Depression

[Bumblebee]

Also can't edit it cause my stupid iPhone won't let me, but sorry there's no spaces in my post above, GA won't post my paragraph spaces when I type in the forums.

[harcallard]

I guess I would say that I am and always have jumped to conclusions about things and people.. its like when I ask friends to do something or go somewhere.. the decline and I tend to always take it the wrong way.. I feel as if they don't or wont make the time for me as if I am not important enough to them to  ask for a little but of their time. To be honest, they may be really busy or they may not be....So I take offense to it. The thing that really pisses me off and It doesn't really bother me if you are busy or whatever, but at least be honest and say so....I have been trying to pull myself out of this muck I have been in for a few weeks now. I guess I am also miffed at how some people I have sat and listen to them for endless hours and whenI need an ear to listen, they cant be found.  I am not saying I don't mind doing it, because I do.I know I really should feel angry at this, but I guess I am expecting them to do the same. I also know that not everyone isn't the same. I even had an argument with a friend of mine two days ago and he mentioned that I always want to be the center of everyone's Universe.. I looked at him and said, "I don't want to be the center of your universe, I just want to be part of it.". up to a few days ago, I could never understand why anyone would want to be alone... but I am beginning to see that htey might have something there.  So I guess I am not doing as well as I thought I was doing.....

 

I hope everyone is doing well

 

Hugs and Love

 

Harc

Edited January 17, 2013 by harcallard

[joann414]

Hi Bee.   We all deal with grief and sadness in our own way and time.  Sometimes we hide our feelings with anger and insults but I know deep inside the anguish and tears are still there.  Hugs and handing you strength and hugs.  Pm me if you need me.

 

Har, don't let life drag you down.  People are going to be people regardless, friend or foe.  Taking advantage of you to some is just part of their everyday life and they reap the benefits.  It is hard to say, but try to be happy because you are the strong one and try to be there for them tho they do not return the gesture.  Real friends show you that they are the genuine human that you need.  Hugs and hope things get better.

[Mark92]

Hi all

 

Hi Bee, I know you don't want to hear from me, you've made that clear, but here is the best place to vent when you need to. People here are genuine and real, they also really do care about you, whether you like it or not. Keep pushing us all away, isn't going to make us go away, we reply to you because, when you need us we are there, when we can be.

 

Tim, I've sent you a mail about my thoughts, maybe they will help, I hope they do. I pop in here everyday, not always into this thread, but just to have a look round. I wish I could be here more, I miss everyone so much. I hope you find that solitude can be your best friend sometimes, and other times well it can be your worst enemy. Try and stay happy

[Sdwilli]

Depression is a symptom, like a fever. Or a disease category, like pneumonia. Our understanding of it is fairly primitive, just like the understanding of coughing and pneumonia back before we knew that coughing could be caused by bacteria, viruses, allergies, sinus infections, chemicals, etc. We use the word "depression" as if it were one condition but it has many different causes and related ways to be managed. My depression, or dysthymia, is situational. it is caused by the conflict between who I am and who the people I love want me to be. It's a long-term but low-grade condition. It lets me work but it blunts my creativity and robs me of pleasure and peace. I've never considered suicide, but I have caught glimpses of it from here.

[Mark92]

Hey all

 

Well my first two weeks of meds failed badly, they had a side effect of "feelings of suicide" and these are supposed to be uppers? I didn't get suicidal but I did feel despair, I have been staying in bed longer, not because I was sleeping more, but because I couldn't think of anything to get out of bed for.

Anyway new meds today, so we'll give them a go. My shrink says he can't actually diagnose me of one condition because my issues and hang ups spread over several. Only me eh?

Studying is keeping me sane, head full of Dr Faustus and discovering psychology is more than enough to think about, the rest of the time it's Stuby. So my time is used up but I hope I can pop in from time to time.

How you all doing? Please keep me informed.

 

Hugs to all

[Zolia Lily]

You'll get there, Marky - unfortunately there's no magic fix for some of these things, but you'll get there. 

HUGS, sweetie...  

[comicfan]

Depression takes so many forms and isn't the same for any two people. There are no magic cures and things are solved slowly. My thoughts and best wishes go out to all. Mark hang in there.

[joann414]

Hang in there Mark!  We are here if you need us.  Know you are studying a lot and that seems to be a good thing right now.  Stay focused and think good thoughts, kind of like STUBY!!!!!!!!! Hugs and love big guy.

[Mark92]

Thanks all

You don't know just how much I appreciate you all .

I see the doc again in the morning so we will see what he has to say.

The pigs go tomorrow, leaving me with just four sows but they will stay as long as I do.  I've got workmen here installing a new wind turbine and generator, hell of a cost, but my accountant said I wouldn't be able to sell without it.

Doing my psychology module this week, and I have a mentor too she talks to me for an hour just about the coursework. It gives me a different view point. Doing the authoritarian personality, absolutely fascinating, I didn't even know the word existed last week

So, some of what I'm taking in, is staying in, I owe so many post cards, and emails, they will get answered I promise to all

[Yettie One]

Small steps leading you out into a brave new world, a future bright with new and exciting steps for you and Stuby. A world of opportunity and hope.

Such a huge stide of progress and determination to embrace the potential in life Mark. There is so much to be proud of in all you do.

Your friendship and support, love and attentiveness are unending and given freely, without expectation. Your humour and messages are a constant reminder of what true friendship is. Little gems of goodnesses spread around the multitude of people that rely on the goodness of that big heart of yours. 

Always a kind word, even when the recipient does not wish to hear it. Haha, that's stubborn 'ol Marky for you. "You will get a portion of my love today, whether you think you need it or not, so put that in your gob and suck on it!"

Probably not the best words to use, as I am sure our Marky Mark will jump on the opportunity to make a play on words.   

 

I just think that it is wonderful to see you taking such big steps to breaking free of your past and build yourself a fantastic new future Mark. I am sure that I speak for many of us when I say that I wish you much happiness as your plans unfold, and despite the hardships you will face along this road, keep your chin up high, your building a better tomorrow here.

 

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.

 

 

[Mark92]

Awwww shucks Roberto my man

Making me blush takes some doing I can tell you lol. Putting things in my gob? now thats a whole naughty scenario going through my head

You put a grin on my face with the card yesterday, and you made me grin and blush with this. You too are one amazing fella, not your fault in your music tastes, but never mind eh? 

Love ya Roberto as always, Marky Moo (thats what Stuby's mum and sis call me) Many hugs

 

Hugs all round

[Ieshwar]

Okay, I don't know if it should be in the Depression thread or as a topic by itself. So I'll just leave it here.

 

Having you ever thought of sleeping as a defense mechanism to escape reality? When you just don't want to even wake up and face this ugly reality? You just want to shut off any sign of reality and lose yourself in the dreams and sleep.

 

Have you guys ever been through that? How to overcome it?

 

I tried to look in Google, but didn't find anything worthwhile. 

 

Thanks

 

Ieshwar 

[Bumblebee]

Yes except I've got pretty had insomnia and I wake up every few hours so it doesn't always work

[Zolia Lily]

Sleeping patterns are linked with depression - it's a nice way to escape and not have to deal with the world, especially when depression often means apathy and lack of energy and not enjoying anything. But equally, sometimes depression can result in lack of sleep rather than sleeping too much. I think the only really effective way to overcome it would be to treat the cause and not the symptom (that's given that the sleep is linked to depression and isn't a sleep disorder in its own right).

Probably not the most useful answer, I'm sorry!

[Ieshwar]

No, it was useful. Don't worry.

 

You were right. The only way to fix this is to gather all courage one has and to face the problem in question. It's so scary but stalling it isn't going to fix anything. 

 

Thanks for the answers. They did help.

 

Cheers

Ieshwar

[Arpeggio]

I've had insomnia for years now. Definitely sucky.

[joann414]

Some of you youngsters may not see what I am sharing here, but I just need this outlet.  At 52 I have began to feel like I am at a useless place.  I have raised my only child, my grandson is eight and he used to be here every weekend, but now he has his friends, etc.  I still get to see him at least one weekend a month, sometimes, still two.  But, on the weekends that he is not here I think thoughts of life, like my purpose, my usefulness, why I am here.  It can get pretty depressing at times.  I still travel, have a great best friend that I spend a lot of time with, but when it is the end of the day, I get scared, knowing that my purpose may be over.  That is one of the reasons that I have started my story I want to post here. I love writing, and maybe it is my solution to my one on one loneliness.  I would never tell my hubby. He worries about me all the time anyway.  He thinks I am still a kid. I know I am loved, and that is more that many will know.

 

Some of you youngsters that are 22, 23 if you are reading are kind like blah, blah, blah, but you know, one day you will be here, wondering where life is going to take you now.  I wish you all the best and have good thoughts.  I try to plan, appreciate, and make myself love life as a gift, and I do, everyday.  It is just those moments of clarity that say, you have probably lived over half your life, your hurrah days are gone, old friends are old, and your parents are no longer at the other end of a phone call.

 

Sorry guys, don't want to bring anyone down, I had to tell someone. Love to all of you and thanx for listening.

 

Hugs, Jo ann

[layla]

Hugs Joann.

 

 

While I'm not at the place where you are yet, I am finding that as my kids get more and more independent, especially my son who will be 16 this year, that I have started thinking about what it will be like to no longer have that daily interaction with them that I've grown so used to having. i have been a mom now for almost half of my life, and it's hard to remember at times what it was like to not have anyone but myself to look after day after day. I think turning to a beloved hobby, like writing, is a good idea, and maybe even thinking about the things you've always wanted to learn about or try and giving some of them a shot. I have to admit that I cried when my daughter (she's 9) said she wanted to go to camp and didn't want me to be a volunteer this time. While I felt proud of her for having the courage to want to go with the other girls, I was sad that she wanted to venture away without me when she'd always asked me to chaperone before. I guess as moms, it hard to think that we're going to have to let go, even if it is just a little.

[MikeL]

After children there are grandchildren.  If you are around them enough, there will not be enough time to get bored or depressed.

[Mark92]

Hi Guys, So glad to see you all still talking and welcome leshwar

 

My sleeping patterns have changed recently, I've gone from 4.45 start day in day out, too, not wanting to get up at all. I'm on my second trial of meds, I don't think they are doing anything. Stuby says I don't "dip" as much as I used too. But, is that because i'm to busy with study? The other night while we were watching tv, I just cried, for what seemed like ages. I don't really know why either, I felt down, really down, that I'm trying to be somebody by studying.I think my meds need changing again, maybe, I don't know. Hope everyone stays as UP as they can be, I love and miss you all

[joann414]

  Mark.  Hang in there.  Love to you too

[layla]

  stay strong mark

[Yettie One]

Hey gang.

 

Leshwar, I can totally identify with sleep as a defensive mechanism. I'm safe when I am asleep. The thoughts that rage around my head are at peace when I am asleep. The world is calm and easy to handle when I am asleep.

I totally get where you are coming from. Yes sleep does not face the issues, nor does it bring answers to the problem, but it is a part of the world of depression. As strange as it may sound, the body is just not equipped to deal with the stresses of dealing with depression, and insomnia and irregular sleep patterns are one of the many pointers towards depression. 

I guess it is just a part of being completely out of sorts with the normal daily swing of things. I have no fixed pattern of sleep anymore. I am never really sure when my body will allow me to sleep or when it is going to wake me up unexpectedly at 3 am in the morning.

 

There is one thing I have learnt. You can't fix it with a click of your fingers. It is a process, and that process differs for us all. I suppose that is what makes it so difficult to treat. It is well worth talking to someone who understands these things to get their take on things.

 

Marky hope that the new meds work better when they kick in. They say it takes three to four weeks before you feel an effect. I am still not sure that the ones that I am on make that much of a difference, but then again, I am not all that sure that I want to try facing the world without them again.

I just don't trust myself enough yet to be able to do that.

Fingers crossed you begin to start feeling an effect buddy.

 

JoAnn, I was kind of an accident in terms of being born. I came along a whole 9 years after my next brother, and as part of a family of five, my mom always had her hands full. Now for me, I was a whole generation behind my brothers and sisters, but I got to see a lot growing up, and when in their early 20's my brothers and sisters all got married and left home in just short of four years, it left a huge hole for my mom. She used to go off in the afternoons on her own, walking. When she got home, she couldn't tell you where she'd been or what she'd been doing. It was a whole world of depression all of her own. I don't know if dad felt it as much, he never really displayed that side of him, but I think deep down it troubled him that he never got to really know his kids.

They call it Empty Nest Syndrome. It is a form of depression, although not a medically recognised term, it is now widely accepted that older folk do hit this wall of isolation and as you put it "uselessness". It makes sense when you think about it.

The bottom of your world has fallen out from under you, and everything you've been used to doing as a mom is suddenly not needed anymore.

I couldn't think of anything worse.

I know the pain of having lost love once, I'd hate to think of the pain that goes with the feeling of losing your kids to independence.

There is a lot of really good information about things that you can do to make it easier online JoAnn. I hope that you feel better soon mate, I hate to see you so down.

 

This journey along this road is not so much fun. I'm just glad that there are people along it that care and understand enough to share.

Take care friends. Hugs to you all.

[JMH]

Going through one of these moments where I find myself crying for no reason.  I really can't say what I hate most, being depressed over a certain issue like my family or being so when you don't know what the hell it is about.  Had to drop out this semester yesterday because I wasn't coping very well.  As always it had no effect on my grades but I was starting to cry in class and would have to excuse myself which was very hard on me.  I know if I let myself became a recluse things will only get worse but right now I don't very much feeling like leaving my little hobbit hole. 

 

Changing meds which is always a hellish trip with getting used to all the new side effects.  Very stubborn where those are concerned.  Doc tries to put me on some real strong ones that might really help the depression but I refuse to  take any that leave me feeling zoned out all day.  I hope these new ones don't.

 

Anyhoo, trying to hang in there.  One thing about meds is that you might find yourself in such a deep hole that when one starts to get out of it things can feel worse.  Gets like that when I get completely emotionally drain for a long time  you are not able to feel anything.  When the meds start to kick in I feel more depressed at first before I feel better.