Toxic Parents

[Valkyrie]

Someone posted this on my Facebook feed, and I found it very comforting.  As someone with a toxic parent that I've cut out of my life, I could relate to a lot of what's in this article.  Sometimes I feel guilty and regret my decision, then I read something like this and realize that I am much happier without the degrading comments of a narcissist and sociopath in my life.  I'm sorry if anyone else is in this position, but I thought I'd share this so you know you're not alone. 

 

http://www.bustle.com/articles/112474-5-reasons-you-shouldnt-feel-bad-about-not-talking-to-toxic-parents?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=pro&utm_campaign=august-lolspots&utm_term=MtbEiTAnC-Qh7JbsiWe6uWITCNRZC46uduzSd_-ilUg%3D

[Daddydavek]

It is a tough subject and a tough position to be in for anyone.  

 

Sometimes a little space and time can overcome a toxic relationship, but some times they are never repaired and while it might be necessary, everyone loses a bit and maybe a lot.

 

Sorry for your loss, but continue to do what is right for you.  

[Slytherin]

 

[Valkyrie]

It is a tough subject and a tough position to be in for anyone.  

 

Sometimes a little space and time can overcome a toxic relationship, but some times they are never repaired and while it might be necessary, everyone loses a bit and maybe a lot.

 

Sorry for your loss, but continue to do what is right for you.  

Thanks, DDK.  I don't know what the future will bring, but for now I'm comfortable with my decision.  It's been five years, but sometimes feels just as raw as when the precipitating occurrence happened.  Then he'll pull something that completely reinforces my decision.  It's not easy, but like you said...I have to do what is right for me. 

[Emi GS]

Sorry that You have to go through this all. I can't say my parents are not like that or just like that. Because they can't stop me or control all my decisions with their effort. That means they are partial Toxic, I can say.

 

I wish no one have to go through these situations...

[DynoReads]

There are as many reasons to cut off or limit contact between family members as there are family members. No one should judge someone who has had to make that difficult decision.

 

My siblings and I were estranged from our mom when she died in an mental-illness assisted living center. When we came in to go through her belongings to dispose of medicines, get necessary records and such, the center staff was rude and made it quite plain what they thought of the fact that we had never visited. However, they only knew her medicated and under control, they never had to deal with her episodes.

 

If you make the decision to be estranged from a parent, don't regret it. It's a painful and hard one to make, but it is the right one for you at the time you make it.

[Cia]

Sometimes protecting yourself, or your family members, is more important than any socially accepted idea of family bonds. I stopped talking to my grandad at the age of 16, and it was the best choice for me. Maybe not the right one, but it was the only response to the hatred flung my way. I left my dad and stepwitch's house at 17 and have not gone back for more than a few hours at a time since. I have never left my children alone with her. I refused to allow my sister to stay with me after she went off the rails and got her 3rd DUI over prescription drugs--2x with her kids in the car--because I have a lot of pain pills to deal with my health, and she proved she couldn't be trusted.

 

Were any of these decisions easy? No. But I made them keeping mine and my family's best interests at heart, so we could remain physically and emotionally healthy.

[rustle]

There are as many reasons to cut off or limit contact between family members as there are family members. No one should judge someone who has had to make that difficult decision.

 

My siblings and I were estranged from our mom when she died in an mental-illness assisted living center. When we came in to go through her belongings to dispose of medicines, get necessary records and such, the center staff was rude and made it quite plain what they thought of the fact that we had never visited. However, they only knew her medicated and under control, they never had to deal with her episodes.

 

If you make the decision to be estranged from a parent, don't regret it. It's a painful and hard one to make, but it is the right one for you at the time you make it.

 

No one is entitled to make your life hell. There's love, there's forgiveness, and there's sharing your life with someone. Sometimes, it's not possible to have all three, no matter how much you may want it, or someone else may feel you must act in a certain way. Sometimes, it takes strength to do what's right for you, too, and you have to learn to overcome the guilt others would lay at your doorstep.

[Parker Owens]

How terrible it must be to live in such a relationship. The guilt and pain can only be imagined for those who do not live them. My heart goes out to you. There are parents who legitimately want more contact with children currently exploring various stages of independence.  But it would be foolish to assert that toxic relationships don't exist, or that there is no relationship that cannot be declared broken. Mental illness can dissolve such bonds, so can wilful cussedness on steroids. Nobody deserves to be abused.

[TetRefine]

My brother and I were close growing up. Then, when I was 18 and he was 15, we had a very hard falling out not long before I left for college. I left home and went 350 miles away, and the next thing I knew, 4 years had gone by in which we did not speak or acknowledge each other's existence even once. 

 

When we finally did start speaking again, he was 19 and I was 22. We were both totally different people and it was like I didn't even know who he was anymore. We make small talk and are polite to each other now, but we only ever interact when we are together at family gatherings and such. We never speak or hang out or whatever on our own. It is what it is, and we'll probably never be close again, but stuff happens in life. 

[MrM]

I wish I had been given the courage to do as you all have done. Trust me, the pain of cutting the umbilical cord is far less than being crushed within a womb of guilt and frustration for decades. I allowed my mother this power over me. I was not set free until her death and even then she left me with a wound that was nearly fatal. I went into a downward spiral and by its end the only thing keeping me alive was my father's need of me. I am so lucky to have him because he was the parent that loved me more. Without him and without the help of a councelor I would have happily killed myself.

 

I sought that counceling and she helped me dig through the layers of pain to find the seed of it all. I had long since covered my sexuality in layers of infected noduled flesh. My codependence on my mother was the tool I used to keep me from expressing it. Her death denied me that crutch and I was forced to face the reality of who I was and it nearly undid me.

 

When I came to accept who I was, I was set free. Now, my only regret, is that I lost my yourth to my toxic relationship with my mother. But, now I will endeavor to make better what remains to my life.

Better to cut those people out of your life who are destroying you than to enter the Gehenna of years and years of endless emotional abuse and the unlife that you end up living within the prison of that abuse. 

[JamesSavik]

I'm evil and sociopathic.

 

I can walk away from people and not look back.

 

After all- that's what str8 people taught me was the norm.

[rustle]

I'm evil and sociopathic.

 

I can walk away from people and not look back.

 

After all- that's what str8 people taught me was the norm.

 

 

For many things, there's therapy.

 

For a truly malign relationship, the surgeon's knife is the key to healing.