Mourning/Grief

[KJames]

Well...today wasn't the greatest of days around here. On top of the cold and drizzling rains, along with cold wind, we told my mom she's got cancer. She's had it rough since about the 29 or 30 of June when she woke up aphasic in the board and care where we had her for assisted care. She ended up in the Emergency Room at St. Joseph Hospital of Orange, where she was diagnosed with a severe undermined bed sore, and was immediately scheduled for surgery to debrade the wound. Then she had to be on an instill/vac to alternately pump antibiotics into and drain out pus from the wound, for 6 weeks, then back to the hospital for a graft once the wound closed. They transferred her to a nursing home for care. Well...the first graft didn't hold, and she was transferred back to StJH after a week or so, then it was back to the nursing home--for two days--until she spiked a fever, then it was back to the hospital, again. They had to re-do the skin graft; she was in the hospital 3 weeks this time--in trying to 'farm' her case out to nursing homes, she only had 28 days of medicare/skilled nursing left, so no one wanted to take her if it looked like there was going to be any overstay beyond that--so the hospital was 'stuck' caring for a patient (imagine that). Not to be too critical, but St.JH did a better job than any of the other places she was at. The third release from StJH was to Kindred Care, an acute care/injury care nursing hospital in Santa Ana which was the first place to do a CT Scan of her abdominal cavity. They found several masses on her liver and a large mass on her stomach--cancer. Just after the CT Scan mom told her mother, my soon-to-be-92-year-old grandma, that she was tired of all the test and didn't want any more poking or prodding tests. She also was able to refuse a feeding tube, so--in compliance with her wishes as best as we can understand them now, we changed her "Code" status to "DNR", allow comfort only, last night. She doesn't get enough blood oxygen unless she's on the cpap machine--which she hates--so I'm not expecting her to make it to the end of the month. Just yesterday I said, "Goodbye, Mom. I love you," while she slept there and while I don't want her to suffer, and our relationship wasn't 'great', I find myself not ready for any of this.

[Arpeggio]

Hospice was great with my mom when we switched to DNR, and it went as smoothly as it could have went. I hope you and Rob do as well as you can during this, and pm me if you wanna talk or anything.

[Mark92]

Thinking of you Kelly

[Daddydavek]

End of life issues are always difficult. Your mom has had a really difficult time and you both have my sympathy. I too will be thinking of you and your mom. Hugs. DDK

[crazyfish]

I hope she does go gently into the good night. You have my sympathies and well wishes.

[Xtro]

Both my mother and father died of cancer, and my partner, Den, is in remission from prostate cancer (caught early, thankfully) - so both you and your mother have our sympathies, and we hope the passing will be a peaceful one. Love & Hugz from John C & Denis G

[Cia]

That is an immense challenge to go through.

[joann414]

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

[lilansui]

I wish for you strength to face what's coming. I pray for your mother and you, and your family through this very hard time.

[NotNoNever]

What a trial, and what a bumpy road to it. I feel immense sympathy for you. It's never any consolation, but it seems everybody, including your mom, are in a place now where the road ahead is known. It gives you time to let it all happen gently, so try to make the most of that. At least now you don't have to fight the process, just deal with what's coming as best you can for her (and your gran, for that matter). It's times like this we look around and understand the important things in life. And if you didn't see it, go take a Look at JoAnn's blog. It has a very heartwarming way of dealing with what's coming. It sounds to me like your mom might be in a similar state of preparedness as JoAnn's dad was. The grief is nearly always for those left behind. You can take some little comfort from the fact that your mom is looking for her way on. Try to remember the smiles.

[Bill W]

It's never easy when you go through something like this, which I've had to do many time - first with my grandparents, then my in-laws, mother and maternal aunt. I also went through it with 18 and 32-year old cousins who had cystic fibrosis, which is even more difficult to deal with because of their younger age. Although you hate to lose them, you also don't want to see them suffer, which places you in a quandry. I wish there were something I could say to make this easier, but as far as I know, those words do not exist. My thoughts and prayers will be with you throughout this time and feel free to PM me, if you think it might help.