite chapter. I wonder if you can guess why?

And it is not because the two finally have sex--errr, make love. Well, maybe a bit., lol Which, btw, was hard to write in keeping with the tone of the story.

 

 

 

OOH OOOHHH **Raises Hand and waves it around!!*** Can I answer this??? I know this one!!!!

 

Okay, so a) that was NOT offensive sexy stuff. That was brilliant, sweet and leaves just enough for the imagination to figure the rest out

 

Lily?? Are you reading Nephylim story?? [Actually I like it - just teasing although I am partial to Sophie since that was our first dog who died in July]

 

Having talked basics with you about this chapter and the next I try to be careful in what I say, BUT this was a pretty great. Mom is still a bit a basket case, one hopes she improves, but I am not holding much hope out for that.

 

As for Lily, Hmmm. Very Interesting indeed.

 

Lucky 13 is the last eh? Oh well I am sure it will be fabulous.

 

Andy

[AnytaSunday]

...........Great chapter! Yes, Rune and Scott finally get it on! Lilly was a perfect name, very surprising that Rune extended aura caused Lilly to be invisible, or was she always invisible? Kinda sad to see this saga ending soon, it's great to see Scott putting his ghosts to rest. Rune still needs to do a lot of explaining to Scott (and us) on more of how his family came about and why the invisibility.

 

Hehe, yep indeed they do. Yay, glad you liked Lily as a name--the name sort of hit me when I wrote the scene with Rune making the origami flowers for Scott--It just seemed to fit the story--tie things together more.

 

I'm sad to see the story ending too, Scott is slowly getting there--but there's a way for him yet...

 

As for the history of the invisibility--I didn't want that to be a focus point of the story. Rune doesn't know how it happened (his mom died when he was too young)--it's just a fact of his life he's had to learn to deal with. I guess I wanted the story to centrally revolve around two boys struggling to be seen in each their own ways--and about friendship and love.

 

Thanks so much for the message!

[AnytaSunday]

Maybe Anyta's leaving it up to us this time Benji?

Or Rune just hasn't told her?

 

hehehe, that's right.

[AnytaSunday]

OOH OOOHHH **Raises Hand and waves it around!!*** Can I answer this??? I know this one!!!!

 

Okay, so a) that was NOT offensive sexy stuff. That was brilliant, sweet and leaves just enough for the imagination to figure the rest out

 

Lily?? Are you reading Nephylim story?? [Actually I like it - just teasing although I am partial to Sophie since that was our first dog who died in July]

 

Having talked basics with you about this chapter and the next I try to be careful in what I say, BUT this was a pretty great. Mom is still a bit a basket case, one hopes she improves, but I am not holding much hope out for that.

 

As for Lily, Hmmm. Very Interesting indeed.

 

Lucky 13 is the last eh? Oh well I am sure it will be fabulous.

 

Andy

 

Andy,

 

Thought I'd start with a smile for you. Hehe, yup the reason that's my fav chap:

'cause of the 'I love you' woohoo! hehehehe.

 

 

As for the dog names mentioned in the story--I must have had Sophie dwelling in my head after reading certain email--certainly I didn't consciously write the name in--oops. And the reason it had a 'no' was only because at the time I was thinking (don't ask me why) about Sophie's Choice. Anyway, it made me sad, so that's why it got a no.

 

Sorry about that. :wacko:

 

I chose Lily in the end because of the flowers. Sort of symbolic of their relationship together.

 

Well, 13 would be the last, but I don't want to end it on thirteen, so I'm making it two short chapters. Nearly finished, actually--just need to write one last scene... which I'd better get cracking on!

 

hehe, thanks for the message and the LOADS of support. I hope I didn't get the pup stuff too off. hehe.

 

Cheers,

Anyta

[hh5]

Finding a invisible dog?? Like was it because of Rune? or was the dog already invisible?

 

Could they have stumble where Rune real family or relatives lives?

 

A family of invisible people.

 

If Rune can see an invisible dog ... can he see an invisible person like himself?

Is the invisibility an accident or in the food or is it inherited - once ingested you're invisible for life?

 

Will rune find himself visible because he no longer eats the food that made him invisible or is it genic ?

but how can it be if a dog has it?

Is must be some serium or accident ... a family and their dog is invisible

So it must be an old dog on its last litters and Rune is lucky to have Lilly

[AnytaSunday]

hh5--Thanks for the note. Many of the precise details of Rune's invisibility I left out, only adding what I thought was relevant to the story. The last chapters are up, hope you enjoy them.

 

 

Yeah, the last ones are up. A big awesome huge thanks to all of you. It wouldn't have gotten written otherwise, so I appreciate the encouragement.

 

Hope you'll all drop by on other stories I write in the future. Actually, I have a short story I'll put up in a few days. Now the purpose of it was to practice writing in the third person. See, I'm still undecided if I should use first or third person in my next project, and I sort of need to make a decision. I wrote the story as a trial (though having fun writing it, hehe). I'd love for any input on that. Or tips on writing in third.

 

Again, thanks all so much!

 

:D

[Agaith]

Well that was such a lovely ending!

I'm so glad Scott and Rune finally made it together once and for all!

Throughout the story it has been gripping, original and moving.

You are quite the author Anyta, look forward to your next story

 

[AnytaSunday]

Well that was such a lovely ending!

I'm so glad Scott and Rune finally made it together once and for all!

Throughout the story it has been gripping, original and moving.

You are quite the author Anyta, look forward to your next story

 

 

 

Thanks so much for reading, Agaith! And for all the comments, yay. I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself, certainly it was the point.

Yeah, the other story is just a little fun something. Nothing so angsty. Sweet. Thanks again!!!

[Benji]

.............Great story, kinda of sad to see it end! But all great things must end

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Antya,

 

Wonderful story - and to think you were concerned no one would be interested when you started this - pffft

 

Since you asked my opinion before you wrote the end, it feels a tad odd saying that I loved how it ended, but since I didn't write it or even suggest it, I can say how much I loved the last two chapters. It's odd how characters that don't exist seem so real when they are well written. A part of me wishes I was the one who could see Rune instead of Scott - not that I don't like Scott.

 

Scott's character went from the wide eyed 13, almost 14 year old, who was sweet and innocent to the hardened, jaded young man for whom life held little joy then onto the young man who found he could love again with hesitation. That was hard to pull off but you did it really well.

 

But my heart still belongs to Rune, the sweet boy who refused to let his 'curse' keep him down. It is interesting how just a whiff of what it felt like to be happy, the hope he could really find 'the one' changed him from despondent, 'I should kill myself' into someone so beautiful of spirit. Despite the shitty hand he was dealt, Rune rose above it and kept not only his sanity but his dignity and his compassion. Perhaps it is only in fairy tales and imagination that such people exist but it is easy to see why someone would never want to let go of him once they could call him theirs.

 

Well that way too much information I suppose, but again, thanks for this, it was beautiful.

 

Andy

[Forty-Two]

I guess I wanted the story to centrally revolve around two boys struggling to be seen in each their own ways--and about friendship and love.

 

This would be a really good sentence to put in the summary for the story. The whole "...and he has to make a big decision that will change his life..." or similar bit is a little bland and over-used.

 

 

 

What? The whole thing is up? How did I miss that? Have to stop reading the forum and read the story now...

[AnytaSunday]

Benji-- Thanks so much, for reading and leaving comments. They were great for motivation! Cheers

Andy-- Hehe, it makes me happy to know you enjoyed the story. Thanks for everything.

 

Despite the shitty hand he was dealt, Rune rose above it and kept not only his sanity but his dignity and his compassion. Perhaps it is only in fairy tales and imagination that such people exist

 

There are people in life also dealt shitty hands--and there are some that are really admirable in how the cope with it. There are definitely Runes out there!

 

Again, you're so awesome. Can't say that enough.

 

Forty-Two-- good idea. I'll go change that now. Thanks for all the comments and messages!

[Forty-Two]

Anyta,

 

The new summary looks much better. The tone perfectly captures the tender sweetness and struggles of the story.

 

I wanted to say something prolific but I really couldn't think of anything better or more succinct than:

Scott's character went from the wide eyed 13, almost 14 year old, who was sweet and innocent to the hardened, jaded young man for whom life held little joy then onto the young man who found he could love again with hesitation. That was hard to pull off but you did it really well.

 

But my heart still belongs to Rune, the sweet boy who refused to let his 'curse' keep him down. It is interesting how just a whiff of what it felt like to be happy, the hope he could really find 'the one' changed him from despondent, 'I should kill myself' into someone so beautiful of spirit. Despite the shitty hand he was dealt, Rune rose above it and kept not only his sanity but his dignity and his compassion. Perhaps it is only in fairy tales and imagination that such people exist but it is easy to see why someone would never want to let go of him once they could call him theirs.

 

Well that way too much information I suppose, but again, thanks for this, it was beautiful.

 

Andy

 

So let's just say good job, you made me a happy reader, and I hope you find time around your other projects to post again soonish!

[AnytaSunday]

Forty-Two,

 

So let's just say good job, you made me a happy reader, and I hope you find time around your other projects to post again soonish!

 

Hehe, thanks. Certainly it was the aim to write somethig that was enjoyable to read. As for other projects--nano has me under its grip at the moment. Trying out mystery writing this time around. A fun challenge, that's for sure. I finished a shortish story (10000 words) that I'll post here soonish. Getting back into third person is tricky.

 

Cheers again for all and everything. You rock!

 

[Frostina]

I just finished reading it..... Loved it and cant wait for u to write more stories...or rather upload them fro us to read!

 

special mention: the part where Scott takes Runes picture with his aura drawn in! WOW!!!

[AnytaSunday]

I just finished reading it..... Loved it and cant wait for u to write more stories...or rather upload them fro us to read!

 

special mention: the part where Scott takes Runes picture with his aura drawn in! WOW!!!

 

Thanks so much Frostina. I love writing stories--Rune and Scott were awesome characters to work with. Yay.

[Greedya]

Ch. 1 (part 1)

Sorry it takes so long to return the favour.

My heart raced as my toes inched over the edge. Loose bark fell into the rapids below. The water tossed them like a salad, bumping from sharp rocks.

The first sentence is catchy, stunning indeed. Great start. My only comment is 'salad'. Salad sounds yummy to me and downplays the suspense. How about something more agitating: tossed them like a tiger playing with its prey? Moreover, "toss the salad" is a slang term, meaning anal sex / rimming, which produces a completely different tone.

The early morning sun hit the back of my neck

'Hit' sounds a little awkward. My common sense is that the dawn is quite gentle and doesn't 'hit' like a sharp blow. The process is quite slow, like grilling slowly, or burning slowly. 'early morning sun' and 'hit' sound contradictory to me.

 

I didn't deserve to live. Besides I'd nothing to live for.

She'd still be alive if it weren't for me.

 

This story is told from a first person perspective; thus, italic text should be used for emphasis rather than internal thoughts. Try not to overuse italics. They are distractive. This paragraph is fine, and introduces mystery nicely. I just mention it 'cause my eyes see lots of italics from paragraphs below (will read on).

 

Adrenalin made my head pound, and fear crescendo

ed

.

 

I love the prose!

 

Nothing

but the extent of my guilt

had changed.

but the extent of my guilt

 

The emphasis is on guilt, right?

 

I shuddered, remembering the blood and sick all over the sheets and my best pair of jeans. Her groaning and muttering curses before she lost consciousness.

 

Maybe you're a romantic, but I have my sadistic side and would suggest that you paint the scene more vividly. I don't know where the jeans were. I don't know whether she groaned due to pain or anger or desperation. I don't smell blood. I don't know what the source of blood was. I know you don't wanna reveal much, but do you intend to undertone how horrible the scene was?

 

Tears trained down my checks. One splashed into the water. Gone, forever. Just like her.

 

Excellent line. Poetic. Melancholic. Not overdone. Just perfect, methinks.

 

It'd be a quick death, right? At least, no one would find my body. Wow, what a perk of being invisible, better save that one for the catalogue.

 

LOL! Sarcasm at the horrible moment. Not sure whether you get the psychology right.

 

A chirpy bark came from my left. Huh, merely a pup. Cute too, with those long soft ears.

This kind of narration is very powerful. It reflects the inner thought as the character sees and hears. Readers would feel engaged and relate themselves to the character real quick.

 

But, the pup. Its His eyes, his warm gaze.

Huh?

 

Colors and definition spun, the dog yelped, the sounds of crashing water came nearer.

A heavy scream in the background

How about:

 

 

Colors and definition spinning. Sounds of crashing water louder.

Dog's yelps and a scream heavy in the background.

Does it sound faster? Sounds more action-packed? And I group 'background noises' together for easier visualisation. Also, we talked about this before. Internal voices make the pacing slow. It's the choice that the writer makes. Richer details or better pacing. But if you ask me, action scenes feel exciting only at the right pacing. So, I allow details as much as pacing isn't harmed (this is subjective, though).

 

Thank goodness my legs remained hooked to the trunk. Somehow I still held tight to that pup, his anxious breath like fire on my neck.

How about:

Thank god! My legs were still hooked to the trunk; the pup still tight in my grip, both of us breathing like fire.

God is shorter than goodness, lol, more snappy. 'on my neck' is a minor detail that can be left out, I think.

A voice yelled, but the blood pumping in my ears and the rapids blocked out the words. With a large swing, I propelled us back onto the log. Crawled our way over to the bank

How about

Pumping in my ears were the blood and the rapids. Howling. Outroaring a yell somewhere. My blood boiling. My teeth gritted, I swang us back onto the log. But then the rapids boomed louder, furious. I fought back. Fought our way to the bank.

LOL I think a little suspense would do something good. In action scenes, emphasis is on the verbs (e.g. starting the sentence with 'pumping' rather than 'blood'). Um, and I usually try to keep the sentences short and fast paced. Also, make it as though the character struggles a lot. Otherwise, it would sound too easy. Just my 2 cents.

I stared at the sky, latticed by leaves.

Great (wow, 'lattice' never crossed my mind as a verb, excellent). But to spice it a little, can you please add colours and little movement?

I thought maybe I'd just been too scared, but—was it a sign?

A sign? What is it mate? A sign that he shouldn't die? Could have been clearer.

Huh? Was I dreaming? Perhaps I had died, and this is a new reality? Or—"You can see me?"

I see you 'loved' the internal voice. It is usually a powerful way to convey what happened inside the characters. But in some cases, it happens, but not often, internal voice is less effective because it isn't cryptic. A thought like this can be narrated so make the tone 'surreal'... For instance, I believe 'Lines of realities blurred with the dreams' would make it sound more surreal than 'Was I dreaming?'

I love the way you tell the story. The character is a little feminine to me (does that sound sexist? lol). I dunno. Just my humble view. On the other hand, I have problems narrating female characters lol - readers say I make them too masculine. Anyway, I believe that in fragile moments, men can freak out or are a little soft, and their thoughts can be a little feminine. So this is fine with me.

Um, I should pause here. The post is getting too long lol. Hope I didn't say too much nonsense.

Will continue reading/reviewing after my morning jog.