Just Telling Another Story By Forty-Two

[Forty-Two]

Just posting the reviews so as to not lose them:

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Anyta Sunday

 

Well, I know you want constructive criticism, but actually, I can't think of any. This was well written and fun. Okay, at a stretch, I guess I could say that a lot of paragraphs start with Barretts name. A couple could start differently. But, hell, that's reaaal nit-picky. :PCan't wait to read more of your stuff...

 

Author's Response: Ha, lol, third person is tricky huh? Name seem repetative when a million "I"s never do I can never decide which is worse, repeating the character's name too much or using unnatural synonyms like "the painter" or "the tough young man" or whatnot. This is the first thing I ever posted (for reasons to be shared in a more private setting) so I'm glad it doesn't seem like crap compared to my newer works in which I've apparently grown Although, if this does suck compared to other people's stuff, then I really haven't improved much, huh? Oh well, this was a fun one short story and in the end I really do just write for me Thanks for the review, Review Fairy! Date: 11/11/2010 07:01 AM

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: The Nature Nut I read the reviews to this story and caught your reply to a reviewer where you expressed that you wished someone would point out a "seam."

 

"Thanks! I'd actually like it if someone spotted a seam showing somewhere though... It would give me something to work on improving for the next story."

 

 

So I read your piece with the intention of finding a seam. But during the first read, I got caught up in the story and had to read it again before I caught a few seams. Before I point them out, I want to say that I loved this story. Barrett and Quinton's characters were so different yet so complimentary. The characterization was so good and consistent that I wondered if you had based them off personality types from the Myers-Briggs Personality Sorter. Did you?

 

Okay... grammar: I'm certainly not qualified to be an editor, but I did catch some grammatical mistakes.

 

Sometimes you forgot to add the comma before a character address:

"Seriously Quin" and “Hey Bare?”

 

You used en dashes where you should have used em dashes. (I understand that may be a formatting issue with site program.)

 

They shared one tiny bedroom while the other even tinier bedroom - the only room to get any decent natural light - served as a writing room slash painting studio.

 

Use four ellipses at the end of a sentence instead of three. (Right?) I think that's right.

 

 

Your dialogue was excellent. The pacing was excellent (pacing has been a challenge for many writers on this site--self included). Your excellent use of punctuation is what made the pacing good.

 

You used hyphens really well in this sequence:

 

"Just three minutes until piping hot-"

 

The lights flickered once.

 

"No, this can't be-"

 

The lights flickered twice.

 

"Goddamn-"

 

Finding seams in this story was difficult. As far as the plot: maybe at the end Barrett could have looked on the table to see the pages were blank and realized Quinton had made the story up as he'd told it.

 

Again, I loved this story. I wish I had your writing talent. I look forward to reading the rest of your works.

 

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you for such a detailed review! You are AWESOME! I'm so glad you like the story!

 

I didn't base their characters off of anything or anyone in particular (other than "starving artist" stereotypes), although using the Myers-Briggs Personality Sorter is a really good idea for coming up with character traits. I will keep that in mind for the future.

 

Thanks for pointing out those little grammar errors. I will endevour to fix them

 

The story within the story is actually written on the page to show that Quinton has been thinking and obsessing over hooking up and the perfect circumstances that would facilitate it for a while, but having the pages blank would be a neat alternative twist.

 

Thanks again for your wonderful compliments! Fingers crossed to hear more from you on my other works

 

Date: 05/30/2010 10:58 PM

[Forty-Two]

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Trip I really enjoyed this story. Both characters had distinct personalities and the tension between them was set at a great pace. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories.

 

 

 

Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's so awesome you are going to read more, yay!

 

Date: 05/27/2010 09:52 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: FishWings Loved it! Seamless writing, exciting and really cute.

 

Author's Response: Thanks! I'd actually like it if someone spotted a seam showing somewhere though... It would give me something to work on improving for the next story

 

Date: 11/12/2009 09:10 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Nephylim That was a lovely story. I particularly liked the way the story Quinn read mirrored their circumstances and all the descriptions were awesome... I mean cockroaches frozen to the window... genius

 

 

 

Author's Response: Thanks! I try to find that delicate balance between giving enough description to pull one into the story but not too much as to make it overbearing. I had no idea there would be frozen cockroaches in the window until I typed Quinton saying it, then thought, "Yeah, this works."

 

Date: 11/12/2009 09:43 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: librent I liked it. The humour and friendship between Barrett & Quinton come through very well. I hope you are continuing to write.

 

 

 

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm always writing, just not always putting words on a page. Hopefully I'll have another story to add soon!

 

Date: 11/11/2009 09:50 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Timmy5 Sorry, I have no constructive criticism. Just wanted to say that I really loved this cute story. : )

 

Author's Response: Thanks!

 

Date: 11/11/2009 06:44 PM